Chang Shuhong
Chen Zhixiu often wondered, doesn't she love Chang Shuhong?
Naturally not, but she wanted to sit on the streets of Paris and drink coffee, but Chang Shuhong preferred to stay in Dunhuang to guard the murals.
They were never people of the world.
She desperately "broke into" his world, and finally she was excited about Shan Shan's "desperate departure".
Perhaps, their first acquaintance was a young "trickery".
In 1925, 17-year-old Chen Zhixiu fell in love.
The teenager she likes, Lang Yushu, is windy and elegant in conversation. What's more, they share the same hobbies and endless topics.
"Shu Hong, after getting married, shall we go to Paris together?" You study fine arts, I study sculpture. ”
Chen Zhixiu looked at Chang Shuhong with a longing face, like a happy lark.
Chang Shuhong and Chen Zhixiu
Chang Shuhong naturally couldn't bear to say "no."
The life of studying abroad is not good, but Chen Zhixiu unexpectedly adapted to life in a foreign country.
Bustling Paris, fashionable atmosphere, intoxicating scenery, all deeply attracted Chen Zhixiu, she felt a little happy.
"If only we could stay in Paris forever."
This was Chen Zhixiu's true thought, but when she said it to her husband, she was a little cautious in trying and persuading.
Because she knew that Chang Shuhong's heart was not in Paris.
The couple represented Chinese students studying in France, so they often held art societies at home.
Whenever this time comes, Chen Zhixiu always dresses herself up beautifully and fashionably. As the hostess of various cultural and artistic salons, Chen Zhixiu is always impeccably perfect.
Some students even praised it as "far more beautiful than" the famous Xu Beihong's wife Jiang Biwei.
This makes Chen Zhixiu feel happy, she balances her life and art to the "extreme", everything is so beautiful.
With the birth of his daughter, his friend Lu Sibai named her Chang Shana. The "Shana" is also known as the Seine River that flows through Lyon.
At that time, the French years were a happy time for Chen Zhixiu's soul. She wanted to "keep" all this, but she did not expect that her husband always had his heart set on the "motherland".
One autumn day in 1935, Chang Shuhong strolled along the banks of the Seine.
On the left are Chang Shuhong and his wife
When passing an old book stall, I stopped and was just casually flipping through the pages to pass the boredom. However, he accidentally found a picture album called "Dunhuang Catalogue".
Chang Shuhong, as if he had obtained the most precious treasure, carefully examined this album. The book consists of six volumes and more than 400 photographs of Dunhuang grottoes and sculptures.
Only then did he know that there was such a brilliant treasure trove of art in the distant side of China. And as a Chinese, he didn't know it until now.
"I am a painter who has fallen in the face of Western culture and has proudly presented myself as a painter at the center of artistic activity in Paris, and I must be called Greek and Roman. Now in the face of such a long and splendid cultural history of the motherland, it is a great shame to blame myself for forgetting my ancestors, and I don't know how to repent! ”
Chang Shuhong has no intention of "admiring the foreign world", but consciously and inadvertently becomes a "running dog" of culture. The shock and suffering in his heart made him unable to stay for a day.
"I'm going to go back, to where I really belong."
Chen Zhixiu wondered, isn't Paris his place? There are good jobs, decent identities, and comfortable lives.
Chang Shuhong's paintings
She did not understand why Chang Shuhong left all this and "started over", in her eyes, the so-called treasure trove of art was just a barren and barren Gobi Desert.
She didn't want Chang Shuhong to go back, and she didn't want to go with her.
This time, however, the husband, who had always been pampered, did not listen to her advice. Her tears "could not stop" his return to China.
After returning to China, Chang Shuhong did not rush to Dunhuang immediately.
At that time, the Qiqi Lugou Bridge Incident "shattered" everyone's illusions. Chang Shuhong was also forced to get involved in the teaching life of the war and became a professor at the National Peking Art College.
Just outside of teaching, Chang Shuhong always had Dunhuang in mind.
It was not until 1942 that Chang Shuhong received an invitation from Liang Sicheng.
Chang Shuhong and his wife and friends
"Shuhong, would you like to work at the Dunhuang Art Research Institute?"
Liang Sicheng had always been aware of Chang Shuhong's "Dream of Dunhuang", when Yu Youren, the president of the National Government's Ombudsman, proposed the establishment of the Dunhuang Art Research Institute.
As soon as the proposal was approved, Liang Sicheng told Chang Shuhong the good news.
After several years, Chang Shuhong's old history has not changed. He nodded excitedly, "I want to go, of course I want to go, even if I am alone, I will go!" ”
In order to raise funds, Chang Shuhong could only hold a personal exhibition. However, it is difficult to have funds and lack of personnel to go along.
At that time, most people advocated that the site of the research institute should be set in Lanzhou, where the conditions were relatively good, and Chang Shuhong was naturally reluctant.
"Lanzhou is more than a thousand kilometers away from Dunhuang, so how to do protection and how to conduct research?"
Chang Shuhong's meaning is very clear, you must go to Dunhuang. At his insistence, the Dunhuang Research Institute was eventually able to be located in Dunhuang.
But there were still very few people willing to accompany him to Dunhuang.
But he couldn't wait any longer, and the attachment in his heart was like a flame burning more and more intensely. Chang Shuhong gritted his teeth and led the other five people on the journey to Dunhuang.
After walking for more than a month, Chang Shuhong finally arrived in Dunhuang. The hardships and hardships on the road, at this moment, completely disappeared.
Chang Shuhong was excited and hurriedly shared his shock and joy with his wife.
Chang Shuhong self-portrait
"It was worth it! Isn't it just worth it? From the first moment I saw it, I said in my heart: Even if I die here for it in the future, it is worth it! ...... It's true. ”
Chang Shuhong was "obsessed" with the bright pattern of the cave eaves and bucket arches, the beaded pegasus pattern on the roof of the Sui Dynasty cave, and the Sheng Tang Flying Sky of "Dancing Belt when the Wind"...
In Chang Shuhong's eyes, these grottoes are really beautiful!
But Chen Zhixiu could not feel the joy of her husband, she only knew that it was a northwestern frontier far away from city life. In the days to come, they will have to settle down in the uninhabited Gobi Desert.
Therefore, she was reluctant to leave, even if she missed Chang Shuhong in her heart.
After repeated discussions and constant quarrels, Chen Zhixiu finally made "concessions" to her husband. She left Chongqing with her children and traveled all the way to the Mogao Grottoes in Dunhuang.
The days were very hard, even Chang Shuhong, who was in the art world of the Mogao Grottoes and consciously danced with "gods", could not help but sigh.
"From the first day we arrived at the Mogao Caves, we felt a sense of abandonment, and the pressure was increasing."
Behind art, there is endless loneliness and poverty. The desolate Great Northwest, the barren Mogao Caves.
Chen Zhixiu looked at her husband's hand with the paintbrush before, and now it was only day by day, year after year, cleaning quicksand in the cave.
She can only repeat the reproduction of murals and painted sculptures. The boring and heavy work made her feel less than half the vitality of life.
In addition to the spiritual "barrenness", the hardships of life made Chen Zhixiu even more miserable.
There was no meat there, and even vegetables were scarce. Every day, they mixed only a bowl of vinegar or a dish of salt, and even had to go to a remote ice cave to drink water.
Chen Zhixiu knelt in front of the stove fire and carefully put the dead branches into it. They didn't dare to put too much at once, because this was what they had painstakingly picked up from the Gobi Desert dozens of miles away.
If you want to eat steamed steamed steamed buns, you will have to "consume" the amount of half a month at once.
Chen Zhixiu never thought that one day, since she even ate a steamed bun, it would become a "luxury".
The northwest wind is always blowing endlessly, and the cold is biting. In addition to the wind and sand here, which is dirt and mud and stones, Chen Zhixiu tightened the old cotton jacket on his body, and the pain and desolation in his heart could not be expressed.
"At this time, if only I could have a cup of coffee in a café in Paris."
Chen Zhixiu is a rich lady who grew up in jiangnan water town, she hates the weather here, hates the work here, hates the life here, even the red willows growing on the Gobi Desert are so unpleasant to her.
Tears blurred her vision, and Chen Zhixiu didn't know how long she could hold on...
But the husband loves it very much.
He often gazed "affectionately" at the murals of the Dunhuang Mogao Grottoes and said that as long as he could stay here, even the tribulations were sweet tastes.
Chen Zhixiu looked at Chang Shuhong's tired but satisfied face, and his thoughts were a little confused.
For the first time, she found that she did not understand her husband, and his spiritual world was not "compatible" with herself.
Chen Zhixiu felt a strange "loneliness", as if she was the only one left in the entire vast northwest Gobi.
Gradually, a thought formed in her mind: "I want to escape from this hell on earth." ”
This thought was extremely strong when Chen Zhixiu met Zhao Zhongqing.
In 1945, a retired military officer Zhao Zhongqing came to the Mogao Grottoes in Dunhuang. Chang Shuhong admired him, and under his arrangement, Zhao Zhongqing went to the Dunhuang Research Institute as the director.
During this period, Chen Zhixiu often recovered from illness at home because of water and soil dissatisfaction and other reasons. Chang Shuhong knew that he had no time to take care of his wife, so he entrusted Zhao Zhongqing to visit his home often.
Chen Zhixiu looked at the young and handsome man in front of him and listened to his gentle and meticulous voice of care. I just felt extra touched, how long had she been, she had not been so "cared for" by someone.
Gradually, Chen Zhixiu regarded Zhao Zhongqing as his "dependence". Feelings for him have also changed unconsciously.
Chen Zhixiu knew that this was wrong, but she could not control her feelings. She is like a pedestrian lost in the desert, and regards Zhao Zhongqing as the only "life-saving fountain".
So she made a crazy decision: she was leaving here and being with her "beloved" person.
The first on the right is Chang Shuhong
Chang Shuhong worked in the grotto as usual, but his mood was inexplicably a little restless.
Suddenly, there was a rush of footsteps behind him, and Chang Shuhong turned his head and met the hesitant and complicated eyes of his colleagues.
"Sir, your lady she... Let's go. ”
Let's go...... Chang Shuhong came down from the high ladder, his steps flustered. He didn't know why his wife didn't say goodbye, but after calming down, he hurried out.
Chang Shuhong rode his horse and chased all the way along the Yumen Pass.
The fierce wind blew on his face, like a knife scraping, cold and painful. But he could not withstand the pain in Chang Shuhong's heart, and he called out his wife's name loudly.
However, in the empty Gobi, only he was left with a scorching echo. The person he was looking for did not respond to him in the end.
I don't know how long later, Chang Shuhong collapsed on the side of the road exhausted. Fortunately, thanks to the workers of the Yumen oil mine passing by, he was able to "retrieve a life".
While recuperating from the hospital bed, Chang Shuhong finally learned the reason why his wife did not say goodbye.
It turned out that after Chen Zhixiu and Zhao Zhongqing "eloped", they published a "divorce notice" in a newspaper in Lanzhou.
"I don't want to live in Dunhuang anymore and go away with others."
Chang Shuhong's heart was bitter, and the person who said that he would be with him forever finally left him. Or in such an "embarrassing" way.
But for the sake of his two children, for the cause of Dunhuang that he loves. Chang Shuhong could only pick up his spirits and "stand up" again.
"Heaven will send down a great task to the Scythians, and they will first suffer their hearts."
Chang Shuhong thought to himself, is this a test from heaven to him? It's just that this test, too bitter...
After Chen Zhixiu and Zhao Zhongqing left, she felt guilty about her husband and children. But the "anticipation" of a new life made her quickly forget those emotions.
At this time, what she is looking forward to is not to return to the warm and bright Jiangnan, but to the bustling and modern Paris. It was the most dreamy and glorious moment of her life, carrying the "beautiful dream" of her entire girlhood.
However, before Zhao Zhongqing could take her to "relive the old dream", he was caught off guard by reality.
In 1949, Zhao Zhongqing was arrested and imprisoned for his identity.
Chen Zhixiu suddenly had no one to rely on, and in order to support himself, he could only hastily remarry an ordinary worker and make a living by dressing for others.
Instead of being accompanied by fresco sculptures, you have to face pot after pot of dirty clothes.
Chen Zhixiu rubbed his sore waist socket and couldn't help but wonder if what he had done was wrong. But she didn't have the courage, and she didn't have the face to "look back" again.
She couldn't help but miss Chang Shuhong and the children, she couldn't see them, she could only hear about them from the fragmentary newspapers.
Since Chen Zhixiu did not say goodbye, Chang Shuhong still copied and restored the murals in the cave. Collect and organize various scattered cultural relics, hold exhibitions, publish albums... As well as introducing Dunhuang art to more people.
In the midst of hard work, he slowly calmed down the pain brought by his family. The departure of his lover did not shake his ideal of adhering to Dunhuang.
And his daughter Chang Shana, like her father, continued to "stay" in Dunhuang. Became the second generation of "Dunhuang Guardians".
Chang Shuhong and his second wife
In Chang Shuhong's mind, Dunhuang means "grand". But anyone who comes to Dunhuang will unconsciously be attracted by the "charm" of Dunhuang.
From the day he decided to come to Dunhuang, this life was destined to "take root" in Dunhuang. Even in the afterlife, he still wants to "return" to this land.
Chen Zhixiu looked at the media's reports and praise for Chang Shuhong, knew his perseverance in Dunhuang, and knew that he was known as the "guardian deity of Dunhuang".
She somewhat understood his insistence, but it was too late. Because he already has a "new person" around him, a woman who really understands that he loves him and supports him.
And she was not even qualified to ask for forgiveness.
In 1963, Chen Zhixiu finally saw her daughter Chang Shana again.
At that time, Chen Zhixiu had another son and a grandson. It's just that the daughter-in-law is not good to her, she has endured for decades, and finally her life is still difficult.
Chen Zhixiu looked at her daughter, she felt that she should cry tears, but life had already "polished" her tears clean.
The two people just looked at each other silently, speechless for a long time.
"I'm very sympathetic and distressed, she used to dress up very well, and now she has completely changed into a person." It was more miserable than a housewife, no, worse than a servant, and more pitiful. ”
Watching her mother become what she is now, Chang Shana suddenly forgave her. After all, she always wanted to live a "good life", but in the end, she lived the worst.
In 1979, Chen Zhixiu died of illness.
On her deathbed, her son Chang Jialing still failed to forgive her and refused to come to see her for the last time.
"Once I have lost my footing into a thousand years of hatred, God has punished me!"
She couldn't help but think of Chang Shuhong, who once thought that they would be a pair of "French plane trees" who could enjoy the romantic prosperity of Paris.
But in the end, Chang Shuhong grew into the "red willow of Dunhuang". Red willow branches, red flower spikes. Rooted in the entire desert Gobi, red dazzling, red eye-catching.
And she, however, can only "zero into mud", they have always been people of two worlds...