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01
Dale Carnegie said in the book "The Psychology of Interpersonal Communication": "Those who are important have received a lot of care, and for us, we must not only care about those who are important, but also for other relatively important people, because your life is often not supported by the people you think are the most important." 」 ”
For example, many people care about public figures, although you can also care, but the people who support your life are not them, and it is really useful to you to care more about the talents around you, because the people around you are the people who support your life.
In addition, from the perspective of marriage, men can not only care about what their parents want, because you are a family, you do not have to be too deliberate, you can also value them. That being the case, in the case of not neglecting to care for them, you should pay more attention to your wife, because when you have a small family, the person who can really make your life normal and orderly is your wife.
The reason is very simple, but some people prefer foolish filial piety, although they have a wife, but they are not taken seriously, all kinds of things revolve around their parents, obey their parents, which can make their parents satisfied, but the wife will not be satisfied, especially when you quarrel with your wife because of your parents' problems, it is easy to lead to the breakdown of the relationship between husband and wife.
Just like her friend Xiaofen complained to her ex-husband: "I loved a man for five years, but because I had a fight with my mother-in-law, I was divorced on the spot, which suddenly made me feel that my youth fed the dog." I have loved him for so long, paid so much for him, even if there is no merit, there is hard work, and I quarreled with my mother-in-law because my mother-in-law bullied me, and he even blindly protected his mother indiscriminately, which is really too chilling! ”
02
Judging from Xiao Fen's words about her ex-husband Ah Zhuang, her suffering deserves sympathy. However, from a global perspective, she herself is not without any problems.
Some people may be unconvinced, saying that women can do something wrong, there is nothing wrong with loving someone, and women who really love a person should be treated kindly. What I want to say is that everyone is an adult, don't be so childish anymore, there are so many things to take for granted!
In this world, only normal parents will accommodate us because we are childish, others will not, others will tell you the conditions, you want to be treated well by them, you need to pay attention to two problems: one is that you will choose; the other is to make yourself worthy of being treated well.
Let yourself choose, which means: if you have no standards and no principles when choosing love, casually fall in love with a person to say that it is true love, or casually accept a person's love to say that it is true love, unless you are lucky enough to meet a good man, otherwise once you meet a scumbag, your life will not be better.
Make yourself worthy of being treated well, which means: to recognize the fact that others treat you well "conditionally", to put it mildly, you must at least make yourself useful, otherwise you are useless, others are better than you, why should you be kind to you? In other words, people who treat you well when you are useless are most likely ill-intentioned.
Xiao Fen has these two problems at the same time, one does not know how to manage herself, the other does not understand the choice, after falling in love with Ah Zhuang, he believes that he is true love, and a love is five years, five years of hard work and resentment, although it is a lover relationship, but she has invisibly played the role of a servant, and the payment to Ah Zhuang is far more than ah Zhuang's contribution to her.
She naturally thought that if she had spent enough time and paid enough, she would definitely get a good result, but the result disappointed her greatly.
When they got married, she had already begun to be dissatisfied with Ah Zhuang, because Ah Zhuang did not listen to her requests at all, he himself had no opinion, everything was done according to his parents' arrangements, not only made Xiao Fen's face hang up, but also made her mother's family very faceless, and there were many people in her family who talked about it.
The reason why she wronged herself to marry someone was because she missed her old feelings, thought that she had paid for a relationship for five years, and should not give up easily, thinking that maybe she had not insisted on it for long enough, and lied to herself that she should be able to see hope if she insisted on it again. But the result was as she said earlier, only because she had a fight with her mother-in-law, and it was only when her mother-in-law bullied her that she quarreled, ah Zhuang indiscriminately and blindly protected her mother-in-law and divorced her on the spot.
She said that she never thought that Ah Zhuang could be so thin: "I have loved him for so many years and paid so much for him, has he forgotten everything?" Why don't you love me? "It can also be why, just because she chose the wrong person, just because she is not good enough, even Ah Zhuang, who is not excellent, is not willing to cherish her."
Fortunately, after experiencing this failed relationship, she woke up, no longer deceived herself, learned to be thin, divorced her relationship with the past, knew how to manage herself, and knew how to be cautious when facing feelings afterwards, which did not allow herself to repeat the same mistakes.
03
Although everyone may take a detour because of negligence, in terms of feelings, there are too many lessons from the past in front of us, we should not turn a blind eye, know how to learn from other people's emotional experience, you can make yourself less detours.
The kind of emotional problems that Xiao Fen experienced, before her, there were many lessons from the past, all of which were the same as her experience, and the mistakes she made were the same, she was equivalent to re-walking the wrong road that others had taken. In other words, she didn't learn from other people's emotional experiences, but just took care of herself and treated her feelings in the way she thought was right.
No one is born with a good understanding of emotional matters, if we have not been taught, we should learn independently, independently refer to the experience and lessons summarized by predecessors, this method can be used by everyone, you may take a detour without using it.
I hope that other women who have not yet gone through the detours of Xiao Fen can take her as a warning, be cautious in the treatment of feelings, refer to the suggestions of others in the case that they do not understand it, and the experience summarized by the predecessors, treat marriage comprehensively, understand whether men are suitable for marriage, do not blindly read old feelings, do not only judge whether men are right from the perspective of love, but also understand his family and his relationship with his family, so as to know your proportion in his heart, and the proportion of his family in his heart which is more.
For women who have had Xiao Fen's kind of encounter, there is no way to be wrong, can only say, when love is not possible, you should learn to be thin, don't miss the old feelings, don't bother with why he doesn't love you, don't love is not love, accept this fact, he has thin feelings for you, you have more thin feelings than him. With a thin attitude to leave the past apart, with a thin attitude to restart the new life, in order to get the happiness that truly belongs to you.