Another double star announced the divorce! In the past month, celebrities have frequently appeared on the hot list of official divorces, and "divorce" has once again become a hot topic for the people.
Although there is a difference between celebrities and ordinary people, are there more and more divorced friends and colleagues around you? Can't help but ask, why is it so difficult for modern people to maintain marriage? What's the problem? How can I manage a good marriage?
Of course, anyone's marriage is not a mess of harmony, simple, plain life, there will often be conflicts, contradictions, quarrels between lovers, and even often the idea of divorce.
In fact, marriage, like any intimate relationship, needs to be managed and maintained, as long as you do these 5 points with your heart, a happy marriage is within reach!
01 Communicate in a gentle manner
Some say that marriages either go to heaven together or fall into hell together. In fact, an unhappy marriage starts with a bad conversation.
Marriage is cloaked in a glamorous and beautiful coat, and unveiling the coat is just a chicken feather in life. The real look of marriage is not all flirting, you and me, more is trivial, countless trivialities of life. Who washes clothes, who changes sheets, who cooks, who washes dishes...
Couples come home from work, dragging their tired bodies, removing their disguised faces, putting away their deliberate smiles, as if it becomes difficult to say a good word to their lover?
I have a friend, two people often quarrel over a very small matter, one day, her husband, after work, did not take a shower before lying on the sofa watching TV, she suddenly erupted, directly roared, the two people quarreled for minutes.
Is it worth it, you say? We are always used to giving the worst temper to the person we love the most, in fact, to put it well, most of the problems of marriage can be solved. Because, the other party only needs you to have an attitude.
02. Break the deadlock of the Cold War
When in love, I like to play the game of "you play I guess", and I am married, as if this problem still can't be changed. Always want to use the Cold War without speaking to see if my husband has patience for himself? Do you still love yourself?
Xiaolan is an ideal girl, always eager for a perfect marriage, requiring her husband to be able to create some small romance for himself from time to time like when he is in love after marriage, and there must be gifts for the festival, dinner must be exquisite, and life must have a sense of ceremony.
At the beginning, his husband could still insist, but after a long time, especially after having children, his husband did not have time and energy to always spend on Xiaolan. Recently, Xiaolan told me that she was angry alone, and her husband did not comfort her, and at home in the cold war, she was so aggrieved.
The cold war between husband and wife is the most ineffective way of communication, what do you think in your heart? How could he guess them all? He's not a god, even though he's the one who knows you best.
In the process of the Cold War, the contradiction between the two people can only be invisibly amplified, and in the silent time and space and time, they can't help but associate many unhappy memories, resulting in the originally small problems being rapidly amplified, and even larger contradictions erupting!
03 Hug in time after an argument
When I was a child, my parents quarreled almost every day, and even sometimes fought, after each quarrel, I watched my mother's grievances and tears, telling about the trivialities of life, especially distressed by my mother who had to work and take care of the family.
I even told my mother that if I divorced my father, what would be the strength of such a day?
However, every time my father had a fight, he would soon go to comfort my mother, hug my mother, and tell an earthy love story, and the two of them would talk and laugh again.
It wasn't until I grew up and had my own marriage that I deeply understood my parents' marriage.
A good marital state is not a one-sided blind payment, but a heartfelt like, generous praise, decent criticism, positive argumentation, mutual support, inner understanding...
04 Marriage is a mathematical problem 0.5 + 0.5 = 1
Some people say that marriage is the graveyard of love, which means the end of sweet love and the beginning of trivial life.
After experiencing it, you will find that marriage and love are not the same, and marriage requires both parties to operate with care! Marriage is a mathematical problem 0.5 + 0.5 = 1, which means that everyone must change and accommodate each other, grind away the sharp edges and corners of the personality, and form a harmonious and beautiful family!
Therefore, marriage is the accommodation of two people to each other, not a complete compromise of one of them!
One of my girlfriends once said to me that before marriage, boyfriends can unconditionally compromise and spoil themselves, and their personalities have always been angular. Until entering marriage, changing the children's diapers together, studying how to sleep together, accompanying the children to the hospital together, cooking together, taking care of the sick elderly together...
After experiencing these big and small things in life, I found that I had changed, and the edges and corners of my personality were slowly smoothed out in marriage, no longer impatient, no longer squeamish, no longer self, and learned to listen, give in, and compromise.
05 What is more important in marriage than ability is attitude
I love the book Happy Marriage, where one of the sentences "starts with gentleness and ends with compromise!" ”
Whether in the workplace or married life, attitude is much more important than ability.
Your lover can have no money, can be very ordinary, you can accommodate these, and even say that you will be. The only thing that can't be done is that the person you love is grumpy, loses his temper with you every day, and even domestic violence, and no woman can stand such a marriage.
Because in the relationship between two people, your attitude represents your temperature of love. If people drink cold and warm water and know themselves, no one will like a cold, ruthless, and cold marriage atmosphere.
Some people say that marriage is a walled city, and those who live in it want to come out, and those who live outside want to go in!
Some people say that marriage is a cup of boiled water, bland and tasteless, but when it is critical, only he can quench his thirst and save his life. It seems that no one can do without him. If you taste it carefully, you will find that there is still a hint of sweetness!
Marriage is either heaven or hell, just one step away. And the key to this step is just the intention!