"Every Child Needs to Be Seen"

28 "Every Child Needs to Be Seen"

Children's social problems, as parents, should see:

True sociability and sociability are not just about chiseling, but about developing mature relationships with others.

Children's need for self-relationships is much higher than the need for peer relationships.

The more attached a child is to an adult, the less we need to limit their social interactions.

Shyness is not a flaw in the end

Many times, we feel that shyness is a flaw, so we try our best to let the child overcome shyness. Children who are attached to their parents usually appear timid and shy in front of people who are "not in a good relationship", so they will make people think that he is very simple and too shy to deal with his peers. In contrast, children who are attached to their peers seem to be more socially capable. It's really their forte, they know what's cool and what's not cool, they know what to wear and what to say, and they spend most of their wisdom reading their partner's message.

However !️, from a developmental point of view, shyness, an accepted flaw, comes in handy. Shyness can prompt children to approach their parents, cut off their children's ineffective social interactions, and reject anyone who is not within their own safety. As a parent, only by carefully exploring can we see the true role of shyness.

It seems that children who are attached to their peers are chatting with their peers, but they are very shy when they are with adults. However, true social and social skills are not just about echoing, but about the ability to care for others, consider their feelings, and skillfully develop mature relationships with people. What can help children reconcile shyness and have real social skills is a strong sense of self and psychological maturity to feel complex emotions. Having self-awareness and promoting psychological maturity require children and parents to develop close relationships. Such children, even if they are shy in front of their peers, are only temporary, and when they are psychologically mature, they will turn this shyness into a necessary and beneficial sense of shame. So, what we have to worry about is not that children are shy now, but that many children will not be shy now... !️

Only by seeing the essence of social skills can we truly understand the importance of cultivating relationships so that children can truly have social skills.

Does a child play with a child improve social skills?

Many parents have had similar ideas about bringing their children into the world of their peers as soon as possible. We generally believe that children must communicate with their peers as early as possible so that they can learn how to get along with others and integrate with peer groups. When many children are still in the toddler period, their parents will actively find playmates for them. By the preschool stage, arranging playmates for children seems to have become an obsession of parents.

❌ "Learn how to be friends, (I have a problem with how three- and four-year-olds can be friends!) Such a young child does not understand the meaning of friends, it should be how three or four children learn the rules and boundaries of interaction with other children).)

I remember when Yue Yue was four years old, we lived in Kaisa Community, just lived in more than ten days, I took her around the community every day, to know the four doors of the community (east gate, north gate is closest to home, through the big circle, the opposite of the north gate is the south gate, the west gate is the farthest door from home, there are several slides, each slide place is closest to several buildings, such as there is a slide opposite the seventh building, etc., to name each place that can play, in the language that can be understood between me and her! ）

Why? I want her to play alone downstairs with other children, exercise her guts, learn the rules of how to interact with others, understand that people are different, how to interact with different people, and exercise awareness.

Every morning or after dinner I would take her to the first floor and let her play alone and call me if she had a problem. For the first three months, she cried every time, and at that time, she was not given a phone watch (not with a phone watch is to prevent her from calling me for help at any time, she can't ask for help at any time, she has to use her own brain, independent thinking from small training), just let her remember my number, have problems with finding someone else to borrow a phone to call me, exercise oral expression skills!

Man's understanding is a process, and Chairman Mao once said: "Mistakes and setbacks have taught us a lesson and made us more intelligent." ”

Let's !️ understand the natural laws of human development, attachment and individuation are both necessary conditions for maturity, and maturity is an element in cultivating true social skills. The society of integrating people is not simply social or getting along with others, and the society of integrating people not only wants to integrate others, but also retains their own characteristics or personalities when they integrate people.

.................. Continue tomorrow.........

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