What is true love? Some people say that it is a three-way fit, some people say that it is a long time, and some people say that I have pulled out the oxygen tank and want to kiss.
It is very fairy tale, very "fatal", but it is precisely because of its uniqueness and scarcity that it can cause so many people to yearn for and pursue.
Love is not one-way
Compared with the death of two loves, life is actually more of a self-touch after wishful thinking.
"I love you" but "you don't love me", "He loves me" but "I don't love him" abound, but not loving each other does not necessarily mean not being in love.
The premise of determining intimacy between men and women is not necessarily love, it may be unrequited love, it may also be interests or habits, but such a relationship is more like the difference between fish and bait.
It's just that most people think that they are the bait on the fishing rod, and the other party is the fish caught.
Xiaomin and her boyfriend Wang Qiang, who has been secretly in love for eight years, are together, and the other party's choice of interaction is not touched by Xiaomin's long-term efforts, but the best choice to break up and retreat and seek second.
At first, Xiaomin felt like a dream, as long as she could say a few words to the other party, she was satisfied, and she didn't care what the other party would give back to her.
But as time went on, Xiao Min became more and more greedy, from the previous time as long as the other party could see her own information was enough to hope that the other party could reply to her information in seconds, and even began to monitor the other party's life.
By chance, XiaoMin found that her boyfriend and ex-girlfriend were still in contact, but she did not choose to publicize it, but there was something in the words: I heard that your ex-girlfriend is back, have you contacted her?
Xiao Min knew that her boyfriend heard the metaphor in her words, but what she did not expect was that the boyfriend who heard the sound of the string did not choose to converge, but became more and more unscrupulous, because he knew that Xiao Min loved him very much and would not take the initiative to break up with him.
Xiao Min also swallowed the grievance alone as he thought, until a year later, Xiao Min personally grabbed the cheating scene of her boyfriend, and finally couldn't bear it, thinking about it for a week, and proposed to break up. The boyfriend calmly asked her after knowing: Are you sure?
But Xiaomi just replied to him: the things that can be solved by the breakup, I don't want to solve it with divorce in the end.
Most people are selfish and unsatisfied, perhaps they did not think of returning when they first paid, but over time, the imbalance in their hearts will gradually breed, and finally even you don't know it, don't let go of it in the end because you are not willing or too loving.
The difference between humans and animals is that they can control themselves, and love is important to people, just like anxiety personalities and avoidant personalities together are difficult to have good results.
Even if someone pays ten points, the other party is indifferent and even takes it for granted that they will ask you again, while someone will give you ten points even if you give three points.
Although the most important thing in feelings is to come first, if there is a two-way arrow missing in love, passive people do not even have the qualifications to lose both.
Because of its order and principles, it is born of love and changes because of love.
Love, selfishness and selflessness
Do you love someone, the ultimate goal is to make yourself happy or to make your loved one happy?
Few people can give a positive answer to this question, and the vast majority of people pursue love as a kind of satisfaction from their own needs.
If the result is to make yourself happy, it is not selfless, but it is difficult for most people to do it by looking at making the person they love happy and that happiness has nothing to do with them.
In the final analysis, in selfishness and selfless dedication, very few people really do the latter.
Love is very particular about personal experience, in other words, "you are happy, so I am happy" in real life is very rare, I hope that the person I love is happy is true, but I hope that your happiness is closely related to me.
Love itself is selfless, but the person who loves is not, because you love ta, so you want ta to only love you, pay attention to you, care about you, a "only" word represents the only, love is nothing but exclusive and possessive, but also because of love, some people love you selfish to selfless, some people love you selfless to selfish.
Many people advocate selfless love, and feel that feelings that do not seek return are true love, yes, but this kind of selflessness is not necessarily correct, and can end in love, without any selfishness and change, only "saints".
Some people may ask: What about crush? Ta's unchanged is mostly due to never getting. There can be a spirit of self-sacrifice in love, but blind self-sacrifice is stupid. Man seeks perfection in imperfection rather than demanding perfection in imperfection.
Truly happy love requires selfishness, which is different from the kind of selfishness that is stalked in feelings, does not care about the feelings of others and even affects the lives of others.
This kind of selfishness can achieve a certain dynamic balance between the two people's giving and taking, and it is a beneficial result for the feelings of the two people, while the former is just unwillingness after not satisfying their own desires.
When selfish and when to be selfless in feelings is only a matter of boundaries, too extreme, often counterproductive.
Unique love, unique you
I believe that many people have heard this sentence: before I met you, I never thought about getting married, and after meeting you, I didn't think about getting married with someone else.
For the speaker of this sentence, you are unique, marriage is also unique, but in real life, it is difficult for someone to choose each other firmly, parents, money, three views, etc. are the weight on the balance of the intimate relationship between the two, once the balance is lost, the wavering is certain, and even lead to years of emotional failure.
Some people said calmly: what you want better is love, and what you can endure is marriage. Come to think of it, it is true, but also know that love and marriage are better, not perfect.
Life will rarely keep you in a romantic fairy tale for a long time, both of them have their own thoughts and habits that have been retained for more than ten years or even decades, and it is normal to disagree on things, after all, even the tongue and teeth have a fight.
So don't pursue any perfect love, no matter how balanced the feelings of two people are, there will always be a perfect illusion that one pays more and compromises a lot, but creates a perfect illusion that the other party does not know or knows.
There is no need to pander too much to and compare the glorified views of love and love on the Internet. The appearance you see may be perfect, but the inside may be rotten.
In contrast to this is personality independence. Many people say that loving a person first requires personality independence, it is true, but in love, a completely independent personality is actually a paradox, because there is love with expectations and dependence, and it is hoped that the other party can give back to himself.
If you achieve complete independence, then the relationship will deteriorate. In the event of trouble, the intimate relationship of putting oneself or one's partner outside the degree cannot be called love.
Dependence and coexistence is a derivative of love, loving a person will naturally take the other party as their own "retreat", and if the other party loves you, they will naturally put your things in their hearts.
The standard of happiness lies in oneself, true love, and love is firm and persistent.
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