People are social animals, we have lived in a variety of relationships since birth, when we were young, we had a father and mother, and when we grew up, we also entered our new intimate relationships and looked for a lover who would accompany us for a lifetime.
Two people just met is always very beautiful, you may experience a period of ambiguity, there will be a period of sweetness after formal love, after the mystery disappears in the later stage, you will see the real other party, there will be some disputes and contradictions.
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You'll be holding a model of your ideal partner on each other, but the other person is not your doll, and you may argue about it.
We crave intimate relationships, and when a real partner can't meet our own needs, we develop frustration and go down two different paths.
The first is to chase your own needs endlessly, manipulate others if necessary, try to take what you can, and choose to compromise when other methods fail;
The second is to understand your true self, let go of expectations, use communication to achieve a mutually satisfactory result, and always make your own happiness with your partner a priority choice.
Most people don't choose one path to the end from the beginning, but jump back and forth between the two paths to choose the most advantageous way.
But there are also people who choose the first path, pay attention to personal needs, and constantly ask their partners to adapt to meet their own needs, during which they will quarrel with their partners or control each other.
If after a long period of running in and transforming each other, the other party still will not give what they want, then they will have a resentment towards each other in their hearts, and even take the initiative to end the relationship, which is self-exile.
Self-exile is a product of the failure of both sides.
A similar sense of self-exile may have been experienced when we were young, and if you experienced severe depression as a child, you thought that no matter how hard you tried, the people around you would not meet your needs.
At that time, you will think that all your efforts have been wasted, then you may simply choose to give up.
Since we have experienced self-exile as children, it means that we have found a way to deal with heartbreak, that is, to emotionally alienate people who are unwilling to meet their needs.
Later, when you grow up and enter a new intimate relationship, you still long to establish a unique emotional connection with this person, but when one day a strong feeling of powerlessness overwhelms you, you may choose self-exile.
Intimacy is very important for each of us, and when we enter into an intimate relationship, it is easy to evoke your deepest emotional experience, and the closer you are to your partner, the more likely you are to remember the powerlessness of your childhood.
(Feelings of powerlessness form because you believe you're not important enough, so your dad, mom, or other family doesn't love you.) ）
Failed intimate relationships make people feel that they are very failed, when you do not feel the warmth of love, the conversation between two people is also lack of vitality, no benefit, you can not feel that you are truly accepted, it is easy to give up the relationship.
(In intimate relationships, this experience of wanting to give up because of failure and powerlessness is a clear indicator that the process of introspection has begun.) ）
But not all people choose to abandon their partner after feeling defeated.
In the depths of some people's hearts, their partners are the most unique, and the tacit understanding they have cultivated for a long time, the intimacy of two people, and the youth years they have walked together are worth more than anything.
If you use intimacy as a way to learn unconditional love, then your own determination can get you through this difficult time, and in order to experience better happiness and intimacy, you will not easily give up your other half.
On the other hand, when idols and ideals are disintegrated, fantasies dissipate, and you only use the other party as a tool to provide personal satisfaction, then when encountering emotional frustration, it is easy to think of "I chose the wrong person", "I should leave", "it is over".
No matter how you want to properly handle this difficult situation, it is not easy to have a good intimate relationship.
At this stage, you may feel that these levels are like impossible tasks, the traps in the subconscious seem to be innumerable, and all the efforts seem to be in vain.
But don't worry, calm your mind, patiently search, and one day you can find an optimal solution.
It is not easy to meet the right person, and it is good and cherished. In the long process of staying together, everyone is trying in their own way to make love come to the end. Tried, paid, compromised, tolerated. Do not forget the original intention, for love eternally.
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Saving love is not as difficult as you think.