Author: Xinran
Source: Youshu (ID: youshucc)
The so-called cause and effect is nothing but an interaction.
Writer Gao Jianhuan said:
"In the relationship, we often choose to close our eyes, rather than looking back, how far away from each other is because two people no longer share love." 」
Indeed, it is only after love is shared that the flow of love is seen and perceived.
And high-quality sharing is not only a catalyst for feelings, but also a fuel for interpersonal relationships.
Just like the mountain mingguy, you share warmly, I respond warmly, so as to strengthen feelings, unite family affection, and deepen friendship.
A truly good relationship requires a "desire to share."
It is not a perfunctory awkward chat, but from the heart to care for each other, mutual recognition, the same frequency resonance.
01
Not sharing is self-isolation.
Someone said: "Most of the rejection of adults begins with the unwillingness to share." ”
There was no crisp and neat goodbye, no bravado quarrels, only quiet alienation.
But again and again the silent rejection is both far away from others and isolated from yourself, and in the end no one can understand and no one listens.
British writer Ian McEwan, in The First Love, the Last Ritual, tells the tragic story of a man in a cupboard.
He is a hotel cleaner who cleans the kitchen boilers.
Every day, the kitchen was filled with the shouts and noises of the workers, but he never participated, just mechanically brushed the pot and cleared the oven.
During the break, the workers gathered together to talk and laugh, and he hid in the corner like an invisible man.
He is used to being alone, instinctively resists sharing interactions with people, and even likes to stay in the closet all day and all night.
The noisy traffic, the crowds, can make him extremely depressed.
The only person he was willing to get along with was a deaf and mute man who always sat quietly, without talking, and occasionally smiled at each other.
Gradually, he lived himself into an island.
No one wants to be friends with him, and he has nowhere to pour out his heartache.
Just like us in life, because we are neglected to share and lazy to interact, we subconsciously erect a wall in our hearts.
Even if there are thousands of friends in the address book, there are very few who can disturb them without scruples when crying.
Sometimes I want to ridicule old friends, turn out the dialogue record and stay two years ago, and delete the input of what I want to say.
It's not that time and space block relationships, it's that our hearts reject emotions.
As the ancient Roman philosopher Seneca said:
"Almost any situation, for better or worse, is influenced by our attitude towards the situation."
Refuse to share, and it will be difficult to meet warm encounters.
Self-isolation, you can never see the splendor of the world.
02
If you don't share, you will go to the end.
Between people, it is not possible to maintain it by unilateral payment and tolerance.
No matter how deep the feelings, when the desire to share disappears, it will become a shot and two scattered in the opposite direction.
Self-media person @Zigui shared a heartfelt story.
She and Fa Xiao have been friends for 20 years, carrying each other through the green onions and young people, witnessing each other's growth.
After graduating from college, Fa Xiao returned to her hometown to develop, and she went to Shenzhen alone to work hard.
At first, the two often contacted and shared the bits and pieces of life, even if they were separated, it seemed to be close at hand.
But since Fa Xiao got married and had children, Fa Xiao changed from a large section of seconds back to a reply like gold:
"I'm with the kids."
"Busy."
"Talk back."
"All right."
"Oh."
……
She thought, maybe Fa Xiao is really busy.
Over time, they share less and less.
Until the day of Fa Xiao's birthday, she suddenly remembered to send a blessing, but found that she had been deleted.
It turned out that the repeated snubs had already turned them into two parallel lines.
As it is said in the book "Your Loneliness, Although You Have Failed":
"I was eager to have a good chat with a person, but found that the common topic had changed countless times, and it had been defeated by countless 'oh' and 'okay'."
In fact, friendship is like this, so is family affection and love.
When you no longer eagerly respond to your parents' nagging concerns, and even set the circle of friends to your parents, the so-called father-daughter mother-son scene that is thicker than water has long become a gradual drift away from the back.
When you no longer have a ride to chat with your lover, no longer have the tacit understanding that you are making trouble and I am laughing, the once dead and alive are inseparable, and in the blink of an eye, it has become a wordless condensation of things that are not people.
"Snow is afraid of sun grass and frost, and people are afraid of indifference and fear of hurt."
Life sea, please cherish the person who is willing to share with you, and the heart that is willing to share with you.
Because a heart, if it is cooled for a long time, it will freeze into ice.
A love affair, which has been disappointed a lot, will be worn into ashes.
A person, who has been left out in the cold for a long time, will turn around and become a passerby.
03
Good relationships should always be "shared".
I've seen a story like this:
A street worker with a sausage mouth and a leper face falls in love with a clean and dignified newspaper girl.
When they met, the boy took the initiative to court, but the girl was "scared" by his appearance.
But the boy was not discouraged, frequently writing letters to the girl, chattering about life, what he thought, and endless lovesickness:
"I got very drunk at noon and was named on the spot by the boss."
"Your mother doesn't like me."
"I had a strange dream today."
"Fly, fly, you fly back..."
In the pouring out of letters, the girl read the boy's extraordinary talent and humorous disposition, and also felt his hot love and affection.
So the girl began to write back.
Family affairs, hearts, work affairs, everything is discussed, and the hearts of the two are getting closer and closer.
In the end, they composed a romantic to flying love.
They are Wang Xiaobo and Li Yinhe.
The most desirable thing is that they talk and encourage like close friends, not only harvesting love, but also achieving each other's career.
As Dr. John Beyman said:
"Accepting, loving, appreciating, listening and supporting each other makes feelings more positive and dynamic."
The essence of sharing is to establish connection and empathy in acceptance and listening, thereby deepening feelings.
But to achieve true "sharing", first you have to learn to "share", and the other party is willing to "enjoy".
You can start from the following three aspects:
1. Same frequency resonance, really leave it to the right person
The Chronicle of History says:
"The Tao is different, not conspiratorial."
Between people, the most important thing is to understand and understand.
For the real right person, a look can convey thousands of feelings; an expression can fully understand the feelings of words.
But the fish can't catch the soul sharing of the birds, and the mountains and waters don't touch the moving movements because they have different frequencies.
If you want to build a bittersweet relationship, you must find the person who resonates with the same frequency.
Only when the frequency is the same can we see the elegance in each other's hearts.
Only by truly understanding can we understand the mountains and rivers in each other's small talk.
2. Only when there is a share and a share, can the feelings last for a long time
Psychology has an "exposure effect", also known as the familiarity effect, which means that the more exposure a person is in front of people, the greater the probability of becoming close friends with each other.
Therefore, the maintenance of a relationship usually requires the exposure of you and me, the familiarity of two-way travel.
Even if it is not a second return when sharing, there will be an echo of everything, and every piece will fall.
As Su Qian said, "All cause and effect is just an interaction." ”
There are shares and enjoyment, and feelings can accompany each other for a long time.
With or without mutual communication, the relationship can live and breathe.
3. Positive interaction, forming a virtuous circle
The Key Conversations book mentions:
"In practical communication, if you want to be friends with each other, you have to learn to share their thoughts and emotions."
If people want to build a long-term relationship of trust, let people be willing to share, but also willing to listen, it must have a pleasant communication, interactive chat.
Even if it is a broken thought that has not come, it is not disdain, but understanding and recognition.
Even if it is nonsensical funny, the response is not ridicule, but attention and concern.
In this way, the bond of feelings is getting closer and closer, and the mutual thoughts and participation in life are getting closer and closer.
▽
Bai Juyi said:
"Happy people are happy, people are happy, people are worried, people are worried."
Happy with the happiness of others, in order to harvest more joy;
Only by grieving the sorrows of others can we empathize with the sorrows.
All the far-reaching and enduring relationships are nothing more than throwing in peaches and responding with Qiong Yao's sharing.
Friends, family, lovers, learn to share, deserve to have; know how to respond, will be long-lasting.
Even if it is a small thing to share, it is a big thing that maintains feelings.
If someone is willing to share a little bit of triviality with you, please be kind, because it is a confession of love.
If someone likes to listen to your nagging, be sure to cherish it, because it is understood and more affectionate.