Text / Dried Bamboo Weaving / Yuan Yue
[Sohu Health] Only halfway through this month, Cao Yunjin and Kitano Takeshi have announced divorces. Whether young or old, with or without children, divorce is becoming more and more common. Perhaps in an era of extreme material economy, individuals will be more narcissistic, more defensive of their feelings, and unwilling to be bound by marital responsibilities anymore. So what is the point of a marriage like Balzac's belief that "love is the goal of happiness, and marriage is the goal of the whole life"?
French scientists' research on fish sentiment may give some different revelations.
Experiments do this
To effectively assess the mental response of the small convict cichlids distributed in Central America to separation, researchers at the University of Burgundy in France trained females to open small crates on either side of the tank with their mouths. The "positive incentive" box contains fish feed, while the "negative incentive" box is empty. These boxes have black or white lids on their heads to help the fish distinguish between the differences.
The investigators first trained the sample fish on how to identify boxes containing feed from empty boxes by color and position. After that, 33 female cichlids were asked to find their favorite mates, and finally studied the behavior of the females when isolated from their partners.
The team placed an "ambiguous" box with a gray lid in the middle of the tank to see how the female would react. The researchers reasoned that an "optimistic" female would open the gray box in the hope of a reward, while the "pessimistic" female would hesitate or ignore the box altogether.
The study, published in Proceedings of the Royal Society B, showed that when a female stays in a tank with her favorite male, it is easier to open a box with feed and more time trying to open a gray lid box. When separated from her partner, the female is much more retarded in judging which box contains the feed. The females are also "pessimistic", hesitant or completely oblivious to the box when paired with a male partner other than their intended male partner.
Faithful love is a kind of rationality
Behavioral ecologist Franois-Xavier believes the study will help us understand love and emotion more deeply. "Some people feel that love is irrational and will hinder us from making decisions. But this study shows that love also has adaptability value. ”
Scientists believe that species such as the Nine Golden Rays develop loyal partnerships in order to protect the extremely vulnerable next generation from predators. Females who are with their sweetest partner are "more engaged in mating," laying eggs earlier, and caring more carefully for their offspring.
The love of the little fish is somewhat like the letter written by the poet Keats to Fanny Braun, "I have nothing to fear in the world, but fear is separated from you."
Is loving only one person in a lifetime suitable for fast-paced modern people?
Evolutionists believe that human marriage is only the result of evolution: in the Bronze Age, people began to use marriage to establish property rights.
Religion gives marriage more interpretation and meaning. As the Presbyterian Book of CommonWorship put it, marriage is God's will. The culmination of God's creation is for us to see that God brought a woman and a man together, and that they were united in marriage. All those who are happily married are actually those who do God's will, whether or not they themselves realize this.
Christianity holds that since marriage was invented by God, those who enter into it must strive to understand and obey God's will for marriage. It's like when we buy a car, this machine is not built by you, you must pick up the instruction manual to study carefully, listen to the designer, and follow the manual to correctly use and maintain the vehicle. Just as fidelity, patience, and sacrifice in marriage are God's will.
Zhihu Gaosheng replied that Bow has a wonderful exposition on love and marriage, "The value of marriage to ordinary people is not to make you happy every day, nor does it allow you to experience passion and love all the time." Many times, marriage is even the opposite, it uses red silk to tie your hands and feet, tying together a large number of unrelated three sisters and six wives, making you tired and wondering what the meaning of all this is.
The true value of marriage is actually reflected in the dark side of life. When you are lonely, there is a person next to you who listens to your words and accompanies you to do nothing; when you are empty, a look will suddenly appear in your mind, making you feel that you need to change something; and when you are knocked to the ground and step on one foot, there is a door that is still open for you, and the people inside are not only not so harsh on you, but even try to heal your wounds and grieve for your sadness. Parents can do the same thing. But unfortunately, they don't understand you so deeply, and they can't accompany you for so long. ”
An old man who had just recovered from a serious illness said something like this after surgery: At my age, what kind of appearance and wealth does marriage still look like? You see my body now, it doesn't mean anything.
Marriage, that is, when I woke up at three o'clock in the morning, I was thirsty, my wounds hurt, I just needed to poke the side, and the old woman knew that I was going to drink water at this time. At three o'clock in the morning, a simple action, the person next to you will understand your needs, she will patiently get up and help you pour a cup of hot water.
In the old age, the children have their own lives, and the only people who can rely on them are often only the partners who accompany them for a lifetime. As the old man said: Marriage, like two small trees, you gradually twist together and bear fruit. This kind of feeling is a trust that you can't get through any other channel, and the older you get, the deeper this trust becomes.
The role of marriage has also been scientifically verified. Harvard University once did a happiness study, followed by the subjects for 75 years. In the end, I found that what makes people happiest is not how successful they are, not how much wealth they have accumulated, but good interpersonal relationships. And the most important of these is the high-quality marriage relationship, which is the most critical factor that can really make people happy. Therefore, we need to realize that good companionship not only makes you feel happy, but also makes you healthy and long-lived.
Marriage is the bravery of adults. The bond of marriage is not children, not money, but long-term companionship, acceptance and spiritual growth together. In the most helpless and weak times, in the most depressed and depressed times, there is a person who holds up your chin, straightens your spine, commands you to be strong, and accompanies you around to bear the fate together. At that time, in addition to love, the feelings between you also had the righteousness of taking care of each other, the tacit understanding of not abandoning, and the unforgettable kindness. In this way, it is the best state of marriage.