Wen | Forint Mommy
"When your mother has a sister, she won't care about you!"
This is what I hate most when I am pregnant with Erbao, what my relatives say to Dabao, they think it is fun to tease Dabao, but Dabao's frustrated expression is in my eyes.
It was because of such a sentence during the New Year that Dabao touched my stomach in the middle of the night and asked me: "Mom, when your sister comes out, you really don't want me?" ”
And the words "My sister was born, I love you as much as I do" was too late to say.
I dare not promise, not because I will not love him, but because I know that the birth of Erbao means that I will spend more time taking care of Erbao, and from Dabao's point of view, I just don't seem to love him...
I think that's the reality that every second-born mother faces.
01
The mother of the second child picked up the painting of the eldest daughter, 4 piglets representing the family, and only 1 was skimming his mouth outside the house
Bao Mom cleaned up her eldest daughter's room and found a piece of paper with a picture of a house with three piglets written fat and mother, and a little pig in the middle with her brother's name written on it.
The three little pigs also circled with love.
In the lower right corner of the picture, there is a pig sitting on his knees outside the house, the piglet is written on me, the expression is skimming the mouth, and the lower right corner is also marked with "Picked up by the heavy snow in 2006".
The piglet's handwriting still had traces of being wet with water, and it felt like the tear marks left by the person who painted it after crying.
Bao Ma took the painting to record the video, a little wanted to laugh and a little sadly said: "Your birthday is In June, how can it snow heavily?" ”
02
Many second-born mothers think that after the birth of the second treasure, they will be able to continue to love the big treasure, but this is not the case.
After you promised dabao that after having the second treasure, it would be the same as before, but you couldn't guarantee it at all, because there were three realities in front of you.
Reality one: Dabao will be more clingy than before
Even if the second treasure comes out to take care of it together after discussing with Dabao when pregnant, but seeing her mother's care for Erbao, Dabao is naturally more sticky. Wanted to get more attention from mom.
When my family Dabao saw me feeding Erbao to feed, he also shouted to eat milk, so he had to buy him the same bottle, let him eat it, coax him, this time lasted for a week, Dabao himself did not eat the bottle.
This is a very common psychology. It shows a regressive behavior, by imitating a baby to win the same attention as younger siblings.
And such a big treasure will make many bao mothers collapse, obviously they are already busy enough, and the big treasure will come to make trouble.
The scolding at this time will only make Dabao feel more sad in his heart.
You can also understand that this is Dabao testing his parents to see if you still love him.
Reality two: You don't have enough time to spend with Dabao
After the birth of the second treasure, you have to sit in confinement, to take care of the second treasure's eating and drinking Lasa, just feeding consumes most of your time, where is the energy to accompany the big treasure?
From Dabao's point of view: my mother has been with my younger siblings, there is no time to play with me, this is obviously different from before, the previous mother was often with me to play, but now always hold my younger brothers and sisters.
Such a psychological gap inevitably makes Dabao unable to accept it.
Reality three: eccentricity without self-knowledge
Many parents of two-child families have an eccentric but unaware situation.
When two children are together, parents will always pick out one as a role model.
"You look at your brother, my brother eats everything, why are you so picky eaters?"
Before a parent took a video, saying that his family's dabao is picky eaters and does not like to eat, the same meal, feed to dabao, dabao shakes his head, feeds to the second treasure, the second treasure does not refuse, so he said that his family's second treasure in addition to the rice dumplings eat everything.
This is a contrast.
Parents invisibly compare, children are extremely sensitive, easy to detect.
There are also comparative words, such as: "Why can't you just make me feel at ease like your sister?" ”
"Your sister is so obedient, look at you again!"
If one of them is always used as an example, then the other party will think that they are outsiders, and the parents and the other party are in the same camp.
03
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > the eccentricity of parents and will destroy the child's love for the family little by little</h1>
In one episode of "The Boy Says," a sixth-grade girl named Cui Jing stood on a high platform and told her father about her eccentricity.
She has a sister who is 6 years younger than her, but her sister likes to provoke her every time, and when she wants to teach her sister a lesson, her sister immediately runs to her father to complain, and then her father will indiscriminately reprimand her.
She stood on the high platform and shouted to her father in the audience: "Dad, can you believe me once?" ”
Tears welled up in his eyes.
But her father was indifferent offstage: "You also learned the story of Kong Rong let the pear in school, the ancients all know that the big is small, you are 6 years older than her, this truth is still said by your father?" ”
Then he said, "She doesn't understand things, don't you understand things?" ”
The little girl felt that what she said had no effect, so she sobbed and continued: "But every time I let her, then I let her, she will think it is a habit every time, so how she bullies, she thinks you will not talk about her." ”
The little girl cried heart-wrenchingly, but the father allowed his daughter to cry into tears, and the same words were still repeated in her mouth.
The helplessness of the little girl, the father is not tolerant, only know "the big let the small", but have you ever thought that aside from the second treasure, your family's big treasure is still only a 12-year-old underage child.
When there is no second treasure, she enjoys the unique love, with the second treasure everything has changed, how many grievances must she have in her heart to have the courage to stand on the high platform and speak to her father?
In the second-child family, eccentric parents are the most likely to make the child who is not favored hate, just like Su Mingyu, who is not favored in "All Is Good", hates marriage, has no sense of security, and mentions that his mother only has resentment, and Su Mingcheng, who is favored, is even more incompatible. All this is caused by the eccentric mother.
04
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > a two-child family, do not pray for a bowl of water for parents to be flat, but must be able to handle the relationship between the two children. </h1>
First of all, don't promise Dabao what you can't do
Don't say to Dabao, "With a brother/sister, your mother loves you as much as your mother", even if you love in your heart, what Dabao sees in his eyes is that you don't have time to accompany him.
So don't make this kind of commitment easily, which will make the psychological gap of Dabao even greater.
You can tell him the truth and discuss it with him
Instead of making promises that can't be guaranteed, it's better to tell your child the truth and discuss it with your child.
"Mom told you that after the brother/sister comes out, the mother may be busy taking care of him for a while, and the time with you will become less, but it will let the father play with you, if you want to find the mother, you can take care of the brother/sister with the mother, do you think well?" Because when you were a child, your mother took care of you in this way, do you want to experience taking care of your brother/sister? ”
There is no commitment, but facts. By the way, invite Dabao to devote himself to the work of taking care of his younger siblings, and he will be more receptive.
Secondly, while taking care of the second treasure, you have to take time to accompany the big treasure
Usually, you can let your father accompany Dabao more, and it is okay to play games with Dabao or go out to play, but mom should also discuss with dad, take at least half a day a week, let dad take care of erbao, and mom accompany dabao to do some parent-child activities, so that dabao knows that mom still loves him.
Take action, not just move your mouth.
Finally, when the second treasure is older, it is known that when competing with the big treasure, parents must learn not to interfere
Two children live under the same roof, scrambling is inevitable, there are wars every day, mothers must learn not to intervene, let them solve their own problems, because parents intervene can not ensure 100% fairness, so it is better to be a bystander and let them solve it by themselves.
If Dabao can tame the Second Treasure with his own means, then your next life will be much better, because this will form a closed loop of "one thing drops one thing".
This trick was learned from Hu Ke when I watched "Mom is Superman".
She drove out with the two babies, and in the car, Angie snatched the toys from Xiaoyu'er's hand, and Xiaoyu'er opened her mouth and cried: "Fight! beat! "Accuse my mother of my brother's crimes.
Hu Ke did not intervene, nor did he reprimand Anji to let Anji return, but instead smiled and continued to drive, as if staying out of the matter.
Angie looked at her brother and cried all the time, and she felt bad, so she hummed an English song, and her brother immediately forgot about the unpleasantness and hummed with her brother.
"Sometimes indoctrination is better than letting go, and the child's affairs are let the children solve them by themselves", your non-intervention may be the greatest fairness, perfect avoidance of eccentricity.
The two children are the flesh that fell from the mother's body, they all chose the mother because of trust, the best second child relationship is that the big treasure can take care of the second treasure, the second treasure can also respect the big treasure, don't look at the usual fighting, when you encounter things outside, you can have a heart, that is the real relative.