Text | Look at the flowers back
Source 丨 Ten Point Reading (ID:duhaoshu)
There is a question on Zhihu: "What is a truly mature person like?" ”
Below there is a high praise answer: "Keep your heart awake, and your face is rarely confused." ”
The longer you live in the world, the more sober and confused you feel, not two opposites.
Instead, we must leave seven points of sobriety and let ourselves live clearly; leave three points of confusion to let ourselves live freely.
No matter when and where, you can know what you are, and when the point is reached, you are truly open-minded.
When you are young, when many people see through an event, they can't help but poke through it on the spot.
And when we grow up, when we see through a lot of things, even if we have a hundred impulses in our hearts to debunk, we will control our emotions a hundred times and not to debunk.
A few years ago, I wanted to end the wandering days of renting and living around, and I planned to buy a house near the unit and stabilize.
At the time, although I had been very restrained, I chose a small two-bedroom apartment.
But when I made the down payment, I found that even if I took out all my savings and my parents put some money upside down, it was still 20,000 yuan short.
At that time, all I could think of was my girlfriend Xiao Ai.
I know that she has worked for all these years, saved some money, usually lives alone, and the daily expenses are not too big, so I plucked up the courage to borrow from her.
As soon as she heard that I was going to borrow money to pay the down payment, her face immediately changed, saying that she had just bought a house and was preparing to renovate.
I didn't think much of it, buying a house does require a big expense, and it's normal to lend me no extra money.
Only later, in chatting with a friend, I overheard that Xiao Ai did not buy a house at all, but she did not want to use the money in the bank card, and she was afraid that my salary was too low and I would not be able to pay her money in the short term.
Since then, I haven't mentioned borrowing money or debunking the fact that she didn't buy a house.
Some things can be seen through, and when they are debunked, they don't even have the only dignity.
Many times, the things that everyone knows are like a stone pressed in each other's hearts, and when they are not picked, they bear the weight of a stone together.
As long as you pick it out, the stone will be loosened and smashed on your heart, and you will be alone to bear the pain of being hit by the stone.
Many things in life are actually like this, see through it and don't say it, and it is better to live on the face.
Once you put it bluntly, the other party may be relieved, but in the end, it becomes yourself who bears the consequences, and you can't escape the embarrassment and embarrassment.
In the adult world, pay attention to a "hazy feeling", don't look at things too clearly, and don't look at people too really.
Not mentioning it, not debunking it, is the best decency left for each other.
Zhihu netizen @ Luo Luo told a story.
The year she graduated, she passed the school recruitment and entered a company of considerable size.
When she first joined the company, she said, there was a girl who looked friendly, who helped her clean her workstation and familiarize her with the work process.
They quickly became good friends, and they no longer had any defenses against what they said on weekdays, and occasionally talked about things in the company, and they would complain to each other.
At first, Luo Luo did not perceive an abnormal situation, and after a while, she heard the words she had once complained about the company at a departmental collective meeting from the mouth of the department manager.
She took a breath of cool air and thought to herself that what she said, only she and the girl knew, how could it reach the ears of the third person?
She asked herself countless times in her heart, but she still did not have the courage to admit that it was the girl who made a small report in the middle.
Until one day later, she tentatively complained to the girl that the manager's work efficiency was too low, resulting in everyone having to work overtime every day, and everyone hated the manager in their hearts.
The next day at work, she was called by the manager, advising her to focus on her work and work more.
This time, she completely saw the girl's true face.
Since then, when she talks to the girl again, she will have some reservations, and she will no longer complain about anything at work, and at most talk about irrelevant things in life.
A friend asked her, when she met such a person who loved to make small reports, she directly turned her face and was relieved.
She said: "It's easy and deflating to turn the other cheek directly, but it's not good for anyone to get the relationship too stiff." Just know who she is, you don't have to turn your face. ”
In life, perhaps we will inadvertently see the true face of a certain person, and trust will collapse in an instant.
It will make you feel that the sincerity you have given has become a joke in an instant, and the loss and disappointment have all come to your heart.
Maybe, at some point in anger, you want to tear your face completely.
The lethality that can tear the face can never withstand the more thoroughness of no longer communicating.
Tearing up the face, just venting the emotion for a while, and no longer communicating, is a relief after looking down.
As the saying goes, "The best way for an adult to end a relationship is not to argue or break up with anger, but to quietly drift away from the bottom of your heart." ”
It is better to see clearly than to look down.
When you see a person clearly, you may be sad; when you look down on a person, you will be relieved.
By that time, it doesn't matter if you don't turn your face or not.
Some time ago, his friend Dongzi resigned from the private school where he had worked for ten years.
Speaking of the reason, Dongzi smiled helplessly and bitterly: "You say that I am not stupid, but I will believe in the ghost words said by the principal?" ”
After a deep conversation, I learned that in the past ten years, the principal of Dongzi has been drawing a big cake for them.
It is said that in the name of the school, apply for a piece of land to build a teacher's apartment, as long as the work is five years, you can buy half of the market price.
It is also said that teachers who have worked for ten years can join the school and become shareholders of the school, no longer have to rely on a fixed salary to live, have dividends at the end of the year, and do not have to worry about accidentally losing their jobs.
Dongzi has been working in this school since she graduated, and now that ten years have passed, he has always believed in what the principal said, and he has fantasized about the day when he can have a house of his own in the city and a career to support his family.
The apartment that the principal once said to be built has now become a three-bedroom boutique.
It was only dragged back year after year, but I never saw the shadow of the land.
Dongzi was a little shaken later, but when she thought of working for ten years, she could still hold shares as a shareholder, and she was full of energy.
As a result, at the point of the decade, he has gained nothing but a slowly rising wage and an aging body.
He missed the opportunity to buy a house when the house price was the lowest, and also missed the golden age of entrepreneurship, leaving a heart that he had to laugh at himself.
They all said that the words were as light as the wind, but Dongzi put the words of the principal into her heart.
People always like to be satisfied in good sounds and full of beautiful fantasies, but these words are the most likely to make people lose themselves and fall into them.
No matter how delicious the ecstasy soup that others pour you, there will eventually be a day when you can see the reality.
Keep a clear head, no matter what you say, don't listen to all the faith, half into the ear with the wind, half into the heart to take its essence.
I have read a particularly heartfelt passage: "People have a thousand faces, and their hearts have a thousand changes, so don't say everything you know, and don't believe everything you hear, because the heart can be hidden, and the words can be false." ”
Some words, just listen to it, don't take it too seriously, too serious you will lose.
People live a lifetime, many people and many things, true and false, false and real, can be "dazzling", but must not be too confused with their own hearts.
Some things can be seen through, and there is no need to debunk;
Some people can see clearly and don't have to turn their faces;
Some things just listen to, don't take them seriously.
As Lin Yutang said: "A person with a clean heart, a clear mind, and no unnecessary emotions and delusions will bring people a sense of security." ”
A life is not long, and living soberly is to give people the greatest sense of security.
For the rest of our lives, we only hope that we will be accustomed to seeing whether everything in the world is true or false, and we can still "know in our hearts".
Author: Look at the flowers back. Source: Ten O'Clock Reading (ID: duhaoshu), late at night ten o'clock, accompany you to read, a good life. Good book/story/american text/radio/aesthetics. Reading has a way to publish articles with authorization.
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