Bottom thinking rambling

There are few people who do not admire the high power and the C in the crowd; there will be no one who does not desire the financial freedom of the family and spend his own money; and there is no one who refuses to learn to be rich, or to create inventions, or to teach, or to write books and say that they will change the world with their own knowledge. When there is reluctance at the bottom, it is a member of all sentient beings. As I reflected, tossing and turning led to another sleepless night. Despite all the thoughts, it is still traversing in a dead end.

My hometown is in the south, and the summer is very long. In the sweltering heat of the night, when I was a child, my family, like other workers' families, set up a few bamboo beds in front of the house, resting or cooling. Without air conditioning and television, some adults will pass the time around the slightly cultured people to tell stories or comment on books. I just learned about personnel, so I was busy, and I was an activist in the crowd. Listening to it more, it gradually triggered my worship of heroes, so that my initial life dreams were often occupied by heroes. With the increase of my literacy and reading, I hope that when I grow up, I can join the army, serve the people, and benefit one party, even if it is a small county, which is in line with my parents' desire to become a dragon. But reality responded to the phrase "the ideal is very full, the reality is very feeling", and the cruel life made a big joke with me. Although I have made some efforts to enter the system, in the end I still failed to have the official title of half a claw as I wished, but I have been working hard at the bottom of the level to live, why have I been living at the bottom of society? People say that "the idea determines the way out", after dissection, I do have a certain gap compared with those who have made their debut and met well.

It seems to be a person with a dream, often determined to motivate himself, but when encountering difficulties, I either turn around or turn around, rarely face difficulties, and break through problems. Lack of pure Ji Shi shi to serve the country and the people, figure out what to learn and what to do, reality. There is no "constant ambition" and no relatively fixed long-term goal, which is far from "persistence". Do things shallow taste, the pursuit of short-term effects, only focus on personal awareness, not enough intentions, lack of tenacity, most of the time is to get by and pass. Think more and do less, sloppy in everything, never investigate deeply, and do not deal with the relationship between career and entertainment in ordinary days, so it is strange that you can succeed.

When life and survival are equated, there is nothing to hide in human nature. Xu is expected to live at the bottom of society, and his inferiority complex is like a shadow with me. I always feel that I have no good origin, no strong dependence, no Bo Ti, no special function, and my efforts are in vain. He also often questions the success of other people's efforts, and even thinks that they are all due to the relationship going through the back door or luck. Completely reversed the order of doing practical things and heavy connections, and only wanted to copy the "shortcut". The sensitivity of inferiority also hinders intercourse with people, and the mentality of doubting everything makes me greatly reduce my passion to fight for my dreams.

The concept of "right thing is not right for people" and "right for people is not right" may be the line between the bottom and middle layers of society. Most of the people around me are passionate about people's right and wrong, rather than the causes and consequences of changes in things. When I can't stay out of it, I can't stay out of it. After the tea and dinner, I relished it, the secrets of others that could not be told, the right and wrong of acquaintances, the taste of the head became the main content of amateur life, the light and secret like to work against the boss, in the face of the competition, "raising the bar" is each other's obstacles, time and interest stranded here. In the treatment of people and things, heavy emotions and light rationality, unwilling to bear the commission, even if it is a little, the narrow mind can not tolerate partners to help each other, the appeal of team building is self-damaged. The habit of "treating people and things wrong" imprisons my mental activity and hinders others' recognition of my values. The heart, eyes, and mouth are surrounded by laymen and idle things, and it is impossible for people to reach a higher level of living.

Since you can't fulfill your wishes, you should retreat to the second place - go to the sea and find a way to earn money to improve your family life. However, I have always clung to the logic of the city, and in this wave of economic construction as the center, I have performed poorly. The illusion of obtaining great returns with very little labor or capital expenditure, and getting them in time; the loss of heart, not knowing how to share has made me lose many opportunities for networking and social relations that can be shared; the neglect of the spirit of contract has made me waste the enthusiasm and economic information sources of many partners; the preference for opportunism has made me exaggerate the sense of gain of picking up small bargains. Always feel like I was born with no money, so I'm frugal. Heavy throttling and light opening, even think that frugality can get rich, usually can break a penny into two halves to use, but in order to get instant pleasure, many games are dyed with "lottery", betting on luck, the end of time, betting on the occasional occurrence of events, do not hesitate to put their hopes on the pie in the sky. The "door-slamming" of ordinary days limits the pursuit of thinking about a better life. The traditional concept of savings is firm, and the lack of investment awareness is especially manifested in the cautious investment in networking and education, resulting in a small and pitiful imagination. Joy is the icing on the cake, absent from the snow to send charcoal. "Patience" has never been able to keep up with the pace of "ambition", and occasionally Brother Kong Fanggu has lost his hand because of his weak sense of risk and unable to hold on to the wealth.

Living at the bottom of society, many people do not hide the ugly side of human nature too much, but realism is popular, they can keep to themselves in the framework of social morality and laws, but they do not continue to work hard for their dreams; they can think of wrong before falling asleep, even ambitious, and then leave planning and reasoning behind them the next day. Instant pleasure and the pursuit of instant satisfaction has always been the main theme of life, "small gambling and pleasure" instead of reading and thinking time, with "chai rice oil and salt" to drive away the "Yangchun white snow" days. Even if there is an occasional fall of birth, it cannot resist the flat life that has long been accustomed to it, and reluctantly awakens, and slowly plunges into the bottom swamp with both feet, and does not try to pull it out.

I had assumed that it would be like to spend those boring hours reading a few books of life. What is the result of my life of focusing on only one thing in my life or doing only one thing well without distractions? Unfortunately, there are no assumptions in life, and I have not really been able to make knowledge and skills change my destiny. The so-called upper society does not treat such a mediocre person as me.

People can't get out of the social bottom, and may still think and act on the pattern or bad luck... If the above is not the reason why I am at the bottom, I have to comfort myself according to the "fatalistic" explanation. The temple is so high that even if I overpay in case I receive it, I can't stand it. Resentment is far away, inaction and helplessness are each other's cause and effect, and I don't need to complain. Everyone's fate is arranged in advance by so-and-so. Now the place of residence has changed, but my mind is still at the bottom. It may be the psychological effect of sour grapes, not worrying about a lifetime of cleaning up the arrogance and coldness at the top of the food chain, not having to worry about having a "roller coaster" thrilling after the heart; I don't owe money, I don't owe affection, I don't bow my head in front of the power or excessive forbearance, and I don't have to sell my true soul for the sake of climbing the new. Therefore, the heart is at ease to accept everything at the bottom of society. For decades, there have been wind and rain and sunshine, and life has always been uneventful, or not.

(The so-called bottom thinking, written in the first person, as for the "I", it should not be just me)