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In "Dream of the Red Chamber", one of the four masterpieces of classical Chinese classics, the protagonist of the book, Jia Baoyu, who knows women quite well, once said: "Daughters are flesh and bones made of water." ”
Such a description is intended to express the gentleness, wit and flexibility of women's personalities, who will not be very tough in the face of certain things and cause things to have no room for maneuver.
It often occupies a relatively high position in matters related to emotional communication, and it will also play a great role in the process of raising children.
As many gender researchers, represented by Margaret Mead, have concluded that there is a distinction between innate gender and gender.
There is a difference between men and women which is innate. However, within a group, different genders are given different functions, temperaments and even prestige.
Words such as "man's wife", "strong woman", "mother's cannon" and other words that existed in previous lives were all based on the assumption of "men are tough and women are gentle".
So in social life, a woman with a very strong aura, is not just a sharp gaze? The answer is no. Women with a real strong aura have the following three characteristics.
1. A different way of being
As mentioned above, since all societies have inherent views on both sexes, the most important and basic point of being a woman who wants to be an independent individual who does not fall behind and does not want to be separated from others can be said to be to live differently.
It is worth mentioning that this so-called "different" does not mean that as a woman, you should blindly pursue to be different from other women and be unique.
Instead, they branded everything within a reasonable range: revolutionary martyrs Liu Hulan, Qiu Jin, Zhao Yiman, etc. were all women living in a chaotic world, and they could have sought the protection of the so-called "more powerful" men to avoid the dangers of the chaotic world, but they did not.
The outstanding words and deeds that dare to devote themselves to the revolution and dedicate themselves to the country have long gone beyond the level of "not letting their eyebrows be shaved", but have given a new realm to their lives: they are born in a chaotic world, but they are not burdened by the external embarrassment; the daughter's body is still brave to dedicate. This kind of differentiation is the necessary and basic condition for becoming a truly powerful woman.
It is true that it is impossible for everyone to achieve such a great and sacrificial dedication, as long as you put aside the world's inherent views on gender and live your own wonderful life, it is the first step to success.
For example, in today's society, many women put aside the preconceptions of facts, choose to follow their own wishes, go to the military, participate in some extremely dangerous jobs, and shoulder more responsible positions in the workplace... Such women are naturally powerful in aura.
2. Maintain a state of both internal and external
Some people have previously ridiculed the inside and appearance of individuals can be called "good-looking skin bags" and "interesting souls", and those who are both inside and outside will undoubtedly occupy a comparative advantage in social interaction.
In connection with what has been described above, the definitions of women and men in previous societies were also different.
To take a simple example, the gradual emergence of remediation activities for male artists in the entertainment industry in 2020 is a significant sign - men should naturally be masculine, strong, and stand up to the sky, while some male artists deliberately take a "feminine" route in order to gain position and attract people's attention. This is how we perceive men and women differently.
Similarly, for women, the female image in people's perception is often gentle and virtuous, and those women who have a hot personality and act decisively become a different existence.
If you want to become an independent woman in society, a necessary condition is that no matter what age you are, you should pay attention to the maintenance of your appearance and connotation state.
Social interaction sometimes comes from one side of the other, a woman with a real temperament, not only through her own beautiful figure, good face, but also through her own inner spirit to impress others.
For readers, "belly with poetry and bookish self-glory" is a kind of external evaluation standard, for women, most individuals will be in the eyes of people as "love brain", "literary and artistic young women", "independent women" and other images exist, only those women with rich connotations have outstanding temperament.
3. The pattern of not being imprisoned by life
In traditional society, some people will think that the key to a woman's life lies in marriage and childbearing, even if there is no great achievement, then as long as the children of a good family and province are married after adulthood, then they will have hope for the second half of their lives.
With the development of the times and the progress of society, people's thinking has gradually become enlightened.
Although there are still some similar ideological dross today, in general, views on the status of women, as well as the role of women in the family and society, have improved considerably.
Especially among the women themselves, with the improvement of their education level and the facilitation of information exchange, they gradually began to pursue their own value.
The same is the decades of life, can not always be imprisoned by traditional concepts, should put their own vision in the long term, expand their own pattern.
Born in 1914, Tsuneko Sasamoto, who lives in Japan, fell in love with photography at the age of 71 and studied photography from scratch at such an age, spending 6 years traveling around the country before searching for a large amount of related materials.
At the age of 86, after losing her wife, she began to pursue her love again, and at the age of 96, she also experienced a loss of love; at the age of 105, Sasamoto Tsuniko held her own film festival and won the Best Dress Award issued by the Japan Film and Television Association.
Although not every woman can hope to achieve such a life, such a lifestyle and attitude towards life are what women should learn and reference.
Some women will rely too much on their other half when they are young, as if part of their lives exists in each other.
Other women are too egotistical, which also makes it difficult for them to touch the higher sky by their own strength; there are also some women, although social relations are handled better, but do not pay attention to the play of their own value. Only by taking a long-term view and breaking through various shackles can it be possible to become a woman with outstanding temperament.
In summary, a woman with outstanding temperament should often have the above three characteristics in addition to sharp vision.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Vogel, D. L., & Wester, S. R. (2003). To seek help or not to seek help: The risks of self-disclosure. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 50(3), 351.