Parents divorce and fight for children have a new problem

Source: Beijing Evening News

Fearing a lonely person, asking two children to be companions is an important reason for many parents to have two children. However, the good intentions have made some two-child couples put forward new demands when their relationship breaks down and divorce disputes occur - although the couple can't do it, the two children must live together! This means that both children have to be raised by one person, and the battle for custody is even more intense. Can two children be raised by one person? Who is it more appropriate? If one person divides one, how to maintain the affection of two children? And how to ensure that two children have the same level of life and learning? This barrage of questions tests parents whose relationships are broken, and it also tests the judge who decides the case.

▌ New claims for maintenance disputes

No matter who raises the two children must be together

Tong Yun and her husband Li Chen are fighting a divorce lawsuit, the two sides have no common property, the only competition is the custody of their two sons. The two appealed to the judge for the "bottom line" — that the two children must be together, regardless of who raises them.

"Originally, we wanted two children just to let them be companions, but if they were separated, they would deviate from the original intention of having two children, which would not be good for both children." When Tong Yun said this in court, the couple, who had already torn their faces, rarely agreed, and then they began to argue about who was more qualified. The two sides do not give in to each other, which can give way to the judge. Should we respect the couple's opinions and award both children to one person? The two sides are equally powerful, who is more advantageous to raise two children? If it is really awarded to a person, the party who has not received custody loses two children at once, how to bear the huge psychological gap and emotional lack?

In recent years, such glue scenes have increasingly appeared in lawsuits involving the upbringing and visitation of the second child. Judge Cheng Le of the Family Trial Division of the Xicheng Court has repeatedly fallen into the "entanglement" of this kind of trial. Although the dispute over the raising and visitation of two children is not a new product of the two-child era, in recent years, "two children must be together" has become a new demand for many parents of two children on the issue of raising.

Judge Cheng Le introduced that from the perspective of the realistic pressure of raising, the judge is more willing to award two children to each parent. "After all, the effort of one parent to raise two children is not a simple matter of 1+1=2. Even if we explain to both parties during the trial process the pressures that may be faced in raising two children, some people are very persistent. However, from the perspective of child growth, the second child was originally intended to grow up together for two children, if one person divides one, this relationship is also broken, and the feelings between children will be estranged, which is also a lack for two children. ”

"Personally, if both parents specifically insist that two children be awarded to one person and one of them is capable of raising one, I tend to respect their common will." Judge Cheng Le said.

Previously, she had heard a case of changing custody. The couple raises one of their two daughters in the event of an agreed divorce. After the divorce, the man temporarily let the woman raise two children for work reasons. When the man wanted to take the eldest daughter, the sisters said that they would not separate. The woman conveniently filed a lawsuit to request that the child raised by the man be changed to her own. Considering that the woman has a certain financial ability, she has also shown the ability to raise two children in the process of caring for them. Therefore, Judge Cheng Le's final judgment supported the woman's claim.

Judge Cheng Le said that when encountering the appeal of two children awarded to one person, it is afraid that the "hard power" of the two sides is comparable, so the judge will make a more rigorous assessment of the parenting ability of both parties when weighing the overall situation.

▌ Parents carry one each

Don't ignore the emotional needs between children

The demand for "two children together" is not only in the fight for custody, but some divorced couples who raise a child on one side have the same strong will.

Liu Jing and her ex-husband divorced by agreement, but after the divorce, the two parties repeatedly confronted the court because of the child's visitation.

When divorcing, the two sides negotiated that the eldest son would be returned to the man, and Liu Jing would raise the younger son. But after living separately, the younger son frowned all day and often thought about his brother. Liu Jing was distressed about the child and went to find her brother with her younger son, but her ex-husband did not cooperate and did not let Liu Jing take the eldest son.

Liu Jing immediately filed a visitation rights lawsuit, asking the court to order her to visit her eldest son twice a month and receive her residence. Liu Jing's request was supported. The man felt that he had suffered a loss, and immediately filed a lawsuit, demanding that Liu Jing take the eldest son back to his home at the time when he took the eldest son for a visit. Equal to both parties at the same time, swap children.

"Aren't you two children unable to see each other again?" Your visiting requirements are met, how can the needs of the child who wants to play together be met? In court, Liu Jing accused her ex-husband of being selfish.

The man's request to visit the younger son is reasonable and legal, the woman's desire to let the two children have time together is reasonable, and it is more beneficial to the child's physical and mental health, how can a judgment of the best of both worlds be made? This is another problem left for the judge to solve.

Judge Cheng Le told reporters, "We strive to fully consider the practical needs of the two children to enhance their feelings within the framework of the law. As much as possible, let the two children have more opportunities to contact and grow up together. In the end, Judge Cheng Le made a judgment full of legal wisdom, balancing and meeting the needs of both parents and children. In view of the fact that Liu Jing picked up her eldest son for visits in the first and third weeks of each month, the judgment determined that Liu Jing's ex-husband would take his younger son away for visits in the second and fourth weeks of each month. In this way, Liu Jing and her ex-husband have the right to visit with the same frequency and time, but after the visiting time between the two sides is staggered, the two children can live together every weekend. Both sides gladly accepted such a settlement, and neither party appealed.

Judge Cheng Le said that since both parents can think about their children, they should calmly and rationally handle the matters of raising and visiting children. Coordinate time, create conditions for two children to maintain their feelings, grow together, and minimize the negative impact of family breakdown on children.

▌ The pressure of raising two people alone is not small

A new issue arises with the difference in the cost of maintenance

In the past, when two parents raised a child, the last thing the judge had to worry about was the issue of maintenance, and both parties could basically reach a consensus, raise themselves, and do not want money from each other, as the convention is. Recently, new problems have emerged.

In a divorce lawsuit heard by Judge Cheng Le, the custody of the two children between the man and the woman has reached an agreement, one person carries one, but the income gap between the two sides is large, the man's monthly salary is nearly 20,000, and the woman's income is 40,000 or 5,000. The woman requires the man to pay the difference in child support to ensure that the two children are on the same standard of living.

It is provided by law that parents generally pay child support in the amount of 20 to 30 per cent of their monthly income. Those who bear the support expenses of two or more children shall generally not exceed 50% of the total monthly income.

The woman believes that according to this provision, it can be calculated that the amount of maintenance payable by the man is at least 2,000 yuan more than the woman, and the man should pay the difference.

Judge Cheng Le said that now people's awareness of rights has been significantly enhanced, the economic pressure to raise children is not small, and the income gap between some couples is relatively large, so there is a new problem of asking for the difference in maintenance fees.

In the trial of cases involving the maintenance of two children, Judge Cheng Le clearly felt that there was sometimes a gap between the parents' cognition and the legal provisions.

There is a mother, who knows that her income is average, because she is tired of work and it is difficult to take care of her children, and she must insist on fighting for the custody of two children. She thinks that although she can't take care of it, she can hire a nanny to watch the children, hire hourly workers to do housework, and the man has to bear half of the cost anyway.

"This is an obvious misunderstanding." Judge Cheng Le reminded, "The maintenance fee stipulated by law guarantees the basic needs of the child's life, study, medical treatment, etc., and not half of the expenses related to the child are borne by the other party." In the case of after-school tutoring classes, unless both parties agree to it, one party reports to the child's extracurricular classes without authorization, and the other party has the right not to share the cost. ”

Judge Cheng Le reminded that divorced couples should not be impulsive when fighting for the custody of their children, especially the custody of two children, and should calmly and objectively measure their ability to raise their children. If it is more difficult to bear two children financially and energetically, it is necessary to grab the custody of two children, but it will reduce the quality of life of children. (The parties involved in the case are pseudonyms)