At the age of 18, Song Xuewen lost his able-bodied limbs because of a mysterious "metal chain", but he did not fall behind in writing autobiographies, making movies, getting married and having children, and he said that he was like the Chinese version of Nick Huzhe, a famous speaker who has been "limbless" since birth.
In comparison, he feels that he is still lucky, "but I still have half an arm."
One last call
One night in the winter of 1998, at five o'clock in the morning, Song Xuewen, a 22-year-old disabled boy, decided to commit suicide.
At the age of 19, he was amputated after suffering severe radiation damage. After his disability, Song Xuewen closed himself in a small room of 14 square meters, isolated from the world. His mother bought him a phone and wanted him to talk to more friends, but he never looked for anyone.
When he was about to commit suicide that night, a voice in his head said to him: Make a phone call. If you were in his room at the time, you would have seen Song Xuewen, who was only half-cut, moving hard to the side of the bed and groping on the phone with a hand that only had knuckles left.
At five o'clock in the morning, he finally decided to give it a try, using half an arm to set up the earpiece and dialing a random number. Didn't expect this number to pass. Hearing the voice, Song Xuewen was shocked, thinking "Don't let anyone answer", and he was reluctant to put down the phone. After three sounds, the phone was connected, and there was a hello, a girl's voice. "Completely confused, what can I do about this?" Originally, my hands were not good, and my speech was bumpy. ”
Worried that the phone was hung up, Song Xuewen subconsciously made up an excuse, saying that this day was his birthday, and the result was that the other end of the phone came generously, "Then I wish you a happy birthday!"
Screenshot of the movie "Stand Up" based on the true story of Song Xuewen
Since someone was listening to the phone and was interested, Song Xuewen simply seized the opportunity. On the phone, identity and image can be "faked", he imagines himself as a rich and handsome man with sound limbs, chatting easily and safely.
The other party was the intern cashier of the hospital, who was on night shift and received a call at the most boring time before dawn. From the books I recently read to the snacks I liked, the topic of the south sea and the north, the more the two people chatted, the happier they were.
The girl left her pen name, called Leaf. After hanging up the phone, Song Xuewen suddenly had hope, and he wanted to chat with Ye Zi again. suicide? I don't want to think about it for the time being.
A chain of life and death
Speaking of Song Xuewen's disability, everything stems from a series of accidents.
Song Xuewen was born in the mountains of Jiaohe, Jilin Province, his parents are farmers, he studied well from an early age, was admitted to the Jilin Chemical Factory at the age of 18, and he quickly became the leader of the pipeline team.
At that time in Jilin, the city and the factory area were integrated, and the factories and dormitories were distributed at the north and south ends of the city, and Song Xuewen had a habit of not taking the shuttle bus every day, but riding a bicycle to work.
On January 5, 1996, the temperature in the northeast approached minus thirty degrees, according to the past, Song Xuewen and the co-workers would warm up in the lounge, and then go to the tower at 9 o'clock, but on this day he made a ghostly messenger and started work on time at 7:30.
As he walked through the corridors of the construction site, Song Xuewen found a chain in the shallow snow and picked it up casually. The chain was later described as a shiny gold chain with great value. But in the thin snow, Song Xuewen said, it was more like the BB chain that few people could have at that time, dark gray.
The companions were unclaimed, and Song Xuewen casually carried them into his trouser pocket, thinking of completing the work and then looking for the lost owner. But before he could find the owner, his body already had a strange reaction. "Suddenly I felt dizzy, after more than half an hour I started to feel a little drowsy, followed by numbness, nausea, vomiting, I thought how can I faint? The result was another fainting. ”
Song Xuewen thought that he had a serious cold, and endured dizziness to return to the dormitory, but soon, his legs began to hurt severely, Song Xuewen struggled to report to the unit, and soon the dormitory was full of people, and everyone rushed to take him to the hospital.
"As I was dressed, our leader seemed to suddenly remember something. He said you picked up any balls, blocks, chains and other things when you were at the construction site? I thought about it and said, I picked up a BB machine chain. It felt like he was nervous and asked, 'Where?' The thing you picked up could be the source of the radiation, so get out of the house. It felt like the house was about to explode. ”
Only then did Song Xuewen associate the strange reactions of his body with the chains he had picked up in the morning. "I couldn't have imagined it before, it was like picking up a branch, a leaf."
Song Xuewen could not have imagined that a chain he had inadvertently picked up would change the trajectory of his future life
One arm, two legs, three years
When Song Xuewen was sent to the clinic in the factory area, the doctor thought that the "core" of nuclear radiation had something to do with the river. They lost glucose for Song Xuewen one night, but the situation became more and more serious, song Xuewen fell into a coma, only to feel that there were many leaders in the ward, whispering.
In the confusion, Song Xuewen was carried to the ambulance, and the shadows of the trees outside the car window kept flashing, and the snow reflected a large piece of moonlight. Song Xuewen was sent to Beijing overnight. As the car passed Tiananmen, Song Xuewenqiang propped himself up and looked at the empty square with a pink plastic garbage bag floating in it, "feeling very depressed."
At the 307 Hospital of the People's Liberation Army of Chinese, radiologists from the whole hospital and even the whole of Beijing are already waiting for this special patient. "There were about thirty people in the ward, wearing white coats and military uniforms," but a room full of experts was still helpless. A few days later, Huge black and red blisters appeared on Song Xuewen's limbs, and after discussion, experts finally determined the treatment plan - amputation.
"The biggest feeling is the pain, and I wonder how I can stop the pain." What about work after amputation? Where does the income come from? How to live? It's too late to think about it. "Cut it off, what else can I do?"
When these happened, Song Xuewen seemed to be unconscious, until the doctor drew a line on Song Xuewen's arm, and he was in a trance. "I remember when I was working, I connected the iron pipe, and like him, I drew the line, measured how long it was, drew a line, and then cut it off."
So far, there is no cure for nuclear radiation worldwide, the lesions are unpredictable, and only amputations can be made to prevent spread.
For nearly three years after that, Song Xuewen was cut off in turn by having his legs, one forearm, and one finger knuckle. In the process of recovery, he lay on the bed with a bandage all over his body, looked at the mottled wall opposite, and fantasized that he had special functions, staring at the flying flies, and expecting that his eyes would release a beam of light to kill it, but in the end he ended up dazzled.
7 major surgeries and countless minor surgeries, ulceration, amputation, repair cycles, as if there is no end, "go to the toilet to see yourself in the mirror are frightened, meat segments, like an alien." ”
"Isn't it just a chain?" How did it hurt me like this? Even if I go 5 minutes late, the snow sweep may sweep it away. ”
This chain is not ordinary. According to the accident report, it was a link on a metal flaw detector with a radioactive source iridium-192 attached to it. In the early morning of January 5, a group of flaw detector workers did "transmission" of the product as usual, but the chain fell out of the operation carelessly.
Sunlight
The treatment process is long and painful, and the physical pain is far better than psychological torture. In order to relieve the pain, the doctor injected Song Xuewen with durandine and morphine, and the term used by the nurse was "Du Fei half a quantity", because the number of beatings was too much, and Song Xuewen got the name "Song Du Fei". He even contracted drug addiction three times, and drug rehabilitation made him even more miserable.
In the summer of 1998, treatment finally came to an end and he was sent back to Jilin. On the grounds that there was no medical termination report, the unit refused to solve his work and housing problems, and only arranged a 14-square-meter single dormitory.
Every day he opened the curtains halfway, hiding behind them, spying on the outside world. "As long as there is a slight wind and grass, even if someone on the opposite floor opens a window, I will immediately hide, I am afraid that he will see me, like a mollusk, living in a shell, a little wind and grass, very sensitive." 」
Returning to the real world from the hospital, mental pressure suddenly struck, Song Xuewen wanted to accept the fact that he had become disabled, continue to live, "tell himself that he was born like this", but thinking of the youth that had just been cut off at the beginning, the lesions that could occur at any time in the future, and the elderly parents, Song Xuewen was all gray, at this time, he met Ye Zi in a phone call.
Ye Zi's real name was Yang Guang. After the "life-saving" call, Yang Guang and Song Xuewen would talk on the phone every few days, and the conversation was also very speculative. Over time, Yang Guang found that Song Xuewen always called during working hours, and the content of what he said was still contradictory, and his intuition told Yang Guang that Song Xuewen had something to hide from her.
She tentatively asked on the phone, "You will not be disabled", this question, Song Xuewen's original form was revealed, unexpectedly, Yang Guang said generously, "Disabled people, disabled people are not also people?" It's okay, there's a chance I'll see you. ”
On the day Yang Guang came, Song Xuewen washed up early in the morning, dressed neatly, hid his disabled arm behind him, and he repeatedly rehearsed in his mind what he was going to say after meeting, but when he saw the real person, he couldn't say a word.
In the memory, that day Yang Guang brought a large bouquet of flowers, carnations and stars, behind the flowers hid a bright smiley face, "like the feeling of old friends meeting", the two people chatted for an afternoon, "Under the abyss, a ray of sunshine, her name is Yang Guang, it is really the sunshine in my life." ”
Stills from the movie "Stand Up"
"At that time, I always thought that youth can overcome everything"
"Meet 98, about winter", Song Xuewen likes to use this sentence to describe the beginning of his and Yang Guang's love. They both couldn't tell exactly when they had feelings for each other that went beyond friendship, perhaps that winter.
Song Xuewen wanted to go to Beijing for a review, his parents' bodies could not withstand the long distance, Yang Guang learned about it and decided to accompany him to Beijing. In that month's time, when there was no inspection, the two people sat in the garden chatting and playing chess, and Yang Guang knitted several sweaters for him, "It was really pleasant, there was no pressure at all." ”
But Song Xuewen was reluctant to leave the hospital, and he was still afraid of the eyes of others. In order to let Song Xuewen "return to society", Yang Guang dragged Song Xuewen to accompany her to the market to buy things.
"At first I just kept my head down, I didn't dare to look, she said to look at it, whoever wants to see you will look at him, and in the end it is definitely the other party who escapes, and then I put a person's gaze back, he slipped away, and we both laughed. She said, do you think there is something missing from your body? I said there really isn't. ”
Under Yang Guang's "compulsion", Song Xuewen calmly faced the eyes of passers-by for the first time. Sitting in a wheelchair, being pushed through the lively market, the girl named Yang Guang behind him is changing his life little by little.
In Yang Guang's eyes, Song Xuewen in addition to the physical disability, the rest is perfect, the humorous Song Xuewen can always make her feel that life is not in a desperate situation, but full of happiness.
She took the initiative to take care of Song Xuewen. After the review, Yang Guang accompanied him to Beijing to petition. When it was difficult, after paying the rent, there was only 20 yuan left on hun, and the two went to the door of the Cuiwei Building together to ask for money. Living in the warehouse together, worried about Song Xuewen's frostbite, Yang Guang put his stump on his stomach and covered it. "I can feel how hot her body is, and she can feel how cold my body is."
Yang Guang once showed The photo of Song Xuewen to his family, and when his father saw Song Xuewen wearing a prosthetic leg in a wheelchair, tears poured out. Yang Guang's attitude is firm, but handing his daughter over to a disabled person is not an easy decision. On the first day that Song Xuewen arrived at the Yang family, the always vicious dog in the family immediately ran over to make love to him, and Yang Guang's father saw this scene and said to his daughter with a complicated face, this should be fate.
Yang Guang recalled: "A good friend asked her that you would not have children with him, have you thought about it? If not, it's good that we treat each other like children. Young people are happy about everything, and it feels like being young will be a lifelong thing.
But that was said in the tone of a young man, and I would be timid at this age. No matter how upright and kind I am, I will not necessarily do it. That's a silly feeling. ”
After 6 years of litigation, because China did not have a clear compensation standard for nuclear radiation at that time, the chemical plant finally made a one-time compensation to Song Xuewen according to the traffic accident, totaling 480,000 yuan, excluding the cost of installing prosthetic limbs, leaving only 8,000 pieces. Life is still tight, but the days of wandering around have finally come to an end.
"I'm not Haidi Zhang"
In those years, Song Xuewen, who gradually accepted his disability status, published his autobiography "The Chain of Life and Death", and his experience was also made into a movie "Stand Up" by a Chinese director, with him as the male lead. Song Xuewen was regarded as a model of disability and positive progress, and many people wrote to him, saying that he was like Zhang Haidi, an example and strength for everyone.
In 2006, Song Xuewen and Yang Guang ended an eight-year love run and held a grand wedding in the presence of the media.
This was the first water wedding in Jilin Province, and the bus was broadcast live that day, and Song Xuewen said that this wedding made him remember it for a lifetime
The victims of nuclear radiation have been disabled for many years to find true love, and Song Xuewen has once again become the focus of public opinion. He and his wife were frequently invited to appear on radio and television to "inspire everyone to live strongly." But over time, Song Xuewen gradually felt that life became unreal, and the positive energy of himself in the media seemed to be shrouded in an aura.
"I also have pessimistic, confused and helpless times, but because of this aura, all I show you is positive energy, I live actively, laugh at the suffering of life, and even I am forcing myself, don't bring negative things to everyone, including family and friends, I wonder, is this also a pathology." 」
In this kind of illusion and screwing, Song Xuewen wants to do something practical and really live a down-to-earth life. In the spring of 2008, Yang Guang accompanied Song Xuewen back to his long-lost hometown of Jiaohe, and when she saw the children in the fields that were unattended, she proposed to Song Xuewen to open a kindergarten. After that, they returned to Dashan to open the "Sunshine Kindergarten", and every day they were busy with a group of children, and life finally landed again.
Fate and surprise
Due to the fear that the effects of nuclear radiation on genes will be passed on to future generations, coupled with Yang Guang's diabetes, Song Xuewen and Yang Guang did not dare to have children, and had planned to stay in kindergarten for a lifetime, at this time, Yang Guang accidentally became pregnant, which surprised and delighted the couple.
Yang Guang said: "After all, I have not been a mother, and I also want to be a mother." They went to do tests almost every week, sent DNA to a special agency for testing, and the results were "everything was normal", "we were very happy at that time!" ”
At the age of forty, Yang Guang and Song Xuewen's son was born, the little guy was healthy and lively, and the whole family was relieved. Just when the family was grateful for the surprise given to them by the heavens, in December 2017, Song Xuewen's body was once again sick, and the radioactive material induced a serious liver disease, and he vomited a lot of blood. At this time, 22 years had passed since the morning the metal chain was picked up.
In April this year, Song Xuewen underwent cirrhosis and portal varicose vein surgery and recounted his experience in front of the media. Legendary love, full of accidental life, ups and downs, these are the labels on Song Xuewen's body.
To this day, he still does not know when his body will become sick again. The child will go to kindergarten in the second half of the year, and he still has a lot of debts and many responsibilities. But to this day, he still believes that fate is fair to him.
"Fate may close a door for you, but it will certainly open a window for you somewhere, depending on whether you have the courage to look for it." Close the door and give up, that's your business, not a matter of destiny. ”
Next, he plans to give a speech, continue to write a book, through his own experience to promote public awareness of the dangers of nuclear radiation, do something meaningful, to be an example for his son, "I don't want to come later, my son thinks of his father, just a person in a wheelchair." 」 ”
Song Xuewen's family
Video Director: Zheng Yitong Video Packaging: Liu Shangshuai Coordinator: Jiang Hanqi
Editors: Zheng Yitong, He Yawen, Enoch