In the book "Nonviolent Communication", it is mentioned: "What makes it difficult for us to experience the love in our hearts"? In response to this question, the last book gives a pertinent answer: it is the negative impact of some communication methods.
For example, once we meet someone we don't like or don't understand, we think about what's wrong with others. If someone drives a car and hits us in front of us. After the emergency brake, many people's first reaction is to get angry, light verbal attack, heavy heavy punch.
I still remember once my husband drove to the intersection, and a taxi suddenly crossed over, blocking his way. The gentleman was extremely angry, jumped out of the car and rushed out, looking for the driver theory. If the taxi driver uses non-violent language to explain his mistake, the gentleman will accept it calmly. But the taxi driver kept stressing how anxious he was, without apologizing for his personal misconduct.
The gentleman was grumpy, and the taxi driver fought with the taxi driver without a word, and as a result, the two entered the police station, and the husband was also fined 2,000 yuan as compensation for the taxi driver's hospital fees. In fact, such conflicts are completely avoidable, if we learn the language of love from an early age, directly say our own needs instead of first blaming others, will there be a lot more warmth and love in the world?
Just like Marshall. Dr. Luxemburg explains the "nonviolent communication" emergency in a Refugee Camp in Bethlehem.
It was a group of Muslim men in Palestine, about 170 people, who were listening to the lecture. As you know, the author of this book, Dr. Luxemburg, was an American, and the Palestinians were hostile to the Americans at that time. During the speech, suddenly a man stood up and shouted at him: "Murderer" and "murderer of children". The other Muslim men immediately echoed the call.
In the face of the Muslim man's anger and provocation, Dr. Luxemburg listened intently and felt the man's feelings and needs. He didn't refute men or address the issues men raised. The whole time he empathized with him, expressing his understanding of his misfortune, and at the same time following the man's feelings.
Their conversation lasted twenty minutes, the man had been expressing his pain, and Dr. Luxemburg had been listening intently to the emotions and needs contained in his every sentence. He did not see the man's words as an attack, but as a gift from fellow human beings. Finally, Dr. Luxemburg's speech in the refugee camp was warmly welcomed by all Muslim men.
In fact, in interpersonal communication, mutual understanding between people is more important than anything else. As long as we are good at using the language of love and good at empathizing with the feelings and needs of others, all difficulties will be solved.
Ultimately, the root of violence is the feelings and needs that people ignore each other and blame the conflict on the other.