Text/Comfortable Winter
When Ivan told me he was going on a three-month business trip, I just smiled and said it was okay.
Ivan is my boyfriend, he is a business manager of a foreign company, often traveling around, I have long been used to, or Ivan is used to it, every time I come back from a business trip, I always bring some small gifts to me, there is a corner in the closet to store these gifts, three years, it is almost full.
The night before Ivan's business trip, I opened the cabinet, looked at the exquisite gifts and jokingly said, Ivan, this time you come back from a business trip, just change to a larger cabinet, you see, there is no place for gifts.
He wrapped me deeply around me from behind and whispered in my ear, Ruoyan, I'm sorry, if you can come back smoothly this time, you will no longer travel on business in the future, and you will be at home every day.
I smelled a damp smell, accompanied by a familiar smell. I wanted to turn around, but I was hugged by him tighter, so tight that I couldn't breathe, I closed my eyes and let him hold it like this, I shouldn't blame him. Everything he did was just to give me a stable and prosperous home.
Ivan had been on a business trip for almost three months, and I was living as usual, counting the days when Ivan would return, except for commuting to work every day. Unlike usual, every time he called him, he said that he was busy, and the noise and the laughter of women could be faintly heard in the microphone. Talking about business socializing is essential, and I don't think I'm a stingy woman. But every time I made a call, the woman's voice on the other end of the phone seemed to be the same, and my intuition told me that it was the same woman's voice.
Every time I hung up the phone, my chest was blocked. Finally at the end of the third month, Ivan proposed to me to break up. He said he wouldn't be coming back, he had a new girlfriend, was a big client, and was ready to get married and go on vacation abroad. His voice trembled a little, and he was going to blame him for the reason, he didn't believe it was true, but then came the delicate woman's voice, dear, the bath water was put away. That familiar voice broke me down completely.
Well, I bless you. I hung up the phone fiercely, but my heart ached like a sword, and I covered myself in the bed and cried bitterly.
I can't understand how, three months ago, Ivan also swore to me, made a lifelong promise, we fell in love for six years, he said that in this life I am his only bride, to give me the sweetest happiness. He once said that if you are in this life, I have no regrets. And at this point, how could he suddenly give up?
We said that we got married this year, the house just got the key, planned to renovate at the end of the year, and the day we live in the new house is when we get married. For that house, he worked hard to pay several times more sweat than others, often traveled everywhere, we often gathered less and left more, he could bear it. Don't you just want us to get married sooner?
How did this happen, I asked myself over and over again, where is the problem, why is there such a big change? I sat in the house for three days, thinking about it again and again, and finally had an answer.
Ivan, who may be too tired to live a stable life, just so much that there is someone to give him. And the wayward me, never paid anything for him, all along, he silently took care of me and paid for me.
Three years ago, after graduating from college, he gave up the good job recommended by the school and followed me to the Shenzhen of my dreams. Since I was a child, I have longed for the outside world, always feel that the outside world will be very exciting, Shenzhen is a coastal city, also known as the Pearl of the Orient in the interior, only by living there, can you experience the value of life.
I remember that we were sitting on the train, and when his hometown was speeding past in front of his eyes, he looked deeply out the window, and his face was full of reluctance. But I didn't linger at all, talking about the fleeting scenery with great interest.
You, a conscienceless, have not left the hometown where you have been raised for twenty years without giving up. He looked at me and smiled and shook his head slightly.
Hmmm, aren't you the same? If you really don't want to leave, why do you have to leave? I buried my head in his arms and said as if to coddle.
You know why I am. His slender, warm hands brushed my hair and sighed softly.
After living in Shenzhen for several months, I know how small I am, even if I work hard, I can only get an ordinary salary, looking at the tall buildings, Mercedes-Benz vehicles, and the nightlife, how fascinating and yearning, however, these only belong to others.
When I stood on the overpass and looked into the distance, looking at the new tall buildings in the city center, I felt that if there was a room that belonged to me, I would have no regrets in this life.
Ivan heard my words and looked back at me deeply, a tired smile pulled out of the corner of his mouth. Ruoyan, do you really yearn for here so much?
I nodded vigorously, crouched down on the guardrail of the overpass, and thought foolishly.
Ivan looked at the tall building in the distance, and then looked at me again, and let out a slight sigh.
Looking back on the past, tears flowed inadvertently, and now I was holding the key that belonged to me, the tall building had been completed, and one of them belonged to me, and I thought that it would open the door to my happiness. However, at this time, I have a house but I do not feel a trace of happiness.
Ivan, haven't I let go to bless him? Why am I still so reluctant, those companion times, those ordinary days, how can I forget. No, I can't just give in, at least I'll see him again, and let him tell me his choice. I didn't believe, didn't believe our past he had forgotten.
When I went to Ivan's company to ask where he was on a business trip, a colleague told me that he had quit his job three months ago and had not arranged for him to travel.
I was speechless in astonishment, and my mind went blank. Any further dials to Ivan's phone are turned off.
I went crazy looking everywhere, where he might go, his friends, every place where he had stopped, and for a month, I ran all over the streets and alleys of Shenzhen, but all this was in vain, and I still couldn't find him.
I think he was deliberate, deliberately hurting me, deliberately avoiding me. Why should I have hated him in the first place was more uneasy and longing in my heart.
When I stood on the overpass again, looking at the tall buildings opposite and shouting: Ivan, even if the end of the world, I will find you.
Friends around me know my things, they all advised me, don't be so persistent, this is a city of drunken fans, it is normal to lose yourself here, there is nothing to complain about, under the confusion of money, anything can happen, when I decided to live here, I should also think of this day.
When Ivan disappeared for five months, I thought I was really wrong, the world is so big that if a man deliberately avoids you, you can't find him. It was raining that day, I walked powerlessly on the street alone, the heavens seemed to have suffered great grievances, the rain was getting heavier and heavier, I raised my head, let the rain fall on my face, and finally couldn't help but cry. Tears slid down with the raindrops until there was darkness in front of them. In a trance I saw Ivan smiling and walking toward me, his face pale and looking at me with a pained face and shaking his head slightly.
When I woke up lying in a hospital bed, the doctor said it was a taxi driver who sent me there. After returning from the hospital, the fever has not subsided, and in the confusion, I can always see Ivan's pale face and distressed eyes.
Ruoyan, this is the closest place to the sky, you see how blue clouds and white air are fresh, how good we can live here.
In a trance, remembering what Ivan had said, he got up and quickly packed up his simple manners and rushed out of the house.
When I came to this land again, everything was so kind. Two years ago, Ivan and I went on a trip to Tibet, and during the trip we met a Tibetan man, Zeren, who invited us to his hometown as a guest. It was a small mountain village surrounded by mountains, a green meadow, herds of horses grazing on the grass, the sky blue, as in the picture. Zeren warmly welcomed us and said that we were always welcome to go.
Later, Ivan wanted to go there several times, but he never paid attention to it because he was busy with work.
I walked slowly, looking into the distance, still the same as then, not much changed. I looked at the sky and smiled.
Girl, you're finally here. A loud voice came from behind.
It's you. I turned gently to meet the bright smile of a Tibetan.
You come looking for people. With a leather whip in his hand, he was driving the sheep slowly.
How do you know? I looked at him in amazement. He is the Tibetan friend Zeren we knew two years ago.
Sit down and rest for a while, girl, and I'll tell you a story. He walked up to me and sat on the grass and looked into the distance.
Five months ago, a deceased man came here and said he wanted to spend the last of his life here. He was terminally ill and would have only a few months to live if he had not been treated right away. So he chose to leave alone, away from his job, away from his lover, he knew that it would cost a lot of money to treat this disease, even if his life was only a few short years after treatment. He knew even more that his lover longed for the bustling city, wanted to have a home of his own there, he had no extra money to deal with the disease, wanted to leave so quietly, and worried that his lover would be suspicious, so he weaved a panic, wanting his lover to die to himself. His condition is getting worse and worse, and now he has a problem walking on the ground, and he can only sit in a wheelchair. But every day he still looks at the southern sky and looks at the white clouds floating, praying that his lover in the distance can be happy.
I listened quietly, and a light wind blew inappropriately, and tears slowly flowed down the wind. He, where is he? I asked with a stiff throat.
There, he pointed into the distance, following the direction he was pointing, and saw a shadow behind him, and his footsteps involuntarily moved forward. In the breeze, I smelled a clear grassy smell accompanied by a familiar smell.
I slowly approached him, my heart beating faster and faster, and he was sitting in a wheelchair, looking at the sky in the distance, muttering something in his mouth. He was so focused that he didn't notice anyone.
Ruoyan, are you okay? He spoke softly, sighing helplessly.
I'm not good, not good at all. I can't cry anymore.
Ruo Yan, he turned his head sharply and looked at me in surprise. How did you, how did you get here?
Ivan, I have finally found you. I squatted down and buried my head in his arms, letting the tears slide like rain.
He brushed my hair with his trembling hand and whispered, you shouldn't have come, Ruoyan, you shouldn't have come.
Ivan, I'm sorry, there was a moment when I was resentful of you, please forgive me.
Ruoyan, you, you know?
I know, Ivan, you shouldn't, you shouldn't hide from me, what do you think of me, how can you do this to me? I cried and pounded his chest like a wayward child.
Ruoyan, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just want you to be happy. Ivan took me deep in his arms and patted me on the back, I looked up and grabbed his hands, his dry fingers trembling slightly, the corners of his mouth trying to pull out a grudging smile, but a tear slipped from the corner of his eye. I lightly tried the teardrops in the corners of his eyes, but I saw that his short dark hair had become thin. The hair on his forehead had fallen out and had not been seen for months, as if he had become so old after centuries.
We have to go to the treatment, as long as there is a glimmer of hope can not give up, you know?
Useless, I have long consulted experts, my disease is already advanced, even if the bone marrow transplant is maintained for a few years at most, really, there is no need to waste money. Ivan shook his head slightly.
Ivan, even if he could live an extra year, a month, even a week, it would be worth it.
Ruo Yan, I have no regrets about being able to fall in love with you once in this life and not to go back to the world.
But I have, I have regrets, our time together is too short, we are not married, we have not yet had children, there are still many things that have not been done, how can I easily let you go. I cried out loud.
Ruoyan...
I sold the house I still had time to live in and contacted an authoritative hospital to operate on Ivan. The attending specialist told me that if there is early treatment, there is still a glimmer of hope, now the condition has deteriorated, even if the operation can not last long, at most a year and a half, I still want to consider it, after all, more than 100,000 yuan of surgery costs.
I said firmly aloud that I had decided. I've missed a lot and can't miss the rest of my days.
Ivan's surgery went well, and after being discharged from the hospital, we still lived in Zeren's house, Ivan had already called him the eldest brother, and every day I pushed Ivan to the grass on the hillside, quietly looking at the sky and breathing fresh air.
On that day, the sun warmly embraced the earth, the grass smoked green buds, the flowers spit out fragrant fragrance, the sky was blue, the breeze blew, the big white clouds swam gently, and the surrounding was very quiet, like a fairyland.
Ruoyan, the years with you are my happy time, I always feel that God treats me not thin, let me know you at the youngest age, just, just...
Ivan, will you marry me? I knelt down on one knee and held a ring made of grass in my hand.
Ruoyan, you...
Ivan, will you marry me? This is my dream in this life, can you fulfill me? I looked at Ivan, tears swirling in my eyes, Ivan looked at me affectionately and shook his head slightly, but the tears poured out before me.
Ruoyan, why are you so bitter?
Ivan, I don't want to have regrets, I don't want to miss it again, I can't get it back when I miss it, I must catch it in front of me, do you love me? It doesn't matter, love means love, and if you don't love, you don't love.
Ruoyan, I can escape from you, I can deceive you, but there is no way not to love you.
Will you marry me? Willing to be Ruoyan's husband?
I do, I do! He said hoarsely with trembling shoulders.
The tears finally burst like a flood at that moment, and they were tears of happiness.
Today, as heaven and earth testify, Ruoyan and Ivan become husband and wife, rich and poor, healthy or sick, sad or joyful, and love each other deeply and be faithful to him until the heavens and the earth are old.
I finished crying and put the grass ring on his ring finger, and he put the other one on my ring finger with a trembling hand, gently wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes, and hugged me deeply into his arms...
Years later, I often went to that meadow, stood on the hillside, smiled and looked at the blue sky and white clouds and chanted softly:
Did the clouds of that day also expect,
So the footsteps are light,
So as not to worry about our time,
Because it is destined to be so little,
The wind blows white clouds,
Where have you been,
When I think of you,
Look up and smile,
Know not know...