Every ordinary girl can find resonance in the stand-up comedy newcomer Bird Bird.
When she first appeared on the variety show, she was too nervous, her left hand destroyed the props of the contestant's seat, and she picked up the wheat and spoke like a chick in the nest.
She said she was introverted, socially intimidated and had no sense of presence in the crowd, like "putting your hand under the tap and no water flowing out."
After finishing all the passages expressionlessly, much like her Peking University alumnus Li Xueqin, she got the cheers of the scene, tiptoed up with her skirt and trotted onto the promotion stage.
Da Zhang Wei stood up for her and commented, "Particularly poisonous, thriving." Some fans described the birds as cute, sharp and a little angry, "good rock". But as long as the audience who watched the show had a feeling: she had too many shadows of ordinary girls.
When I was in junior high school, because of the blunt comments of her peers about her appearance, the idea of "not looking good, doing anything wrong" took root in my heart. At that time, she was in boarding school, surrounded by elites selected from the city, and she gradually closed herself off and fell into a long period of depression.
The situation improved in high school, and she had a rich after-school life, no longer caught in the swamp of self-concern. Until the age of 29, because of her talk show, she once again paid attention to herself from the depths and confronted the powerful critics in her heart. This process is like tearing apart by multiple villains, and the effect achieved is to "filter out the initial ideas, all too shallow."
It is a story of humorous self-expression and is seen, and the birds hit some people, those who are troubled by certain prejudices and social customs, and gain the power to be confronted.
More importantly, she is too much like every young person looking for herself, running into walls everywhere when the big city is full of enthusiasm, and returning to her hometown to be stable and not willing.
She was an obedient and obedient child from childhood, until she became an adult for a long time in the graduate school exam, she made the choice to disobey her parents; after two years of disorder in life in Beibu, she began to want to be stable, wanted to get married and have children, and turned to her hometown Hohhot to edit; until 2020, she talked about several talk shows, and she finally determined that she could not meet the expectations of others, and she had to fight for what she could not put down in the past.
Birdsbird offline talk show scene
In the progress bar guide of "Talk Show Conference 4", her label is "Peking University Society Fear Girl", but ask her, what label do you most want yourself to have?
"Courage."
"Nothing else."
Here's what bird said:
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="33" > like to deal with people and will not do talk shows</h1>
Talking about appearance anxiety on the talk show stage is because it has bothered me for many years.
From adolescence, I often felt that others didn't like me because of my looks. I went to junior high school as a boarding school, and I came home once a week, and the class was full of top students. At that time, I would receive direct evaluations from my peers about the appearance of girls, and I gradually discovered that although I went to school in a class, we did not live a kind of life, and there were subtle differences in it.
Girls' appearance and personal value are too closely linked. Good-looking people will basically get unconditional likes from others on the first side, and if they have some additional conditions, they will get more likes. And ordinary people, you only have additional conditions, in order to get the ordinary likes of others. It makes me sad, it's like everyone is holding a hand of cards, others have two two two kings, and you only have one three and one four.
Bird bird in the "talk show conference" about appearance anxiety
I did not dare to break through the limitations of this concept that went deep into the bone marrow, thinking that the value of existence was inferior to others, so I became introverted and passive, and basically did not take the initiative to chat with people. I think it's human nature, if a person looks very glamorous and she takes the initiative to come over and socialize, you will have a feeling of being cared for, but if a person looks ordinary and takes the initiative to come to socialize, you may not feel very happy.
Entering this line, I learned that many stand-up comedians like Zhou Qimo, He Guangzhi, and Wang Jianguo are very introverted, not exquisite people. Someone who really likes to deal with people, he will do sales, or lead, rather than choose to do talk shows. It's just a business that makes people laugh, and standing on the stage, fighting alone, very lonely.
Wang Jianguo
Three-quarters of the passages on the "Talk Show Conference" were written during the competition. It stands to reason that anxiety about your appearance should not be on your lips, so that others will only care more about your appearance. But I couldn't hold back and had to vent. Rationally, I would like to remind you that this society is often overly critical of its appearance.
Back in real life, looking at myself in the mirror and trying on clothes, I still feel bad. But the thought of telling the passage made the audience laugh, indicating that I am not the only one who is confused.
I'm not so lonely anymore.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="172" > Peking University</h1>
Talk shows are the last option that matches my personality.
When I was in high school, I loved the liberal arts and loved to read novels. My parents, who were also in time for the literary boom of the 80s when they were young, told me: "This is something that young people love to see, and isn't it stupid for you to give up the skills of survival for hobbies?" "After listening to them, I filled in the science and engineering department in college and studied geology-related majors.
Bird Bird (Source: Laughing Fruit Factory)
From my sophomore year, I realized that this profession didn't give me a sense of value, and my self-expression was suppressed. I thought about switching to psychology, and I planned to take this at the beginning of the graduate school. But the thought of probability and statistics that psychology is not good at, I flinched again. Thinking left and right, Peking University's "creative writing" major may have a greater grasp.
It was the first time I had violated my parents' opinions at a critical point in my life — they all said that my entrance to Peking University was a waste of a year. The direction of the examination is also contrary to the college students who are preparing for this major, and I dare not tell them that they are taking the Peking University, generally speaking, Beijing Normal University.
At that time, I had the mentality of "if I can't pass the exam, I will die". When I was lonely on the road to graduate school and couldn't hold on, I would watch the movie "Gravity" three times a day, which was about the life of an astronaut alone in space.
Stills from the movie Gravity
Creative writing is the second intake, and there are not many directions available for review. I only know that the Peking University Chinese Department cares about whether or not I have read the original book. Therefore, following the history of literature, I frantically read ancient and modern Chinese and foreign literary works every day, from 7 o'clock in the morning until 11 o'clock in the evening.
Chinese department definitely test writing, I will practice imitation writing, for example, after reading the first paragraph of Lao She's "Camel Xiangzi", I will think about how he wrote it, and then write a paragraph myself, comparing the differences between us, in order to exercise the sense of language.
Admission to Peking University is also very thrilling, the initial test has a course called "literary knowledge synthesis", I am only a few points higher than the score line. After going to the dream school, I began to think of some more practical ways out. Before, I thought that everyone was planning to come out and become writers, but then I found that there was no such way out, and most people went to become teachers, civil servants or editors.
At the time, I observed that screenwriters might be the only ones who could both keep writing and support themselves. This is also the result of my passive choice.
As I approached graduation in 2017, I was afraid to deal with people, and I always felt that others were willing to find me because of the aura of Peking University, and if I really contacted me, I would be disappointed. I think I definitely can't pass the interview, and I didn't participate in a school recruitment. Fortunately, there was a good friend of graduate students at that time, usually she communicated with the outside world about the project and negotiated the price, and I only had to go with it when I was a screenwriter, which was particularly effortless.
Unfortunately, in 2017, when the film and television industry was in winter, even some big screenwriters could not get a good job, not to mention our small screenwriters.
I took on some films and found some sense of accomplishment in creating my lines. But to do freelance work, one is irregular work and rest, and the other is to create things that you don't like so much, which consumes people and does not express yourself. Over time, I doubted that I was not suitable for creation, not as talented as I thought, otherwise why hadN't I written something yet?
After two years of not getting better, I want to enter the next step in my life, fall in love and get married. But as a freelancer in Beijing, without a hukou, without anything, it is difficult to achieve a stable life.
Go home and take the exam as an editor, and engage in writing slowly for a long time in the future, I think so.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="173" > women's ambitions</h1>
After returning to Hohhot, life was richer, but it was very trivial, and it was difficult for me to create. At the end of 2019, we also had a talk show club in our city, and I went on stage to speak once. Nothing central, spit on my mom's habits.
I don't know what my motivation for coming to power was.
Talk shows allow me to say something I want to say on stage, because I often have concerns about who I will offend, offend, and hurt my relationship with in my daily work. But on stage, I was safe, it was just a show, there was a feeling of release of stress.
The first time I told a paragraph, the stage was very cold, and no one laughed. I was too fragile to take such a blow and came to power for the second time after eight or nine months. That year, I experienced something, a change in the state of life, and something I definitely wanted to complain about.
Bird bird in "so-and-so and me" about "the charm of talk show"
Many people will say to me: Why should girls be screenwriters? Why not get into a staffing establishment and enter a stable unit? Many people say that even in Beijing, for girls, the best strategy is to enter a job with a staff after graduation, the woman provides the household registration, the man provides the money, and the two sides jointly buy a house to start a family.
But if girls also have jobs they want to do and have their own ambitions, why doesn't anyone say that girls can take risks too? I feel depressed, boys are encouraged to be ambitious, girls have ambitions become - don't you want to start a family?
In the relationship can also be felt, boys should be more proud, girls will feel very ashamed, this difference is not the physiological structure or hormonal action, but the result of cultural construction. When I realize that these shames are not chosen by yourself, but are stuffed into your head by others, but it will always criticize you, I have a very strong anger.
After speaking a few times about Open Wheat, I signed up for the Laughing Fruit Camp in December 2020.
At that time, Teachers Cheng Lu and Liang Haiyuan encouraged me, saying that they thought I was very good, and had ever thought of doing a talk show. But I still have a steady job and they don't say much about it. After a week of training camp, I went back to work at the magazine in Hohhot. Out of the talk show environment, I was so miserable, that job didn't have much self-expression.
Birds and birds at laughing fruit training camp
At the beginning of this year, when "Spitting Conference" said that it needed a screenwriter, I took a long vacation to Shanghai. After the show was done in March this year, I was really faced with a choice - whether to resign or not.
My parents strongly opposed my coming to Shanghai and kept convincing me to stay, believing that "to do a talk show is to eat youth rice." But they are wrong, talk shows are old age meals, the future domestic environment into a climate, as long as I keep creative, every two years out of a special performance, I can live well.
I recently realized that in my relationship with my parents, if I wanted to be self-conscious, it would be a betrayal of my affection, as if my happiness and their happiness could not be combined. In the past, I couldn't stand on my own feet from their standards and was very repressed.
When I resigned, I was 29 years old, and I was what some people called "older leftover women". But the vision of getting married and having children doesn't exist for me. How can you be sure that if you find someone to get married and have children, your life will be better? It's still a matter of luck. I'm not that sure I'm going to put my life on it.
The traditional path of life does not make me happy. I think that if I do a career that I like, I may at least be happy.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="174" > has not been able to reconcile many issues</h1>
Before May this year, my performance was recognized by the circle as "the field is difficult to pick up". My state is already very low, and unless the text is very good, the field is not hot. Every time I experienced a big cold field, I didn't have the strength to get up the next day.
The laughter of the audience is objective, and laughter is something that people instinctively do. Failing to laugh at the audience is not being able to connect with them is equivalent to me talking to myself for 5 minutes, like a big fool.
Bird Bird at the scene of the "Talk Show Conference", her passage triggered a violent reaction from the audience and the talk show actors
The reason why I have been able to rebuild from the blows again and again is because I have not left a way back, and I have only given myself a year.
I was afraid to go back in time for a few years when I couldn't write a screenwriter, and I was desperate to prove myself to my parents. There was a wave of anger that proved wrong for people who were not optimistic about me. After having a goal, I will use all the negative feedback and summarize the experience, just like the graduate school in that year.
For a month in between, I couldn't write a paragraph, and I didn't know how to write it without offending any group.
Now I think that it's impossible not to be offended, and that stand-up comedians can only attract groups that resonate with you. It's not a certain group that is to be offended, but the stronger rules behind it. I looked for logical holes in the conventional rules to make the audience realize that this was not the way it should be.
Bird bird segment
However, the premise of writing the paragraph is that I can propose solutions to these problems and prove that the status quo can be changed.
I still haven't written about the unfairness of men and women in employment, because I haven't figured out what a good employment environment should look like. If these differences are bound to exist and cannot be overcome by man, I will not speak out. Only by coming up with a vision that is truly possible can I say that the world is not good enough.
I haven't been able to reconcile many issues. Sometimes on Weibo, I look at the speeches of some netizens and find that there are still people who can think like this, why are people so indifferent? I once said a paragraph about "Grandpa's grave grass has staying power", and some viewers privately scolded me for "filial piety". These people and things that I can't understand make me want to complain. Anger is my norm, and sometimes going on stage angrily saying something seems to infect the audience more.
Birds and birds talk about son preference
But it's also my regret at Talk Show 4.
In the third qualifying match, I had no chance of winning the text I wrote, I felt that I would be eliminated, so I didn't think about how to present the work, but I didn't want to make people feel that I was frustrated when I was eliminated. I'm in a higher form than I was in the previous two games, not that I'm happier, but hard-topped. Later, after listening to the evaluation of Li Shi and the big teacher, I said that I was not so angry and would laugh this time, and I felt that I had chosen the wrong strategy.
I'm confused now and don't know if I should keep a low-pitched performance. The current performance state is spontaneous, and the shortcoming is that the performance method is very single, and it is difficult to cause the audience to laugh strongly. I am still changing the process of adjustment, but it is very firm that as long as I am sincere and kind and maintain the level of creation, the audience is very tolerant of the actors. No matter how it changes, I am still me. The audience is looking at people, not a very mournful symbol.
Birds birds
Speaking of the name Bird, it is not my real name, nor is it a nickname, it is a casual stage name. Birds can fly, but they don't need to fly particularly high, and there is no pressure.
Even if it is a very ordinary bird, it can fly if it wants to fly, and it can fall on the tree if it wants to land, and there is a very sober freedom
Text | autumn rain
Edit | Monet
Typography | Fifi