The separation of life and death is the great sorrow of life, especially the "loss of father at an early age, widowhood in middle age, and loss of children in old age" is the most serious: the loss of dependence on the father at an early age; the loss of love in middle age; the loss of hope in old age. Throughout the ages, even celebrities and great people have difficulty in getting out of it.
After the Qin Dynasty's Meng Jiangnu learned that her husband Fan Xiliang was accidentally killed because he was conscripted to repair the Great Wall, the cry of grief caused the Great Wall to collapse. In modern times, there is a famous widow Lu Xiaoman, after her husband Xu Zhimo died in a plane crash, she was no longer married and used opium to anesthetize her body and mind all day long.
There is a writer whose works have been popular in the three places across the Taiwan Strait since the 1980s and 1990s, but this has not exempted the misfortune of middle-aged widowhood.
Since then, her life has lost its color. Later, even with her cheerful and optimistic nature, warm and kind family, warm and friendly friends and colorful spiritual world, she could not really save her from her grief and finally committed suicide.
She is Sanmao.
Pray for the three hairs
Sanmao once explained his pen name this way: "The reason why it is called Sanmao is because the articles I write are only worth three cents." "Her humor, optimism and humility are evident.
However, Sanmao's writing is far more than worth more than three cents. From the late 1980s to the mid-1990s, the mainland atmosphere gradually opened up, and the Hong Kong and Taiwan regions have also been "lifted."
At this time, a female writer from Taiwan, with both talent and appearance, with a legendary life and exotic style, "invaded" the book markets of the two sides of the strait and three places almost overnight: "The Story of the Sahara", "The Rainy Season Will Not Come Again", "Gentle Night" and so on.
Rest of the three hairs
With those words full of freedom and optimism, placed on the desks and bookshelves of countless people, a nice name is becoming more and more known to everyone: Sanmao.
People relish the strange things that this woman experienced after becoming "Sanmao", and admired the dashing and open-mindedness between her words, but not many people could see Sanmao's life before "becoming Sanmao".
On March 26, 1943, Japanese bombers hovered over Chongqing, and Miao Jinlan, the wife of lawyer Chen Siqing during the war, was in production. Miao Jinlan eventually gave birth to a baby girl, she is the second daughter of this family of three, Chen Siqing looked at her lovely daughter and named her "Chen Maoping".
When Maoping reached the age of 5, the family decided to move to Taiwan. Since then, the Chen family has naturally become a Taipeier. War and life without a fixed place seem to paint Xiao Maoping's life with the background of "wandering" and "misfortune", but at this time she still can't know.
Cute little Sanmao
Maoping grew up to 7 years old during Taipei's rainy season and the sun, and he had to go to primary school. Since she couldn't write her own name, she changed her name to "Chen Ping" without permission. The father who spoiled his daughter acquiesced to this, but he also secretly felt that this child was extraordinary.
There's a lot more special about this kid. She seems to be interested in the dark, bloody, mysterious things: she loves to watch sheep slaughter, she loves to play in cemeteries, she loves to pick up garbage... Her parents had worried that this would make her personality gloomy, but when she saw that her daughter was not abnormal, she stopped thinking about it.
Compared with her childhood hobbies, Chen Ping's dark teenager was the nightmare she had not walked out of for many years.
Like many children, Chen Ping's math has always been bad, but his Chinese scores are surprisingly good. Today, it seems that this may only be an innocuous "partial subject", but also a sign of her literary talent. But in that era of backward educational thinking, this undoubtedly caused her to be humiliated and corporal punishment for her math teacher.
Because Chen Ping often failed the exam, the math teacher insulted her in front of the whole class on weekdays, and the classmates did not think much of it. Strict tutoring made Chen Ping unable to tell his family about the grievances he had suffered, and he could only hide silently in his heart.
One day, Chen Ping decided to try to memorize all the math problems in the textbook, so that he could "shame before the snow" on the test. Sure enough, she got a perfect score. However, the math teacher could not believe that this was her own test result.
Juvenile Sanmao
The teacher forced Chen Ping to admit that he had cheated in front of the whole class, otherwise he would have to beat the palm of his hand. Chen Ping was eventually "beaten into a confession", and she drew two large circles around Chen Ping's eyes with ink, making her "eat duck eggs", and even asked her to hang a sign on her chest that read "I cheated" on the track and field field.
Thirteen-year-old Chen Ping, who has the strongest self-esteem, can bear this insult. She was so angry that she cried, and the next morning when she went to school, she passed out at the class door. Fear of her math teacher, her studies, and her school made her never go to school again.
Throughout his adolescence, Chen Ping spent it claustrophobically in the courtyard of his home, in the small boxy world. Her family transferred schools and saw a psychologist for her, but none of them worked. She became a young girl who was "off track".
Chen Siqing's family has always been a good godfather, even if they are claustrophobic at home, Chen Ping's study has not stopped. Chen Ping could not go to school, so her father guided her to learn ancient poetry and English, and Chen Ping herself loved to read, almost all the books on the market at that time.
In order to ease her heart knot, 15-year-old Chen Ping was sent to his father's friend painter Gu Fusheng to learn oil painting and Chinese painting. The color of the painting is smeared on the paper, and the color of life enters the heart. Chen Ping slowly stepped out of the shadow of autism, and her happy father began to encourage her to write.
Finally, 17-year-old Chen Ping, because of her outstanding literary talent, was granted permission by Zhang Qiyun, the founder of the Chinese Culture University, to audit the philosophy department. Chen Ping seized this hard-won opportunity to go to school, studied hard, and his grades were even better than those of regular students.
Three years later, Chen Ping took another break from school. This time, it was no longer because of fear of school, but because I was ready to go abroad to study at the University of Madrid in Spain. The golden sunshine of southern Europe, the desert of the Spanish Sahara, and the free atmosphere of foreign countries made Chen Ping feel sincerely happy.
Sanmao studied in Spain with his roommate
At this time, she was in her prime, and she also came out of the world, whether yellow or white, they were impressed by her beauty and style. However, Chen Ping's love road is always bumpy. The first love Gu Fusheng was full of emotion, and the love affair with Shu Fan did not have any results.
Just then, the eldest boy, Jose Marian Gro, who was eight years younger, appeared. When I met Chen Ping, he was still in his third year of high school, but he fell in love with this "big sister" at first sight. He confessed to Chen Ping in the snow, asking her to wait for him to finish his military service and then marry her home, but Chen Ping did not agree.
After that, Chen Ping left Spain and went to the German Gothic Academy, where he met a tall and handsome German diplomat. The two were in love, and on the eve of the engagement, bad news suddenly occurred, and her fiancé died in her arms due to a heart attack.
Young Sanmao
Heartbroken, Sanmao traveled to the United States to escape his sad past at the University of Illinois and became a university librarian. At this time, she began to organize the articles of her youth into a book "The Rainy Season Will Not Come Again" and officially published, and from then on, Chen Ping became "Sanmao".
After several twists and turns, Sanmao returned to Spain, which had been separated for a long time. To her surprise, Jose, a young boy who had not yet lost his childish spirit, had now grown into a mature diving engineer.
Jose was still as elated as he had been when he saw Sanmao, and he opened his arms to hug his lover tightly. Sanmao pushed him away, sadly telling him that his heart had been broken. Jose pointed to his chest and smiled, "Here's one, made of gold, you take it!" ”
Sanmao is in love
One sentence touched Sanmao. They began a hot love affair, and Sanmao, who could have returned to Taipei, was also touched by his fiery love. At this time, she even felt that in the desolate desert of the Spanish Sahara, there was a lingering "nostalgia of the past life", which attracted her tired.
She invited Jose to join her in the Sahara Desert. In 1974, they registered their marriage in the Spanish Sahara desert town of Ayoune and settled in the town. A few years later, due to civil unrest in Spain, he moved to the Canary Islands.
In the same year, her essay "The Story of the Sahara", which described what she had seen in Spain, was published in the newspaper Lianhe, and she became famous in one fell swoop. Encouraged by the editors of Lianhe Bao, she published books on the same subjects as "The Weeping Camel" and "Scarecrow's Handbook", which were also enthusiastically received.
Sanmao and Jose in the Sahara
However, after only six years of such a happy life, death was closed.
In the Mid-Autumn Festival in 1979, on the occasion of the reunion of thousands of families, Sanmao experienced a farewell with his lover. Jose was tragically killed in a diving operation, and waited at home for him to come home for the holiday, but only saw his cold body.
The grief-stricken Sanmao cried until she fainted, and while she called Jose's name, she wiped her lover's body for the last time with a tear-soaked handkerchief, and as she cried out in pain, Jose's eyes actually flowed blood, as if he knew it. With the support of his parents, Sanmao returned to Taipei.
Sad Sanmao
Without Jose, Sanmao lost his soul. It is rumored that when Jose died, Sanmao already had two children, but due to excessive grief, Sanmao miscarried.
She originally had a gynecological disease, and since then she has lost her fertility, and later sought medical treatment many times because of the disease of the uterus, which is undoubtedly another blow.
Family and friends are very considerate of Sanmao's difficulties, and Sanmao also tries to cheer up. After returning to Taiwan, she successively taught at the Cultural University, published new works continuously, was invited to travel to Latin America to write columns, and gave lectures everywhere... Her life was busy and fulfilling.
Sanmao was interviewed
It seems that Sanmao has completely stepped out of the shadow of a middle-aged widow.
However, the pain in her heart was known only to herself. Sanmao has a strong suicidal tendency, as early as a teenager with scissors suicide attempts, fiancé died and tried to take medicine martyrdom, Jose also once wanted to live after his death.
The complicated life did not dilute her thoughts of her deceased husband, and the mysterious events she saw around the world made her believe in psychic things, and the "supernatural phenomenon" after Jose's death was also used as a signal that she could "meet him through witchcraft".
At the same time, due to her fame, she has also attracted various controversies. From the authorities to her "collaborating with the enemy" on her trip to the mainland, to letters from readers questioning her "fictitious sweet love," literary colleagues have shown no mercy in judging her.
Sanmao travels in Chongqing
The script she gave high hopes, "Rolling Red Dust", was made into a movie after it was published, but the response was mediocre. In the face of media interviews, Sanmao's mouth was light and breezy, but his heart was really too unwilling to go.
The gynecological diseases that had accumulated over the years deteriorated as she grew older, and Sanmao developed endometrial cancer inherited from the family. She was often injured at work and in office, physically ill, and mentally weakened.
The shadow of a teenager, the fate of wandering, the trauma of widowhood, the high-pressure life, the setback of career, etc., all kinds of events struck together, so that Sanmao suffered from severe depression.
On January 4, 1991, Sanmao was again admitted to Taiwan Veterans General Hospital for endometrial hypertrophy, and the doctor told her that it was not cancer, but Sanmao could no longer sustain it. The next day, her stocking-choked body was found in the hospital room, and the police concluded that she had committed suicide.
In Sanmao's last letter to her friend Xiao Ping before her death, she wrote: "Today's things, with all my heart, dedication, and best efforts, no matter what the results are, we should happily go to bed and sleep, I want to leave." "There is no sign of wanting to commit suicide.
And her phone call, which was not received, did not reveal any abnormality.
After Sanmao's death, some readers speculated that Sanmao was actually murdered to death, but there was always no sufficient evidence. And her mother, Miao Jinlan, also said firmly in an interview: "My daughter will not commit suicide." ”
However, after carefully reading Sanmao's last letters and words, her determination to die was actually clear: she was very satisfied with her life, but she was already tired, and death was nothing more than going to bed for her. Also, go meet your beloved Jose.
Perhaps, this is also the best ending she has planned for herself. However, there are some regrets: if she had not decided to leave at that time, would we have seen more of her works? Life is precious, no matter what you experience, don't give up easily.