Recently, the Japanese drama "Single Living Woman" has caused topic discussions in a small range - one person lives, one person eats, one person goes to the SPA, one person travels shopping... The heroine chooses to live alone (i.e. live alone).
Without looking at it, there are so many women who actively choose to live alone in the city. What is it like to live alone? Are they alone in a one-man world?
The rise in women's status and the general rise in economic standards have given women sufficient market conditions to rent on their own.
In terms of safety and simplification of social interactions, many girls would rather spend more money on rent and save money in other ways than to live alone;
Anything can be placed with one click on the various Apps, but also for the single girl to provide convenience, can not cook can order takeaway, will not repair home appliances can be online reservation, can be through a variety of group purchases to share the cost of living.
Merchants have even targeted the needs of the single-person crowd and launched supporting services such as one-person food, one-person travel, and one-person experience.
As society becomes more and more diverse and the tolerance of lifestyle becomes higher and higher, a person is no longer a symbol of unsociable and friendless, and no one will deliberately listen to the privacy of others, and it has become a matter of course to get along with himself freely.
To this end, COSMO and the research institute DATA100 jointly launched a survey, focusing on 1556 women aged 18-35 living alone in 44 first-tier, new first-tier and some second-tier cities such as Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, Shenzhen, Chengdu, Hangzhou, Nanjing and Shenyang, to understand their living conditions, emotional lives and future plans. Perhaps, like COSMO, you want to know, how do they gain a sense of security? How do they learn to live with loneliness? Are they more disciplined or more self-indulgent when they are alone? People who are used to living alone, can they still invest in a relationship? The 1556 girls revealed the answer at this moment.
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< Single Living Girl Portrait >
More than 70% live alone for more than 2 years
33% of women living alone start by graduating
Nearly 60% of women who rent a house choose to rent the whole house
The salary of women living alone is concentrated in 5,000-15,000 yuan
< The daily > of a person's life
Chasing dramas/ watching movies/ brushing short videos / watching live broadcasts accounted for 54%
Only 23 percent chose to work from home on a regular basis
49% of people are able to insist on eating well
More than 5 adults in the respondents are accustomed to staying up late
< Living alone does not mean being single, love is growing >
Only 61% of women living alone are single
In all age groups
The proportion of insisting on getting married is only 50% to 60%
80% of women want to have children
Nearly 60% of women have more than 3 friends who live alone
When faced with a trough
49% of girls will make themselves stronger through learning
Nearly 80% of women said they would live alone for another 1-5 years
Living alone for 1 year: I learned to deal with loneliness and anxiety
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Yao Yao, 26 years old, is the head of content at MCN
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In 2020, the unexpected promotion allowed Yao Yao to quickly move out of the previous shared single room and start living alone. With a third of her income, she rented this bachelor apartment, a ten-minute drive from the company. It's a small cubicle, but the spatial distribution is reasonable. Looking out from the window of her home, she can see the tallest building in Beijing, the "Chinese Bottle", and the light after night gives her a feeling of being in cyberspace.
Like most young girls, YaoYao works hard and has excellent grades, but she is extremely insecure inside. In the eyes of her friends, her favorite thing to do is to study cosmetics and clothes, and the most concerned is how to make herself beautiful. Her home is full of a cup of cosmetics, not losing to beauty bloggers. In her own words: "A very pompous person." On the other hand, she is often distressed by her poor life skills, and always wants to get attention when getting along with friends. When she left the shared house and was left alone in the house, her time became unsure of how to pass.
Before living alone, Yao Yao had been in a depressed state for about a year, and she was afraid of the family's worries and did not tell her parents that she was sick. After living alone, how to spend time alone has become a problem for her to deal with.
She started the renovation, spent more than a month rent, first pasted the whole house with her favorite wallpaper, and then designed a small water bar. Although she does not cook, the pots and pans she chooses are the most suitable for taking pictures in the face value department. Yao Yao became obsessed with adding all kinds of small items to his home, and when he bought the right things, he began to surround him with friends. The girl who used to have 0 hands-on ability has become the most lifelike Yaoyao.
In order to fill the time, Yao Yao, who has not read much since college, began to read poetry again. She began to pay attention to the changes of the four seasons, going to the park to admire the flowers, dance, paint, and observe life. She began to examine her relationship with her boyfriend very seriously, and the one she had deliberately flattered in the past was what she really wanted? Living alone has allowed her to adjust to being alone, and she is even surprised to find that there is no essential difference between the loneliness she experienced now and when she shared a house before. It turns out that I can't live without people.
On the day of the COSMO interview, Yao Yao had just broken up with her boyfriend and ended a two-year relationship. "Since I am in his heart and the weight is not so heavy, why should we continue to be together?" Faced with loss, she was no longer as scared as before. Taking the initiative in life in your own hands and being independent doesn't seem so difficult.
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Yao Yao said: In this 1 year, all that is remembered is the challenge.
I'm particularly self-protective, go out to play, and never get drunk. Before moving in here, I checked the safety hazards of the house, such as whether the mirror can see through, whether there is a voyeuristic camera installed, and so on.
Because the rent is high, dancing can only take big classes, because it is too expensive to buy personal training classes. I don't dare to quit my job easily now, and without a salary, I can't afford the rent.
At the beginning of the Lantern Festival, I had food poisoning, and my boyfriend wanted to go home to accompany his parents, so he could only accompany me until ten o'clock, and ordered me a takeaway before leaving. I threw up while crying, feeling helpless.
Living alone has allowed me to spend more time socializing. This year, I started bouncing around and found myself particularly talented at it.
Friends are basically shared, and some live alone, but they will live farther away; my friends will come to my house for drinks, usually a party of three or four people.
In this house, there were many secrets that I could not tell my parents, such as sex, and I did not tell the family about my depression.
What I fear most now is what if one day I die quietly in this house.
Ending solitary status is considered before marriage.
Living alone for 5 years:
Sorry, no matter how much I love you, I want to live alone
Gugu, 28 years old, fashion blogger
From the beginning of graduating from university, Gugu began to live alone. It was 2015, and she came to Beijing alone, living in Wangjing, the kind of independent small single room that the real estate agent had separated herself. Gugu works in an Internet company, working at 10 o'clock in the morning and leaving at 11 o'clock at night, and it seems that the place where he lives can only be used to put clothes and sleep. After that, she moved to Hangzhou, and then transformed from a quasi-code farmer to a fashion blogger, moving to Shanghai, and one person can also afford the rent of rooms in small Western-style buildings in Shanghai's most prosperous urban area. She has her own time at her disposal, and her home has become organized and full of life.
Over the years, Gugu has had three relationships, all three of which are lived separately, even if the love is so much that "the whole world has become a zombie, as long as you are still there, I am not afraid", she has not moved the idea of living together.
"In fact, the ideal state is that two people live door to door, dating is very convenient, when you want to stay together, you can go knocking on the door, and you can also order a takeaway together." But most of the time, it's more comfortable for individuals to do their own thing in their own room. She said.
GuGu had the kind of time when he wanted to stick with his lover every day and drink enough water. It was college, "full of thoughts around the people I liked, the whole person was very naïve, I was bored, I became bored, and I didn't grow." "In the year she first worked, she seriously talked about a relationship, which began in the winter and when the summer came, the contradictions also appeared. Her lovers at the time did not like her to wear suspenders, felt that she was too revealing, and had a cold war with her because of it. Later, even Gugu's colleagues could see that as long as Gugu wore a hanging belt to work, he represented her boyfriend on a business trip. After the breakup, Gugu was sad for a long time, but her friends said that Gugu was finally back. After returning, Gugu "grew up" and became less eager to enter the cohabitation state. "Even if there is a particularly long-term relationship, I will definitely control the time we spend together."
Gugu hasn't had a formal date for almost a year. In order to manage his own daily content, Gugu had to do the work of styling, shooting and copywriting. Her time was "kidnapped" by a dense schedule, and friends who wanted to meet needed to make an appointment two or three days in advance. In the face of more and more job offers, only living alone at present can ensure her best working conditions.
How long will this life last? Gugu himself didn't know. Even if she does get married one day, she wants "I have my bedroom, he has his bedroom." Our living room and other areas may be communal, but I don't want to have to put on a quilt when both of us are tired. Over time, it is still based on the quality of sleep, and I am more comfortable with myself and comfortable with both parties. ”
Gugu said: In the past 5 years, home is my home
Dating depends on the eye, even if it is the first time we meet, as long as we can talk, I may take him home. My keys wouldn't have been given to him anyway. I would only let him come when I invited him to come.
Enjoy living alone, but don't think of living alone as an unbreakable bottom line. People change. Maybe when you meet someone, you think it's good to live with him. When intuition comes, we must also have the courage to try.
Take responsibility for yourself a little bit. Put your body first and arrange your exercise and diet. Don't let it go because no one cares.
Have a good relationship with neighbors and security guards, and when you check in, you will write down the phone number of the police station in the area, and it is best to write down the mobile phone of the police and the person in charge of the security guard in the area.
Living alone is just a state, it represents nothing. Whether you live alone or not, you can love yourself and have a lifestyle that makes you more comfortable.
Living alone for 10 years: living the life you want
Lulu, 42, a veteran media person, bought a house on his own
"I'm probably at my best right now." At noon on Sunday, on the sidelines of an arts management class, Lulu was interviewed by COSMO. Lulu is 42 years old and now lives alone in a small duplex that he bought. Although she still feels anxious because of her work, her former ambivalence has become a thing of the past, and now she is particularly convinced that she can live on her own before meeting the right person.
10 years ago, Lulu abruptly ended a relationship that lasted more than a decade. She had never tried to live alone before the breakup. Renting a small house, she has always been very independent, and she also began to feel afraid. Later, she found that what made her unbearable was not the unknown difficulties but the hesitation.
In the third month of moving out, Lulu quickly borrowed money to buy himself a small house, although the area is not large, but finally tried to give himself a stable home. She went through all the formalities cleanly and neatly within two weeks, without consulting anyone or relying on her parents' support. One person took on the mortgage, allowing Lulu to focus more on his work. Hard work pays off, and rewards and titles rise with the tide. At the same time, she also gained a sweet love, the other party is 10 years younger than her, open and optimistic. Led by him, Lulu learned to try a variety of interesting activities without restriction, but the two of them tacitly reserved a private space. "We usually meet on weekends and usually live by ourselves. He also likes to keep his life pace a little bit, but we don't have secrets from each other when we're together. ”
More than a year ago, Lulu's last relationship slowly faded, just when she once again moved the idea of changing rooms. After only looking at the house for a week, she made a decisive move and replaced the small house with a duplex. Although love eventually flew away, she finally lived in the house of her dreams. Lulu says every screw in the home is self-determined. Pink and white dominate to create a real girl's house, with an open kitchen, a large vanity and walk-in fitting room to suit her aesthetic and use needs, and even a LEGO corner with her usually spelled-out LEGO collection. In her house, she eats, exercises, beautifies, and reads on a fixed schedule every day. At the same time, Lulu still maintains the pace of continuing to date, and is also looking forward to the next love and being loved. "It's hard to say what's going to happen in the future, but if I meet someone and think it's him, why not live together?"
Based on the current situation of living alone, Lulu has also struggled with questions about the future: "Some time ago, someone told me that there is also a chain of contempt in nursing homes now, and others may exclude you when they hear that you have no children and are alone. I was shocked to hear it! So what to do? But if I think about it, do I have to change my current satisfactory state of life for such a sentence that I am still unsure? ”
Lulu says the best way he can think of to cope with the future is to live as actively as possible at his own pace. Recently, she used her weekends to study management courses to improve her professional level. "Do everything well now, and there will naturally be good results in the future." Now I have done everything that should be done. For me, now is my most secure moment. ”
Lulu said: In these 10 years, I have outperformed anxiety.
This May Day, I went to a music festival for the first time in my life. In the eyes of many people, going to a music festival is something that young girls do. The more you go up, the more mature and stable people must be. But living alone, you have to create freshness for yourself, then keep trying new things.
I don't have a boyfriend right now. But I hope to meet a "him", and I hope that after he comes, we still have to have our own lives. I feel that having my own independent space, like having a screen, can protect myself.
Living alone allows me to be more productive and spend more energy on work and self-improvement. I don't have the concept of "overtime", and I have my own pace of self-discipline, both in the office and at home. Insisting on self-discipline gives me the feeling of taking the initiative in life.
No matter what the future holds, whether it is two people or one person, today is to live today, in fact, this is the present.
Maybe I'll continue to live alone, but I'll always need love. Love yourself, love others, and don't give up on finding the one who loves me.
Photographed 40+ girls living alone:
Living alone is a phenomenon, not a label
Dai Xianjing, 33 years old, photography artist, lives alone
In 2016, Dai Xianjing began to do "She's at Home| Woman at Home's video text creation program. This stemmed from a very fortuitous visit. At that time, Dai Xianjing had just ended a "almost married" relationship and moved out to rent a house alone. It happened that a friend was pregnant at that time, and Dai Xianjing brought a camera to visit. The two girls took pictures and talked for a long time.
Entering the other people's rooms, she opened her heart and drove away Dai Xianjing's loneliness. So she wanted to keep the shooting going. She set her sights on the girls around her, who were in their 30s like her, starting with friends around her and expanding to more people little by little. After several years of intermittent filming, when the epidemic came, Dai Xianjing found out when she was sorting out the information at home that among the girls who were filmed, 70% to 80% of the people lived alone. Dai Xianjing realized that the solitary life of urban girls has become a social phenomenon. Even when renting a house, the real estate agent said to her: "There are many girls like you, who have jobs and ideas, but they are not married." Your living conditions are also generally more demanding. ”
Etta Wang
30 years old
Entrepreneurs
Single and alone
Dai Xianjing's shooting usually starts from the early communication, and there is no interest relationship between strangers, but more sincere. Dai Xianjing remembers one of the girls taking the initiative to find her and mention the reason why she wanted to be photographed, the girl said: "I haven't been in love for so many years, I don't know if I have a problem, I want to find someone to talk to, like looking in the mirror." "Before the shooting, there was a relaxing chat session, emotional distress, life stress, the most memorable things in the past... It's all a process of them confirming each other. As the girls gradually relaxed, Dai Xianjing would occasionally issue the simplest command "don't move" during listening, and then adjust the angle to press the shutter. She has photographed expectant mothers waiting alone to give birth; middle-aged women who have been separated from their husbands for a long time; girls who have just left her ex-boyfriend and started living alone in less than 30 square meters; successful women who love to taste red wine and watch dramas...
In 2020, when Dai Xianjing released a series of photographic works "She | at Home After "Woman at Home", it immediately received a lot of media attention. Many people treat this series of works as a solidified work, but for Dai Xianjing, the project continues and grows in unexpected ways.
She randomly interviewed several women she had photographed before, some of whom had ended living alone and had their own families; some of whom had borne fruit in their careers and opened their own restaurants; some of whom still lived alone, but had changed to a larger house, and people had become more confident. For them, living alone is just a phenomenon, not an identity label. Dai Xianjing wanted to stick with the project, even expanding it to focus on women living alone in towns and villages. (If you're interested in being her subject, contact her work email [email protected])
Dai Xianjing said: They live alone and seek love.
For me, the original motivation for this project was to see myself through the real life of these girls. In this life, the most important thing to read is myself, and this project is a way for me to understand myself. It's more drastic than what you've experienced living alone, because these strange women are going through a process you may not have gone through yet, right?
During the shoot, I rarely set up the environment, and I even expected something uncertain. For example, if it is a rainy day and the day is particularly cloudy, how should it be solved? If her home is small and there are so many things, how to solve it? If I just looked at them as models, the project wouldn't make sense. Even if the final presentation is not a picture that looks ideal, but can be objectively recorded, it is a good photo.
Clouds
33 years old
Fine arts education and training
A lot of people have asked me about the commonality of women living alone, and I think they all need to be loved and loved. They are more sincere with themselves and can see themselves calmly. In them, you'll find something more or less related to bravery.
Zhou Zhou
34 years old
Practitioners in the art industry
Not single to live alone
Many people have a prejudice against women living alone, especially older women. Everyone will think that this woman is no one wants, this woman is very strange, this woman is too strong... Don't think that women who live alone don't crave love. Many people who live alone are more willing to participate in the group. They are willing to do public welfare, willing to go triathlon on the weekends, to climb the mountain.
Living alone or not alone is nothing more than a choice for a person's life.
(For details of the full version, please refer to the July issue of Fashion COSMO)
EDIT: Joffy
Text: Ruo Fei, Yan Wenjing, Guo Meng, Koma
Vision: Bian Yuqing
Photography: Ma Chicheng, Bao Yanzhou
Makeup and hair: Liu Xiaolin, Xue Ning
Styling: Sun Yijing (Sua.Sun), ICY
Illustration: HUI
Image source
Stylish COSMO
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