Suddenly, I wanted to talk about my big brother who was far away

Last night, I had a dream that when I was a child, I went with my mother, eldest brother and sister to weed and plant peanuts in the land on the side of the mountain. The dream is a bit fragmented and vague, probably because I am not very willing to work, my sister is very active to help, in addition to the grass on the side of the mountain, but hoe out some harvest, there will be sugar cane and there will be a large cucumber and pumpkin, we all think we can take it and sell it for money, and then wake up.

In the eyes of others, such dreams are quite inexplicable, and for me, it is commonplace. I often have a lot of inexplicable dreams, there are beautiful and terrible, I used to struggle with why I always had such and such strange dreams, now I get used to it, and now I dream like an old friend visiting it.

This time I dreamed of the big brother, but I was a little surprised. Because I hadn't dreamed of him for a long time, I couldn't remember when the last time I dreamed. I remember the first year or two when he died, I dreamed a lot, several times in the dream is that he just went to a very far and far place to travel, and just when I passed there, met him, I told him that my mother missed him very much and let him have time to go home and see. There was also a dream that he was married and had a wife and children, and so on. When I watched "Skin Bag" yesterday, when I was a divine friend, I believed it, because some things do not mean that they do not exist because you have not seen or met, not to mention that when I was a child, I did encounter a lot of strange things that are still unsolvable, and I have time to write about this again.

Since the eldest brother left, several brothers and sisters in our family have never dared to mention it in front of their parents, for fear that as soon as they opened their mouths, my parents, especially my sentimental mother, tears came. The death of a loved one is an unforgettable pain for those who have survived, and the pain of the white-haired person sending the black-haired person is even more unbearable. My mother should have dreamed of my eldest brother and thought of him, but she never mentioned it to us, just like I am now. So today I want to talk about the eldest brother, I hope that he is far away in the sky, his body and soul can rest in peace, if he has been reincarnated, he will return to the human world again, I hope that he will live a good life and be treated kindly. Because the eldest brother was a kind and upright person before he was born, he had not done any great evil or bad things, and if he left so young, if he returned to the mortal world, he should be worthy of being treated kindly and blessed by the gods.

In fact, the impression is that when I was a child, my relationship with my eldest brother was not particularly good, because he often bullied me, listened to my mother, he often ran to the neighbor's house alone to find a playmate but refused to take me, often provoked me to cry and so on. He was righteous, but this righteousness was not to his dear sisters and brothers, but to others. Maybe the eldest brother thought that others were good to him, but at that time, I thought he was a bit of a use, so I couldn't play with the neighbor's children, there was an element of jealousy, but there was also a factor that didn't speculate and played. My eldest brother, on the other hand, lied and said he didn't have time to take me to buy groceries, but in the blink of an eye, he drove the children on a motorcycle and went to play. At that time, I often wondered, is this a brother?

The relationship with my eldest brother began to get friendly, and it was when I was in college. He would work in the Baiyun District of Guangzhou, while I was in Panyu. I remember once on Saturday and Sunday, the eldest brother said, come here to find a friend, by the way to see me. Later, when we met, I learned that the eldest brother actually wanted to come and see me purely, to see my studies and recent situation, and to bring with him the elementary school friends who worked with him. Because of family reasons, the eldest brother did not finish high school to come out to work, not because of his poor academic performance, on the contrary, the eldest brother in elementary school loves to learn, the grades are also very good, but then somehow, learning is the worse and worse, the worse the more you don't want to read, it seems to be caught in a bad cycle, but can't come out, later, the big brother himself has no intention of learning, high school did not graduate to come out to work. The mother said that the eldest brother's learning became so poor that he was broken by other children, and it was difficult to find it back when his heart was scattered. Looking back now, I can't tell whether the eldest brother gave up his studies because of the poverty of his family or because he really played too much and had no intention of going to school, but I know that when the eldest brother came to visit himself who was studying at the university, the yearning for the university and the desire to study in his eyes could not deceive people. Perhaps there are many factors that promote the eldest brother to eventually give up reading, and the intersection of various factors has led to later results. Because there is no high diploma, the eldest brother can only go to the factory to work, mechanical assembly line work, the eldest brother did not do it for several months, but could not find other good jobs, had to change back and forth to different factories to continue the essential nature of the work, so that after a few years, the salary was not saved, people are constantly changing the work of decadence and fatigue, which seems to jump into another whirlpool. Later, my mother also began to realize that it was not possible to go on like this. She suggested that the eldest brother go to learn to repair cars, and learn to repair cars at least have a technical body. Later, the eldest brother went to the store opened by a relative's family as an apprentice to learn to repair the car, but only did it there for two or three years, and the eldest brother's salary did not increase much. Relatives said that it was because my eldest brother's technology had not yet arrived home, to the effect that he could not give much, and could only give this. Later, I learned that the eldest brother was already a master at that time, with one or two apprentices, and later, the eldest brother left there and went to another store to continue working, and the salary was better than before. Later, the eldest brother planned to go back to his hometown to open a car repair and car wash shop, and at that time he also discussed it with his mother, but he was suffering from financial problems. The big brother who has no funds to open a shop can only continue to work and save money, in those years, everyone in our family obviously felt that the big brother has grown up and understood a lot, and the big brother has become more and more like a big brother, at least the mother does not have to worry so much, in addition to his marriage problems.

Until he left this world, the eldest brother was still not married, at least as we know, he did not talk about a girlfriend, did not talk about a relationship. For several years, the family has introduced a lot of girls to the big brother, hoping that the big brother will start a family as soon as possible, among which there are also girls who are in the big brother, the big brother is also interesting, originally they were ready to make a dowry, just because the neighbors and the big brother's playmates said that they didn't have to be so anxious to get married, etc., and finally this marriage was blown. After many years of this, my mother could not let go, I myself was like this at the beginning, but now I figured it out, because you can never stop other people's words, but you can decide your own approach, this decision is ultimately made by the eldest brother, cause and effect are the Lord, can not blame others. In fact, there is another reason why the mother cannot let go, because not long after the eldest brother was born, there was a blind fortune teller in the family, and when calculating the fate of the eldest brother, he said that the eldest brother must get married before the age of 30, otherwise he will suffer a great disaster. But no one expected that since this great disaster was a parting of life and death. At that time, Grandpa also specifically asked if there was any remedy or refuge, that is, to wrap a string of copper coins and press them at the bottom of the box until the day of the eldest brother's marriage. However, after the eldest brother left, my mother remembered the string of copper coins, but found that the string of copper coins had long been dismantled by my naughty big brother and ran away. The fate of the eldest brother, or really the heavens have long been predestined, there may be other undiscovered human factors, but the fact is that at this point, there is no need to dwell too much. Living people need to let go of more in order to shoulder more, continue to move forward, and complete the life they want to live.