#头条创作挑战赛#
In recent years, the "hitchhiker culture" has become a trend, penetrating into multiple dimensions of life: dining together, shopping together, travel companions......
Compared with the traditional friendship relationship that emphasizes deep emotional maintenance, the relationship of "getting together with fate and leaving indifferently" seems more relaxed.
This trend has recently touched a special group of "single mothers", giving rise to a new phenomenon: divorce partners.
More and more divorced women are choosing to form a new type of family without male participation with another single mother: two mothers who work together to raise their children, share a roof, share living expenses, and take care of the rest of the expenses.
This innovative family model undoubtedly provides people with a refreshing perspective.
However, there are complex and diverse social repercussions.
One side believes that this is a new way for women to explore and liberate themselves from the traditional marriage dilemma and the burden of single parenthood, providing them with a middle option that is neither a lonely struggle nor a traditional remarriage.
The other party questioned how two individuals who lacked emotional ties could live together in harmony and maintain the stability and warmth of the family for a long time if it was difficult to maintain the relationship between husband and wife, which was originally based on love.
Today, we aim to delve into this topic: Is "divorce partnering" a smart choice for women to face life's challenges, or a helpless compromise to reality?
Let's uncover the thoughts and inspirations behind this emerging way of life.
You can't juggle work and kids unless you have a partner
Xiao Wang and Xiao Zhao have been friends for 19 years.
Last year, they both experienced the dissolution of their marriage and became single mothers.
Practical challenges followed: the instability of ex-husband support made financial resources uncertain, and work and childcare seemed to be irreconcilable—the absence of work meant financial constraints, and the possibility of working at the expense of wholehearted childcare.
Children's dependence is everywhere, daily is filled with the call of "mother", and personal space is almost luxurious.
Not to mention, housework is always around, and the daily energy is almost entirely devoted to maintaining the most basic life operations, and "happy parenting" has become an unattainable dream.
"Life is never forgiving because of your hardships, only you compromise with your children. Therefore, it is not easy to improve the life of single parenting. ”
Faced with the dilemma, they made a decision - to live in a shared house, work together with the baby, and build a "family of four" that is not related by blood but full of warmth.
Xiao Wang took on the role of "Minister of the Interior", taking care of the children's daily life, and the part-time income of the self-media just offset the pressure of the monthly mortgage of 2,600 yuan.
Xiao Zhao plays the role of "foreign ambassador", going out to work hard, with a monthly payment of 2,000 yuan to support the daily expenses of the family, and the rest of the expenses are borne by each other.
Although they are not wealthy, they have gradually found a balance between "financial resources", "childcare responsibilities" and "personal space".
What is particularly precious is that the happiness of this "family of four" has increased significantly.
Every night, the kitchen has become a stage for them to cooperate, and after dinner, there is a tacit division of labor, one person washes the dishes, and the other tidies, which is harmonious and efficient.
After the children have slept peacefully, they quickly complete the rest of the housework, and then it is their time to apply face masks, sip supper, exchange hearts, and enjoy the peace and relaxation with the laughter of the TV series.
"In terms of understanding and empathy, there is a natural tacit understanding between women.
Nowadays, no matter how big or small the wind and rain are at home, there are two people walking side by side, and it is no longer a battlefield where one person fights alone. ”
On weekends, a family of four went out happily, funny and funny with each other. The children have new playmates, are no longer attached to their mothers, and show their independence.
When raising children alone, they often feel a lack of energy, and it is difficult to devote themselves to accompanying their children, and occasionally perfunctory. And the parents walk together, although the tiredness is there, but it adds to the joy of life. The mother is in a happy mood and naturally has more patience with the child. The family atmosphere is pleasant, and the happy growth of children is a matter of course.
When it comes to the cooperation between girlfriends, the emotional consumption is greatly reduced. There is no need to suspect the depth of each other's emotions, and the circle of friends and personal space respect each other, avoiding the complicated family relationship troubles. Deal with things calmly, and daily life is wonderful.
Marriage is about two families, and divorce partners only need to be agreed upon.
Compared with the "missing other half" type of marriage normality, Xiao Wang and Xiao Zhao's "divorce cooperation" model undoubtedly embraces more happiness.
Once, they were bound by the needs of their children around the clock, and their lives seemed to be struggling on the edge of survival; After teaming up, they finally won the breathing space and regained the rhythm of life.
Because of this, many netizens have a strong resonance: the joint efforts of the two responsible mothers are far more effective than the traditional pattern of "a conscientious mother" and "a discredited father".
Divorce and marriage, like marriage, need business + luck
It is true that not all "divorce partners" can be smooth sailing.
The story of Wenwen and Duoduo is a different story.
They bonded through the Internet, and they are both single mothers trying to tide over the difficulties together.
Duoduo's life is particularly difficult, with no stable income, lack of family support, often having a full meal with her children, and even staying overnight at the train station.
Wenwen felt pity and offered to live together, hoping to support each other and overcome the difficulties together.
However, the test of reality is beyond imagination. The constant need for their mother's close attention to the two young children makes it difficult for them to achieve the ideal division of labor – one for the work outside the home and one for the housework.
Tried to start a business together, such as setting up a stall in a night market, but had to give up because the environment was noisy, which was not conducive to children's rest and health.
In addition, they have little other way to make a living, relying only on Wenwen's occasional odd jobs to survive, and their finances are struggling and their lives are difficult. Such a "divorce partner" relationship lasted only three months before ending helplessly.
As for the economic factor, will the likelihood of the success of the "divorce pairing" increase? The answer is equally less rosy.
The success stories mentioned earlier emphasize that the key to the success of the cooperation is the deep emotional foundation and high compatibility of personalities and living habits between the two parties.
Integrating with a strange family is full of challenges: if the other party's parenting style is not satisfactory, it may negatively affect your own children, but it is difficult to speak out;
Differences in living habits can lead to friction rather than mutual assistance, and even differences in cleaning habits can be the trigger of conflict.
Even if you plan well in advance, sudden changes in your life can still upset the balance, and the smallest details can cause psychological imbalance.
Therefore, without a solid emotional bond and a high degree of mutual understanding, the risks and challenges of forming a "hitchhiking" life with strangers should not be underestimated.
Disputes between children are inevitable, and it is extremely difficult for mothers to be completely objective and impartial. Inadvertently, favoring one's own child and showing impatience with the other party often happens. Over time, small frictions can turn into estrangements between adults.
"Sisters may still have differences after a long period of getting along, let alone a 'partner' relationship without blood ties and a deep emotional foundation."
In addition, a series of trivial but critical issues can become the trigger for the breakdown of the "hitchhiker" relationship:
- The choice of a long-distance partner: Are there people on both sides of the network who are willing to give up their existing social circles and jobs and move to an unfamiliar city to start over?
- Educational considerations: How to properly arrange children's education to ensure that they can smoothly integrate into the new environment to learn and grow?
- Family support: Whether this non-traditional way of life can be understood and supported by both families is a challenge that cannot be ignored.
- Social perspective: How to effectively deal with the prejudice and strange vision of the people around you, and protect this special combination from the negative emotions of the outside world?
Therefore, although the idea of "divorce matching" may seem idealistic, in practice, it is full of trials and challenges, just like traditional marriage.
It not only requires both parties to have the luck to meet in real conditions, but also requires both parties to have the wisdom and ability to maintain the relationship.
Divorce is a forced self-help for single mothers
True, someone will object:
Wouldn't it be better to keep your marriage intact than to look for a divorced companion?
In this way, the child can still immerse himself in the healthy family atmosphere of his parents and bathe in the light of father's love.
This is a light-hearted statement, but it ignores the weight of reality.
Let's ask, how many mothers' divorce decisions are not painful in desperation?
On the eve of divorce, they are often the embodiment of a good wife and mother who are role models in the family.
They strive to understand their partners, take care of their families, raise their children carefully, and strive for financial independence and a shared future with their families.
Their vision of life is simple and sincere:
You don't have to have a lot of money, you just want to have no worries about food and clothing;
You don't need to share the housework equally, but ask your partner for help in your leisure;
On weekends, spend time with your children and taste the warmth of the world of three;
In times of difficulty, husband and wife can be open and honest, hand in hand, and spend the family ups and downs together.
However, what does reality give back to them?
is a partner who abandons family responsibilities and only cares about self-amusement;
It is a married life without resonance and sharing, like widowhood;
It is the endless dedication that is taken for granted, and the heart is full of only the bitterness that no one knows.
If life is not unsustainable, who wants to embark on the road to divorce easily?
Therefore, the so-called "divorce partner" is actually a glimmer of life found by a single mother under the pressure of life, a forced self-redemption.
Xiao Wang's words made people feel a lot of emotion:
After the divorce, if you have children, public opinion will accuse the family of being broken and sympathize with the child's lack of father's love;
And choosing not to have children will inevitably be labeled as selfish and ruthless.
If a child grows up well, the outside world attributes it to the precocious and sensible in a single-parent environment;
Conversely, any flaws are magnified by the character flaws of the single-parent family.
However, can the children of a family with two intact parents be smooth sailing and bathed in sufficient fatherly love?
Why do you always point the finger of criticism at mothers who shoulder the burden of life alone, but turn a blind eye to their derelict fathers?
Because of this, although the road of "divorce pairing" is full of unknowns and challenges, success is not inevitable.
I still deeply admire the beauty and tenacity of mothers who are trying to forge new paths in their lives.
It is also hoped that the society will accept the imperfections they have shown in their struggles with more kindness and tolerance.
Rather than being critical.
How to increase the success probability of "divorce matching"?
This is true for marriage, and the same is true for "divorce partners", but it is just another lifestyle option.
Some people find fulfillment here, while others suffer setbacks.
It is by no means the only path to happiness, let alone a master key.
But if you are in a difficult situation, curious about this way of life and interested in trying,
I'd like to share a few "recipes for success" for you to learn from.
We hope that you will like and collect it first, so that you can refer to it at any time when you need it in the future.
Remember, understanding and adapting are the first steps out of a new life.
1. Matching of realistic conditions
There are two pillars of real-world consideration: finance and time.
- Financial foundation: The total household income needs to be sufficient to cover all living expenses, which is the cornerstone of building a "divorce partner" lifestyle.
- Allocation of time and energy: Both partners must have sufficient resources to strike a balance between caring for the children and ensure that this arrangement is within the reach of both parties.
Parallel Satisfaction, a New Chapter in Life: Only when the above two prerequisites are met can it be practical to explore the lifestyle of "divorce and child".
Example: Dan Ma and Sister Wei have walked hand in hand for three years, which can be called a successful template.
- Adapting to the educational stage: Their children have entered primary school, reducing their dependence on uninterrupted guardianship and freeing up valuable time and personal space for mothers.
- The division of labor is clear, and each shows its strengths:
- Dan Ma is enterprising, keen on the road of entrepreneurship, and plays the role of "outside the main".
- Sister Wei, with her teacher education background, is independent in children's education and family management, and she is at ease "in the home", and devotes herself to the cultivation of family and children full-time.
In this way, the two tacitly cooperated, Dan's mother went all out to develop her career, while Sister Wei focused on creating a warm home and the best environment for her children's growth, and jointly drew a picture of a harmonious and symbiotic life.
2. Personality and habits must be in tune
In-depth understanding and complementary personalities are the premise
The story of Dan's mother and Sister Wei's sharing house began with a year of acquaintance and acquaintance. They had insight into each other's temperament first:
Dan's mother is full of action, and she can always take the lead in the face of challenges, but she seems a little clumsy in the details of life;
Sister Wei has a gentle temperament, although she is a little cautious, but she has a steady rationality and meticulousness in life.
It is this complementarity of personalities that not only allows the friendship to take root, but also lays the foundation for the subsequent life of shared housing.
If the "divorce partner" is new to each other, don't rush to be in the same room.
It is advisable to socialize first and give time to get acquainted with each other.
Only after like-minded and friendship can we try to "live together".
Observe whether living habits can tolerate each other,
If everything falls into place, then join hands in a "partner career".
Admittedly, it's hard to find a perfect fit, but it's important to make sure that:
The other person has no personality or habitual traits that touch your intolerance boundaries.
3. Before sharing a house, talk about money first
On the eve of living together, Dan Ma and Sister Wei were frank and established economic rules:
Rent and daily expenses are shared equally between the two parties;
Sister Wei's care of Dan's children is regarded as "educational investment", and Dan's mother will be rewarded accordingly.
As Sister Wei embarked on Dan's entrepreneurial road, Dan's mother also promised to pay her salary on a monthly basis.
Therefore, it is important to clearly delineate financial responsibilities before starting a shared apartment.
The other party gives extra and considers showing gratitude in a financial way, balancing emotions and interests.
4. Small things are not informal, and harmony is important
Under the same roof, friction and dissatisfaction are the norm.
Life is a practice, full of challenges.
In the face of unprincipled disputes, choosing tolerance and giving three points to each may make life smoother.
Looking back at the final chapter, practice brings true knowledge
Read the good stories of others, and eventually need to take the helm of life.
Touch [Follow], and I hope that every single mother can embrace her own warm daily life.
Reader Interaction Session:
What are your thoughts on "life partners after divorce"?
What are some of the successful collaborations you have, or are you worried about them that you want to talk about? Welcome to the comment area, let's communicate and discuss together.