Quarrel with your partner cold war, become chattering, break the deadlock from 3 aspects to regain marital happiness

Fan Xia Xue private message came to me, she told me that she and her husband have been married for 3 years, after marriage feelings make her more and more suffocated, every time she argues her husband can force her into the kind of chattering and love control of the woman.

Many things are not for Xia Xue repeatedly forcing her husband, the two will never be close, and the feelings are lifeless.

Xia Xue is very helpless for her marriage relationship, obviously the two people have a lot of real life resonance and a beautiful vision of the future before marriage, she wants to change the relationship with her husband, so she found me for emotional counseling.

I asked her the details of her and her husband's usual relationship, and their questions mainly appeared in the expression of emotions.

Xia Xue felt that she had suffered rejection and began to violently stimulate her husband in order to get a little response; after her husband responded, Xia Xue did not understand, the two were deadlocked, in order to escape Xia Xue's attack, his husband closed himself and hid in the shell.

Behind Xia Xue's emotions is the hope that she can connect with her husband, but her husband's reaction makes the two people lose interaction in the connection relationship.

Interaction in our feelings is like dancing, we can see other people's dance steps, but we can't see our own dance steps.

I gave Xia Xue an analysis of their deep inner needs. Each conflict or attack contains a corresponding need.

Will you respond to me when I need you? Can I trust and rely on you? Will you support me? Am I important to you? Will you cherish and accept me? Will you need me?

Once emotionally lost, they will instinctively protest, and one party will constantly ask the other party to satisfy themselves and protest against alienation;

The other side will continue to shrink back to protect itself, in fact, it is resisting your criticism, which forms the picture of you chasing me and running away.

I patiently analyzed and counseled her, and after Xia Xue clarified the dilemma of her marriage relationship, I taught her to break the situation from the following 3 points.

(1) See how they interact with each other from a global perspective.

(2) Understand that the current behavior has brought harm to each other, and let the other party be trapped in the game where you chase me and escape.

(3) Understand the nature of the relationship, name the quarrel, and then work together to resist it.

Finally, according to Xia Xue's specific situation, she was listed with 12 operation methods, so that she could refer to the points to make changes and efforts to repair the communication mode and marriage relationship with her husband.

The most terrible thing about a relationship is not the contradiction, but the cycle in the contradiction.

The way to save is to find the essence of the problem, make efforts and changes to break the dead cycle, reshape the comfortable and natural way of getting along between two people, and regain the confidence in marriage and love.

Through growth and learning, two people gradually learn the ability to love, in the emotional satisfaction of the needs of their partner, the two sometimes divide labor and cooperation, sometimes go hand in hand to manage a happy marriage.

If you're having an emotional puzzle you can't solve, find me and we'll solve it together.