Why would I hate my mom – guilty, confused, depressed, maybe you're not wrong

This is a topic that makes people feel guilty, before the Internet has also searched many times, some young netizens have issued the same question, look down, everyone "has their own misfortunes"; also been educated by older netizens "she is the mother who loves you the most", "she is pregnant in October and gave birth to you, is no matter what mistakes you make will forgive your mother"...

The former can tell each other about their hearts but cannot heal internal wounds, and the latter is suspected of moral kidnapping because of confused thoughts. In recent years, I have staggered forward with the troubles in the title, reading and reading in an attempt to save myself.

Yesterday my depression flooded again, and at 1 a.m. today, on the question of the lack of parental love in childhood and adolescence that I could not let go, I sent the following paragraphs to my old girlfriend:

"I seem to understand that I have been so depressed about the problems of the original family, probably because my parents have been 'unable to see' me, they are busy making money to maintain their livelihood, busy according to their own experience to help me share my various practical pressures, their generation's heart is worried about material scarcity, but the companionship I need, love, is their unexpected needs, so I keep learning well, so my mother can praise me, when she praises me is when I have the most sense of existence, and then I can't keep up with learning. Anxiety came, and then went to college, love is also for a love - 'attention ➕ to love', and then think of getting married after graduation, there are some reasons because I think my parents are old, I want to settle down early, and then have a baby, work to make money, these are things that I did not think about why, and naturally came to the present. During the epidemic last year, I broke off the fight with my mother, and then my father didn't care about me, and now I think about it because they didn't see my needs, simply put, they couldn't see me.

Children are not seen by their parents, or parents are always condescending to love their children from their own point of view but do not communicate sincerely with their children, perhaps they will let children have this feeling of not being able to express their true selves. Detachment in Buddhism is probably also thinking outside one's own role. Understanding the kindness and inadvertent neglect of parents, I will feel that everyone is a human being, will make mistakes, and if I am no longer the child who must be seen by my parents, I will not be angry with them.

As an adult, for this child who is not seen by my parents, I may no longer look forward to being cared for by others, and I must see her and care for her myself.

Following the conversation I just had with you, mentioning 'being seen', I finally figured this out. The last day of 2021 suddenly understands this problem, surprise! ”

In recent years, it has been on the road of self-help, for the lack of parental love has been difficult to let go of the existence, the above paragraphs of self-education, from the recent year or so of groping, but also has not had the results of thinking before, grateful for the gift of time. Life is short, I want to show joy, leisurely, even if the sky is always dark, at this moment also enjoy the sun, flowers, birdsong.