Wen \ Mu Xin, Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
The Psychology of Marriage says:
In love and marriage, once the three words "I love you" become the reason and excuse for trying to blackmail, control, and change each other, sooner or later the marriage will lose its balance and go to misfortune and destruction. ”
But many women always seem to be unable to realize, and they can work hard until their original happy marriage is gone.
Now the super high divorce rate has forced the civil affairs department to change the marriage law and set a cooling off period to alleviate impulsive divorce.
Let's leave aside the women who are really suffering in marriage, men who are violent and gambling, as long as they account for any of them, women should divorce early.
However, many divorced women, not how bad their ex-husbands are, but their own high heart, they feel that they are always right in marriage, but where men do not obey, that is, do not love themselves, and themselves, why must they endure this man who does not love himself? "Afraid of what, the next one is more obedient", the "good girlfriends" around them are mixed again, they begin to have a variety of expectations and the beauty of the next, there is a divorce to be worthy of themselves, and the happiness ahead is beckoning.
But reality is not a dream, and it is useless to think beautifully. Most ordinary women after divorce, found that they did not find happiness, but not as good as the original standard, when the hardships of life hit wave after wave, this is to see the cruelty of reality, the original divorce, really can not be their own waywardness.
Neighbor ChenChen's mother Xiaolan is this kind of woman, divorced for many years, happiness has not come, but the hard work of raising a family has destroyed her into a woman who has been weathered by wind and frost.
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"Someone once said that the feelings between men and women are like a game."
This is true in The Psychology of Marriage. The so-called game is the PK of the east wind and the west wind, then either the east wind overwhelms the west wind, or the west wind overwhelms the east wind. Xiao Lan knows this well, and she thought about finding a man to be good before she got married.
Xiaolan's life is much better than her peers, and her parents are also a girlfriend. Therefore, before marriage, he bought her a large square meter house, and he was usually pampered to her.
Naturally, her mate selection is also much better than ours, after a "princess to recruit relatives" screening, the down-to-earth guy into her Dan Phoenix eyes, next, marriage and children, and everyone is no different.
If love is sweet, then marriage is definitely mixed with Huang Lian. There is no complete overlap between the personalities and ways of doing things between men and women.
Daqing this man is a bit like Wang Qiuyu in "Goodbye Lover", treating Xiaolan very well, but there is no honey on his mouth, and sweet words are always not up to standard.
When she first got married, Xiaolan felt that she was better married than the girls around her, and she had not been "embarrassed" by Daqing, but to show off this thing, she had to increase the number of layers to make people feel a sense of accomplishment.
Soon, Xiao Lan's requirements for Daqing increased, not only to hand over the money earned to her, but also to turn into a twenty-four filial husband when she returned home, and on the basis of doing a good job in housework, she had to coax her.
After Daqing returned from the night shift, he was sleepy, just wanted to slow down, and did not have extra energy to take care of Xiaolan's emotions.
At most, after waking up, do cooking and washing dishes, and then, Xiaolan has something to do, Daqing also tries his best to do it, sometimes he does not care, and will forget the things that Xiaolan explained.
Xiao Lan did not rely on it, and the flames of the quarrel with Daqing began to burn, from unable to communicate to unbearable, the more the two people quarreled, the more they quarreled with each other, but in the end, it always ended with Daqing apologizing to Xiaolan and apologizing.
Subsequently, having a child, Xiao Lan felt that in Daqing's eyes, the daughter was more important than her, so three sentences were not finished, the war was burning again, Xiaolan's mother-in-law's health has been bad, so the child has always been Xiaolan's mother belt, a quarrel, Xiaolan directly pointed at Daqing's nose and scolded her mother-in-law, which eventually led to the always good temper of Daqing slamming the door.
There is a saying in "The Psychology of Marriage" that is really brilliant:
"For the controller, what they fear most is that the controlled person has a tendency to be independent."
Xiao Lan, who is deeply involved in the emotional whirlpool, can't see these, so the two words of divorce, she blurted out, that is, from that time on, these two words were planted like seeds into Xiao Lan's heart, the child is only one and a half years old, she is clamoring to divorce Daqing.
Men are originally decision-making species, in a small blue clamor, the two people talked quickly, really divorced. In the past few years, there was no divorce cooling-off period of legislation, as long as you go to the Civil Affairs Bureau, you can shoot two scattered, two people divorced very smoothly, but after Xiaolan's remarriage, it is difficult to say a word.
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The current situation of more men and fewer women makes Xiaolan's mate selection road still smooth. In half a year, Xiaolan had seen more than a dozen, and there was a young man who was not bad, but she had only been together for a month, and she picked out a lot of problems with others, so she refused.
Xiao Lan is a little annoyed, where are the good men, how is it different from what they expected?
And what about Daqing's side? He actually felt that the strong point on Xiao Lan's mouth was not a big deal, and he also took the initiative to ask for peace once, but Xiao Lan did not want her ex-husband to affect the progress of his blind date, hurt Daqing with very ugly words, and completely blocked the road to remarriage of her ex-husband.
But after blocking the remarriage road of her ex-husband, XiaoLan's blind date road is not as beautiful as before, the seven aunts and eight aunts have searched for resources, and the friends have also interviewed one by one, and Xiaolan has beaten the sun.
From the beginning of seeing the blind date man side to seeing two or three sides, confirming that there is no feeling before sending it off. Even so, her "battle situation" is still not optimistic, until the child is 8 years old, Xiaolan found a man who is still passable.
Men earn money well, for the little blue ladies no problem. It's just that, after all, there is a layer of separation of hearts, men spend money, and naturally want to treat them both in their own way.
The girl was spoiled by Xiaolan, and she talked and did not have any edges. Men really live their lives, so they discipline their daughters very strictly and are not soft at all.
When the daughter is lazy and does not study, the man dares to train and fight. Under the education of men, the little girl is growing up day by day, but the child can't see her own changes, only remembers that men beat her.
After the daughter secretly told XiaoLan, Xiao Lan was angry, but when she saw that the child's grades came up, she also put up with it.
Once Xiaolan came home, just happened to encounter a man beating a child, Xiaolan trance felt that the man was angry at himself by hitting his own girlfriend. Suddenly did not hold back, the two people had a big quarrel, the man slammed the door and left, the two people slapped and scattered.
Later, Xiaolan met a man who was good to their mother and daughter, but the man put his arms around his daughter and kissed her for the second time, which made Xiaolan shudder, so until now, the children are in the fourth grade, and Xiaolan has not yet found a suitable man.
And the parents are old, and they can't continue to help with the patch belt as before, Xiaolan began to regret his original willfulness, and inquired about the situation of her ex-husband in a roundabout way, which made it clear that people had long been married and had children. When shopping, XiaoLan saw their family of three from a distance, and her heart was very unhappy.
I didn't expect that with a girlfriend, the conditions are good, and it will be so difficult to remarry? Xiao Lan couldn't figure it out, and the complicated trivia made her temper more strange.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="74" >03.Mei Niang said</h1>
"We need to understand that he is your partner, but at the same time he is himself. He has an independent consciousness, has his own personality and preferences, has his own dreams and plans, these are all important parts of him as a person, is the biggest charm in him. ”
Yes, he is not our slave, but an equal partner like us, his personality and preferences need our respect, his dreams and plans need our support, and his charm needs our appreciation, rather than allowing us to reprimand, enslave and transform.
Women are too aggressive and picky, and you won't find a man, unless, of course, you don't care at all.
I like a quote from The Psychology of Marriage:
"The most perfect control is to try not to control."
Marriage Psychology Whether you want happiness or right or wrong Yu Sicheng Marriage and Family Management, Encouragement ¥39.6 Purchase
Just like the sand in your hand, the harder you try, the faster it will drain, if we put it in our hands at random, don't pay too much attention to it, it stays firmly in the palm of our hands.
The philosopher Zhou Guoping once said:
"Marriage is hard. Love is only a matter of feelings, but marriage is the result of the cooperation of feelings, reason, and will. Therefore, a happy marriage must be much rarer than a happy love. ”
Yes, marriage needs to be managed. We women don't have to understand that people can't be too naïve until after divorce. The truth you need to know is that most women in this world can't find the ideal man after a lifetime. But so what?
Su Qian said:
"As a woman, it is normal to regret marrying, but marrying regret does not mean that you are married badly!" 」
Yes, since we are ordinary people in the world, then see our own strength, manage a very ordinary but real happiness within the scope of our ability, even if we may have some regrets after marriage, but don't easily deny the men around us, as long as he has a certain shining point, we all have to pay attention to, don't always think of suppressing him, and finally let his heart get farther and farther away from us.
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I am Mei Niang, your most intimate emotional counselor, if you have emotional confusion, please send me a private message, Mei Niang will take you out of the confusion.