Inscription: Yang Yang will not think in his dreams, I joined the AIDS qq group, added her alone, and consciously chatted with her, just because I am a writer myself, spread out her diary, restore the truth of her story, and hope that people who read this story can feel something; if you are unfortunate enough to know people infected with HIV, please do not refuse people thousands of miles away, your little love and a warm word can give people in desperate situations more courage to survive!
Autumn Breeze Depression Migrant Workers' Love Becomes a Past (6)
9.
Yang Yang's little insignificant desire was also crushed by the unforgiving reality, and this wandering life once again changed her destiny.
One day, the weather changed suddenly and it rained heavily. Yang Yang, who had already left work, forgot to bring an umbrella and had to hide in the corner of the supermarket bored to watch the bustling shopping crowd of the supermarket.
Yang Yang, are you Yang Yang? Suddenly a familiar voice sounded, and Yang Yang reflexively raised his head to look at the neighbor's little sister who had fed her son was looking at herself in amazement.
She must not have recognized me, or maybe I looked at the wrong person. Yang Yang, holding a hint of luck, suddenly fled her sight like a frightened bird and ran wildly in the pouring rain...
Water, I want water... At three o'clock in the morning, Yang Yang woke up from a nightmare. She dreamed that she was walking alone in the desert sun, her mouth was dry, and her whole body was on fire...
Yang Yang woke up, and the cleaning sister of the adjacent bed was breathing evenly. Her forehead was scalding hot, and her whole body was as uncomfortable as a fire. It turned out that he sweated too much during the day, and after being wet by heavy rain, his body was developing a high fever.
Yang Yang did not dare to go to the hospital, she was afraid that the hospital would check the blood routine and expose her identity as an AIDS patient. She brought a basin of cold water and kept wetting her forehead with a cold towel.
At dawn in the early morning, Yang Yang felt that the fever had subsided a lot, but the person was still groggy and weak, and she struggled to prepare to go to work.
"You don't have to go to work, this is your salary this month, less than a month, the boss filled you up, you leave!" Early in the morning, the store manager arrived at Yang Yang's dormitory. Yang Yang did not recognize the wrong person, the little sister next door did not tolerate her after all, and in an instant she understood everything.
The bloody wound was suddenly rubbed into a handful of broken glass, and the pain tore the heart and lungs! The heavens and the earth are so big, why don't I have a foothold for a weak woman? Yang Yang called the heavens should not be, the earth was not spirited, and he wanted to cry without tears.
Carrying his suitcase out of the dormitory gate, Yang Yang unconsciously arrived at the riverside. The sky has long been clear, the head is brilliant sunshine, blue sky, white clouds, what a clean day, everyone's face is also a piece of sunshine. On the beach, couples hold hands and greet me; friends walk slowly shoulder to shoulder; children laugh and chase carefreely; elderly people gather in a circle and sing the flower drum drama that they have never tired of singing all their lives...
By the river, a young man was flying a kite with a silk thread in his hand, and she looked up enviously at the bird flying in the air, which was flying proudly and freely. I want to become a bird flying in the air, unrestrained, free to do whatever I want. Yang Yang thought pitifully. Lonely and helpless in this strange city, where is my habitat? She kept asking herself.
The warm sun shone on Yang Yang's body, she did not feel half warm, she only had one thought: without a husband, without children, work is the only spiritual pillar for my survival, and now the remaining spiritual pillar is gone, how can I live?
10.
The abandonment of relatives, the betrayal of friends, the loss of work, the concern for children, all the blows in the past few days have made Yang Yang's spirit that is difficult to regain courage to live suddenly collapse. A man lies sick and lonely in a hotel. HIV-infected people were originally immune to low immunity, and for several days, their mental exhaustion and colds, headaches, and fevers caused Yang Yang's body to decline sharply. She went to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) to check how many copies she had to do a viral load (how much the virus replicates in the body), which was not free and cost $800. In Yang Yang's heart, the money is already used one cent less than one cent, and in the future, she will not be able to find a job, and she must squeeze every penny. Doctors said she had only more than 200 CD4 cells tested, and her immunity was getting worse and worse, so she was hospitalized. It was late autumn, and it was almost the end of the year, and she wanted to go back to her hometown for treatment, where she had her favorite relatives.
She tried to call her parents, her parents did not have half a word of comfort, in addition to the scolding is insults; tried to call the only sister, the phone revealed that she wanted to go to the city where her sister was living and working, the sister in addition to the comfort of a few words, is cold and perfunctory, there is no former sister-in-law to push the heart of the conversation, there is no half welcome to her to go.
She knew that everything would never go back to the past, and the AIDS disease had completely pulled the distance between her and her loved ones. Yang Yang did not go to the hospital, she did not want to lie in the hospital bed and survive. Without the love of her loved ones, the treatment has completely lost its meaning to her.
When the disaster came, all of Yang Yang's dearest and dearest people had an attitude of rejection and abandonment towards her. After tasting everything, the world was cold, and she was completely desperate! The future was full of thorns, and she was walking on thin ice alone. She wanted to have a home, to go back to a home that would give her warmth -- her parents' home, her husband's home. But this poor woman wandered alone outside the house, and no home welcomed her. The way home was so long, she was like a scarf abandoned on the ground, trampled by many people, even if she was lying on the street like a flower child, no one reached out to her...
Yang Yang sat in front of the mirror and carefully cleaned himself up for the last time. I hadn't looked in the mirror for a long time, and the woman in the mirror had a haggard face and no expression, and there was not a single tear again, because she was no longer concerned. Writing off all the past, the only thing that can't be left behind is the stomach of the two young children, and the ruthless barrier of the two ex-husbands makes her thoughts almost suffocate...
Memory is an endless road, all the warmth of the past has long ceased to exist, and the husband's tough and thick chest is, in the final analysis, only a fleeting reliance on Yang Yang. The resentments she once had have become the clouds of the past, and she no longer resents the tight pace of her ex-husband and the little sister next door, leaving her with no way to retreat and go to the end of the road. She pulled out the yellowed diary, which contained a microcosm of the last days she had recorded since she had been diagnosed with AIDS, and she wanted to burn it down and let everything go to waste. She crossed out the last "positive" word, counted, and it was less than twenty, she was too unwilling, what did she do wrong? Even if everything were to start all over again, she wouldn't know what was wrong? She remembered her only QQ friend, "Red Ribbon", and sent it to her.
My heart is really too painful and tired, I just want to let go of everything, for me to let go is a relief, but there are so many people like me who are infected with AIDS for no reason, let her write my story, society is sympathetic to the weak, hoping to win the whole society to care for AIDS patients.
Autumn winds are cold, and love has become a thing of the past. In this season of falling leaves, the air has added a little chill, the cold and warm of the red dust, Yang Yang has gradually seen through, and the yellowing memory has long been mottled and withered.
A few days later, Yang Yang's city where he worked broadcast a notice of searching for a corpse: This evening, an unnamed female corpse was salvaged by the river, aged around 35 years old and about 1 meter 6 tall, and asked the audience who had lost their relatives in front of the TV set to contact the criminal investigation brigade of the Municipal Public Security Bureau as soon as possible.
(On the occasion of the 34th World AIDS Day, dedicate myself to the true story of AIDS people interviewed at zero distance - the third story of "Walking with Ai", because the amount of reading is not large, it will no longer be serialized later, please leave a message if you want to see the story, I have no book myself, I will help you contact Wu Rangxiang, a doctor at Changsha Maternal and Child Health Hospital who cooperated with me to create this book)