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Believe me, everyone in this world has experienced a time of loss, even those who seem to have a good time.
They may have been more lost than you, so lost that they could hardly find their true selves.
American best-selling author Cheryl Steder had such a heart-wrenching experience.
02
As a child, Cheryl lived in an environment full of domestic violence, and her father beat her mother when he was drunk.
She lives in fear of her father, who is her only refuge.
At the age of 6, her mother finally escaped from the house with Cheryl and her brother, but the three of them fell into poverty.
But no matter how much suffering life gave them, the mother was always able to remain warm and optimistic, giving the sisters and brothers unparalleled love.
So under the protection of her mother, Cheryl grew up smoothly, entered college, and married love at the age of 19.
But bad luck struck again, and when she was a senior, her mother died suddenly of cancer.
This change was like a thunderbolt on a sunny day, causing the spiritual pillar of Cheryl, who was only 22 years old, to collapse in an instant.
As a result, she embarked on a path of depravity, tearing up her marriage and life with her own hands.
After more than four years of self-abandonment, she made a life-changing decision: to hike the Pacific Roof (PCT) alone.
It is a famous trail connecting Mexico and Canada, covering a variety of dangerous terrain such as snow-capped mountains, deserts, canyons and forests.
Cheryl didn't give herself the chance to give up.
As a rookie hiker, she embarked on a journey to find herself with a 60-pound outfit on her back.
Later, she wrote this hiking experience into a memoir: "Out of the Wilderness."
The book not only records what she encountered during the hike, but also intersperses her life memories and heart trajectories before the hike.
It topped the New York Times bestseller list as soon as it was published, and was on the bestseller list for 126 consecutive weeks.
The movie "Wadding in the Wilderness" is based on her best-selling book, Oscar actress Reese Witherspoon as Cheryl, taking everyone to intuitively feel how the author step by step out of the wilderness and find his true self.
03
According to Freud's theory, our personality consists of three parts: the id, the ego, and the superego.
The original self is the most primitive part of the personality structure, made up of some of our innate basic desires.
When we lose ourselves, often the "ego and superego" parts go into hibernation, so we can only test and prove that we still exist through the continuous stimulation of the original self.
Cheryl also initially chose such a means of constantly stimulating the original self to try to find herself.
She would have uncontrollable relationships with different men and get addicted to drugs.
Cheryl also says in the book: "This feeling is no different from the feeling experienced by those who intentionally self-harm: dishonorable, unrighteous, immoral, but there is nothing to regret." I'm just trying to heal my wounds, just trying to get rid of the poison in my body so that I can get better and heal myself. ”
But such a cure is equivalent to constantly feeding yourself painkillers.
The poison does not really come out, but it is only temporarily felt no pain when it is anesthetized.
Cheryl realizes after her unexpected pregnancy that this won't work, and she begins to look for a way to truly redeem herself.
She went to a psychiatrist, but found that she could no longer help herself through conversation.
So she found another way on the shelves of convenience stores: walking alone in the PCT.
It's a way for her, because it both takes Cheryl away from the decadent life of the moment and keeps her more than just herself.
But this is not to say that hiking is the only path to salvation, we have countless ways to activate the ego and the superego.
It can be communicating with people, such as consulting with a psychologist or talking to a good friend.
It can also be a different environment, such as volunteering in the countryside, traveling to other places, etc.
The most important thing is to find the way that suits you.
Only when the self and the part of the superego are awakened can we slowly look at and examine ourselves from a more objective and rational perspective, and then move closer to finding ourselves.
04
During Cheryl's hike, Ben was not only restricted but often dealt with.
With no trekking experience, she started with the wrong stove fuel, so she could only eat cold polenta.
Whether she liked it or not, in order to survive she had to swallow it forcefully.
In the heat and heat, the water was drunk.
She had to endure thirst and wait for iodine tablets to purify the dirty water.
When she had to face all kinds of tests that nature had given her, Cheryl no longer had any "painkillers" to rely on.
This also forced her to enter the second step of self-recovery: to examine herself and face the root cause of her illness.
She began to enter into her own memories, all the fragments of memory flashing during the journey, some sad and depraved, but also warm and beautiful.
This kind of withdrawn memory is different from the memory that is immersed in it.
As we often say, "the authorities are confused, and the bystanders are clear."
Only by pulling away to look at yourself can you see yourself more clearly.
This is how Cheryl reminisces about the past, recording her thoughts in a notebook as she reminisces.
This is a way of looking at yourself that is worth learning from.
When writing, a lot of emotions and thoughts will be released, and the backlog of pain in the heart will be unloaded little by little with the pen.
So in a three-pronged approach, through nature, solitude, and writing, Cheryl's ego and superego gradually returned.
The understanding of oneself slowly became clear, and the meaning of life gradually appeared.
05
Finally, after 94 days of hiking, Cheryl ended the trip on the Bridge of the Gods because she had found her true self.
So the ultimate step in finding yourself is to let go.
Many people who have been hurt are lost because they refuse to let go of themselves.
I once read a book about PTSD mental illness (post-traumatic stress disorder), and many Vietnam Veterans can't live a normal life because they can't forget what they experienced on the battlefield.
And the book says they can't forget because they consciously choose not to forget.
Because they are afraid that once they forget, no one will remember those comrades who sacrificed.
They chose to honor their fallen comrades in their own painful ways.
This is a kind of spiritual kidnapping of oneself.
Cheryl also commemorates her deceased mother by placing herself in the wilderness of grief.
Fortunately, after a trekking healing, she finally let herself go.
It's like walking, you can only move on if you unload unnecessary luggage.
Stopping in the past, stagnating, does not allow us to grasp the real life and discover the real self.
06
Finding yourself is not an easy task.
Awaken the ego and the superego, examine yourself, and eventually let go of your triple jump with the potential to fail at every step.
But failure is not terrible, the terrible thing is to give up on finding your true self.
As long as we don't give up hope, we can always get out of the wilderness and find a way back to ourselves.