Many people say that age growth and maturity are often two different things, some people are still a giant baby in their thirties and fifties, and they are a mother's treasure;
And some people, as early as their twenties, are already very mature, words and deeds, treatment of people, behavior, and so on, can become an example for others.
Many people around them are accustomed to saying that they are mature, and everyone is happy to study the relationship between people, and then superficially set a set behind them, and finally lament the hypocrisy of others and feel that social networking is meaningless.
We rarely take the time to study ourselves and understand ourselves, but we can see what is happening in others and then criticize them.
There is a passage in the little prince: "Dispel fear with fear, offset it with it, and replace it with uneasiness."
Always hiding in the unknown. "Man is contradictory, sober, and confused.
If you want to restrain yourself, you can't help but sink.
And use the excuse of the cycle to comfort and strangle himself. ——Excerpt from "The Little Prince"
Life is really hard, only you are your own ferryman.
We can see that between the ages of 25 and 35, there are some contradictions in their hearts.
On the one hand, I hope that I can succeed in my career and have stable feelings;
On the other hand, they may feel that career is a kind of pressure, and even feel that career is a thing that traps them, and the feelings seem to be the same.
In the process of division and union, these people's emotions slowly stabilized, and they also found what they liked and became mature.
This process seems to be a very natural development path for a person.
How long does it take for a person to mature?
First of all, we have to know what maturity is.
From a psychological perspective, a person's maturity is marked by being able to see the world from a more diverse and integrated perspective and having a relatively more complex self.
Personality psychologist Golden Allport once listed five criteria for a "mature person":
1. Be able to look at yourself positively but objectively and realistically (without a beautified filter)
2. Have the ability to establish intimate relationships with others (not limited to marital relationships)
3. Have common sense
4. Have a sense of humor
5, have their own set of life philosophy
But it is not comprehensive to judge whether a person is mature or not using these five criteria alone.
Most of the time, the definition of maturity will be different for different people, but they all have something in common:
Maturity is a very painful word, it will not necessarily gain, but it will definitely lose.
When I was young, I didn't realize my immaturity, I only felt that society was unfair, that I was buried; it wasn't until my head was broken and bleeding that I realized how naïve I had been.
When people are young, from the existing cognition, it is difficult to see their immaturity;
But think back, have you ever met someone who told you that it was too tiring to be with you!
Are you rarely asked for references on big things?
Has anyone ever joked that you are indeed young, too naïve...
These feedbacks actually point to your lack of maturity.
Of course, everyone has been young, and going from naivety to maturity is our only way; but how long does it take for you to go through this process?
Society is brutally competitive, and no one will wait for you to grow up.
Did not enter a prestigious university, did not become a business elite, just middle-aged;
I feel that I have achieved nothing, and after several twists and turns, I am still busy with life, doing ordinary work, and living an ordinary life.
Parents are getting older and going to the hospital more and more frequently;
The child grows up, but does not achieve the top academic results expected;
The lover Fanghua is not there, and has begun to become a little nagging...
From childhood to adulthood, we are thus taught to be a dragon and phoenix among those who stand out from the crowd.
Therefore, almost everyone has fantasized that they are the one who drives the colorful clouds, but after many years, they find that they are no longer ordinary.
When you can't fulfill your original expectations, you transfer them to your children.
From the moment a person is born, you don't bother him!
Don't urge him to sprout as soon as possible from the bud that tightly closes the existence of life, and don't drive him out of that childhood hut!
At the same time you can't do so little that he won't be able to leave you and therefore can't distinguish him from you;
You also can't do too much so that he won't be able to feel your or his abilities and therefore won't be able to distinguish him from you;
In short, don't let the baby know too early on that there are other people and other things besides him.
Only in this way can he become a person.
Once a baby becomes a man, then he will soon become a god.
When He became a God, He was the most beautiful and beautiful.
Proper maturity is not sophistication, not sleekness, not perseverance after setbacks.
Maturity is the inner real magnanimity.
Human development is a lifelong thing, not how old you are, or what level you have reached, and your development has stopped.
Throughout life, people are moving towards maturity, so maturity is relative.
Maturity is probably to understand that many times you can only rely on yourself, and clearly know the responsibility you carry on your shoulders. When you go from relying on others to turning yourself into an umbrella that can shield others from the wind and rain, you can say that you are mature.
Maturity means no longer being deceived by oneself, and knowing how to protect oneself and stop hurting others.
Just like when we look at the "black history" of the past, we always want to strangle our past selves and want to start all over again.
For example, the non-mainstream, killing Matt, childish remarks that were once popular, or some silly behavior, will be spurned by their current selves.
Although it is only the performance of a person in different periods, different periods of time, different visions, the cognition of things is naturally different.
Therefore, in psychological counseling, the first task of the counselor is to help the client change his cognition and accept things that he was unwilling to accept.
In fact, if you think about it from another angle, the past experience has witnessed its own changes and contributed to its own growth, so it is also an interesting memory, so why bother with it?
If you can't put it down, you can't accept it.
Just like the Buddhists have clouds: let go, be at ease.
Dwelling on the past is nothing more than cocooning oneself.
For mature people, they are well aware that the world is complex and are able to see the past rationally.
Now that something has happened, don't think about the rationality of its existence, but think about how to deal with it.
This is also the reason why mature people are strong.
So even if your past is childishly ridiculous, or your past experience is painful, tell yourself that it was the past.
Slowly, you can also live calmly and accept bravely.
Everyone has their own timetable, don't let anyone disrupt the rhythm of your life.
The reason why we are anxious is that we feel all kinds of pressure from different places, and we have not kept our breath in the long marathon of life.
To mature is to accept the ordinary of life and to enjoy it.
After the chicken soup for the soul is poured more, many students may have misunderstandings about the acceptance word,
It's all laissez-faire and indulgence, but the other way around,
Is there no material in your indulgence and indulgence? There is exactly something you can perceive.
So, it doesn't matter what your state is, never add another layer of judgment to it.
On the path of maturity and composure, we begin to understand that gains and losses are doomed to be unforgiving.
True maturity turns out to be slowly subtracting from your own life and learning to be gentle with yourself.
Reconcile with the self, meet with tenderness, reunite with the original heart.
May you also love yourself and make a difference
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About the Author: Hyun-hong's teacher
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I met you, and then I met myself! - Practical psychology
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