The beginning of the "disaster"
The Korean film "Miyang" is a highly controversial film, telling the story of the heroine Lee Shin-ae who experienced the death of her husband and son one after another, tried to forgive herself by believing in God, and finally questioned her faith and embarked on the road of revenge under the blow of reality.
At the beginning of the film, Shin Ai takes her son Toshiko from Seoul to her husband's hometown - Miyang to live in the name of love, in order to feel the breath of her husband's life and achieve the fact of healing the pain of losing her lover. Shen Ai said: "Come here, no one knows themselves, you can start over.
For Shen Ai, faith in God is both a tool for self-redemption and the last straw that crushes the soul.
Despite the loss of the dearest lover and child, life still has to go on. When the prisoner who killed his son said to Shen Ai, God has forgiven me! Shen Ai's anger was completely ignited, and he asked, "How can God forgive him earlier than me?" ”
After the faith in his heart is broken, a vicious circle of infinite mourning begins, followed by a series of acts of revenge. Why would Shen Ai, who seemed to be sincerely praying, start to behave abnormally because of the prisoner's words? The reason is that she has never let go of her hatred and always carries the disaster factor with her.
If the role of Shen Ai is put into real life, she is just a representative of all sentient beings.
For example, during the epidemic period, if the company can't sustain itself, you are accidentally laid off, and you think of the pressure of the old and the young, it is inevitable that you will feel waves. You are still worried about work, and you have received a text message to repay your mortgage, do you think it is really too unfortunate?
I believe that 80% of people will have such thoughts, and if this is the case, it means that "catastrophic thinking" is harming you.
So what is "catastrophic thinking"? Next, this article will take you to understand the causes of "catastrophic thinking" and how to deal with it.
In fact, the "catastrophic thinking" manifests itself in the mentality of the victim: using the victim to easily obtain the understanding and help of others. Such people often share their own tragic stories and even hurt themselves.
In action, it is manifested as relying on emotions to make decisions. When faced with stress or conflict, these people are often overwhelmed by negative emotions, sensitive to external stimuli, hesitant, and focused on "what to do if you fail" rather than how to succeed.
Then, after understanding what "catastrophic thinking" is, we need to figure out how this negative thinking actually leads to it.
1. What personality type are you?
In the book "High Energy Posture", it is mentioned that a person's performance after encountering setbacks depends on whether they perceive more opportunities or more perceptions of threats.
Opportunity-aware personality believes that the world around them is full of opportunities and optimistic and positive; conversely, threat-aware personality believes that life is full of obstacles and negative and pessimistic. Therefore, the dividing line from a virtuous circle to a vicious circle depends on what personality type. That is to say, the destructive power of a person without power in his heart is enough to destroy a person in an instant.
There is such a scene in the film: Shen Ai, under the influence of God, decides to go to prison to forgive the murderer of his son, but before he can speak, the murderer preemptively says "God has forgiven him" and looks unrepentant. In that instant, Shen Ai thought that God had deceived her fiercely, completely collapsed, lost faith in God, and her decadence began from that moment.
The disillusionment of faith
There is no doubt that Shen Ai is a threatening personality, and it is also related to her experience as a child.
"When I was 12 years old, when I cried, I was locked up in the bathroom and punished, smoked at home, and knocked myself on the head with a spoon, really..." In Shen Ai's monologue, we can see that she had an unpleasant childhood experience. The shadow of childhood made her afraid of loss, afraid of threats, which also caused her personality to have a tendency to be self-deprecating.
Therefore, in the face of the same unfortunate thing, whether it is positive pessimism or passive slackness depends on the shaping of personality by the original family.
2. Lack of control over adversity
Shen Ai moved to her husband's hometown of Miyang, first to let everyone know the fact that her husband has died, first to open a piano academy, and then to "show off" with her neighbors in a high profile, saying that she wanted to invest in real estate, and kindly suggested changing the style of decoration with the owner of the clothing store, and meeting and chatting with the sisters from time to time. Whether it is a network of people or money, it seems to be very rewarding.
She made such a big fuss just to cover up the pain in her heart. Only by doing so can she give herself a reason to convince herself. In fact, Shen Ai is in a passive position, and she lacks a sense of control over adversity.
Especially after Shen Ai lost her beloved son, she desperately integrated into the Christian church, and every time she looked like a flower, but privately, she saw other people's children, and she couldn't help but feel sad; she would wake up at night in her dreams, and cutting fruit would also deliberately hurt herself.
The Book of Ways to Happiness mentions that if life constantly hits you and makes you think you cannot be changed, it is called learned helplessness.
Obviously, after Shen Ai's faith was shattered, all the trajectories of life changed, and he fell to the bottom in an instant.
3. Lack of contrarian quotient
In such a short period of time, Shen Ai not only opened up contacts for herself, but also opened up the money vein, indicating that her IQ is not low, and her emotional intelligence is also good. Why can we stagnate when we encounter setbacks, or even give up on ourselves? The reason is her lack of contrarian quotient.
Inverse quotient refers to the ability to react to adversity and transcend difficulties.
And in the face of adversity, you may find that when people are uplifted, they like to beat chicken blood and shout slogans, and this excitement is called the post-group effect, which is precisely a dangerous channel when adversity occurs.
Because this excitement can only last for a while. Just like coffee can refresh the mind, but it can only maintain the state for a period of time. Then the group gets excited, using the noise around them to create sensory isolation, and unconsciously thinks that this feeling is really good.
After Shen Ai became a Christian, it seems that every time the church makes her feel born again. And when I hear the murderer easily say the words "God has forgiven me." Shen Ai began to think that everything was fake and began to "take revenge": stealing tapes, sabotaging the church, and even using his body to seduce pastors as a way to prove God's hypocrisy.
For a long time, Shen Ai lived in what she thought was a false world. Without the protection of God, she immediately lost her umbrella like a rose in a greenhouse, and immediately fell away.
From this point, it can be seen that Shen Ai's contrarian quotient is not high, neither has a correct understanding of adversity, nor does he have the courage to survive in a desperate situation, so continuous suffering is inevitable
Since "catastrophic thinking" has so many negative effects, we must learn how to get rid of the influence of this thinking and start a new life, the following three mental methods can teach you to easily kick away catastrophic thinking:
1. Start a new life in a high-energy posture
If you are passionate about sports events, you will definitely find such a phenomenon: every time the champion wins, he likes to raise his arms high, raise his head and chest, open his arms, and show that he has won; and the losing side will have his shoulders drooping, hunched over his chest, and his spirits are not strong.
Some people say that this is just an action, what does it mean?
The famous American psychologist William James famously said: I don't sing because I'm happy; I'm happy because I'm singing."
Whether he was singing or not, he could feel happy. Because through singing, it causes a change in physical experience, and it is this change that causes the change of emotion.
Psychologists have found that liking to use extended, open postures can not only change psychology and behavior, but also change physiological states; and the longer the compression posture is maintained, the greater the psychological weakness.
The choice of posture is not acquired, but an innate cognition. For each challenge, warm up with an extended posture, such as raising your arms high. By using the power of body language, you pretend to tell yourself that you have "succeeded" until you actually succeed.
2. Master the mind of the person
There is such a Zen master who loves orchids. Once, when he went out on a cloud trip, he gave his beloved orchid to the little apprentice to take care of. The little apprentice did not dare to slacken off and took good care of him every day. But the day before the Zen master returned, he accidentally threw the orchid to the ground and broke it.
The little disciple was very worried, and he was also afraid that the master would be angry and sad, so as soon as the Zen master returned, he informed the master and also made a gesture of being punished. Unexpectedly, the Zen master was neither angry nor punished, but said lightly: I did not plant orchids to be angry. ”
You see, the Zen master didn't agonize over the beloved orchid, he cleverly installed a magical model of the mind of the master. Although the broken orchid is not what you want to see, acceptance is a better choice than anger. Because he understands that no matter what, the moment is the best, and what kind of mentality you choose will have what kind of life. In other words, he is the master of life.
3. Lead tools to improve adversity
Contrarian quotient is not static, and the proper application of lead tools can not only improve the contrarian quotient, but also change the way you deal with adversity.
l: Listen to your adversity reactions
Cognitive psychology holds that the first step to all change is awareness. It's like tickling your boots, and you can't completely scratch the itch without taking them off. If one does not have the ability to be quickly aware of the onset of adversity, then there is no way to change.
So how do you perceive it? For example, if you get stuck in traffic at work and you're worried about being late, you can tell yourself in a strange and exaggerated voice: Adversity is coming. Why use strange sounds? When we were playing in the amusement park when we were young, was it more exciting to hear strange and exaggerated sounds? This strange sound forms a conditioned reflex arc in the brain, stimulates the secretion of dopamine, and immerses people in such an environment.
Therefore, learning to cue ourselves about the coming of adversity is good for us to be good at spotting and enjoying it.
e: Explore your responsibility for the outcome
If you accidentally break a cup and are accidentally stabbed while picking up the pieces, you must feel very weak, right? Can you say that the cup quality is not good? Or complain about the instability of the Earth's center of gravity?
In fact, if you look around, you will find that only you can clean up the mess. When you find that only you can solve the problem, you need to take responsibility.
a: Analyze the evidence
When we face an unsatisfactory thing, we feel anxious in our hearts, and we also make human beings uncomfortable. At this time, try to calm yourself down as much as possible, and launch a soul three questions to yourself: Is this situation really not turning around? How has this had an impact on my life? How long will this happen?
You will find that when the answers to these questions are not absolute, you will suddenly be enlightened.
d: Do something
If you conscientiously follow the first three steps, the last step is to kick the door. By taking action, the brain is brought to life, creating new links to the outside world.
Why let the brain produce new links? Because when we make an effort to do something, the brain will consume a lot of glucose, and the metabolism of glucose will cause the cerebral cortex to shine, and the subconscious mind in the basal ganglia will automatically convert to the consciousness in the cerebral cortex, and it will naturally develop the consciousness of thinking.
Every action of the human being is the result of the action of the brain consciousness, and when we do not need to mobilize the consciousness of the cerebral cortex, a new habit is formed.
"Miyang" is called the secret sunshine in Shen Ai's understanding, but this sunshine does not have the warmth of imagination, and the reason why it is called secret may be cold in Shen Ai's heart.
Everyone has more or less secrets in their hearts, and these secrets may amaze the time, or they may mourn the years. In any case, I hope that everyone can keep the surprise in the long river of life, and also drive away the "catastrophic thinking" that makes us feel stressed and desperate in the brain.