Text/Sycamore
Photo/ Stills from the British drama "Downton Abbey"
Do you think love is divided into age or gender? I think there is no distinction, love is love, love is the mutual attraction between two souls, not in the other's conditions, but in what kind of person the other party is.
Just accepting this takes a long time.
In eighteenth-century Britain, Charlotte Brontë was the first to break this situation, believing that love between men and women could be regardless of age, and could even cross status and social class.
In the novel "Jane Eyre", the hero and heroine are more than twenty years apart, already belonging to cross-generational love, and the male protagonist, Mr. Rochester, when he met Jane Eyre, who was only 18 years old, said directly: "I can be your father." ”
But Jane Eyre defended her position on the spot, saying that being young doesn't mean anything, and if you feel older than me, you can override me, then all I can say is that it's your regret.
Simple conversation not only lays the foundation for Jane Eyre's personality, but also refreshes our view of love. True love has no age, no matter how many years apart, there is a possibility of love.
If we cannot look at this matter as equals, it can only show that we are too narrow-minded.
The famous sociologist Li Yinhe specifically talked about married life in the fourth unit of the book "Li Yinhe Says Love", and in the third lecture, he talked about sister-brother love and cross-generation love.
The content of this lecture can let us see the many forms of love, and also let us understand why some young girls like uncles, while some mature middle-aged women prefer young and small fresh meat.
At the beginning of the lecture, Li Yinhe first talked about the problem of cross-generational love, giving an example of Yang Zhenning and Weng Fan, the two have a fifty-four-year-old age difference, which can basically be called grandfather and grandson love.
Because of this, they have suffered a lot of criticism, but think about it, what did they do wrong? Who has offended and who has been hurt? No, they just fell in love and then together, that's all.
People have opinions about them because they are judged by their own narrow ideas and then show a sense of self-righteousness. In fact, love is equal and there should be no form of discrimination.
To this end, Li Yinhe said: "I hope to spread the concept that the concept of the equality of love is that all love is treated equally, whether it is the same sex or the opposite sex, whether it is the same age or across generations." It is not the same age of love that is higher, and it is not that the cross-generational is inferior, which has no reason. ”
Sister-brother love is even more the same truth, and should not suffer any discrimination. It's just two people in love, and the two people are different in their youth, older, or younger, what does it matter? What really matters is the fit of the soul and the character, not the fit of age.
Before talking about sister-brother love, we may wish to think about such a question: Why does a young girl, if married to a middle-aged uncle, we will not feel particularly abrupt? Does it feel a little sweet?
The uncle and Lori in the movie "This Killer Is Not Too Cold" have touched many people, and many people have been envious, many young girls will be attracted by mature and wise middle-aged uncles, and feel that such men are attractive and secure, not only suitable for love but also suitable for marriage.
But what about the other way around? If a young lad likes a middle-aged woman with intellectual elegance, we will feel unacceptable, and even feel that this young man wants to take shortcuts, and this middle-aged woman, there is no love at all.
Why? Isn't it because of the stubbornness and prejudice in everyone's bones?
Everyone thinks that it is normal for young girls to like uncles, because uncles have successful careers, maturity and charm; while young lads like middle-aged women are not normal because he wants to take shortcuts.
A closer look will find that in fact, in the final analysis, this is still the inequality between men and women, if we can look at the gender difference between men and women equally, and look at every love equally, there will not be such a big prejudice.
The youngest president in French history, Macron, became president at the age of forty, while his wife was twenty-four years older than him, already sixty-four.
We would say, does this president eat soft rice? No, he has such high achievements that the person he marries is just someone he likes and has nothing to do with her age.
In the same way, middle-aged women like young little fresh meat, but also because of love, attracted by some shining points in each other' bodies. This kind of attraction will stimulate their own joy and confidence in life, so as to become psychologically young and energetic. There is no other reason than that.
Li Yinhe also mentioned a set of statistics in the content of the chapter: in 1990, the marriage of men and women in China accounted for 70%, while only 13% of women and men accounted for 13%, and the rest were of the same age, accounting for 17%.
By 2010, the number of women and girls had grown from 13% to 40%, while the number of women and girls had decreased from 70% to 43%, while the same age was still 17%.
In a world of only twenty years, the ratio of marriages between men and women and marriages between women and men is basically the same. It shows that people's ideas and concepts are changing, and we are no longer bound by youth, but know how to pursue people and feelings that are truly suitable for us.
So now, middle-aged women say that they want to find young little fresh meat, which is no longer unusual, which is extremely normal.
They look for the type of man they like, and men can also find the type of woman they like. Even if it is the same gender, it does not matter, love, there should be no youth and sexism.
As Li Yinhe concluded at the end of the article: "Youth discrimination is actually an oppression of human nature, if a man has a love affair with a woman who is a few years older than him, or even many years older than him, what reason do we have to oppose it?" In the face of love, any reason for opposition is not as important as love itself. ”
The innovation of people's ideas and concepts needs to go through a long time, if you can, I hope that in our era, we can be relatively open, tolerant, do not take age too important, compared to the age difference, we should care more about whether two people are really suitable.
Whether we are in love or married, our ultimate goal is to live happily, so why care about those external conditions and factors? Look a little wider, in order to get closer to the happiness you want.
Li Yinhe as a sociologist, many views are based, if you are also emotionally frustrated, you may wish to check out this "Li Yinhe Says Love". From a sociological point of view, she dissected many of the emotional problems that we usually encounter, which benefited us a lot and was enough to refresh our original concepts.
Li Yinhe says love Li Yinhe wrote ¥45 purchase
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