Moms may have more or less this kind of distress
What if your baby is timid in public
Other children are generous
Their own children look twisted and pinched
There are also often complaints from mothers at work
Especially in the playground, many children's occasions
The other children ran around happily, laughing
His own baby looks daunted
Everything you play must be accompanied by your mother
Parents are more likely to be anxious
Today we're going to share some about that
"Timid children", unconfident content
Hope to inspire all parents
▽▽▽
01
In case of prior analysis, don't worry about "labeling"
Many parents know about not "labeling" their children, but they always inadvertently draw conclusions, evaluate their children, and label their children as "timid".
For example, some babies above are afraid of seeing something, and the mother thinks that this is the child's "timidity", but does not think that this is the child protecting himself, because he has not seen something, worried about hurting himself.
We all hope that when children go to society, they will be generous, full of self-confidence, and protect themselves. Therefore, when the child shows the emotion of withdrawal and fear, frowning and making a tired and scared expression, especially when the baby is small, some very simple, simply not worth mentioning small things, parents are more likely to directly determine that the child is "timid" and "afraid", and ignore the analysis of the reasons behind the child's behavior.
02
Parental personality and unfamiliarity have limited environmental impact
Some mothers think that their children are not lively and inactive, and show timidity in public because they are more introverted, or feel that it is because their children are in an unfamiliar environment.
The influence of parents' personality and family atmosphere on children is limited, and the same is true of unfamiliar environments, which can only be said to have an impact, but not absolutely.
For example, before the box was 2 years old, it was like the baby in the above example, clinging to me in a crowded place, which I used to think was the reason for the environment. But once a week in the early education class she is always passive waiting, need to take the initiative to express their own links, never tried to do, such as music class, the last link is the microphone, other children are taking turns to go forward to speak with the microphone, singing, babbling and so on, the teacher is also actively encouraged, even if it is to touch the microphone, the teacher is enthusiastically praised, the environment, the teacher is OK, but she did not participate once.
Therefore, if the child is no problem in other occasions, but in an unfamiliar environment, the number of times to go to the place, showing nervousness, this can not be regarded as "timid", is the child more cautious, first observe the environmental protection of themselves. You can take your baby to go a few more times, and after gradually getting familiar with the environment, the problem will be solved.
03
Encouragement + action to support your baby
Some mothers say that I often encourage my children, such as she is afraid to play on the slide, I told her below that it is no problem, be brave. Besides, what's the difficulty of the slide? It wasn't her first time playing either.
Why does our encouragement to children not work? For example, slides, climbing frames, in the eyes of adults, the height is not high, the degree of danger is almost zero, very safe. But what about in the eyes of children? Don't forget that there is a huge difference between the height of the child and the adult, and the very low height in the eyes of the adult is a behemoth in the eyes of the child. So sometimes we just say "come on, you can do it", "The mother believes that you are fine", but the child is slow to act, not that he does not want to play, but out of the perspective of caution and protection of himself, it is impossible to judge whether it is dangerous or safe.
Therefore, if the child is in this situation, parents can use verbal encouragement + assistance to help the baby try and experience, such as standing next to the climbing frame or slide to protect the baby, if the climbing frame is relatively large, you can also follow the baby to protect it. The language of encouragement can also say "I'll protect you, you try". After the child is more skilled, then observe from the side.
04
Increase your baby's knowledge reserves and broaden your horizons
Because children are limited by intellectual development and large motor development, their cognition of various objects and things is not comprehensive, and things that are normal in the eyes of adults may become extremely serious in the eyes of children. For example, as mentioned above, usually the child's bath is normal, but one day when the mugwort leaf is added, the bath water becomes black, and the child is scared to cry. In this case, the child does not understand what is called "MuGwort", and even more cannot understand "Mugwort soaking water", of course, it is impossible to understand why this water is used to bathe, coupled with the visual impact of the black bath water, the child is afraid that it is too normal.
Therefore, on the one hand, it is necessary to understand the phased characteristics of children's growth and development, accurately judge the situation beyond the child's growth and development ability, do not put forward standards and requirements for children beyond their ability, and increase the baby's knowledge reserve and enrich the life experience by reading picture books, increasing outdoor activities, travel, etc.
05
Choose the right cartoon
For children, cartoons cannot be bypassed, and choosing suitable cartoons has educational significance for children. For example, when my daughter was a little younger, she chose "Peppa Pig", "Teletubbies", and later a little older, she was very interested in encyclopedias, scientific cartoons, watched more in addition to "Rainbow Baby", "Sarah and the Duck" this kind of friendship, as well as "Screws", which focuses on scientific knowledge, "Building Blocks Baby" This kind of education, and then a little older She likes Dr. Panda to see the world series, bump into fox encyclopedia, etc., paid programs basically I bought. For a while she also enjoyed watching "Cocoa Little Love"... It is a public welfare propaganda film that is broadcast in many public places... So now she has become a small supervisor in my house, whether the mask is worn well, whether she washes her hands frequently, opens the window for ventilation, eats less takeaway, cannot spit on the ground, and so on.
Children understand a wide range of knowledge, rich content, among children "talk about information" more, and different people to communicate with more content, invisibly also play a positive role in the establishment of self-confidence.
06
Cultivation of self-care ability in life
Some mothers feel strange, is there a relationship between self-care ability and self-confidence?
For example, the baby goes to kindergarten, lives with the classmates in the same class, eats, goes to the toilet, sleeps are related to the ability to take care of themselves, whether the meal is good or not, the ability to wear and take off pants, wear and undress everyone is different, then is it that the child who is handy has no psychological impact or is everything slower than others, and the child who needs to wait for the teacher's help has no psychological impact?
The answer is obvious.
The same is true at home, sometimes when you are irritable or impatient, it is inevitable to nag a few words, such as "Why don't you learn to wear your own pants?" Or"How many times have you taught and haven't learned it yet?" Some parents will say, "You see the beanie next door will already put on and undress yourself, and you can't even tell the front and back of the clothes now!" These words may be blurted out by parents, not realizing the impact on the child, but if you say it repeatedly, often say it, and often hit the child, the baby thinks that it is his own fault and stupid.
Having said all this, in fact, about the establishment of children's self-confidence, it is a sentence - the difficult will not be, the meeting is not difficult. Even we adults are also comfortable with the things we are good at, but for the things we are not good at, we will play drums and doubt ourselves before we start working.
Finally, to give you an example, there is such a row of stone piers in my community, from low to high, there are five or six in total
When I was a kid, the locket loved to climb, and I noticed that she couldn't climb up at first, but she kept trying. If my mom was around, I was worried that she would fall down, not let her play, excuse herself going home, or buy snacks or something to coax her away. I was guarding by the side when I was with me, just holding her up when she tried but couldn't climb up. Every time she successfully climbed all the stone piers, she was very excited, and if the tallest one couldn't climb up, she wasn't very excited. As the number of climbs became more and more skilled, her expression also changed from hesitation and feeling difficult to excitement and happy challenge. This whole process was not a few days, nor did it last for a few weeks, I have the impression that her persistence in this group of stone piers was long, during which she also fell from the stone pier and beat the plaster cast... After recovering her health, she still did not give up this obsession, and finally successfully conquered this challenge that may be more difficult for her.
Feeling that the child's personality is timid and afraid of unfamiliar environments is the general confusion I have come into contact with many parents, and I think that there is another important reason for the deviation of parents' understanding of their children, which is to overestimate their children's abilities and underestimate the difficulties she faces.
For example, the above set of stone piers, to be honest, when the small box struggled to climb up, the little boy of the same age as her had already climbed very slippery. If it is my mother, it is estimated that it will be said on the spot, and it will be seen how slippery people climb. But she did not realize that the little boy was playing in the community every morning and afternoon, climbing this stone pier several times as many times as the small locket, the so-called practice makes perfect. Moreover, each child's big motor development is different, and the coordination of upper and lower limbs also requires continuous practice to have good coordination. If you only see a little boy of the same age as the locket climbing smoothly and quickly, thinking that a two- or three-year-old child should be like this, turning around and looking at the locket, of course, thinking that she is incompetent and relatively poor. However, if parents can recognize that although the little boy and the locket are the same age, but the number of these exercises, the difference in the development of large movements, the difference in limb coordination, they can realize that the current ability of the locket can not reach the same level as the little boy, then the anxiety can be greatly alleviated, the expectations of the child are reduced, and it is easier to pay attention to the improvement of her own ability. Parents' expectations are reduced, and the requirements for children will be relaxed, for example, the original may be hoping that she can climb through 6 stone piers smoothly, and now she is very happy to climb through 3 smoothly, and naturally praises her from the heart, with a natural expression and sincere language, so that children feel the love and trust from parents.
Back to the few examples given at the beginning of the article, children see different places from their familiar environment, see things that are different from their familiar objects, such as playgrounds, black bathwater, out of the protection of their own instincts and age restrictions, can not correctly look at this difference, may judge that the playground will hurt themselves, black bath water is unsafe will be sick, coupled with the parents' urging, may be anxious to cry, in the eyes of parents, do not understand this, feel that the child is "timid". At this time, if you can patiently explain, soothe the child's emotions, and combine some of the tips shared above, it is not very difficult to eliminate the child's fear.
All in all, babies are not born timid and weak, why our parents' verbal encouragement is always ineffective, perhaps the problem is still ourselves. From another point of view, if you are in the unit or participate in group activities, are you handy, full of confidence in the projects you will have, and your self-confidence is bursting when you perform outstandingly and crush everyone? The same is true for children.
After my daughter went to kindergarten, the other children drew very well, but she couldn't draw yet, so she was very depressed. Drawing this thing, on the one hand, does require talent, on the other hand, the child's hand fine movement practice, pen control practice and observation ability difference, I have never taught her to hold a pen, painting Ah, this aspect of the content, are her free to play. So on the one hand, I enlightened her, learned in advance that the good children's extracurricular tutoring class of painting is art, told her that the good students who painted were specially studied, on the other hand, I bought paper, crayons, watercolor pens and other tools, let her draw more and practice more when she was at home, and also communicated with the teacher about her learning situation in kindergarten, and talked about the difficulty of the child's current anxiety about this painting. The more she practiced, her muscle control ability was stronger, and she could slowly complete the drawing homework required by the teacher in the classroom, plus the teacher's cooperation, assist her, encourage and praise her, and she did not lose confidence and resist painting because of painting.
Each child is a unique individual, and the influence of the family environment on the child's personality is of course there, but it is more about the family atmosphere and how parents guide. Pay attention to observe the child's performance, to experience the child's heart, to understand her anxiety and worry about the problem points, is the first problem you have to solve at present. As for how to encourage, how to improve, analyze the real causes, and how to solve them, it is a matter of course and water.