Ever since I knew I was a man, I was filled with infinite beautiful expectations for women. When I was a child, I didn't know that I would become a man who had a good yearning for women. Love to see the beautiful face of the woman like a red apple, love to appreciate the woman's willow-like waterfall hair, love to appreciate the woman's bean sprout-like sexy figure, love to listen to the woman's sharp and delicate music like a beautiful sound of sang... The yearning for women seems to be endless, and I hate that I can't become a beautiful woman in my mind.
I remember when I was in junior high school, I had a curious mystery of the beautiful girls in the class, I liked the girls, I didn't want to let the classmates around me also like, and the girls I loved could no longer play with the boys other than myself, otherwise I would be unhappy, full of infinite jealousy, which may be the exclusive desire of men. A teenage boy, who knows something, has such thoughts, but that's the way it is.
I remember once having an outdoor labor class at school, asking the whole class to go to the production team to pick peanuts, and when I arrived at the destination, I and a male classmate who wanted to be good to me were picking and eating together, talking. After a while, the beautiful girl in my favorite class also led her good female companion to sit quietly next to me, and I was unspeakably happy at that time. She also ate while picking, after tasting the delicious, my hearty female classmates used her beautiful voice to hum a beautiful song, I admired the beautiful voice of the woman, breathed in the sweet smell of the beautiful girl, felt the beautiful girl to bring me the infinite beauty of the relationship between men and women, in my heart there is an indescribable obsession and gratitude for this wonderful world, this may be my first love. Pretty girl, transferred to our class, I am the class leader, with the key to the class. The first time she went to my house with her sister was after I had gone to bed, and I remember her doing it on the edge of my bed, talking to my family, taking out the little picture book I was reading inside my bedside, I didn't fall asleep, and for the first time I enjoyed her beauty by my side.
Sometimes she would wake up early and knock on my back window behind my house in the old commune house, and I would hurry up and go to school. I remember once she used a small note to excerpt a poem about love for me to explain, at that time I did not understand, so I wrote it literally under the small note, remembering that the poem is a famous poem written by Yuan Jian of the Tang Dynasty in china when he remembered his wife, that is: "Once the sea was shipwrecked as water, except for Wushan mountain is not a cloud." I still remember that she once showed me an emotional love story book, and I remember that it seemed to be Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai, and read a very emotional book. I remember getting angry with her, shedding tears for me. As a little man, I can never tolerate her talking to other male classmates outside of study after I am good, especially if she is fooling around, but she does not seem to understand this, and still laughs and talks with male classmates other than me, so I am angry and ignore her. She seemed to know why, but unfortunately I didn't want to forgive her. My good friend in the commune house transferred to the city to go to school, and I also went to the city with my father, and soon I also completed the formalities for me to go to the city, I want to leave happily, she can't stand it, saying that if I leave, she will not go to school.
I remember one night, I had gone to bed, she suddenly came to my house, I hurriedly sat up, I felt that she was too far away from me in the chair and I could not let her come close to me, she pressed her face with her hand, seemed to be in tears, said I left because of her, said I was angry with her, I said I was not angry with her, maybe I did not understand the style, I did not get up, nor did I talk to her alone, said a few words, did it for a while, and she left sadly. After I went to school in the city, my good classmate replaced me as class president, and she became fond of my good friend. Once, I came home on the weekend, on the way to my friend's house, met her and her good female companion on the way back to my friend's house, my heart was even more uncomfortable, said a few words and left. Later, I heard that she was walking around the road with a certain classmate at night, and I heard that she had a good relationship with a teacher, and my heart was completely cold.
I have never shook hands with her once, let alone had any physical contact, but I can't forget her in my heart, that is, I am angry with her and can't forget her, this may be the real first love. To this day, writing the above words, I still think about her, my beautiful female classmate, are you living well?