In 1990, the movie "Rolling Red Dust" was released, and finally won 8 Golden Horse Awards, Lin Qingxia won the Best Actress Award, Maggie Cheung won the Best Supporting Actress Award, and Yan Hao won the Best Director Award.
But on the day of receiving the award, there was a lonely person in the audience, she did not win the award, but she poured too much effort into this movie, she is Sanmao, and she is also the screenwriter of "Rolling Red Dust".
When receiving the award, Lin Qingxia said in her speech on the podium: If there is no best screenwriter, there can be no best movie.
After coming down from the podium, Sanmao put her arms around her and said, "I was very touched by what you just said on the podium, and I want to cry!" ”
Ten days later, Sanmao ended her life and ended her life's wanderings.
"There is a bird in the world that has no feet, and when it is born, it keeps flying, and when it is tired of flying, it sleeps in the wind. You can only land once in a lifetime, and that's when you die. ”
I think sanmao is like this.
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On March 26, 1943, the world was very noisy, the world was very noisy, and the cries of a child at birth were also mixed with the noise of the world.
Zhang Ailing said that people in a chaotic world have to get by and have no real home.
In that war-torn era, the greatest hope of parents for their children was nothing more than the word peace.
Therefore, his father Chen Siqing named this child Chen Maoping, and she was the later Sanmao.
Sanmao is not as different from ordinary people as other extraordinary geniuses, but when he was a child, he was not himself, but he was smart and clever, and he was extremely talented in speaking and writing.
When she was very young, she wrote her own name, and felt that the "Mao" character was too much and too difficult to write, so she omitted this word and wrote her name as "Chen Ping".
She also has some special things about it, she likes to go to the slaughterhouse to watch people slaughter sheep, and the whole process of killing sheep is very serious, and sometimes she nods thoughtfully.
People felt cruel, and she just watched quietly.
She also did not like to play with other children, but instead liked to run to the cemetery alone to play with the mud, and she gave the wildflowers she picked to the people in the graves.
Others feel afraid, she doesn't know what it is to be afraid.
She once played alone in the yard, once planted in a water tank, almost drowned, her parents saw this, frightened face white, was rescued Sanmao, did not cry, spit out the water in her mouth, and played silently.
It is such a strange child, although her parents do not say anything about her, but the rest of the family will inevitably blame her and educate her with their own concepts.
Sanmao didn't understand why adults were doing that to her, and the others didn't understand why Sanmao was so strange.
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When he was a child, Sanmao did not learn how many words to recognize, and he liked to read.
Her brother and sister were playing games outside, and she stumbled into her father's study, one of which was called "Sanmao Wanderings," which was her favorite.
With the book, she didn't go to the sheep slaughter, she didn't go to the cemetery, she was in the study.
There is only one life, but people who read books can see a different life, and people who do not read books can only rush forward along a road, can't see the fork in the road, can't see other possibilities.
Her brother felt that she could not read, and she did not say anything, but once after reading Lu Xun's "Kite", she said to her brother: "The child's playful nature was ruined by his eldest brother, the original simplicity was gone, only shadows remained, maybe this child's life was ruined."
When her brother heard this, she was frightened by this remark, and it turned out that she could not read it.
In 1948, Sanmao boarded the "ZTE Ship" ship to Taiwan with his parents, and when he arrived in Taiwan, the family lived in a Japanese house, and Sanmao saw a lot of novelties.
She found that everyone had to take off their shoes to get on the tatami floor, and Sanmao was crazy with joy, and she jumped and jumped barefoot like her brother and sister.
After arriving in Taiwan, Sanmao also reached the age of almost going to school.
After going to school, Sanmao's essays are often model essays, but once, the teacher asked them to write an essay about ideals, and Sanmao wrote her ideals:
I grew up one day and wanted to be a scrappy picker, because this kind of profession not only breathes fresh air, but also can play around in the streets and alleys, while working and playing games.
Sanmao felt that his ideal was very beautiful, but in the eyes of the teacher, it was too boring.
The teacher asked her to rewrite it, and this time she wrote:
I grew up one day and wanted to be a summer popsicle seller and winter baked sweet potatoes, because this kind of profession not only breathes fresh air, but also can play in the streets and alleys, and more importantly, can do business while looking around.
Sanmao felt that this ideal was also very beautiful, but the teacher looked at it, or did not come out, and asked her to rewrite it.
This time she wrote haphazardly:
I grew up to be a doctor and save the people of the world.
The teacher looked at it, praised it, and said, "This is a person who has ideals and does not live up to the expectations of his parents." ”
Sanmao is increasingly disliked by school, she does not like the uniform dress and hairstyle of students, and the pressure of school advancement is very high.
And in school, the teacher has to look at the grades, the grades are not good, can not do the problem, is a stupid child, will not do the problem will be punished, will be whipped, but also in front of the whole class ugly.
Sanmao was afraid, so she pretended to be a well-behaved woman.
Many years later, she said, "A group of blind people who were almost half-blind, reaching out and groping in the shadows, touching something unknown." ”
She didn't like it. So disliked. In the fourth grade, a crazy cow came to the school, and the mad cow chased Sanmao, who was scared to death, and she wanted to rush into the classroom, but found that the people inside locked the door.
Later, a cooker rescued Sanmao and helped her get rid of the mad cow.
She became good friends with the cook, but the teacher did not allow Sanmao to play with the cook.
Sanmao's heart was broken.
She longed to grow up quickly and take freedom into her own hands.
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People always grow, although not necessarily growing up.
At the age of 12, Sanmao was admitted to middle school, primary school to junior high school, the new curriculum was added, Sanmao was full of strong curiosity, but when the class, the teacher in the art class did not talk about art, just put an apple on the lectern and let the students draw.
She liked history, she liked the stories of historical figures, but in history class, the teacher asked them to remember the key points of the exam.
Learning in the classroom is for high scores, teachers are full of yearning for high scores, and Sanmao only feels bored.
In Sanmao's eyes, mathematics, physics and chemistry are quite annoying, especially mathematics.
In the eyes of the math teacher, Sanmao is simply incompetent, and the simple math problems are not available, so the exams are always failed.
But the test came and went, Sanmao also found the teacher's way out of the questions, are selected from the practice questions behind the textbook, so Sanmao memorized all the answers to the practice questions, that exam, Sanmao took a high score, but the teacher did not believe that this usually low-energy student could even take such a high score.
The teacher asked Sanmao to re-do a set of questions, and the result was that Sanmao would not do anything.
The math teacher decided that Sanmao's high score was obtained by cheating.
So, Sanmao was punished, she was punished to stand in front of the whole class, the teacher took a brush dipped in ink and drew two large circles on her face.
The whole class laughed.
Sanmao's heart was broken, and she was eager to find a seam to drill into.
The teacher also ordered Sanmao to walk around the school building and "march and demonstrate."
After returning home that day, Sanmao hid in the quilt and cried all night.
Since then, she has been afraid to go to school, so she skips school, and when others go to school, she escapes to the public fundraiser to play, holding a book and reading with countless dead people.
Later, the school told her parents about Sanmao's truancy, and her parents chose to let Sanmao take a break from school, and Sanmao became more and more autistic, and she was unwilling to face the world again.
Chen Siqing, who was worried about his daughter, also secretly took Sanmao to do an intelligence test, and the test staff told Chen Siqing that Sanmao's intelligence was equivalent to that of a three-year-old child.
She even called the lifeline and repeated over and over again: "Can't live, can't live, save me, save me, save me."
The gaze of others, the prejudice of others, and the accusations of the outside world made Sanmao feel that he had become a useless person.
She wanted to kill herself, and with a blade she cut her wrist, bleeding to the ground.
When I opened my eyes, I saw my grief-stricken parents.
Sanmao decided that he still had to live well.
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This time she was sick and depressed, she was sick for nearly seven years, most of the time, she locked herself at home, her father Chen Siqing, did not want to let his daughter's education fall behind, he used a relaxed chat method to teach Sanmao.
Ancient Literature Guan Zhi, the Four Books and Five Classics, and the Korean Su Script, the father spoke lightly and humorously, and Sanmao listened with relish.
Her father taught Sanmao to read, and she read everything, Chinese, foreign, translated, original, and Sanmao's English level was also rising.
Literature and art saved Sanmao.
She finally dared to go out of the house, occasionally went for a walk at the beach, would pick up some shells, Chen Siqing also planned to let Sanmao learn painting, and also found a small famous painter for Sanmao as a teacher.
First huang Junbi, an expert in traditional landscape painting, and later Shao Youxuan.
Sanmao does not like Huang Junbi's rigid teaching, she likes Shao Youxuan's teaching method, Shao Youxuan let Sanmao create freely, to draw the picture in his mind, she pointed her out in skills.
This Shao teacher often boasted about Sanmao.
Praise is sometimes more powerful than a blow, and Sanmao gradually regains his lost self-confidence. By chance, she entered the world of oil painting and met Gu Fusheng, an oil painting teacher who had a great influence on her.
However, after two months of continuous study, Sanmao's paintings still had great problems, which made her begin to wonder whether she was really suitable for painting, and Gu Fusheng understood Sanmao.
One day, Sanmao finally couldn't help it, and sadly told the teacher that he was not the material for painting.
After Gu Fusheng listened, he began to talk with Sanmao and talk about literature, and he encouraged Sanmao to create literature and develop in literature.
When she went to painting class again, she took her own works with her, and Gu Fusheng read them and thought it was good, so she recommended it to Bai Xianyong of modern literature.
Later, he told Sanmao: "In a month, the work will be published in Modern Literature. ”
That manuscript is "Confusion."
This was her debut novel, and after that, "Autumn Love", "Moon River" and "Bird of Paradise" were published successively.
Finally, the rainy season stopped coming, and Sanmao returned.
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Literature has given Sanmao strength and courage to face the world.
She wanted to go to school, but she had been out of school for many years, and in order to be able to enroll, she wrote a long letter of study to the dean of the Faculty of Letters, and at the end of the letter she said: "I ask for fulfillment of my desire to learn." ”
Soon, Sanmao became an elective student majoring in philosophy.
Why philosophy?
She said: "Because I want to know what people are living for"
In school, Sanmao will publish articles, there will be income from writing fees, and she is a talented woman in the eyes of many people.
There is also a boy named Shu Fan who also often publishes articles, this person is Liang Guangming, who has published two books.
Sanmao had read Liang Guangming's article and liked his talent.
After that, in order to be able to see Liang Guangming more, Sanmao often followed him, he ate, Sanmao timidly followed behind, he went to class, Sanmao went to audit.
For three or four months in a row, Sanmao was like a fart worm, but Liang Guangming never said anything.
Finally, she decided, to make a bold confession, no matter what the final result was, at least not to regret it.
The result is that the confession trumps the crush, and her confession succeeds.
After that, the campus has become a place for dating, and they walk hand in hand on the campus road, even if it rains, they feel romantic.
She wants to marry Liang Guangming and give love a home, which is also an answer.
She stood in front of Liang Guangming and said: Let's get married.
But Liang Guangming refused, saying, "Give me ten years." ”
Eventually, Liang Guangming went abroad.
In 1967, Sanmao also went to Madrid, Spain to study, and she wanted to leave the sad place and wander the world.
In a foreign country, no one cooks your meals for you, cleans your room, no one washes your clothes for you, everything has to come by yourself.
Freedom is to decide your own life and solve your own problems, and Sanmao has done it.
In Spain, Sanmao often attends concerts, and in concerts, there is a big boy who secretly watches Sanmao.
Sanmao also noticed the boy, and she wondered in her heart: "How can there be such a handsome boy in the world?" If one day he could be his wife, in vanity, it would also be a satisfaction. ”
However, the boy was too young, 6 years younger than Sanmao.
She translated the boy's name as "Hexi", but the boy felt that the word "Xi" was too difficult to write, so Sanmao changed it to Jose.
Jose was 18 years old and still in high school.
Once, Jose took out fourteen Western dollars and wanted to take Sanmao to the movie.
However, after buying a movie ticket, there was no money to take the car, and Jose was embarrassed to say, "You can walk and walk back."
One day, Jose said to Sanmao, "Wait another six years, let me finish four years of college, two years of military service, and after six years I can get married." ”
Sanmao was caught off guard.
Jose was too young, six years too long, and she said, "Don't come to me again." ”
When they were separated, Jose said: I will stand here and watch you go first.
Sanmao said: "I stand here to watch you go, this is the last time to see you, you will never come again." ”
Jose said, "I will never pestering you again unless you want to." ”
Then he ran slowly away, turning back as he ran, with a smile on his face and shouting "Echo, goodbye!" Echo, goodbye! ”
After that, downstairs in Sanmao, there was one less waiting figure.
But they'll see each other again, but it's been years later.
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After Jose, Sanmao talked about love several times, and she tasted love.
However, love does not last long.
Disappointed in love, she needs a man who can live with her, she is 29 years old and she wants to get married.
Later, she met a German teacher, and the two talked about marriage.
Sanmao was also full of expectations, but this man died unexpectedly because of a heart attack.
Life and death, this life, is in tatters.
Sanmao, who was extremely miserable, wanted to end her life and end this painful life, so she swallowed a large number of sleeping pills.
After being rescued again, Sanmao found that her parents, who were still grieving, and the love of her parents dragged Sanmao to let her live well.
Pain is a common thing, but in the inadvertent places of life, there are always some surprises that some people carefully arrange for you.
One day, a friend in Spain asked her: Do you remember a man named Jose?
This friend brought a letter, it was Jose's, and there was a picture of Jose in the letter, and Sanmao saw the photo and blurted out: "Is this the sea god in Greek mythology?" ”
The letter said: The period I have agreed with you is six years.
In six years, tractors may become luxury cars, and villas can be abandoned into broken houses, but love or love has not changed.
When she saw the letter, Sanmao's fiancé was still there, and she was still preparing to get married.
Now, everything has changed, she is flying to Spain again, and she loves the world of flowers and flowers. And as I get older, I feel that life is short.
In 1972, Sanmao came to Spain again with scars on his heart.
At the behest of Jose's sister, Sanmao reluctantly wrote a letter saying, "Jose, I'm back, I'm Echo." ”
Obviously, she still returned to Jose's side, when Sanmao was still writing for the Taiwanese magazine "Industrial World", seeing that the delivery date was coming, Sanmao shut himself in the room to create, Jose felt that this was not good, took her out for a walk.
Seeing the gardeners in the park pruning the branches, Jose said: "I think the people who are locked in a square box and work in front of the numbers are the most pitiful under the heavens, and if I had to choose, I would rather be a gardener than a bank worker." ”
Sanmao felt that Jose had spoken his heart, so he replied to the editorial department with a letter: "I'm sorry, I don't do it." ”
She also discovered that Jose had secretly collected her photographs from elsewhere, and that in six years he had found more than she knew.
She said, "Why didn't you want me then?" If you insist on me at that time, I am still a good person, and now that I am back, my heart is broken. ”
Jose said, "A broken heart can be glued with glue." ”
"After sticking, there will still be cracks"
Jose put Sanmao's hand on his chest, "There is another one here, it is made of gold, take your one, let's exchange it." ”
The most touching love words are nothing more than this.
When it comes to where he wants to go, Sanmao wants to go to the Sahara and Jose wants to go to the Aegean Because he loves sailing and diving.
However, for the sake of Sanmao, Jose went to the Sahara in advance and arranged everything well.
When Sanmao goes, she has a home.
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Before getting married, Jose asked Sanmao, "How much do you want a husband who makes?" ”
"If you don't like it, the multi-millionaire will not marry; if you like it, the billionaire will also marry."
"Speaking of which, you always want to marry someone rich."
Sanmao sighed and said, "There are exceptions. ”
"What if you follow me?"
"Then as long as you have enough money to eat, you can count it."
"Do you eat too much?"
Sanmao replied very carefully: "Not much, not much, you can eat less in the future." ”
They were married, and when they got married, there was no lavish wedding, and on the day of the wedding, Jose was still at work, and rushed back after work to have the wedding.
The new houses were rudimentary, and they laid them out slowly.
Eventually, the house was furnished in a similar way, the rooms were cleaned, and she learned to cook and cook, comforting Jose with delicious dishes.
The Sahara is barren, but their lives are rich and flavorful.
He bought Sanmao a sheep so that she could drink fresh goat milk every day.
Jose's salary is not high, and he has paid very little rent.
But whether a person's life is good or not is not to see how much money, but to see how to live, a person is happy or unhappy, nor to see how much money she has.
Locals don't know about cameras and think that taking pictures will seduce the soul.
Sanmao told them it was a camera and took pictures of them.
Locals don't have mirrors and think mirrors will seduce the soul.
Sanmao told them that this was a mirror that could be used to make up.
They went out to collect waste, picked up camel skulls, and could be happy for a long time, and together they peeked at the locals bathing, and when they were found, they fled into the wilderness.
These experiences have been written into stories by her, including "Marriage", "China Hotel", "Hanging Kettle Jishi", "Baby Bride", "Night of the Barren Mountain", "Desert Bathing" and so on.
A life of taste and temperature is not bought with money, but unfolded with the soul.
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The Sahara is another home for Sanmao, but when people come to this world, they dare not say that they are home anywhere.
This world can be home everywhere, because of love.
This world can also wander everywhere, because life is impermanent.
On October 30, 1975, Sanmao left the Sahara, and this time he left, that is, farewell.
After leaving the Sahara, Sanmao first went to the Gran Canary Islands, and Jose met her a few days later.
She was in the room, chanting the incantations she had learned everywhere, praying for Jose's early return, and fifteen days later, When Jose came, sanmao's heart was truly put down.
Jose was her home and her home.
She didn't need a lot of money, she just needed Jose to be around all the time, but this hope was also shattered by life.
Jose intended to return to work in the Sahara because of the good salary.
In order to be able to stay with Jose, Sanmao asked Jose to quit his job, and Sanmao wrote harder to get the money he needed to live, but life was still getting more and more embarrassing.
Sanmao's health also deteriorated, and eventually, Sanmao returned to Taiwan's parents for recuperation.
After a while, Jose found a job, Sanmao's health also improved, Sanmao was not at ease with Jose alone, and returned to Jose's side.
In 1977, due to Jose's working relationship, they went to Danalif Island, that New Year, Jose asked Sanmao to make a wish, Sanmao kept repeating: "May people be long, hope people are long"
When she had finished making her wish, she felt a little ominous and hugged Jose tightly.
During that time, Sanmao Shinto always had a bad premonition in her heart, she was worried that she would die, and it happened that Taiwan's "Reader" magazine sent an appointment title: "If you only have three months to live, what are you going to do?"
Jose saw the subject and asked Sanmao, "What will you do?" ”
At that time, Sanmao was kneading the dough in the kitchen, and she raised her flour-stained hand, gently touched Jose's head, and said slowly: "Fool, I will not die, I still have to make dumplings for you!" ”
Jose's eyes were suddenly misty with tears, and he hugged Sanmao from behind until the dumplings were served.
But fate is like this, always to break the most beautiful things and turn them into tragedies.
On July 30, 1979, Jose went fishing in the sea, and there was an accident, and he was unable to climb up from the water.
Hearing the bad news, Sanmao did not want to believe that it was true, and she kept telling herself in her heart that if Jose had not found it, she might still be alive.
She prayed to God: "I said God, I will exchange all my repentance for Jose to you, even if my hand is broken and my face is ugly, it doesn't matter, I must return my Jose to me." ”
Later, Jose's body was found, which had long been soaked in seawater.
Sanmao tore her heart and lungs, but God could not hear her sorrow.
On the day of the funeral, Sanmao took Jose's cold hand and said to him:
Be brave, be brave, and be brave without me.
When she finished speaking, There was blood in Jose's eyes, nostrils, and mouth.
Jose responded to her.
Sanmao was crazy, she didn't want to leave Jose, she cried out in pain: "Jose is back, Jose is back." ”
Later, for a long time, Sanmao got up in the morning and went to the cemetery to accompany Jose, and it was dark, and she did not leave.
Sanmao wanted to die, but her father, Chen Siqing, told her: "If you dare to do something that destroys your own life, then you are my enemy, and I will not only have an enemy against you in this life, but I will have to hate you for generations, because you have killed my most beloved daughter." ”
She strives to live for the sake of her parents, and she tries to live every day.
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In the "Six Records of Floating Life", after Yunniang's death, Shen Fu lived alone in pain.
In "The Two of Us", after Qian Zhongshu and Qian Yuan died one after another, Yang Dai stayed alone to clean up the battlefield and endure the pain of life and death.
After Jose left, Sanmao even felt fortunate for a while, because what was left was her, the pain was what she was bearing, and she couldn't bear to let Jose bear such pain.
People with deep feelings die, and the most painful is often the living people.
She began to wander again, to walk through thousands of rivers and mountains.
Once in the car, she seemed to hear a voice saying: "The sea of suffering is boundless."
Sanmao responded softly in his heart: "I know."
As she walked, she watched and missed.
On the road, she could still feel free, she could not think of him, he traveled many places, met many people, but none of them were him.
In 1989, after the writer Xia Jie visited Wang Luobin in Xinjiang, she published several stories about Wang Luobin.
After Sanmao looked at it, his eyes were red with tears.
She has loved Wang Luobin's "In That Distant Place" since she was a child, and now that she has seen Wang Luobin's life experience, she decided to write a letter to Wang Luobin.
Later, Sanmao traveled to Xinjiang and went to meet Wang Luobin.
At this sight, the two talked speculatively.
After Sanmao left, he kept writing letters to Wang Luobin, and wrote 15 letters in three months.
More than three months later, Sanmao traveled to Xinjiang again, only for Wang Luobin.
In a letter to Wang Luobin, Sanmao said:
"Don't live in a hotel, stay at home is to walk in for you."
During that time, she and Wang Luobin each rode a bicycle to visit relatives and friends, go shopping in the streets, shop and buy vegetables, and when they returned home, Sanmao personally took charge of cooking, and in her spare time chatted, played the piano, sang, and wrote lyrics.
However, the media knew that Sanmao was in Wang Luobin's home and wanted to be interviewed, Wang Luobin wanted Sanmao to accept an interview, and Sanmao only wanted to enjoy a time alone with Wang Luobin and did not want to be disturbed, but Wang Luobin repeatedly mobilized, coupled with his expression of Sanmao always kept a distance, Sanmao was disappointed.
Sanmao, who had planned to stay for a long time, left not long after.
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In 1990, director Ning Hao approached Sanmao and hoped that Sanmao could write a script.
Sanmao refused.
But later, due to some accidents, Sanmao wrote "Rolling Red Dust".
During the writing of the script, Lin Qingxia planned to go to see Sanmao, but Sanmao had to wait until the script was written to see Lin Qingxia again.
On the day she finished writing the script, Lin Qingxia took two boxes of pineapple puff pastry to Sanmao's residence, and Sanmao read the script to Lin Qingxia page by page.
When you need music, put on one and dance to the music.
Later, the film was a great success, winning eight Golden Horse Awards, but no Best Screenplay Award.
On December 15, 1990, the Golden Horse Awards were awarded and Sanmao attended in full costume.
But shortly after that, on January 4, 1991, Sanmao chose to leave this world.
Sanmao's life is not long, but the life she has experienced is very long, as she said, my life is something that no one else can finish in several lifetimes.
The meaning of life is not to see how long people live, but to see what people do when they are alive.
After Sanmao's death, her father said: "My daughter often says that life is not about the length of life, but about whether she lives happily or not." I think this statement is: really grasp the meaning of life and live. At this point, though my heart ached at her burning, I agreed. ”
Her whole life, crying when she wants to cry, laughing when she wants to laugh, loving when she wants to love, she lives happily, and lets life bloom to the fullest.
She is an ordinary person, she will be hurt, she will be painful, but she has lived her own life, which belongs to Sanmao, and it is a different life from everyone.
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I often think about the problem that we admire a lot of people, we admire a lot of people because they do things that we want to do but are afraid to do.
Everyone wants to be free, wants to make their lives burn, but in the face of life, most of the time they choose to be careful.
Sanmao is different, she chooses to wander, choose to burn, choose freedom.
Is Sanmao not bound? No, she is like us, life is full of constraints, her parents, also hope that their daughter is safe and divided, hope that she stays by their side, this is the heart of the world's parents, even if they do not say, they will have this expectation.
Sanmao chooses to go far away, chooses to be on the road, dreams are frightening, and full of weight, but Sanmao bravely moves forward.
A lot of things are not done, not because it is difficult, but because you do not act, so it is difficult.
A few years ago, a teacher wrote the most emotional resignation letter:
"The world is big, I want to see it."
Who doesn't want to see the world? But there are not many people who dare, they can't put down their jobs, they can't put down their own identities, they can't put down their own money, so in the end they can only watch others do it, and then praise others.
Many people want to see the world, but they are not willing to pay the price of seeing the world, so they can't see the world, they can only continue to look at their work, look at everything they have seen.
When we read Sanmao, we should not only be moved by Sanmao's life, but also should find a little strength in it, live the life we like, far away, or not, do it if you want.
In life, what we need is never complete preparation, but the courage and ability to do what we say.
Wen | not interesting soul