Hello everyone, I am a small point, a little spiritual point.
There is such an episode in the British drama "Sex Self-Study Room":
The girl Florence pushed open the door to the sex clinic and asked the counselor: "I don't want to sleep with someone else, can't I?" ”
As a high school student, Florence was the age of youthful hormones, but she was very sure that she "would never want to sleep with anyone."
"Sex Self-Study Room"
Regarding her view of sex, she made this analogy: "It was as if there was a hearty meal in front of me, and I was surrounded by them, but I had no appetite." ”
The fourth sexual orientation, a niche group within a niche
In fact, Lawrence is not the only such person.
In the eyes of some people, sex life is not eating cake happy, sexy nudity "like wet pork in the wet market".
The boy Du Bai (pseudonym) is one of them.
When I first went to college, a group of boys in the dormitory got together to watch island action movies, and when the key part came, the roommates shouted "Sleeper, can't stand it", Du Bai always had no waves in his heart, calmly "like a doctor who helps you do an intestinal examination"...
When he sees beautiful ketones, whether of the same sex or the opposite sex, he will feel pleasure, but he will only stay in the appreciation of "good body lines and even muscle distribution".
Why is this happening, and what is wrong with their bodies? Or is it frigidity?
In fact, it is not, it is just a rare sexual orientation - "asexual".
This is a group of people who "don't feel sexual attraction", and within the "+" category of the LGBT+ group, it is even less well known in the sexual minority group that is itself a niche.
Surprisingly, there are more asexual groups than we think, and the results of a 2004 study by British psychologists showed that about 1% of the world's population, or 70 million people, are "asexual", and in China, the number of asexuals is about 10 million.
We even have a "lily network" specifically for asexual groups to help asexual people find suitable partners.
Home page of the sexless marriage network
With the popularization of the concept of sexual orientation and the increasing attention to the exploration of the self, the asexual group is being known to more and more people, and there are many questions that follow.
The most curious thing is: asexuals, talk about love?
The answer is, of course it will!
Most asexuals just "can't express their love for you in a physiologically impulsive way", and love and sex are not necessarily related, they just lack sexual interest, and they do not lack love (except for asexuals who have no romantic plot).
Du Bai had a love affair in college, the other was a sister in college, when the two were in a debate club, and they were attracted to each other's thinking depth, humor and imagination.
When in love, Du Bai always fantasizes about the future with each other-
They lean on each other and talk about scientific research, literature, life and philosophical issues, just don't talk about sex.
Aurcan,pexel
Once the two of them played outside until late, stayed in the hotel together, the sister stood in front of Du Bai after taking a bath and wrapped in a bath towel, her face was shy (now in retrospect, it should be a hint), Du Bai looked at her and smiled, just squeezed each other's hands, and ran to take a bath.
That night, the two entered the dream hand in hand, and the middle distance was half a meter apart, and what should have happened did not happen.
If "female cannon, sexual desire" is a stereotype of gay, then "abstinence, that aspect does not know anything" may be a big misunderstanding of asexuals.
Also a asexual, the girl Komaki began to masturbate from a very young age, which was like some kind of sleep aid ritual for her, helping her to release the stress of the day and then fall asleep.
She also watches small yellow flakes, but never brings in herself or any exact object. In the face of the boy you like, you especially want to get the hug of the other party, and you feel that it is very romantic, but you don't want to make further moves.
Taha,pexels
In Komaki's eyes, hugging is like "holding a plush toy", masturbating to make her feel at ease and released, but if she really wants to let a living person into her body, she will get goosebumps all over her body.
Later, Komaki met his current lover, and after establishing a deep emotional foundation with his lover, Komaki would also be willing to learn to flirt and hint to satisfy her husband.
It's like attending an event where you don't get cold, but your friends invite you and you're happy to accompany you, but if you let you go every day, you'll be bored.
You can reluctantly participate, but you will not take the initiative to ask for it, which is probably Komaki's attitude towards sex.
Asexuality exists in spectral form
Perhaps you have found that even if they are both asexual, du bai and Komaki's situation is different, Komaki has sexual impulses and sexual desires.
This is because, apart from the same core indicator of "inability to obtain sexual attraction from the same or opposite sex", the asexual group is diverse.
In the AVEN (the largest asexual website) community, there is such an asexual spectrum:
1. Demi-sexual: A person who will only feel sexual attraction from specific objects after establishing a deep enough emotional connection with those objects.
2) Gray-sexual: People who can only feel sexual attraction in specific situations.
AVEN
In addition, asexuality can be divided into asexuals with romantic plots and asexuals with no romantic plots. Asexuals without romantic plots not only have no sexual impulses towards others, but also do not produce love.
But unlike celibacy, it's a sexual orientation, and celibacy is a subjective choice.
"Isn't asexuality just frigidity"?
Asexuals encounter various difficulties in the process of self-exploration, the biggest of which is the questioning from themselves or others.
Xiao Xin tried to share her strange feelings with her boyfriend when she was in love for the first time, she said that she never felt her sexual desire and sexual arousal (such as men will have erections, women will have vaginal wetness, vulvar congestion, rapid heartbeat, etc.).
Lira,pexels
The boyfriend immediately became very alert and said to her, "You are frigid! Xiao Xin therefore had low self-esteem for a long time.
Asexuals are easily mistaken for frigidity, presumably because they have a similar outward manifestation to frigidity – no feeling for sex.
But in fact, there is an essential difference between the two.
Asexuality is considered an innate sexual orientation, and the insensitivity or rejection of sex by the frigid is sometimes a psychological disorder.
For example, having had a bad sexual experience before, leaving a psychological shadow, or it may be a physiological defect or hormone secretion disorder.
To take a simple example, two people also do not like to eat pork, a person just naturally does not like to eat, usually will not take the initiative to eat, but occasionally eat it can also be accepted, just feel that it is not delicious, this is asexual.
And the other person not only does not like to eat pork, but also to the point of fear and disgust for fragrant pork, and even feels afraid when he thinks of pork, there are some psychological or social reasons behind it, which is sexual frigidity.
Asexuality and sexual frigidity intersect, asexuals may be frigid, frigidity may also be asexual, but the two can not be directly equated.
I love your soul before your body
There is a question on zhihu: the partner is asexual, what to do?
Here's an answer like this:
The answerer and his wife met through the matchmaking of relatives, and at first the two did not get close, but they felt that all the conditions were suitable, and the others could wait until they got married and then slowly get along.
The two tried several times after their engagement, but both failed on the grounds that their wives "felt awkward".
Under the joint exploration of the two, the wife realized that she was asexual and belonged to the "asexuality of no romantic plot" (not a unique love or affection for someone, different from the feelings of friends, family or adored people), and clearly did not want to have sex.
Because he did not know it before marriage, coupled with the fact that the respondent himself was "flesh and blood" was unbearable, he finally couldn't stand to confess to his parents and took the initiative to end the marriage.
For any normal party, an unwitting sexless marriage is a very painful thing, and it is not long to force the other half to satisfy themselves.
Lisa,pexels
Therefore, before marriage, a frank exchange about sex is very necessary, because we have to admit that the consistency of sexual concepts is a very important part of the relationship between the sexes.
Differences in sexual orientation do bring about a lot of differences, but it does not mean that asexuals and sexual lovers will not be able to harvest happiness.
There is a pair of lovers in the British documentary "Asexual", girls are asexual, boys are not, but boys are not very enthusiastic about sex itself, and feel that in sexual culture, asking men to take the initiative, itself makes him very stressed, so it is completely acceptable that asexual factors exist in intimate relationships, which is a more ideal state.
In addition, in addition to the honesty of sex and the understanding of oneself, for asexuals, the understanding from the partner is also particularly important.
If you are not an asexual and are hesitant to have a relationship with an asexual person, recognize that asexuality is a normal sexual orientation, just like sex.
Don't fall in love with an asexual relationship with the mentality of changing and conquering each other, and don't naively think that asexual people will change when they understand the joy of sex or love.
Finally, I would like to end with a sentence from "The Sexual Self-Study Room":
Only talking about love, not talking about sex, does not break us. Man is never complete by sex, so why is it broken?
Pexels
-END-
Author: Qing Jun
Image source: Pexel.com
Debut: Yidianling0
Focus on psychological growth, warm and powerful love for you