"Every Child Needs to Be Seen"

54 3, self-expression, only suitable for one-on-one communication

There are many functions of self-expression on social software, the original intention is to let the person you care about can like the real self (so be sure to let the child sort out the real world and the illusory network, it is recommended that you show the child this "youth version of network security", in the second grade of Yue Yue read this book, about the problem of network security I do not need to prompt)!!️! But in fact, the best results can only be achieved when others ask us to show ourselves. When we send information to many people on the Internet at the same time, we don't necessarily receive many responses, so we lose the ability to express ourselves. This kind of inefficient communication does not really achieve psychological intimacy. ❌

Only in very intimate relationships can we have the feeling of being known and seen. Presenting ourselves in books, in speeches, or online doesn't make us feel that way. Even when people see our self-presentation on social networks, they don't feel anything special about such information. Treat the object with whom we have a sense of psychological intimacy, we should be like a sexual partner, so that the other party can feel their own particularity, feel that our information is specially sent to him. For both the receiver and the presenter, it is only in a one-on-one situation that self-expression makes sense. Anything else would devalue our interactions. When we are separated from an intimate personal relationship, the other person will not receive our true intention to send a message.

It is also for this reason that many people who cherish intimacy do not show themselves on social software.

"Truly knowing a person" and "knowing a person" are very different. To understand a person, two conditions must be included:

1 He is willing to show himself;

2 His presentation is aimed at the person he cares about.

4, the evaporation of the true self

For most children and teens, social software is about managing their self-image, and they want to impress their peers in order to improve their place in their hearts.

New York Times author Tony S. Dugupier quotes Shirley. Turkel calls this result the "evaporation of the true self," in Turkel's words. One teenager told Dr. Turkel, "What I learned in high school was self-introduction, self-introduction, self-simplification

And how to shape yourself. ”

!️ Of course, everyone wants to be liked by others (the idea of "everyone wants to be liked" hurts a lot of people who lose themselves, so I often use the knowledge of psychology when the children are in class to let them discuss their self-worth, so that they understand how they are, not what they want to be in the eyes of others!!️!!!️ !️).

However, the more we try to influence the judgment of others, the more unsatisfactory the end result will be. If we get praise from others, it's only because others like our behavior, or the impression we leave on them, not because we like the real us. Therefore, we will become more and more insecure, more and more obsessed with managing our own image (don't cling to the peacock opening screen). It's a vicious circle.

The most internet-obsessed teenagers are often also the most vulnerable to emotional problems. Larry, Professor of Psychology at California State University. Dr. Rosen found through his research that "there is a strong link between surfing the Internet, instant messaging, emailing, chatting, and adolescent depression, and "video games and depression are also very related." As long as we can give our children a naïve world, they can always remain innocent. Complex societies will breed "apathy" and let children pretend to show themselves inadvertently, which will make children never get the emotional nutrients needed for maturity. ❌❌❌

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