I am Ye Feifei yff, a non-famous emotional teacher, writing emotional texts that take the heart, hoping to use warm words to bring you some spiritual comfort.
Chen Lijie wrote in the book "Intimate Relationship Management":
"The maintenance of intimate relationships is not enough to have love, most intimate relationships have problems, which have nothing to do with love, but large and small problems that occur between the two parties in the process of getting along, which consumes our love, trust, patience and tolerance for each other, resulting in the collapse of intimate relationships."
Indeed, in marriage, many couples can not go on in the end, are in the relationship with a variety of problems, do not know how to maintain intimate relationships, and eventually make the marriage go a strange way.
Once the marriage collapses, the pain brought to men and women is difficult to eliminate in a lifetime, which requires each couple to understand and master the code of intimate relationship between husband and wife.
Generally speaking, we subconsciously think that women are the most afraid of divorce, because once a woman loses her marriage, she loses everything.
Especially in the old days, divorce hurt women even more, as long as women who have had failed marriages, remarrying is almost difficult, and their lives are ruined.
However, this situation has quietly changed, and the harm of divorce to women is no longer as cruel as in the past.
In fact, in today's marriage, men are more afraid of divorce, especially couples after middle age, and men are more afraid to end marriage easily.
Because they think that without their wives, they will get a better woman, but in fact, when he finds another woman to marry, he will return to his previous life, and it is difficult to change.
At that point, men are bound to regret it and pay the price of a lifetime for their previous wrong decisions.
Therefore, both men and women can not easily divorce, do not want to regret in the future, it is best to know more about the intimate relationship solution between husband and wife, may make the marriage more harmonious and happy.
So, after middle age, men and women, who is more afraid of divorce? The answer is obviously men, for the following reasons:
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="23" >, fear of regretting losing his wife</h1>
In the relationship, men are the most capable of weighing the pros and cons, especially middle-aged men, if they really can't live with women, they will consider that they will be happy in their later lives.
If they can't be sure that they will be able to live better than before after losing their wives, they dare not divorce easily.
Usually, men who fail in their marriages will suddenly wake up and feel that what they did was very wrong.
On the one hand, they will find the woman's good after losing the woman, and they used to think that the woman is flawed everywhere, and once they lose it, they will find that she has advantages everywhere.
On the other hand, if they were to find another woman again, they might end up in another unhappy marriage, or even worse off than before.
At this time, they found that the woman they remarried was really far behind her ex-wife.
In order to avoid these risks, men do not dare to easily mention divorce, and will cherish the women around them with great tolerance.
Colleague Mr. Chen and his wife have been married for fifteen years, because his wife often manages him, and there are often conflicts between husband and wife, and he feels that his wife is really annoying.
Therefore, Mr. Chen often chatted with a female colleague to relieve the bitterness in his heart. Over time, Mr. Chen found comfort in other women, feeling that she understood him and understood him better than his wife.
In the end, Mr. Chen and the female colleague had an ambiguous relationship, and when his wife learned about it, the two had a big fight.
Mr. Chen did not think about it so much, and in a rage, he proposed a divorce, and his wife did not pester, only said that he would not regret it in the future, turned around and left.
Originally, Mr. Chen thought that he would have a better life, but reality soon gave him a painful blow.
When he was with his female colleagues, he discovered that the woman who understood him and understood him was more nagging than his ex-wife, and that even his salary and social networking were limited.
After experiencing countless quarrels, Mr. Chen's heart gradually grew cold, he thought he had found love, but he did not expect to fall into more painful feelings.
At this time, he discovered the goodness of his ex-wife, and suddenly felt that his ex-wife was so considerate of him and loved him so much. However, it was too late, and he could no longer save his ex-wife's heart, leaving a lifetime of regrets.
Therefore, many times, men after middle age will actually be more afraid of divorce than women, and once they lose their wives, their lives and feelings may be worse later.
When weighing the benefits and losses, men will not take this risk, rather than regretting it in the future, it is better to cherish the women around them.
After all, the ex-wife has many shortcomings, but she is a person who always thinks about him, and the relationship between husband and wife for many years also has a deep foundation and can withstand the test of reality.
If you leave your wife in a hurry, even if you get married again in the future, you may never find someone as caring as your original partner.
If the pain will come again, then why not cherish the present? This is why middle-aged men are even more afraid to divorce, and they are really afraid of regretting it in the future.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="103" > second, fear of losing your property and being discredited</h1>
For men after middle age, their reputation and future are very important, and if after the divorce, it will make them discredited, they really can't afford it.
At that time, they will lose not only their property, but also their reputation and future, and they will be looked down upon by others for the rest of their lives.
Moreover, if men are at fault, the loss of property will be enormous, and they may also be able to get out of the house, and if so, they may even have problems with their lives.
Although men can always find a job to support themselves, their old employer may not use him again, and it will not be so smooth to find a job again.
It can be imagined that at this time, men's lives must be very sloppy, and it is difficult to make certain achievements.
Especially men who have a certain career and status in themselves, once their future is affected by marital problems, they are likely to become nothing overnight.
This kind of blow is something they can't afford, and it also makes them dare not divorce easily.
Therefore, men after middle age will really weigh these gains and losses, they will not be impulsive like young boys, but know how to think deeply.
If ending a marriage doesn't give them a bigger sweetness and doesn't bring them a happier life, they won't make decisions easily.
A man's greatest confidence is nothing more than having money, and if they become nothing, they may not even have the dignity of life.
In this society, when you succeed, everyone will praise you, and once you have nothing, anyone may come and step on you, and this is the reality.
Men after middle age understand this truth better, they have experienced too many people and things, naturally can distinguish between the heavy and the heavy, will not let themselves fall into this desperate situation.
Therefore, men after middle age, compared to women, they are really more afraid of divorce.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="104" > three, fear of losing the love of children</h1>
What is a man's greatest success? It is nothing more than having children, which is unmatched by any career.
No matter how much you have achieved, if you don't even have your own children, or if you have completely lost the love of your children, then you are a failure.
The love of children is the truest love in this world, and men after middle age naturally know this very well. Aren't they desperately trying to live a better life for their children in the future?
However, if they divorce a woman, it may be difficult for them to get the full love of their children. At any time, the mother will always be the child's dearest person, and no one can compare.
From the moment you break up with a woman, the harm caused to the child will linger for a lifetime.
Once the child sees you as a hostile relationship and is no longer so close to you, or as time goes by, they are completely disappointed in you, maybe you really lose their love.
At this point, what else do you have? No matter how much money and no matter how big the cause, it can't be exchanged for the hearts of children, isn't this the biggest regret in life?
Therefore, for men after middle age, they really dare not divorce easily, because they cannot afford to lose the love of their children, and this pain is the most painful.
Moreover, once the child follows the mother, when she remarries in the future, the man will also worry that the child will not be good, and they will be uneasy for the rest of their lives.
If a man can't even protect his own children, this is a kind of failure of men, when you know that your children are not living well, being blinded, and being bullied, how much pain should your heart be?
So, men after middle age, they are really afraid of divorce, they watch their children grow up, how can they not want them to be hurt.
When men really consider these problems, they dare not end the marriage easily, preferring to be patient for the sake of the children, and dare not gamble on the happiness of the children.
It is said that the father's love is great, that is, the more mature the man, the more he will take care of the love of his children, and they will surely maintain the integrity of the family.
Ye Feifei yff emotional message:
There's a saying in The Management of Intimate Relationships: "Whether you're single, in love, or married, managing intimacy is an ability we must have." ”
Indeed, especially couples after middle age, they need to have the ability to manage intimate relationships, so that you will make your marriage more complete and your life happier.
Although men are more afraid of divorce, but women will also lose a lot of things, if you know that this decision will make each other regret in the future, please cherish the current marriage and maintain it well.
It is recommended to read Chen Lijie's book "Intimate Relationship Management: How to Rationally Deal with Conflict in Intimate Relationships", which condenses the author's years of practical experience in resolving intimate relationships, which every couple should deeply understand and learn.
Intimate Relationship Management (How to Rationally Deal with Conflict in Intimate Relationships) ¥121.38 Purchase
This book can mainly bring you practical experience in four aspects:
One is to clarify the goal of the intimate relationship, recognize the real needs of the self, and help you find a partner who is truly suitable for you. The second is to understand and avoid the risks of intimate relationships.
The third is to learn the methods of conflict management. Through effective conflict management, we help you resolve various conflict problems, so that you can get closer and closer. The fourth is to harvest the wisdom of emotional management, so that you can fundamentally understand the needs behind your emotions and help you adjust your inner state.
In fact, any marriage is not perfect, but we have gradually learned to endure in marriage. As you learn more about intimate relationship solutions, you will also have a deeper understanding of marriage.
Husbands and wives, no matter what, need to understand each other, trust each other, tolerate each other, only in this way, in the long road of marriage, go more calmly.
In this world, no couple will think of divorce at the beginning, and more often in marriage, they have encountered a lot of pain and have not been relieved.
Therefore, between husband and wife, we must learn to be patient and learn to tolerate. Cherish the people around you and give your children a complete home, which is the responsibility and dignity that parents should have.
When the marriage encounters a bottleneck period, the husband and wife can sit down well, face it together, and solve it. If we both want to continue, we must know how to compromise and give each other a chance, maybe tomorrow will be better.
I hope that both men and women can treat marriage correctly and calmly, maintain a good marriage together, and make life happier.
END
Author: Ye Feifei yff, focus on the field of emotion creation and sharing, with emotions to communicate with you and my heart, but I hope you and I know each other here, like please pay attention to me.