If a child has not felt the most basic happiness, satisfaction and happiness from the family for a long time, how do you want her/him to envision a better future for herself, and how can she be motivated to become a better version of herself? The child will be pulled into the abyss of the soul by a strong sense of powerlessness, and in the end, maybe a straw will be pressed down, and the refusal to go to school may become a kind of cry for the child.
There is a growing group of children and adolescents in China's large and medium-sized cities: children and adolescents who are tired of school.
More and more children and teenagers have gone from not liking to learning to hating learning, from not wanting to go to school to refusing to go to school, no matter how fierce the parents scold, no matter how full the teachers are, no matter how enthusiastic the classmates are, they can't open the door of these children's hearts, and the disgust and refusal to go to school has become a difficult problem in front of the family, school and society. So how did a child's school boredom start?
1
Start with parental anxiety
Entering primary school, the competition for children's growth officially kicked off, and the competition between the high and low of the starting line made parents have to do their best: staring at their children's homework every night, immediately correcting and correcting the behaviors of desertion, writing mistakes, and miscalculations, assigning additional extracurricular exercises, strictly controlling the time of children's play, and being particularly enthusiastic about various extracurricular tutoring classes, and often instilling learning-related truths, children's grades and performance have become a barometer of parents' emotions...... Parents who are controlled by education gradually lose their primitive love for their children.
Parents are so anxious, so what are the children feeling?
"I hate to do my homework, my mother sits next to me every day to supervise me, and always criticizes me, sometimes saying that I am slow and sometimes saying that I am not serious, and I am annoyed!"
"Every time I take a quiz or exam, I see it and ask: How was the test? They don't care about me at all, they only care about me studying! ”
"Studying isn't just about doing homework and exams all the time! If they do well, they will be happy, and if they do not do well, they will not be happy! ”
"I can't always satisfy them, and after a score of 99, my mother will say why don't you get a perfect score!"
"I think studying seems to be my parents' business, not my business, anyway, everything is arranged and decided by them, I just need to do it!"
"When the test results come out, my mother will ask, who and who have a few points, how many 100 points, I know that it is more than coming, it's really annoying!"
"I told my mother that I was so tired, and my mother said what was tired, don't you study hard at your age, and it's too late for you to regret it after you relax now!"
When children come home from school, the first thing parents ask is, "How many points did you get today?" What's the number? What's the highest score? "This will make children pay more and more attention to the results, full of competition and anxiety at a young age, once there is no good for others, it will be stressful;
When the child's parents are still forced to do their homework when they are not in a good state, the child's little interest in learning is also worn away;
When the child is overwhelmed when he encounters a problem, but the parents criticize the child for not being serious and not working hard, the child's grievances and anger are converted into hatred for the learning process;
When the child does not do well in the exam and is depressed, the parents mock "Who told you not to study hard!" Parents have blocked the flow of emotions, and children have been unable to experience true love. Love is the most important internal motivation for human growth, and when love is missing, growth will become directionless and powerful.
Parents' high anxiety and high expectations are transformed into high pressure and high control for their children, and they are afraid that if they act late, their children will fall behind, and this diffuse anxiety is also passed on to our children to a large extent, so that children will associate learning and pain, and after accumulating over time, children may be tired of school and refuse to learn as a helpless and heavy response to learning.
2
Start with the child denying himself
More and more children are falling in the context of a society that focuses on academic achievement and a successful transition in the future. Children feel that the learning process is painful and boring, and the parents' hard work makes the children lose their sense of control (a person who cannot gain a sense of control for a long time is easy to become pessimistic and depressed);
The children feel that even if they have worked hard and their grades have been very good, their parents are still not satisfied, and the learning results always bring a sense of frustration and self-blame, and it seems that only 100 points and the top 3 can make parents smile, and the children are less and less able to experience the sense of achievement brought by learning.
Without a sense of control and achievement, more and more children are unable to feel self-worth in learning, and feel more judgment, demand, and conditional love from their parents.
On the one hand, it will make children do things that satisfy their parents, and on the other hand, when children always can't do it, they will have a constant sense of guilt and frustration, so that children lose their positive internal motivation for learning, and then begin to deny themselves, feeling that they are not worthy of the love of others, that they are stupid, that they are incapable, and that they are not even learning materials.
As we grow older, the inner voice of self-denial will be transformed into a child's long-term depressed mood, worse and worse grades, more and more alienated classmates, and more and more disguise and emotional isolation.
A child who won the first place every year in primary school, after entering a key middle school, became very depressed in the face of several failures in exams, and felt that he was no longer good, and other classmates were better than him. His father said to him: "The decline is temporary, it doesn't matter, I will do well next time!" After listening to his father's words, the child felt more pressure, and behind the comfort, the child clearly saw that the father attached great importance to the results and results, and the child felt that he might disappoint his father next time.
In the face of great pressure, this child who has been 'only able to go up but not down' since he was a child was crushed, he was reluctant to go to school again, and he used 'unwilling to study' to save his dignity.
3
It starts with a lack of love in the family
There is such a family: father and mother have been in discord for a long time, and there are great differences in the issue of educating children, often arguing uncontrollably in front of children, children sometimes cry loudly because they are afraid, but parents who are angry lose their temper with their children because they are upset, scold their children, and make the children more afraid.
Sometimes, in order to implement their ideas at home, one or both parents come to please the child or denigrate the other in front of the child. In such a hot and cold environment that is almost divided, after the child reaches primary school, he has no intention of studying at all, his grades are backward, his personality is timid and cowardly, and he is afraid of interpersonal communication.
Later, the parents felt that the child's problem was getting more and more serious before they came to the consultation, but even during the consultation, they continued to accuse each other, not realizing that it was the terrible family atmosphere they created together that harmed the child.
Every child wants their parents to love each other and to love them unconditionally. In a warm and fluid family, children can be themselves and develop themselves with peace of mind, while in a family where love cannot flow, children are full of insecurity, distrust and deep fear.
Parents should have given their children positive and stable emotional and spiritual support, but in a family where the family atmosphere is depressed and indifferent, and parents are tense and parents are nervous, children do not dare to express their emotions and feelings truly, and children have huge negative emotions beyond their age to bear, how can they have the strength to face the difficulties and challenges in learning?
If a child has not felt the most basic happiness, satisfaction and happiness from the family for a long time, how do you want her/him to envision a better future for herself, and how can she be motivated to become a better version of herself? The child will be pulled into the abyss of the soul by a strong sense of powerlessness, and in the end, maybe a straw will be pressed down, and the refusal to go to school may become a kind of cry for the child.
If everything can start again, I hope that all parents in the world can let go of their anxiety and let their children feel that their parents love me, whether it is good or bad;
I hope that all children in the world feel that they are good, capable, potential, and worthy of love;
I hope that all families in the world are full of comfortable and warm love and laughter.
Then, perhaps, school boredom no longer exists.
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