After hesitating for a long time, I still want to write out my own feelings! Because this is my first love, but there are too few witnesses, it is a pity, so I want more people to witness, I want more people to know that there is such a love story in the world, there is me in the story, there is her!
Friends who are also experiencing long-distance love, I hope that everyone can also bravely pursue their own love, do not leave regrets in their lives!
Let's start with myself, so that the story sounds good!
Well, commonly known as: under the wine!
First, ordinary me
I was born in a rural area in the north, when I was a child, my parents did business, so the family conditions are good, I am, because when I was a child, I lived with my grandparents more, although there were four brothers and sisters, not alone, but I was still relatively introverted from childhood.
I remember the kind of personality that would blush when I was in elementary school and even talk to my fellow women at the table, but my academic performance was always very good when I was a child.
Until junior high school, I met a few friends, played better, and finally began to mix days, fights, and my academic performance plummeted.
In the end, as expected, I did not enter high school after graduating from junior high school, and I really did not want to study at that time.
There was no way, my parents sent me to a brick factory in the summer to experience life, more than forty days of brick factory labor, I finally felt that going to school was relatively happy, and finally my mother found someone to drag me into high school.
After entering high school, although I did not have a foundation, I still tried to persevere, and I was biased towards the liberal arts, because as long as I spent more time every day to endorse and read more books, my grades could be improved.
Three years of obscure hard work, although the college entrance examination English test scored 21 points, but other subjects are still good, and finally went to a second college, because I like to do business since I was a child, so I chose to major in economics and management.
In four years of college, I had two hobbies and one habit. One hobby is to go to the library to read books, all kinds of books, Zhou Yi gossip, Chinese medicine theory, celebrity biography; another hobby is sports, playing basketball, tennis, long-distance running. One habit is that I often like to do small business.
In the four years of college, I have set up stalls in the city with my classmates, opened online shops, and sold things in dormitories.
It wasn't until the end of my four years of college, when I was 24 years old, that I realized that I hadn't been in a relationship and had failed.
In fact, as a standard northern boy, one meter eight tall, good looks, anyway, no one ever said that I was ugly, and when I was in junior high school and high school, there were girls who chased me, but because of my personality, it was gone.
There are no bad habits, the personality of the four years of college has changed, but still will not interact with girls, so far remember, the end of the whole four years of college, and a girl acquaintance, she is my better relationship play roommate girlfriend.
In fact, the main reason why I did not talk about my girlfriend is still inferiority, the reason for my inferiority is that after going to college, my face is full of pimples, all of which are on my face, I have seen a lot of doctors, I have taken a lot of medicine, at that time my parents' business was not good, and the money to see acne was saved and usually earned from doing small business.
After graduating from college, I finally returned to the small county in my hometown to enter a state-owned enterprise unit, which was not a regular job at first.
At that time, the leader actually looked at my academic qualifications and physical appearance before finally deciding to want me, which was told to me by the leader when he was drunk later.
However, because my personality was still biased towards introversion, the leader later felt that I was not suitable for the job, often making it difficult for me at work, and wanted me to resign voluntarily.
But I am a person who just has the idea of not accepting defeat, and I feel that there is no fit, only whether I want to do it or not. People can have no pride, but they still have to be proud, how can men say that they can't?
I spent a year to open up my introverted personality, which is actually very simple, is to find someone to chat, regardless of men and women, young and old, is to chat.
One of my longest records is to spend four hours with a client, with no breaks in between.
And during this period, I continued to learn relevant work knowledge online, and slowly the leader also found my changes and progress, and began to take me by hand.
A year later, I successfully turned right, in rural parlance, an iron rice bowl.
After the regularization, the work was more motivated, and the leaders also took me as an apprentice, at that time I was still single, and I rarely went home, basically treating the company as home.
Heaven paid off, I spent two years to fight to the leadership position, counted as the number one of the county company, in 2018 transferred to another county company to preside over the work.
I was 28 years old, and it took me three years to surpass where other people should have spent five or six years sitting.
During this period, both my emotional intelligence and my personal ability to deal with people have also been greatly improved.
After work, colleagues also introduced me to girlfriends, most of them are added ToChat chat, but because the work is really busy, the leadership of big and small things need me to arrange the implementation, so chatting and chatting is not the following, mainly did not meet a girl who can make my heart move.
The only time there was progress was that I had more frequent contact with a girl, but it was only two meals and a movie, and then I heard that the girl actually liked me, but I also heard that after someone in the girl's family did not agree, I slowly lost contact with her, and I was not the girl who was my heart.
In fact, I have always wanted to talk about a kind of love for the purpose of marriage, after all, the age is also 28 years old.
I never wanted to find a girl to hook up with first, because I always felt that as a man, I had to be responsible first.
If you had a relationship with a girl and ended up not loving her so much, marry or not? If you marry, you feel that you will treat the rest of your life badly, and you are not willing; if you don't marry, then you are not a scumbag?
bah! I hate scumbags!
18 years because of the rapid growth rate, has been able to call everyone in the eyes of the excellent. At this time, I was transferred to another county to preside over the work.
Just happened to have a colleague introduce me to a girl, very beautiful, good figure, is a relative of this colleague.
Interacting with this girl, we only ate twice, and we have been in Contact on WeChat, which is a daily contact. Because I was busy at work after the past, I rarely went home, so I saw less.
Men of this age will think of women, especially this girl is also very beautiful, and this girl is more active on WeChat, I almost thought I finally met my fate, so I will also transfer money to her on WeChat every three to five days to send red envelopes, because she did not have a job at that time.
In fact, after becoming the head of the company, the daily working time is very small, most of the time is in the office to drink tea and think about things, through a small thing in the workplace to find problems, every day is to ponder people and things, so it is also good at the world.
When I applied this thought to my feelings, I slowly realized that this girl had been lying to me.
I ruthlessly exposed her, I was very angry, but at that time I should not be too sad, because I didn't love her, just some likes, because it was just the beginning.
The only thing that was a little sad was being cheated out of my precious time and money. Less than three months of getting along before and after, a few thousand yuan, I am so stupid!
The love I thought was gone again, Zhang Wuji's mother really did not lie to me, beautiful women love to deceive people.
At that time, I could basically see what my future life would be like, know a girl, get along well, buy a house and get married.
I had a stable job with a good income and a bright future, and I was only 28 years old at the time.
Second, from the heartbeat, she appeared!
In the summer of 2019, I have been working in the new company for a year, figuring out the company situation, straightening out the work, so I am more idle.
Every day after arranging work in the company, I went out to eat and drink with the leaders of various units, accompanied by a group of people who could be my uncle and aunt. Dealing with these people has made my ability to talk and do things more sophisticated, and I have been growing.
But I never met the girl who was supposed to be in my life, and I felt that maybe I couldn't meet love and gave up. After all, not everyone will have love!
Although I feel that I should be very easy-going, but the company employees do not dare to introduce me to a girlfriend, outside the socializing, the leaders of various units asked about my situation, for the sake of face, I still insisted on saying that I had a girlfriend and got married immediately. After all, such a big person, there is no girlfriend, can not be the orientation of the problem, right? I still want face.
In 2019, I was depressed, in a strange city, I had no friends to talk to every day except for high-stress work, and over time I was depressed.
Every day is sitting in the office in a daze playing with the mobile phone. Sometimes I really want to jump from the fifth floor where the office is located, and I have had this thought countless times.
On the afternoon of August 5, 2019, I was playing with my mobile phone in the office, clicking on the WeChat circle of friends and brushing, and suddenly a girl's circle of friends aroused my great interest, and she sent a photo of her life.
In the photo, a girl is sitting on the lawn, wearing a white baseball cap, her eyes are like stars, innocent and innocent smile, seeing her, at that moment, it made my long-calm heart lake ripple again.
Open her WeChat notes, only to find that she is the WeChat I did not intend to add at work, even if it is a business transaction with my company, but after seeing her coordinate location, I was disappointed again, a city in the south, more than two thousand miles away from me!
Is it just starting with the heartbeat, and it is about to end at the distance?
Eventually I couldn't resist sending her a question about her business, and she quickly replied, I suspected that she was at work playing with her phone, she must be a girl who didn't love work, and I hated and hated to slander her.
At that time, I didn't talk much and ended the chat, because she just talked about work and directly asked me how much to buy? Slowly I lost interest and was too profitable.
Alas, life! It's boring. Or continue to think about how to jump off the building!
Two days later, drinking tea in the same office, I suddenly remembered that today was the Tanabata Festival, and I remembered the girl in my mind, so I sent a Tanabata blessing to her.
This time she immediately replied, saying that I was quite surprised, I was the first customer to message her at Tanabata.
I asked, "Didn't have a holiday with your boyfriend?" ”
She replied: "Who has a boyfriend, otherwise he will go to work?" ”
I snickered in my heart, no boyfriend is good! I didn't know I was happy with a hammer!
Then I talked to her, and at first I was very excited, but she moved to work.
Finally I ended the chat. Looking out the window, I am very sad, how can this be good? Don't I have a life but work? Do you really have to jump off the second floor?
In the next few days, I still had a casual chat with her, and she always thought I was going to buy something, treated me as a potential customer, and kept asking me if I had thought about it? What to buy? How much to buy?
I'm so annoyed! I'll buy a mallet and knock you all over the head.
Then one afternoon, I was sitting in my office reading a report when the phone on my desk rang.
After I picked it up, a girl's voice came over, a very gentle and very loud voice. I suddenly felt that this voice was a bit familiar, and suddenly I knew who she was, because I had heard her voice on WeChat before.
But she didn't know who I was at first, and kept talking, and finally I couldn't hold back, and I asked her if she knew who I was? She paused, and suddenly said my name, and she laughed out loud in embarrassment.
After hanging up the phone, the two of us began to talk, not to go but to talk about work, under my deliberate guidance, she began to talk about her life and her own situation, from this moment on, I met this girl named Xiangxiang. (Xiangxiang is a pseudonym)
For the next few days, I would talk to her basically every afternoon, and sometimes she would take the initiative to chat with me.
In the process, I got to know her more and more, her age, her family situation, and a lot of her information, three years younger than me. The girl is not defensive, or it is easy to open her heart to chat, but it is really simple.
One afternoon, I was out socializing, and suddenly I received a message from XiangXiang on my mobile phone. I was anxious to ask if I had a template for a product that she needed to use. I quickly pushed back to the company to find her, but in the end I still couldn't find it. Sitting in a chair, I couldn't help but laugh myself, when did women start to affect my work?
Then one day, she told me that she was going to quit her job and was no longer doing the job, and I said that I would not be in touch after that. Because I know that the WeChat I am chatting with is a work number, someone will take over this WeChat after she leaves.
She recommended my private WeChat to me, and I added it.
She was also a character who was determined to do what she wanted, and a few days later she went to the new company for training.
On her first day of training, she sent me messages during class time, chatted with me, and during the chat, she complained that she forgot to wear more clothes when she went out, and it rained again today, and the air conditioning in the training room was turned on again, so cold.
Speaking unintentionally, listening to intentions, I thought about it, and immediately opened the US group and found an errand runner in her city on it.
I added the little brother WeChat, let the little brother buy a set of professional clothes in the nearby clothing store, because she joined the new company, sending a set of professional clothes is the most appropriate, I can't help but give my wit at the time a thumbs up!
The brother ran several stores, each store to take photos of me in professional wear, let me pick, and finally I chose a set, transferred the money to let it be sent to the training place immediately, left her phone for the brother, let the place call her.
Then I went to work, more than half an hour later, Xiangxiang WeChat sent me a message, saying that I received a set of professional clothes, asked me if I sent it? I said yes.
She probably did not expect that more than two thousand miles apart, just because she told me that it was a little cold, someone sent her clothes after a class, and it was still professional clothes, because I knew that she had to wear professional clothes for work in the company she went to.
She should be moved, right? I thought.
From the beginning of this matter, the chat on weChat between the two of us began to be frequent, every day in addition to the work time to talk, as well as the evening after eating also began to talk, can be chatted until one or two o'clock in the evening, sometimes I am really sleepy, said sleep, she will say goodnight, the next day's chat is also from good morning.
Later, she officially joined the new position, often asked me some questions at work, we talked more frequently, and chatting with Xiangxiang every day became a part of my life, at this time I felt uneasy.
In fact, at this time, she should be a little dependent on me! Shouldn't like me.
Although I knew, since I had become more unscrupulous, I had more frequent chats with Xiangxiang. I also video chat a lot, and every afternoon when I close the door in the office, I sit and video with her, feeling that work is not as important as chatting with her.
I've lost myself in her tenderness and can't extricate myself!
Third, the sweetness of love makes me completely sink.
In fact, at this time, I was afraid and loved, afraid that I would fall into it if I went on like this, but I also loved to talk to her like this. I liked the feeling because she was supposed to have adoreed me and would spoil me. I grew up so big, where have I experienced this sweetness?
It was also in the nearly thirty years of my life that this was the first girl who could give me the feeling of being in love, and it was nice to have someone to love and care about! I was obsessed with the feeling and didn't want to give up. At this time, I suddenly didn't want to jump off the building!
I don't know when, because of what topic determines the relationship between each other, this time the chat begins to be more intimate.
I remember the first time she got angry because I didn't have a good chat with her at night, and I remember when I went to the Internet café after work and played two games with her.
She estimated that I was slow to respond and asked me what I was doing! I didn't want to cheat on him and say I was playing games in an Internet café, and she got angry, very angry, and I immediately quit the game and walked toward the house, coaxing her as I walked. I heard that the girl was angry, just coax her, and sure enough, this advice is useful!
She knew that I was often too busy to eat, bought me imported oatmeal, let me eat every day and soaked and drank, and told me that if I didn't eat on time, I would get stomach problems. It was her concern for me and I was flattered.
It was also the only time in my thirty years that I was cared for by a girl, and it felt so good. It was also the first time a girl had given me something.
The mutual title between us has also changed, I will call her wife, she will call me husband, she will often spoil me, for the first time in my life, a girl called my husband to spoil me, and it is also the girl I love, and it is so beautiful, I know that I have fallen!
Every day I feel particularly happy, this moment I am thinking, my life is really good, my relatives are alive, my career is smooth, my love is happy, this is how many people dream of life! Thirty years of lonely waiting was worth it, and finally made me wait for her!
On my birthday, Xiangxiang gave me a gift, and for the first time in my life, I received a gift from a girl, and I was very happy.
Received the courier, opened a look, it turned out to be a mask! Yes, I said that there were acne on her face, and there were a few acne marks, so she was careful. But I want a memorable gift! In this way, when I think of her later, I can see things and think of people, but I am still very happy.
In fact, during this period, my family has always urged me to marry, including relatives also introduced, and finally I can't get rid of my aunt's nagging, so I went to see a girl.
That girl has been working outside after graduating from college, and now she is going home to develop, people are also very beautiful, very temperamental, have a meal together, during which I have been restless, always feel that this is not good, this should be considered a betrayal, right?
After eating with this girl, when I got to her door, she asked me if I had time tomorrow?
Because my thoughts are flying around, I haven't replied to WeChat for a long time, and I am already a little anxious in my heart, and I am afraid that Xiangxiang will be angry, so I will tell the girl to look at it again tomorrow!
After that, the girl went upstairs, I quickly took out my mobile phone, a look at Xiangxiang sent me several messages, and sure enough, I didn't reply to her, she was already angry, I hurriedly lit a cigarette, and began to think about how to coax her.
The girl who last went on a blind date chatted on WeChat a few times, and I excused myself to be busy at work, and finally I stopped, because I felt that it was not good, eating in the pot and looking at the bowl, and I had no interest in the girl.
I have not told Xiangxiang about this, I don't want her to think about it more, every day I talk to her on WeChat, I feel very satisfied.
Slowly my depression improved, because I had expectations every day, people who loved me and cared about me, and people I loved and who I was willing to care about. At this time, I have already determined that I am afraid that I am in love with Xiangxiang!
At that time, basically I asked her to agree to many requests, and I couldn't sleep at night, so I asked Xiangxiang to send me her beautiful photos, which was called welfare.
And she will also take pictures and send them to me according to my requirements, and Xiangxiang will also let me report on my itinerary every day, such as what I did today? Ever missed her? I love being managed by her and enjoying the feeling of being cared for.
Time flashed by, and in 2020, it had been half a year since I met and intersected, and I should have met earlier, but because I was busy at work, the company really couldn't do without people, so I pushed and pushed, and she could understand.
In the end, I decided that the holiday of the next year should be on the Qingming Festival, so the time was set for the Qingming Festival holiday, and I promised to go and find her. Is it really bad to think about this time now, does it mean that this is a feeling that will be buried sooner or later?
Because of the first meeting, I started to prepare very early in advance, sold new clothes, from head to toe, because I often wear professional clothes to work, so I rarely buy other casual clothes, because in recent years, I have no life except work.
I also sold cosmetics, got a haircut, baked an oil after the haircut, and dressed myself up so formally for the first time. Always want to show her the best.
The last few days I spent were like years, nervous and expectant, but finally the day came, and I got up early in the morning, took a shower, shaved, greased, and got on a plane to her city.
Like a person, no matter how far away, when you are on the road you will feel the wind is sweet!
Fourth, the first time we met, she was my goddess!
Before the plane, I sent a message saying that you were waiting for me at the pick-up gate to see if I could find you!
She said well, if I can't find her, she'll ignore me and she'll go home!
I said yes!
I kept listening to a song in my headphones.
"It's thousands and thousands of days and nights"
"It's the thoughts I can't stop thinking about you"
"Your tenderness gives me infinite affection"
"Even if the years have changed"
"I have thousands of thousands of wishes"
"Crossing the Sea of People to See You"
……
Two hours later, the plane arrived at Huanghua International Airport, opened the mobile phone, saw the message sent by Xiangxiang more than half an hour ago, said that she had arrived at the airport, and asked me if I had arrived?
I replied that I had just gotten off the plane!
Xiang Xiang said she was waiting for me at the pick-up gate to find her.
A few minutes away, my mind is ever-changing, always thinking that she will see the real me, will feel that there is no good in the video? Will you be disappointed?
I have lost weight severely for nearly a year and have a small belly. At this moment, I hate myself for my previous gluttony and not exercising!
I haven't been so nervous for a long time, I can preside over the whole meeting of hundreds of people without waves, how can this be nervous? I thought about it because I cared!
Out of the airport, there were many people to pick up, and I kept looking in the crowd for the figure I should be familiar with.
Finally I saw a girl in a corner chair with a hat and mask, wearing jeans and a brown coat, sitting quietly in the chair, with her head bowed, looking at her phone.
My intuition told me it was her! When I walked up to her, she still didn't notice, I looked at her silently for a while, and whispered, "What do you see?" So serious? ”
Hearing my voice, she quickly looked up at me, quickly got up, and said, "Nothing! Her real voice was indeed beautiful.
Xiang Xiang did not look at me again after getting up, he took me to the airport entrance, the whole time he was walking very seriously, embarrassed to look at me, is this shy?
In the process, I talked about a few words on the topic, but she still did not dare to look me in the eye, and finally took me to her car, during which she still did not dare to look at me, a cold look.
I thought to myself, no, it's not like her! Could it be that my true appearance has disappointed her?
In the car, the topic of our two gradually increased, she did not have that cold look, I thought, oh, it turns out that she was really shy!
However, in the car, seeing her take off her mask, I not only looked at her a few more times, but also felt that she was more beautiful than in the video, her skin was very good, and her long hair was shawl, which was the appearance of the goddess in my heart.
She helped me book the hotel in advance, and when I got to the hotel room, I put down my luggage, and we didn't stay long, so we went downstairs to eat together.
On the way she asked what I wanted to eat? I said your place is up to you! Then she said she wouldn't go to walnut, and I said yes, listen to you.
On the way, I saw someone lining up to buy stinky tofu, and I said I had to try it, the most famous local delicacy.
When eating, she took off her hat, a black and beautiful hair, fair skin moist and translucent, a pair of beautiful and pure eyes, when walking together, I found that she was quite tall, with a height of one meter and seven meters, and it was indeed the most perfect goddess in my heart.
Maybe in the eyes of people who like it, it has its own beauty effect!
After eating, there was no other arrangement, and the two of us went to the hotel together, at this time she was no longer so restrained, and the topic was more.
We passed by a milk tea shop, she said she wanted to drink milk tea, we sold two cups of milk tea, different flavors, and drank together as we walked.
We were both tired of walking and sitting on a chair on the side of the street, and she said can I taste your milk tea? She didn't dislike me, used the same straw, drank my milk tea, and she also let me taste her milk tea. Well, it was really delicious, and the main thing was that she had drunk it, so I thought it was delicious.
At this time, I felt that life is so beautiful, it turns out that life is not only sour and bitter, but also sweet. At this point I just want time to stay in this moment forever!
After drinking milk tea and returning to the room, after chatting for a while, she went home. I can't leave her to sleep with me when I first meet, right?
Alone in a strange city, watching the neon lights flickering outside the window, for a moment I was confused again, and I was sure that I had fallen in love with her, because of this feeling I had waited for thirty years, but could I finally give her an account? How will love, more than two thousand miles apart, end in the end? Long-distance relationships, in the end, fail too much, leaving only regrets and sadness.
She should have just arrived home, sent me a message home, and we both started the night chat mode again.
I said, "The first time you saw me today, you felt so cold, you didn't look at me, you turned your head and took me away!" ”
Xiang Xiang said: "I am really nervous today, and I am embarrassed, so I dare not look at me." ”
She continued, "Actually, you look even better than I thought. ”
Hearing this, my heart suddenly beat faster, which means that she is actually so cold today? In fact, she is also nervous and shy!
It was very late, we agreed on a route for the next day, and finally ended the chat, with anticipation and a good mood, I fell asleep.
The next day, I woke up in the morning and received a message from her asking if I was awake? She came right away, and I got up quickly to pack up, and she went to the door of the room.
I opened the door and saw her carrying the breakfast she had bought me, a piece of rice milk and buns, which was definitely the most delicious bun I had ever eaten! That smell, I still never forget.
After breakfast, the two of us went out, today she has let go a lot, to the city, I remember her took me to eat coconut chicken, it was delicious.
After lunch, she took me to taiping old street, the most famous street in the city, and ate plum vegetables and burnt cakes together.
Visited the gift shop again, the store I had the deepest influence is that she looked at a coffee cup, and finally did not buy, in fact, now that I think about it, I feel that I am so stupid, I should buy two, one person, send her a cup, that is a lifetime, how good is this?
Alas, my emotional intelligence needs to be improved.
I like to pick ears, passing by a ear picking shop, I pulled her in, she was supposed to not do it, but I finished it, XiangXiang saw that I was so comfortable, she finally did it once.
We also visited a famous mansion on this street, it was Jia Yi's, as a liberal arts student, I still have great admiration for this famous man of the Han Dynasty, especially his "On Passing the Qin", which I also read and recited.
"And to the First Emperor, Yu Lie of Fen VI, Zhen Chang Ce and Yu Yu Nei, swallow the princes of the second week and die", the atmosphere of the article is full of talent.
Stepping into the antique mansion, looking back at history, two thousand years ago, there was a famous man of Jia Yi who lived and worked here, and in this life he was fortunate to stand here with the person he loved most, pay tribute to the ancients, and be a souvenir.
We all took pictures of each other and left a memorial, she always felt that my photography skills were not good, I did not take a good picture of her, I think it is already very good-looking! It may be that in my eyes, she looks good, even the photos of squinting eyes I feel so beautiful.
Finally, we couldn't move, we were ready to go back, back to the room, the time was still early, after a day together, we no longer had the constraints of the first sight, this time we were a bit like a couple.
I remember being in the room that afternoon, and eventually I kissed Xiang Xiang. She didn't reject me, the kiss was before nervousness, shyness, anticipation, followed by happiness and aftertaste.
The first time I kissed, I could kiss the girl I loved the most, and at that moment, I felt that she was the most beautiful in the world.
Originally the three-day vacation had ended, I wanted to go back to work, but the short two days together, I was very reluctant to go, there was no way, I called the above leader and asked for two days off.
On the morning of the third day, she took me for a walk around a nearby lake, and on the way, this time I took her hand, and she did not refuse, which still made me secretly excited.
At the lake, I took her hand, walked together, climbed a platform, and suddenly I wanted to take a picture with her.
I found a little brother and asked for help taking pictures, he looked at the two of us, and scolded with indignation in his mouth, presumably to make the dog food choke, but still helped them take a photo.
Tired of walking, we sat on a chair in the lakeside park, I took the initiative to put her legs on my legs, give her a massage, she was embarrassed at first, and then came to see me give her a serious massage, and began to enjoy.
The side travelers with two pet dogs running around, such a day so far let me think of so unforgettable, in the past 29 years, for the first time to feel that the original happiness is so simple, love people accompany around, visit the park, sit and watch the world, such happiness is believed to be what many people yearn for.
After eating at noon, I know that she also has the habit of taking a nap, so I did not go out again, after returning to the room, I held her on the bed and slept peacefully, looking at her sleeping beautiful appearance, at this moment my heart was so calm and happy, holding her, it felt like holding the whole world, very down-to-earth!
On the afternoon of this day, the two of us did not go anywhere, and after waking up, we chatted, bullied and bullied her, and felt that time passed so fast that we were reluctant to go down to eat.
I really wanted her to be with me at night, she said she didn't bring toiletries, but promised to accompany me tomorrow night, in the end I still didn't force her, she came home at night, the two of us still chatted on WeChat until midnight.
On the fourth day, Xiangxiang was going to work at the company, but she promised me that I would only go to the company for a meeting in the morning, and I would take leave to accompany me, and I said that if you had a meeting, I would go to your company in the name of the customer to find you!
After getting up in the morning, I went downstairs for breakfast, asked for her company address, and I went to her company.
After entering her company, I found that she was already sitting in a chair in the company hallway waiting for me.
She surprised me again in a black professional outfit, this is the first time I saw her wearing professional clothes, the original figure and temperament are very good, this image is deeply imprinted in my mind. Later, I also learned that this professional outfit was still given to her by me.
After the company came out, she drove me to finish eating, and the two of us went back to the room to take a nap with her, and after waking up, we lay in bed and talked for an afternoon, of course, we could not avoid bullying her.
At that moment, I really felt why men can't do without women, that feeling is really addictive?
I loved the feeling of her standing by the window looking out, the feeling of me holding her from behind, I put my head on her shoulder and smelled the scent of her hair, my heart filled with peace and contentment.
After eating in the evening, after returning to the room, we talked, she said that she wanted to go home and could not accompany me at night, although I was disappointed in my heart, but I would never let her be embarrassed, so I sent her away.
On the fifth day, today I have to go home, she finished the meeting in the morning, she rushed over to accompany me to eat, and then went back to the room to chat for a while, when I left the room, I hugged her, for a long time I did not want to let go, I did not know when the next meeting was!
On the way to the airport, I watched Xiangxiang drive seriously countless times, and I wanted to always remember her expression every moment.
That day, she was wearing a short skirt and stockings underneath, which was the biggest temptation for me who knew the taste of the marrow, and under countless impulses, I still restrained myself and did not use my hands and feet on her in the car.
When we arrived at the airport, our emotions were not very high, and the separation after falling in love was always full of sadness and reluctance.
At the ticket gate, I hugged her, unwilling to let go, she did not dare to look at me, and finally I walked into the ticket gate step by step.
She saw my back walk away, turned around and quickly left, I kept turning my head to look at her, and I found that she walked over and then turned back and walked into the other side, it turned out that she had taken the wrong way. Alas, silly girl!
On the plane, open WeChat, see the message sent to me by Xiangxiang, she said that she was so sad, so reluctant to me, she said that she hated the separation the most. I say separately for a better next time!
On the way back, I thought for a long time, am I willing to give up everything I have now for her and come to her city to start over?
I still have a song in my ear.
After returning home, work and life became more formal, and the topics we talked about became more intimate.
But not long after, one day Xiang Xiang asked me, saying that the two of us will have a future? I said yes, trust me!
She said it wasn't good, the future of the two of us was too far away, and she wanted to break up with me, and at that time, it felt unacceptable to me in the love period.
She said a lot to me, telling me that if it was a dream, the two of us might end up being even more tragic if we went on like this.
I subconsciously had a hint of identification at the time, but I was not willing, I did not want my first relationship in my life to end like this, I kept comforting her, but in the end we broke up. That night we blocked each other's WeChat.
A few days after the breakup, I was muddy at work, feeling empty in my heart, and the well-connected employees asked me what was wrong? I said it was okay.
Every day after work, I don't like to go anywhere, and after eating, I buy some wine and go back to my room to drink, because only when I am drunk can I fall asleep.
After seven days of this, I felt that I was slowly going to come out. One night I was playing a game in an Internet café, I received a text message, it was sent by Xiang Xiang, I was very excited, saw the message, knew that she was worried about me, she asked me if I was okay? She was apologizing to me.
I said okay, she told me, or let's be friends! I said yes, and we added WeChat to each other. By this time I had stepped out of the Internet café.
Then we started talking again, and after a few days it felt like it was back to the way it was, starting every day from good morning to good night, and finally getting back together again.
In fact, now that I think about it, if I made up my mind at that time, how good it would be to stop contacting, and there would not be many things that happened later, which almost pushed me into the abyss.
Over time, we have known each other for almost a year, and there have been quarrels during this period, but every day we chat with each other has become an inseparable part of life.
In April 2020, because my term of office expired and my work also improved, I was transferred to the county where my family was located.
And the company gave me a quota to join the party, as long as I maintain this state, sooner or later it is only a matter of time before I enter the next level.
But at this time, I often think in my heart, if she and the work want me to make a choice, how should I choose? Because she won't marry far north. My heart often asks myself!
I have known her for a year, I know that at this time I can't do without her, in fact, I already have the answer in my heart, there are many jobs, but she only has one!
In August 2020, on the one hand, because of work reasons, on the other hand, I feel that her mentality is also changing, she will no longer chat with me until very late, rarely take the initiative to find me, this time I also began to be afraid! Afraid to lose her! I thought she couldn't see any hope of us being together in the future, I was so scared!
So I made up my mind to resign!
When the leader first heard that I was going to resign, he couldn't believe it, so he immediately called to inquire, cheered me up, gave me a look forward to the future, and many colleagues also called to persuade me.
I think I should have bet once, whether it was a life at a glance or a fresh start in another city, with the people I loved the most, and I chose the latter.
In the end, I resigned!
After resigning, I told Xiangxiang the news of my resignation, but her reaction was not in the imagination, just very flat, and also advised me to think clearly, I told her that I resigned for her, I want to go to her city development. But Xiang Xiang did say that she didn't like me like this, and she was afraid of this pressure.
After resigning, my friends couldn't believe it, and my family and relatives also blamed my impulse, thinking that I was crazy, such a good job, I actually said that I resigned, very suddenly.
But I don't regret it, I want to pursue the life I want, I want her to see the possibility of us together, I am willing to give up everything as long as I can be with her. I'm obsessed with the feeling of being with her.
After resigning, I thought about using my resources and contacts to make a wave of fast money in the local area, accumulate some capital, and go to her city to give her an explanation.
During the period, we will still be the same as usual, Kiss me on WeChat, honey oil, at least I think so, so I changed the WeChat avatar into her photo, sent her to the circle of friends, I want to tell the world loudly, I have the most loved person.
Xiang Xiang did not want me to send at first, and finally persuaded me not to move, did not care about me anymore, friends and relatives many people sent messages, asking me what is the situation? I said it was the kind of situation you guessed, and I praised her for being beautiful, and I was very proud.
After resigning, I started a business immediately, but the first time I started a business, the short two months still ended in failure, and I lost sixty or seventy thousand! At this time, I found that after leaving the platform, in fact, my real ideas were too naïve, so I was more impatient every day.
In October, Xiangxiang came to my city to see me, I waited for her at the airport, with a knit shirt on the upper body and jeans on the lower part, outlining the perfect body, and a coffee-colored dome hat on her head, she was still so stunning.
After she came this time, I also found that she should have a heart in the two days of getting along, I was in a bad mood because of the failure of the business, and I did not care, and I thought that her grandmother had died not long ago, and she was depressed.
For the next two days, I was eating and drinking with her, but I actually spent more time in the room, because I cherished every minute and second with her.
Sometimes I even fantasize about the future and Xiangxiang's life, I have to make her all kinds of delicious food every day, so I pay attention to a lot of Douyin's food number. I'm going to give her a foot massage every day to treat her nervous breakdown so she can get a good night's sleep. I want to make more money, she likes to play, I want to take her to play all over the splendid mountains and rivers of the motherland.
I have also seen Xiangxiang's appearance after removing makeup, although it is not as stunning and beautiful as after makeup, but it is just like the little sister next door, pure and moving. I want to protect her for the rest of her life.
Silly Xiangxiang, thank you for giving me this most unforgettable memory, as long as you do not live up to me, I will not fail you, even if you lose me, I thank you for appearing.
Fifth, love is always divided and combined
After XiangXiang went back, I immediately cleaned up the remaining products of the business failure, and there was a large temple fair at that time, and I rushed to deal with the goods, because it was a little far from home, and there was no hotel nearby, so I was ready to spend the night in the car after eating that night.
In the evening, I chatted with Xiangxiang normally on WeChat, and found that her tone was a little wrong at that time, and I guessed what she wanted to say.
Xiang Xiang told me that the two of us would not have any results, she would not marry far away, and she did not want me to go thousands of miles away to find her, let me forget her!
At that moment, I suddenly felt that I had no strength in my whole body, because she was so serious and serious this time, I was afraid.
The most feared day is still coming, the northern night in November is still very cold, and nearby is the Yellow River, in the car you can feel the cold wind, but not my heart cold.
I told her countless times, let her believe in me, let her not give up, as long as she believes in me, I can definitely give her a future she wants, I begged her not to do this to me, but she made up her mind to end the relationship.
That night, she said a lot of harsh words, each of which was like a knife piercing deep into my heart, and I was already in tears, heartbroken, and it was difficult to breathe.
After the chat, I sat in the car and smoked cigarettes, one after another, until I was nauseous and wanted to vomit.
After resigning, the entrepreneurship failed, the family did not support, the friends did not understand, I have stood on the edge of the cliff, but she always gave me the motivation and hope of struggle in my heart, for which I can put down my face, go to the stall, for a few dollars and people earn red face.
Once I also achieved the point where I did not move chopsticks, no one dared to turn the table, but after resigning, for the sake of the good life I imagined in the future, I was willing to go to the stall and look at people's faces, I did not care what everyone thought of me, I only cared about her, for this reason, I was willing to swallow all the grievances.
But at this moment, I felt that I had lost, that I had lost very thoroughly, and when I turned around, there was no one behind me, and at that moment, I felt so lonely, like the whole world had abandoned me.
In the cold and windy night in the north, I sat in the car with only constant tears, and I will never forget that moment.
At the end of the next day, I went home, and when I got home, I didn't go out, and every day I slept, woke up, smoked, and ate. It was like a walking corpse.
I used to hate drinking, but during that time I fell in love with drinking, because after getting drunk, I didn't have to think about anything, I wanted to use alcohol to alleviate my pain.
When I'm drunk, I'll take out my phone again, message her, send her voice, and I really miss her! I really felt like I couldn't live without her.
I really wanted to die, but I couldn't think of the darkest moments of my life.
Drunken dream died for a while, one day I found Xiang Xiang back to my WeChat, she told me that she was also uncomfortable, hoped that I could come out as soon as possible, live a good life, and said that I would meet a better girl.
I don't know why, I hate her words the most.
In the days that followed, my contact with Xiangxiang was actually not as frequent as before, but I would still contact from time to time, saying that I was a slut, and I just couldn't let go of her anyway.
With the arrival of the Spring Festival, the new year has begun again, I don't know when it will start, my contact with her has become more frequent, and I have a fighting spirit again, because I feel that she is back with me again.
The next year is already 2021, and the goal I set for myself in 2021 is to go to her city and accompany her, because I can't bear that when she is sad, I can only hold my mobile phone to seek my comfort, and I can't bear that when she is unwell, I can't do anything but comfort. At this time, I hated my own incompetence and couldn't give the kind of companionship between ordinary couples.
Since I can't accompany her, I often buy snacks for her and order takeout, hoping that such a move can make her feel a little bit of my care and care for her.
Knowing that she had painful menstruation, I searched for treatment on the Internet, and finally gave her a massage belt, I told her, if it hurts, I will take it, imagining that I am giving you a massage, but she is lazy and rarely brings it.
The fruits in the north are sweet and moist, and after every season the fruits come down, sometimes I will pick them myself and send the fastest SF express mail to her, hoping that she can know that I care about her all the time. Hope she doesn't give up!
As long as it is a problem encountered in her work, she is also very willing to listen to my analysis, at this time I will feel that I am useful to her, I can help her. No matter how busy I am, as long as she sends a message, I can do it in seconds.
When she is busy, thinking about her, I will constantly look through her circle of friends.
I was even so mad that I looked at her WeChat exercise steps every few minutes. WeChat exercise steps have changed, I know that she is just walking, if the WeChat exercise steps have not changed for an hour or two, it must be in a meeting or sleeping.
I even figured out her living habits, because she often drives, so the number of WeChat exercise steps to the company in the morning is 800 steps to 1000 steps. If on weekends, mostly a few hundred steps, she likes to stay at home. If one day her WeChat movement steps exceeded 10,000, then she must have gone to the street.
In the days of getting along and chatting in the future, although Xiangxiang always told me that it was impossible to be with her and did not admit to the relationship with me, I still would not give up. Because I felt that I had missed her, I would never meet a woman who made me love so much in my life.
It turns out that loving someone means that no matter how many times she hurts you and how deeply she hurts, you can forgive her.
Sixth, meet again, only sadness
Time into April, we have been together for a year and a half, I came to her city again, I want to try to fight for a little more, I excused myself to get together and have a casual meal, and she agreed.
On the way to her city, the same song echoed in her ears.
………
This time she did not go to the airport to pick me up, although she had told me in advance that she was going to work and would not come to pick me up, but when I got off the plane and walked out of the airport, I still looked around expectantly, hoping to see her, but this time I was disappointed.
I took a taxi to the hotel, put my things away, contacted her, and went to the target place to wait for her.
In a small square, I finally waited for Xiangxiang, and in the distance I saw the figure of the woman who made me dream, she was always so beautiful, so different, I thought that my heart should not be able to tolerate others.
Walking up to her and looking at her, I very much wanted to embrace her in my arms at this moment, hold her tightly, don't let go, I miss you! Even if you are in front of me at this time, I still miss you. But I didn't dare to hug, I was afraid she would reject me!
When we ate together, she met as usual, as if there was no problem between us, after eating, we were walking to the hotel, I still liked the feeling that she could walk with me, I really wanted to accompany her for a lifetime, when I got to the place, I sent her home in the car, and made an appointment to go to play together the next day.
The next day, I actually didn't go anywhere, I went to the lake where I had been together, and after a year, I came to this place again, the scenery was the same as the people, the difference was that the relationship and mentality between the two people changed, and this year did experience a lot.
On the way back, she walked in front, and I deliberately kept walking in the back, because then I could look at her more unscrupulously.
When waiting for the car on the side of the road, I didn't speak, she was also very quiet, the only thing I could do was to secretly look at her more, because I had no confidence to convince her.
When I got back in the car, I wanted to give her the car door and sit in the back together, but after thinking about it, I sat in the front, because she said that we are friends now, and I don't want to do something that disgusts her. Even a breakup should be decent, shouldn't it?
When I went back, I thought she should be embarrassed, so I didn't invite her to my room for a meeting, so I invited her to a meeting in a tea house opposite the hotel, and she agreed.
In fact, at this time, I have given up in my heart, because from childhood to adulthood, there are very few girls in contact, and I feel that maybe this is the last time we meet, so during the chat process, I pretend to be dashing, make some jokes that have not been made before, and xiangxiang is very happy to listen the whole time.
After chatting for a while, we went downstairs, and when we went downstairs, I saw that Xiangxiang had no intention of going home, so I invited her to the room to sit down, and she agreed again.
When we got to the room, we had a good conversation at first, but when I hugged her and couldn't stop kissing her, she didn't resist too much, and I suddenly had confidence again.
Finally when I undressed her, she pushed me away and I tried to continue, but she suddenly said don't do this, I'm leaving! At this time, I suddenly found that I was sorry for her and said that I would not force her, but I did not do it.
She may have been really angry, and immediately after getting up, she took her bag and went out, and I quickly caught up with her and said to send her.
Downstairs, I kept following her without talking, I was afraid, really afraid that she would no longer pay attention to me in the future, angry with me, even if I broke up, I also wanted to leave a good influence on each other, but unfortunately I did not do it.
She didn't let me go far away, she left on her own, looking at the back of her departure, suddenly felt that my heart hurt so much, did I finally lose her? Feeling that the whole person had no strength, he just looked at her waiting for the car on the side of the road.
Seeing the back of her get into the car, my heart felt like it had been pricked by a needle, maybe it was the last time I would see her in my life.
She left in the car for a long time, I still looked in the direction of her departure, for a long time can not return to the mind, numbly lit a cigarette, I stood on the side of the road, people on the road, let me feel that the world is so lonely.
She messaged me when she got home and I said I was sorry and told her I would be home tomorrow and she said we could be friends later. I really want to ask her, is it possible?
After getting up the next day, I walked around the stairs alone, trying to keep the last good memories, but when I saw a familiar scene, a feeling of pain came to my heart. I hurried upstairs to pack up my things and take the bus to the airport. Yes, I'm scared, and I'm going to run away from this place right away.
When I got to the airport and took the ticket, I couldn't get the ticket, so I opened my phone and looked at it, and it turned out to be tomorrow's ticket, which arrived a day early.
The cost of changing the visa is too high, I thought, or finally stay one night, and then took a taxi back to the hotel.
When she sent me a message, she had already returned to her hometown in the county town below, said that she would be able to come back in two days, and asked me if I was gone? I said the ticket was wrong, it was tomorrow's ticket.
She said that she would not wait for two days, and when she came back, she would take me around and play for two more days, and I said okay, it turns out that I can see you again, and I am very satisfied.
Two days later, she came back, and most of those two days I either slept in a hotel room or played with my phone and waited for her to come back. I really want to see her again.
The day after she returned, we made an appointment to go to the city center, went to the place to wait for her, we went to eat smoothies together, and then took me to Wen and You to have dinner together, and peeled lobster for her for the first time, but it was still in the case of breaking up.
After eating, I passed the Fire Temple, went in and turned around, and then we went to Huangxing Pedestrian Street, during which I tentatively took her hand again, seeing that she did not resist, I was really happy.
On the pedestrian street, I took her hand and walked over, at least for this moment I still had her, I was content, and really wanted time to pause in this moment.
On the way back to the subway, she was tired, at first leaned on my shoulder, I saw that she was uncomfortable, changed her position, let her lean on the side of the glass, after changing over suddenly found herself so stupid, stupid to the home kind. She wanted to lean on me, not the cold glass.
The next day she came to me, I accompanied her to the company again, when she went to the company, I was waiting for her downstairs, saw the good shop, so I went in and bought her some snacks that she usually liked to eat, because of the activity, even gave me a silk scarf.
After buying snacks, I ran to the mall on the side, picked for a long time, and finally bought her a jade pendant with a peace buckle, I really hope that she will be safe in the future.
She finished her errands, I was already waiting by the car, she looked at me with a big bag of snacks, asked me to buy something, I said to buy it for you, usually hungry at night, I know that she usually eats very little at night, and often gets hungry when chatting with me.
Back in the room, I greedily cherished every minute and second with her, I really couldn't give up on her, thinking that I might never have the opportunity to see her again, and that helplessness, grievance, and despair filled my whole heart.
Looking at Xiang Xiang, I suddenly couldn't help but choke up, followed by uncontrollable tears, I really love you, but I really may lose you forever.
She looked at me helplessly, probably for the first time to see a big man crying like this in front of her, and I didn't want to do that, but I really couldn't control myself.
I took the jade pendant I bought out of the box and put it on her, at this time I really hope that in the future she can be safe, unggrieved, without difficulties, and live as she wishes.
She gave me a hug and finally left resolutely.
In the future, you must be well! I silently wished you a farewell.
The next day, I went home because the city was for me a place I would never forget and not want to remember, and it buried my youth and first love. I can't wait to get away from it.
On the way back, I kept listening to a song.
"Time flies and I can't stand the waves"
"Your existence is all good"
"I believe in ancient beliefs"
"I also believe that love is stronger than gold"
"Love is never a rumor"
"Stories from the Book"
"Sincerity will be fulfilled"
…………
After I went back, the conversation between us turned out to be the same as before, maybe she wasn't used to me leaving her life all at once, and I couldn't ask for it to contact her willingly.
As long as I can receive her messages every day, I am content. Although I knew that there might be no results with her, I still couldn't help but contact her, I couldn't do it.
In May, I once again boarded a plane to her city, and she promised me to spend two days with me, one last fond memory of each other. On the plane, I listened to the song repeatedly.
Although she said that she still would not pick me up, but out of the airport, I was still the same as last time, or I could not help but look around, looking for the figure I thought about day and night, but unfortunately, in the end I was disappointed again.
When I arrived at the hotel, Xiangxiang said that he would arrive immediately, and after I got off the hotel, I saw her waiting for my back at a glance, and when I saw the familiar figure, I felt that everything I did was worth it, and I never regretted loving her.
After eating, I went to the room with her to chat, and when I kissed her, she didn't resist me, which made me so happy, and when she came home at night, I suddenly had a stomachache, so strange.
The next day, we went to Orange Island, sitting on the tour bus, she was sleepy, I took her hand, let her lean on my shoulder to squint for a while, although the weather was very hot, but the oncoming river breeze, holding the hand of the most beloved girl, I was still very happy, from time to time to see her sleeping, I can't see enough in my life.
The afternoon heat couldn't stand it, we went back to the hotel room, she was sleepy, I held her in bed to sleep, she fell asleep, I looked at the way she slept, and felt that her happiness was back.
After she woke up, we talked, and when I kissed her, she surprisingly didn't resist me, and basically we spent the afternoon in the room. I feel that my beloved her is back, and life is so beautiful.
After Xiang Xiang went back in the evening, my stomach hurt a little again, and she thought about telling me, who let me bully her? This is retribution. She said it was supposed to be the anti-snort cream she put on her body and let me eat it in my stomach.
Pain, pain, I'm happy.
The next day, after I woke up, she came from the company, because it was hot, did not go out, watched a movie nearby, movie-like, and as a result she looked asleep, I woke her up, took her back to the hotel room, and spent the next afternoon in the same hotel room. But my stomach didn't hurt at night, because this time I washed her clean and ate her.
On the third day, the two went to the city center together and went around again, and spent the afternoon in the same room.
I miss her at night because tomorrow I'm leaving again and I want to surprise her. I went downstairs to sweep a shared tram and rode all the way to her neighborhood.
Into the community, I have been looking for her parked downstairs car, the community is a bit large, I did not find, just enjoy the scene in the community, it turns out that she lives in such an environment!
Not good, a little dark, later change to a bright and well-lit neighborhood, I thought so.
After taking photos and videos, I left, and sent her a video on the road, and I liked her surprised face and convinced my expression, and sure enough, she asked me in disbelief if it was true? Really went to her neighborhood? Hmmm, even if you don't meet, as long as you are close to you, I will be satisfied.
On the fourth day, I went home because a company leader kept urging me to go back for an interview. Sitting on the plane back, the same song kept playing back in his headphones.
At the end of May, I returned to my hometown, put myself into work, and usually did some business and made some extra money.
My chat with her seems to me to be normal, although I know that she is also hesitating, and she is also embarrassed not to know how to choose, but no matter how she chooses in the end, I just want her to be good, as long as she can live well, I can do anything! As long as she can talk with me every day, I am satisfied!
But the sky didn't go according to people's wishes, and soon after, she once asked me, do you know why you don't want to go down like this with me?
Xiang Xiang told me that in fact, she had someone she loved, and she loved him very much, but he had a girlfriend, and although she couldn't be with him for the time being, she still wanted to wait for him.
I asked Xiang Xiang when he appeared, and she told me that she knew her later than I did, and that I had known her for more than half a year.
Suddenly, my heart was pounding with pain, which meant that when I talked to me the hottest time, when I thought she loved me the most, in fact, she was already in love with other men at that time.
Maybe at first she just liked me a little, she didn't really love me, because she loved someone deeply, how could there be a second person to love?
Suddenly I felt so wronged, so stupid, and even a little bit hated her.
For the next few days, I thought about slowly forgetting her, and I thought about controlling whether to contact her.
But in the end, I still didn't do it, after a few days of the Cold War, I still can't let go of her in my heart, I think it may be that I owe her in my previous life!
I told Xiang Xiang that it was all right, you waited for him, I waited for you. If in the end you wait for him, then I bless you, if you can't wait for him, then can you consider me?
Because she didn't have a younger brother, I even humbly told her that I was willing to be with her, willing to accompany her to support her parents, and even if there were two children in the future, the other could follow her surname.
A few years ago, I hated this kind of man the most, no backbone, but love made me the most hated person I ever hated.
But Xiang Xiang told me that she didn't want to delay me, and asked me not to wait for her, even if she couldn't wait for the person she loved, she wouldn't consider me and let me find a good girl. I was so uncomfortable, was I so bad?
But I didn't give up, I still pestered her, I was afraid that my world would never have her, that kind of loneliness and helplessness I couldn't imagine, as long as there was a chance to be with her I wouldn't give up.
I know that I am very annoying, constantly disturbing her, and finally she has no way, tell me to talk like this first, and then talk later, let me meet the right girl must go to contact, I promised her.
I have a habit of selling a few lottery tickets a day, which is actually to give myself a little hope every day to comfort myself.
Once the lottery won, ten thousand yuan, after winning the lottery I wanted to give all the money to her, her luck during that time was not very good, I wanted her to dip some joy, planned to transfer it all to her, but also knew that she would not want, and finally I proposed one person half, and found an excuse to let her accept it.
In fact, what she didn't know was that I had been out of the job for almost a year and had no normal income, so sometimes I would face the dilemma of not having money. Sometimes I can't even afford to smoke.
But I always have a sum of money in my bank card, not much, I never move, this money is used to feed her, buy her snacks, sell lipstick, buy gifts. When she wanted to see me, I was able to appear in front of her as quickly as possible.
Time flew by, those months, we have been chatting very well, every night from 10:30 to bed is the time of the two of us, this habit has been maintained for two years, of course, other times also talk, but this time period will accompany each other every day.
Once in the afternoon she did not reply to the message, until 12 o'clock in the evening, she did not reply to me, I began to think wildly, although I know that I have no right to care about her, but I can't help but wonder, is there something wrong with her? I lost sleep that night and fell asleep when it was almost dawn.
The next day she replied to me, saying that the company party, too much drinking, forgot to reply to me. As long as she's okay, I thought.
Another afternoon messaged me that she was in trouble and that she was in the hospital, and after that she didn't reply to me no matter how I messaged.
At that moment I panicked, what happened to her? Sick? Or is the family sick? Wouldn't something go wrong again?
I kept thinking like this, and didn't dare to call her to ask what was wrong, for fear that she would annoy me, so I held my phone and waited for her to reply to my message.
From five or six o'clock in the afternoon to the evening, from night all the way to four o'clock in the morning, I was sleepless, I was worried, I was afraid, afraid that something would happen to her. I was also annoyed with myself as to why I couldn't show up by her side to accompany her in this situation.
At four o'clock in the morning, she sent a message saying that the family had an accident, which was quite serious, and I put my mind at ease and immediately replied to her, as long as she was okay, and then I comforted her, don't worry about it or anything like that. The conversation didn't end until five o'clock in the morning when she went home to sleep.
I don't care about people all over the world, I only care about your safety.
Once Xiang Xiang sent a message, very sadly asked me: "If one day I die, will you miss me?" ”
I replied, "I'm with you, I'm afraid you're alone." ”
She got angry and thought it was a scumbag quote. Silly Xiangxiang, don't you know that in my world, now it's only you!
I have always wanted to ask Xiangxiang for a gift, a gift of commemorative significance, but she has never given me such a gift.
There was no way, once when I was packing my things in my hotel room, I saw her hair falling out on the quilt, and I carefully put it all away and put it in a small plastic bag, which was the only thing I could take out and look at when I thought about her.
In the second half of the year, it was almost my birthday, and she asked me what I wanted as a gift. I said I just want one of your belongings, which is memorable, so that I can take it out and look at it later when I think of her.
On her birthday, she was training in Suzhou, I received a birthday gift from the mail, a dental implant, knowing that I often smoke, the gift she gave me was actually quite attentive, I also liked it, but I really wanted a memorial that could accompany me for a lifetime, so that I could think of her for a lifetime, because I really didn't want to forget her.
After she returned from suzhou training, it was National Day, and in fact, we talked very little about the training these days, and I was afraid of disturbing her.
After the training, I still looked for her as usual, but I found that she would push away for various reasons, or say that she was busy, so there was very little chat.
I just threw in a resume in her city some time ago, my original company. Because I was a person in the same company system, the company called me to go to the interview.
In fact, at this time, I knew that the possibility of being with her was very small and small, but I still went to the interview.
I thought about the success of the interview, so I went to her city and watched her silently, not telling her that I had been with her in her city.
If she is sad, wronged, and wants to talk to someone later, I can immediately appear in front of her and accompany her.
Because having your world is the world I want, and in the same way, with your city, I can feel less lonely.
On the plane, I kept listening to a song.
The plane arrived in the evening, I did not tell her, the next morning after the interview, let me wait for the exam, because the preparation must be exam, after the exam arranged for the job, basically the interview was successful for a large part.
When I returned to my room and finished eating, I felt so lonely and suddenly missed her very, very much. Just chatting with her, her hunch was very strong, because some time ago she knew that I had submitted a resume, so she asked me if I was interviewed?
I missed her, so I told her that my interview was coming, and she angrily asked if I was stupid.
Saying that she was busy again, waiting for her to come to me when she was busy, I waited, waited. From three o'clock in the afternoon until ten o'clock in the evening, she was still busy, saying that she would not meet tomorrow, and today would not be finished. I said yes.
When I woke up the next morning, I couldn't wait to see her, and she told me to come over as soon as I was done, from morning until four o'clock in the afternoon. She just came over.
Went into the room, chatted a few words, I wanted to hug her, I really missed her, she didn't resist too much, I hugged her, smelled her body, I was intoxicated, suddenly felt very satisfied, very happy.
After hugging for a while, she broke away from my arms and told me that I would have to leave and accompany my family back to my hometown. I said I was hugging! She didn't resist.
But when I hugged her, when I wanted to see her expression, she tilted her head, and several times, she thought I was going to kiss her.
I really wanted to take a good look at her, because I missed her too much, but this movement of her tilting her head suddenly made me understand something, and my heart sank.
From the time she came to the room to the time she left, it was only half an hour, and she was afraid to leave, and I said I would send you.
When I went downstairs to the underground garage, I kept walking behind her, keeping a close eye on her figure, because I had a hunch that I might not really have a chance to meet in the future.
The last hug of parting was not given to me again, I watched her get in the car, waved goodbye to her, I tried to remember her last move, she drove away like that, I watched her car disappear.
I was already in tears, well, the tears turned out to be really salty.
Back in the room, I couldn't help but cry bitterly, huge grievances, unwillingness, reluctance, disappointment, fear, loneliness surrounded me, making me unable to breathe, I felt like I was about to suffocate.
Thirty-year-old northern hanzi, crying bitterly, remembering the last time when I was so sad, it seemed that my grandfather who brought me up died, but that was more than ten years ago.
Seventh, the first love hurts the most people the most, and it is also the most memorable!
Desperate, I packed my bags and left the room. I don't take the exam anymore, and I don't think I need to stay anymore.
In fact, Xiang Xiang also told me that even if she couldn't wait for him she loved deeply, she wouldn't choose me. It's all just my own deception. This meeting, I already know, she has no feelings for me anymore.
When I got home, I still talked to her with the last glimmer of hope, I really didn't have the luxury of being able to be with her, I just wanted her to talk with me like this every day, to let me know that she was still with me, always in my world.
After leaving my job for a year, I have repeatedly failed in starting a business, lost some money, and felt that all the people around me had a colored vision of me, including my relatives.
In addition, this year's waist column keyboard has been sick several times, and sometimes I am in pain. But I have always been full of passion and hope, because I know that with her by my side, even if everyone abandons me, I can not care, just like the undead Xiao Qiang.
I want to cling to this straw that is very important to me, I want her to accompany me through this darkest time for me, I don't need her to do anything, just she can chat with me every day.
But in the end all my efforts were in vain, and if I could I could, I would have knelt down and begged her, but she told me that I could not go on like this, and let me forget her. In the two years of knowing each other, for the first time I saw her desperation!
I didn't fall asleep that night, and kept thinking about the early hours of the morning, and sent her some last messages that I deleted and blocked her.
I think I should have disappeared into her world, although I still love you, but I really don't want her to hate me!
Personally delete the WeChat of the person who blacks out his favorite, and everyone who has experienced that feeling knows that the pain is not desired. But I left the last trace between us, and I kept the records of our previous chats for more than a year on another phone.
For the next few days, day or night, I was in bed. I couldn't sleep at night, and I looked out the window at dark and remembered the beauty she had brought me.
Sometimes it is too sleepy to fall asleep for a while, but after falling asleep, I wake up again, sweaty, the quilt is soaked, and in the north of October, it has begun to be cold.
I dreamed of her countless times, once I dreamed of her, and when I woke up, I found that I was in tears, and that time I actually felt that my body was also uncomfortable. Sometimes Grandma would come into the house and tell me to eat, and I would get up and move.
Grandma may have seen that something was wrong with me, because I had not brushed my teeth for a long time, my face was not washed, my beard was almost half an inch, and my face was vicissitudes. And the smell of smoke in the room is also very smoky, the quilt, the clothes have not been washed for a long time, a bad smell. But she didn't ask me what was wrong.
Once, during dinner, my grandmother saw me with red eyes and said softly: "Everyone will experience setbacks and difficulties, and no one will always be happy in their lives, but they must let go of their hearts." I didn't speak, and after eating I went back to my room and continued to lie down.
Sometimes I can't control thinking about her, I will open another phone, look at the chat history with her before, open the voice to listen to her voice, open the photo album and look at her photos one by one. From day to night, from night to day, over and over again, enjoy it. Sometimes I look at it and cry with tears that I don't know.
Once I couldn't help but add her WeChat again, I really couldn't help but think about her. But with her WeChat, I didn't dare to look for her, for fear that she would annoy me, so I just looked at her WeChat avatar in a daze every day.
Finally, my parents outside knew my situation, the phone called, I did not answer, WeChat I did not reply, because I knew that it was not a comforting word, but a hateful word of iron and steel. It's either scolding or questioning.
There was no way, I went to the mahjong hall, during the day the family could not stay at home to play mahjong, at night can not sleep to think about her too uncomfortable and go to the mahjong hall.
How can a person win money in this situation? In half a month, he lost all his money, nearly 8,000 to the mahjong hall. At that time, there were several people in the mahjong hall squatting over me every day, waiting to play mahjong with me.
In the end, when the money on my body was lost, I did not go to the mahjong hall again, and began the original kind of lying corpse-like days, by this time my beard was already an inch long, and my hair was long and messy. The clothes had not been washed for more than half a month, and there was a smell.
Because I feel that all the struggle is meaningless. People with dead hearts, really terrible, don't think about anything, don't do anything, every day is in a daze.
I think my grandfather, when I was a child he hurt me the most, one morning, before dawn, I went to his grave.
Sitting at my grandfather's grave, I smoked a cigarette and told him about my grievances.
Since I was a child, I have been a good child, obedient and good at learning, polite, and especially filial to my elders, relatives and friends have praised me in front of my family.
When I was in high school, I wanted to go to college, but because I had no foundation, I paid more time than others, and finally succeeded, so I was not happy in high school.
When I was in college, I wanted to fall in love, but a face of acne made me feel inferior, and when I got to work, I never held a girl's hand.
In order to grow up quickly and climb to a higher position, I have been diligent and earnest, leaving no negative impact.
As a leader, I have certain rights and money, but I have my principles and bottom line, I have not stuck to pornography, gambling and drugs, I have not collected things and money that should not be taken, I have been working hard and rarely enjoyed.
I've talked about a girlfriend before, so I can count it as a girlfriend! In the end, I learned that the purpose was to cheat me out of money.
Only when I met her, I felt that this was a gift from heaven to me, and she gave me love and made me understand that men and women can be so happy. I thought that all that I had endured was worth it, but in the end I realized that it was not a gift, it was God's retribution for me.
I have no one to talk to now, I can only tell my grandfather lying in the grave. Everyone didn't understand me, no one supported me, and the people I loved the most left me.
After I got home, I still couldn't sleep at night, so I turned out some of the liquor at home, which was left over when my sister got married. I wanted to get drunk so that I could get a good night's sleep, but my mouth was numb and I couldn't sleep.
Once after drinking half a bottle of liquor, at 2 o'clock in the evening, I got dressed and walked to the Yellow River, a few kilometers from home.
On a dark night, the water of the Yellow River is still so turbulent. I found a place near the river to sit down, thought a lot, and wondered what I was living for. What is the meaning of being alive? She really wanted to jump down and take a shower.
When I got home, it was almost dark, and Grandma saw me coming in from outside with a look of surprise. I probably didn't think I would go out for morning exercise!
Slowly, I also figured out that in the more than two years with her, although I didn't have much time to see her, I had already regarded her as all I had in my life, and I might only be a part of her life, or even a very small part, a dispensable one. I'm so stupid!
More than half a month after the breakup, a friend asked me to talk about a business, and I was slow to reply. Finally he came to my house to find me, I was not in the mood to talk, perfunctory, but I believed in his ability and as a person, asked him how to cooperate.
After a few days, I turned out the two financial insurance I bought in the previous years, these are all the money I saved in the past few years, but also the way back I gave myself, and I was also ready to get married.
Although it did not expire, it was still a small profit, I transferred 180,000 to him, accounting for 30% of the shares, and I kept 30,000.
Sending my friends away, I continue this walking dead life, because I feel that even if I have money, I don't know what the meaning of life is!
Later I thought, maybe I've experienced too few women, so I asked a friend to accompany me to a bathing center and asked him to call a lady for me.
In the end, I ran away because I really had no interest, and even disgusted.
I still can't forget her, every day is not to look through the previous chat history or listen to her voice, I am not tired.
Because that's my only consolation. I was glad I didn't have the urge to delete them all, I backed them up myself, I knew my feelings for her, I knew I would miss her and couldn't forget her.
Sometimes I would take out her hair that I had been keeping, smell it, touch it, and feel like she was right next to me.
Until one day, Grandma cleaned up my room and threw this last thought at me as garbage, I was so sad that I didn't know what to do when I thought about her in the future!
The friend company handled it, plus me a total of three shareholders, had to pull me to manage the sales team, promised to give me an additional five points of shares.
Grandma was also advising me to go out quickly, contact people more, and not to be alone in the house, otherwise I would not be able to walk out.
I finally walked out of the room I had been staying in for more than a month, but I still found that the sun outside was not warm at all, even a little cold.
Once I drank too much with the customer, I missed her again, I didn't control sending her a few messages, and the next day I saw it so embarrassed, afraid that she thought I was entangled.
In fact, after the breakup, I didn't hate her at all, I was afraid that she wouldn't meet a good person in the future.
She's a bit lazy and often skips eating in order to stay in shape, a bit low on blood sugar.
She loves to sleep, sleeps better than pigs, does not like to tidy up clothes, and often waits for a big push to tidy up.
She loves to run, but I recently saw a news story about a girl who ran at night and had an accident, and I still couldn't help but worry about her.
She has a bad temper, sometimes she will burst out at people, and who will accommodate and comfort her in the future!
She doesn't like to cook, she doesn't like to wash dishes, and every time she washes dishes, she complains that she is a dishwasher, so she really bought a dishwasher.
She has just started her work, who will help her plan to give advice in the future!
Although I have been out to work for two months, when I am busy with something, I will reduce my thoughts about her, and I will not think of her so badly. But once idle, I still can't control thinking about her.
Xiang Xiang, I miss you, I don't think about you all the time!
In fact, a month ago I had begun to turn from love to hate for her, hating her for abandoning me, hating her for making me fall in love with her, why did she turn around and leave?
But now, I realize that I have always loved her deeply, because the chat history and photos with her are still kept in my mobile phone. Because I still worry about her every day, she is so stupid, what if she is deceived!
I don't know what I love about her! In fact, to say beautiful, I also know more beautiful than her, to say that the figure is good, there is no kind of convexity, and the temper is sometimes grumpy, lazy and silly, but she is always the most perfect in my heart.
I heard that the best way to forget a person is to find someone to replace the other person, and I constantly want to find such a person to help me get out of this sea of suffering as soon as possible, but I find that there is no one who can replace her position in my heart.
First love is unforgettable, it's beautiful, it's sad, I think it should be.
For the rest of my life, I only hope that she will meet a good person as soon as possible, and I hope that she will be safe and healthy in this life, which is my last blessing to her and what I have been looking forward to in my heart.
I also hope that in the future, I can continue to guard her in a place she does not know and hope that she will move forward!
I wrote about this experience for several days, trying to write some details into it, so that readers and friends can witness our unknown relationship together.
At the end of the day, I was listening to a song, and I really didn't know what the song liked at first, and then I listened to it.
"Do you remember?"
"It's love that makes each other light up the night"
"Why later we"
"Replacing dependence with silence"
"We became the world"
"The Most Familiar Stranger"
"The future is full of twists and turns"
"Sorrow of each other"
"So I woke up from a dream."
"Stranded"
"Silenced"
"Waved"
"But I can't get back to God"
"If only I could have withstood the excitement of my soul at the rendezvous"
"Maybe tonight I won't let myself sink in my thoughts"