It seems that every year can see the news of the divorce of "public figures", netizens have long been strange.
Only this time the divorce incident once again set off the discussion and pessimistic attitude of netizens about marriage.
First, the media exposed the news of Wang Lihong's divorce from his wife, and then Wang Lihong personally sent a message announcing the divorce with his wife.
Through Wang Lihong's description, we can analyze the following points:
First: Express regret for the efforts you have made in your marriage over the years, believing that you have many shortcomings.
Second: Two people have differences in their lifestyles and concepts about the future, so they decide to separate.
Third: Although they have been separated, they will still be a family in the future.
You see, many middle-aged couples will say similar things after they are separated.
Blame the reasons for the separation on: the three views are not in harmony, the living habits are different, and the planning for the future is different.
But now that we have sensed the differences between them, why did we have 3 children in the 8 years of marriage?
Now that we are divorced, we have put all the blame on the reasons for the inconsistency of the three views.
If the marriage is not happy, it chooses to divorce, which seems brave, but behind it there is a deeper problem: there is no way to solve the contradictions in the marriage.
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The emotional curse of middle-aged couples, the main problem is only one
Let's start with the conclusion:
Men and women in marriage have different interpretations and emphases on their own suffering.
In other words: men think they have given enough in their marriage and blame their wives for not understanding him and not being considerate of him.
And the wife feels more aggrieved in marriage, has children, and is no longer young, but it can't be exchanged for anything good.
You see, everyone gives priority to considering the "gains and losses" at the end of the marriage from their own point of view, but never considering why two people will come to divorce little by little.
I especially like the movie Marriage Story.
Remember what Nicole and Charlie saw each other at the beginning of the movie?
The image of husband in Nicole's eyes:
"I love Charlie, I love his bravery and fearlessness, I love his character for being independent and clean and tidy; he is able to accept my bad temper, tolerate me, and like children, and promise to take responsibility together when taking them with them."
The image of the wife in Charlie's eyes:
"I love Nicole, I love her empathy and willingness to listen, I love her patience and ability to handle family and children's problems, she could have been a star, but she gave it all up for me and my family." 」
It looks like a real marriage problem.
Before two people get married, they see only the shining points in each other's eyes; his strengths are magnified and his shortcomings are covered up.
This is caused by the "halo effect", which is exactly in response to the sentence: "The lover's eyes are out of the west".
As soon as the camera turns, it quickly comes to the scene of two people arguing over divorce matters.
Accusing each other of their dissatisfaction in the marriage, accusing each other of their shortcomings, hysterically expressing what they have given and lost in the marriage.
In the movie, what did Nicole pay for marriage?
First: She lost her career and life.
She gave up her great future in order to get married, to marry this man, and to give birth to a son for him; if it were not for marriage, she was sure that she would be able to become a "hot" big star.
Second: After becoming a mother, I found that all the burdens fell on my shoulders.
The husband's commitment before marriage, the sense of responsibility he showed, completely changed after marriage.
In Nicole's eyes, taking care of the children and doing housework always seems to be her own business, and the husband's involvement in this is very low.
In Charlie's eyes, he expressed his dissatisfaction equally hysterically.
Charlie said: "You are going to propose marriage, I was in my early 20s, just emerging in my career, I have a lot of opportunities, there are too many girls to pursue me; but I chose to marry you, in order to love you, how many opportunities I lost." 」 ”
The two people quarreled, originally holding the attitude of peacefully breaking up, discussing with each other how to divide the family property after divorce and how to raise children together.
No one expected that divorce would become an embarrassing situation of "never dying".
Having said all that, have you found a commonality?
We always like to magnify our efforts and losses in marriage many times, and we hold our own truths for each other, and we are not willing to look at why marriage is coming to an end from an objective point of view.
Objectively analyze, why is the marriage of middle-aged couples so "fragile"?
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Why is the marriage of middle-aged couples so fragile?
First: self-centered and paranoid, not enough involved with the family
I think that the most stressful and giving in marriage is actually women; relatively speaking, women are actually weaker.
They have to be pregnant for October, to nurse children, to take care of children, to change from a "social role" to a "family role".
From an independent and enterprising woman to a full-time wife, hiding behind the family, waiting to lose her career, lose her social network, and create a "fault line" with the outside world.
At this time, women's most important thing is not "love and no love", they pay more attention to their husband's participation in marriage and family.
The first is the degree of care and payment for the child, the second is the degree of care and tolerance for the wife, and the third is whether the equal pay and cost can be compared with the wife's payment.
When marriage becomes two people "holding their own opinions", thinking only about themselves and no longer caring about the common interests in the marriage, then the marriage loses the meaning of union.
Why should we get married?
It is nothing more than the hope that on the long road of life, there will be a firm, brave, trustworthy person, and create a utopian family that belongs to the two people alone.
Happiness is created by people, marriage is a blank piece of paper, and what is written on this piece of paper depends on the efforts of the husband and wife for it.
If the couple's hearts cannot come together, the marriage is doomed to failure.
Second: only find problems, but are not willing to solve them
In fact, for middle-aged couples whose marriages have failed, they can find the emotional problems of two people for the first time.
However, they are not willing to give time and patience to change, and only want to solve it in the fastest way possible - divorce.
"You don't want to change, so why should I change?"
"I've paid enough for this family, I don't want to put up with it anymore, this time to see who bows their heads and concedes."
What is important in marriage is not face, but inside.
Whether a marriage is good or not is not for others to see, but for couples and children to feel.
I have a couple of friends by my side.
When the two people first got married, lang was talented, talented, capable, and had enough financial level.
Coinciding with the boom in buying a house, the wife and her husband proposed: take advantage of the small children, buy more sets and put them away.
The husband could not help his wife, reluctantly bought all the savings of the two people, and also carried a lot of loans.
What about now?
The industry is sluggish, the income of two people is not enough to support the high monthly expenses and loan repayments, and the house cannot be sold.
As a result, the contradiction continues to be stimulated, and the two people become more and more intense.
The wife complained to her husband: You are too useless, such a good career, you have made it like this.
The husband also blames the wife: It is not that you insist on buying it in the first place, otherwise our lives will not come to this point.
But in fact, they are reluctant to analyze the problems behind the contradictions.
Only the problem was found, and the reluctance to invest time and patience to solve the problem.
The marriage curse of middle-aged couples is difficult to say, and it is simple to say that it is simple.
The challenge is:
If you don't divorce, how to face the endless quarrels and contradictions of two people; after divorce, how to solve the problem of raising children.
The simplicity is:
When encountering contradictions and not willing to pay for them, they only want to use "divorce" to solve the trouble.
It's kind of funny not to solve the essence of things and just to try to solve each other.
Marriage is very sweet, when we love each other, the problems in this world are nothing;
Marriage is also very painful, and when the other party inserts the "sword of tongue" into each other's chest, it is a suffocating pain.
No matter which way you choose, don't forget that the other person was also a "beautiful and flawless" person in your eyes.
Today's Topic:
What do you think of Wang Lihong and his wife ending their 8-year marriage?
What do you think are the marital crises of middle-aged couples?
(Article with picture source network)