Why is my fate so miserable?

See others are in the headlines to tell their own inner world, can't help but also want to come to spit on their own fate, beat me remember that my parents do not fit often fight, when I was a child, my parents always fought towards my mother, because I was a girl who was naturally towards my mother, at that time I did not understand the adult world, I only knew that I was obedient to my mother, my mother's temper was very grumpy, I was beaten is a common thing, so I am very afraid of her, from childhood to adulthood can not resist can not rebel against her meaning, otherwise being beaten is inevitable, She beat me with a short ruler or broom or the like that, I couldn't run, she ran out and she chased me in the back, until she caught up with me and dragged me home and locked me in the house to beat me, so I developed the habit of never running out, because the more I ran and hit harder, I remember once she slapped my face Next door neighbor Grandma couldn't look at it, she said that she had hit the child's face, especially girls, so she changed to a short ruler to hit the body, remember the most brutal one was because I went to the school where I rode my bike to, As a result, I lost the bicycle key, I was very afraid of going home and being beaten, so I did not dare to go home, just looking for the key at the school over and over again, at that time the teacher's home was living in the school, seeing that I was late and did not go home to help me find it, the key was still not found, I put my bicycle first in his home to let me go home, because it was already very dark and afraid of adults in a hurry, helplessly I cried while walking on the way home, crying is thinking that this fight can not run I am sad, and sure enough, I met my mother on the way out to find me, Seeing me pulling me she did not ask the reason began to fight, said I let her ride to find half a city, back home she still did not understand the breath to take a short ruler to my back to beat hard, this time she beat me stupid soul beat off, can not speak stupid, like a fool, she was afraid at this time, looking for someone to call me a soul, the next door grandma cried and said that she had never seen a child like you beat a child so fiercely, took off my clothes I did not have a good piece of flesh on my back, a piece of purple, she saw crying, I don't know if it is heartache or fear, since then I have become not fond of talking, timid, timid, Sleep always twitch, originally I was very lively and active, bold, love to fight uneven, but hard to give me a stupid, behind me I slowly grew up, but she became more intense, everyone wants to know what my fate is later?