Listen to my mother said, when I was a child, I especially loved to cry, an unfriendly look, a reprimand, I can cry "darkly", and cry for a long time, as if how much wronged, this problem was changed at about 5 years old, the reason is that there is an old grandmother in my hometown, the eyes are deep, my mother told me that the grandmother was too fond of crying when she was a child, and later the eyes became like this.
Since then, I have given up crying, and in the years that followed, I rarely shed tears again, until I had children, and my tear gland function was restarted again.
When I was young, I consciously refrained, and over time, I became immune to crying, and in the circle of friends around me, I had a very "glorious" description of personality: "ruthless, bloodless, no tears."
Dabao also loves to cry, but also the kind of crying at every turn, failing to build blocks, others taking away toys, losing fights with other children or we accidentally snubbed him, etc., all of which use crying to vent and protest, and if you don't coax him, it is difficult to stop crying.
I always thought that he had inherited my genes, but later on careful analysis, I found that he loved to cry and became more and more intense, starting from the birth of Erbao, this kind of crying is actually a manifestation of insecurity, sensitivity, and desire to be paid attention.
One day, my father and I were teasing my brother, and when my brother was smiling and leaning forward, I looked back and found Dabao sitting next to him secretly wiping away tears, and I found that we had snubbed him, so I rushed over to him and asked, "What's wrong, why are you crying?" He sobbed and said, "Neither you nor your father love me anymore." Then I started crying.
Sometimes, I feel that Dabao is too squeamish and unmacholy, especially when he cries more and more vigorously, and always has no patience to comfort and guide. In fact, in this case, Dabao's emotions are the most eager to be concerned, if there is not enough patience to communicate with him at this time, gradually, his feeling of being "abandoned" will become more and more intense, so as to be more convinced: My parents really don't love me when they have a brother.
Danish psychotherapist Ils Sander said that crying is because of high sensitivity. In the face of such a child, parents must not always use a rough way to stop it, because this will only aggravate his mood swings, and will also lead to his inability to vent bad emotions.
The last time she chatted with a friend, she said that her son is also super crying, every time she cries she is particularly annoyed, always want to immediately "extinguish the fire", and use intimidation, blows, humiliation and other ways to stop. For example, "What a man cries and cries", "How old is it, you still cry without moving, you are not ashamed", "Stop me, cry again, I will throw you out" and so on.
Slowly, under her incessant "blowing and bombing", the son finally gave up the problem of crying at every turn. She said that once her small hand was caught in the door, and that kind of pain was known to anyone who had experienced it, and it was really a pain in the heart! If it had been before, her son would have cried heart-wrenchingly, but that time, she saw his son's tears swirling desperately in his eyes, and she could see that he was controlling hard, and looked at his mother's expression and reaction with his eyes wide open.
When the friend looked at it, his heart suddenly hurt so much that he rushed over to hug him, saw that his little hand was caught in the door, and was trying to tell him that "if it hurts, he would cry out", but he heard his son say with a crying voice: Mom, I am very brave, I did not cry.
Hearing the child say this, the friend directly broke down in tears, she said, why don't you let the child cry, crying is a kind of venting, why must the child hold it? At that moment, I suddenly regretted my previous education about "crying" for my children.
Crying is a kind of catharsis of the child's emotions, when facing the child's crying, what we have to do is not to stop it in a hurry, but to calm down, first try to accept his emotions, and then slowly guide and correct.
Sometimes the seemingly ordinary sentence "no crying" may bring harm to the child's psychology, and pass him a signal of "crying is humiliating and wrong", slowly, suppressed for a long time, just like a friend's child, even if they are very sad and helpless, they dare not easily reveal, forcing themselves to mature, to be a good child, which is a cruel thing for a child whose mind and mind are not yet mature!
Russian family psychologist Nadezhda Shulman once said that tears are indeed the most effective "recipe" for relieving mental burdens. We do not blindly encourage, but also do not hate the criticism, let the child's emotions release normally, and let the spirit be relieved.
Most parents in the face of children crying, the psychological hints to the child are usually "crying is not right, crying will be annoying", if parents have been passing this hint to the child, it will be possible to cause some negative impact on the child's physical and mental health development. Therefore, in the face of crying children, parents may wish to do so.
1. Control your emotions and accept your child's emotions
German psychologist Carola Schuster once said: "When a child cries, the first thing that needs to be dealt with is the emotions of the parents." ”
Many mothers can't see their children crying, they are upset when they cry, or an inexplicable fire embraces their hearts, in fact, it is normal to have this feeling, maybe you love your children too much, there is a suspicion of "hating iron is not steel", afraid that if the child continues like this, the character will become weak or indecisive.
In fact, mothers are more worried, children under 2 years old cry mostly because of physiological needs, children over 2 years old, there are many factors hidden behind crying, mothers should calm their minds, first accept the child's emotions, ask the children why they cry, and then guide and educate.
If you really can't control yourself, then simply don't speak, let yourself be emotionally stable before you open your mouth, otherwise, the words spoken on the head of the gas are generally "unheard".
2. Find the reason with your child
I believe that every child cries for a reason, parents need to have a pair of "wise eyes", good at observation and analysis, if you find that the child is just unreasonable to ask for attention, you can ignore it, but also do not get angry, to avoid triggering the child's second degree of emotional fluctuations.
The best way to deal with it is to "ignore it", let his sails have no wind to blow, the child cries for a while and finds that no one pays attention to him, it will gradually calm down, and then come back to him to reason and analyze the reasons.
If the child's crying is "cause and effect", the best way to deal with it at this time is to hug him in the past, allow him to cry for a while, wait until his mood stabilizes and then analyze the reasons, tell him how to deal with this kind of problem next time, and tell him that his mother allows him to cry, but crying will not solve the problem.
3. Give your child time to spend a sensitive period of stages
Dr. Montessori made it clear that "the child has a special capacity to feel at every given time, which motivates him to be sensitive to certain things in his environment, to concentrate and be patient with them, and to turn a deaf ear to other things".
For example, 1.5 years old to 2.5 years old is a language sensitive period, 2 to 3 years old is a sensitive period of self-awareness, and 4 to 6 years old is a sensitive period of interpersonal relationships. He called the critical period of this phenomenon presented by children a sensitive period.
And crying may indicate that the child's stubborn and sensitive period has arrived. When he is defending his own feelings but is not supported, or wants to express his meaning but cannot express it, he will naturally cry and say "no" to you.
So as parents, what we have to do may not be to "do our best" to obstruct and strike, but to maintain a stable mood, make the right guidance, and then wait for the flowers to bloom, believing that the child will become better and better after passing his "sensitive period".