A while ago, a friend cried to me: I gave everything, but I raised a "white-eyed wolf".
It turned out that in the past few years, she quit her job for the sake of her children and became a full-time mother. I get up early every day to take better care of my son's daily life, and I accompany various interest classes every day to prevent my son from losing at the starting line.
She thought that her son understood her good intentions and would become the "child of someone else's family", but she never thought that her son regarded her as an enemy, scolded her for managing too much, and worked against her everywhere.
In fact, there are many such cases. Parents work hard, but the children are getting worse and worse, becoming rebellious "bear children" or "giant babies" who cannot be independent.
I can't help but think of Dong Yuhui once put forward such a point in the live broadcast room: Don't care too much about children. Because if you intervene in everything, although you can prevent him from making mistakes, it will also deprive him of the opportunity to grow.
Excessive love will break a child's wings
If you want to pay for your child, you are afraid that you will not give enough, and if you want to protect your child, you are afraid that your child will suffer and be injured. These are all due to the nature of parents, and there is nothing wrong with it, but what is wrong is excess.
It's like a greenhouse can't grow a towering tree, and an alley can't train thousands of troops. Excessive love is like an invisible pair of scissors, cutting off little by little the wings that could have helped children fly high.
Children have to learn to grow up on their own!
Parents can protect them for a while, but they can't protect them for a lifetime.
Yuan Wu in the hit drama "Disappeared Child" is such an angel whose wings have been broken by excessive love.
From childhood to adulthood, his mother arranged everything for him, even life events such as getting married and having children, all of which were arranged by his mother. Later, his mother died unexpectedly, and his life collapsed in an instant: he lost his job, became addicted to gambling, and his wife left sadly with her daughter.
Even after his father's death, he hid his father's body just so that he could continue to claim his father's pension.
Give love a "subtraction" and give the child space
Mr. Liu Yong's "Growth is More Important than Success" said: "The most difficult thing in the world is love, the most stressful is love, the most problematic is love, and the most profound impact is love." ”
Truly wise parents will know how to "subtract" their children's love and give their children room to grow independently.
1. Reduce the package and let the child do more housework
In all kinds of trivial matters in life, parents must learn to let go. As long as it is something that your child can do on their own, let them do it themselves, even if they don't do it as well as they imagined. Learn to trust your child and they will get better and better in many exercises. Because growth requires one step at a time to come out.
For example, you can let them try to tidy up their room, let them try to cook by themselves, let them try to pick and wash their own vegetables, and so on.
These seemingly unrelated labors can be a good way to exercise children's hand-eye coordination. In addition, it can also make him feel the hard work of his parents in labor, know how to be grateful, and cherish the happy life that is not easy to come.
Tim Seldin, president of the Montessori Foundation, once commented on the importance of housework: Teaching children to do their own things, whether it is washing, dressing, preparing snacks or pouring drinks, can help children on the road to independence.
If you really have to think about your children, then learn to be willing to "use" your children first.
2. Reduce interference and let children make more choices
American Pleasure Book Writer Msin has known how to give choice back to children from a very young age. Whether it is the child's choice of food and clothing, or the child's life choice, she does not interfere, and at most provides some reference opinions.
It is precisely because of the respect given by their mother that the three children have developed a good habit of independent thinking. Not only were they admitted to prestigious schools, but they also had their own very good careers after graduation.
Don't always worry about your child making mistakes and worrying that they will lose.
You know, the cost of trial and error when you are a child is not high, and no matter what, parents can help you get to the bottom of it.
It is necessary to believe that what parents say a thousand times is not as effective as a child who experiences it himself.
Good parents should allow their children to grow up according to their own ideas, rather than tying them up with love.
3. Reduce the burden and give your children more freedom
Every parent wants to be able to hope that their son will become a Chan, and they are afraid that their child will lose at the starting line. As a result, they will drag the child to run desperately, but ignore the child's own ability to bear it.
I have a colleague who has been "rolling babies" since he was a child.
When the child is 3 months old, he begins to attend various parent-child classes. After a week, the child signs up for a multi-interest training class. When the child enters the first grade, he arranges every day to the full, for fear that the child will learn something less.
But the child was overwhelmed, and his face was sad every day. Not only did his academic performance plummet, but his physical fitness also deteriorated, and he always got sick at every turn.
For this reason, colleagues are anxious and look for people everywhere to find solutions. Later, after listening to the opinions of education experts, I understood: discuss with your child to appropriately reduce interest classes, set aside a certain amount of free time every day for your child to arrange by himself, and appropriately increase the time for outdoor activities.
It didn't take long for the child to have a lot of positive changes. Every day, I take the initiative to share interesting things that happened in school with my colleagues, and I will ask my colleagues to buy workbooks.
There is no single criterion for success, and it is not only by cultivating children to become social elites that they can be considered successful in parenting and worthy of their children.
True love should respect the child as an independent individual and allow him to be himself, not a parent's dreamer.
4. Less bundling and more attention to yourself
A writer once said:
"Parents and children are a witness, you watch him disappear at the end of the path from afar, and tell yourself that you don't have to chase him. ”
Parents and children are independent individuals, you have your own life, and your child has his own life. Instead of putting all your energy on your child and trying to plan a life for him that he thinks is perfect, it is better to pay more attention to your own things and be a good role model for your child.
For example, you can cultivate your own hobbies and set aside one evening a week for yourself, you can give yourself a vacation, give your children to other elders, and have a good time with friends you haven't seen for a long time, you can start your own small business and strive to realize your life value.
Learning how to love oneself and learn how to grow up independently is also an ability that parents should teach their children.
Mr. Tao Xingzhi, an educationalist, once said:
Good parents watch over their children and let them grow up actively, while bad parents do things for their children and let them grow up passively.
Over-intervene in your child, and your child's problems will only increase.
From this moment on, learn to let go and stop being a "lawn mower parent".
Author: Wait for the wind to come
A working mother of two children, holding a pen in her left hand and a baby in her right hand, she likes to read, write, and paint, and firmly believes that even if she lives in a chicken feather, she must have her own poetry and distance in her heart.
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