Everyday thoughts
How much money does it take to raise a baby?
There is no fixed answer, after all, the city is different, and the expectations for children are also different, but there is one thing in common, that is: the cost of raising a baby is too high now!
So a common phenomenon is that the elderly help take care of the baby, whether it is Bao Milk or Bao Mao, whoever has time and energy will help the young people!
However, as the phenomenon of the elderly with babies becomes common, another problem arises:
Many mothers think that mother-in-law with the baby is an obligation, is a matter of course, if the mother-in-law does not come to bring the baby, then the future will be at ease regardless of the mother-in-law, even if the mother-in-law comes to bring the baby, it is best to shut up for me, talk less, less nagging, after all, the mother-in-law with the baby is not to help the daughter-in-law, is to help your son!
Indeed, there are many mothers around me who think so, and some old people also think so, my neighbor's aunt is to bring a baby to her son, sometimes when she is tired, her aunt will complain, and after complaining, her aunt will say: No way, who made me a grandmother? This is our child, we have to bring it, we can't ask for other people's grandma!
A few days ago, I met Lele's mother in the community, she went out to work when the child was more than a year old, before it was grandma with the baby, last autumn grandma returned to her hometown, and now she is replaced by grandma.
When we chatted about the issue of bringing a baby, Lele's mother said: When my mother was here with a baby, I gave her 2,000 yuan a month for living expenses, usually buying vegetables, buying snacks for the child, my mother-in-law came and I didn't give it, my husband was not happy, and asked me: Why don't you give grandma money, just give grandma money!
I just said a word, my husband stopped squeaking, I told him: Then you let the child follow my surname, and then I will call my mother to take the baby again, and then ask my mother to give me tens of thousands of yuan.
After listening to Lele's mother's complaints, I was a little ridiculous, but what she said was also a true portrayal of many families, such as my neighbors across the door, my grandparents have not retired, and they have no time to take the baby, grandpa comes to take the baby, and then the grandparents give 5,000 yuan a month.
Of course, my family belongs to a better family, but even if it is an ordinary family, if grandma comes to take the baby, it will be more or less meaningful, and give the old man some pocket money, after all, it is the child's grandmother, and you can't let the family contribute and pay back.
So the phenomenon is that although we have always emphasized the equality of men and women, there are some things that cannot be truly equal.
In many places, sons still have the right to inherit the family and are also obliged to support their parents.
At least in our region, if there is a son and a daughter in the family, the house, savings, etc. will be given to the son, and the daughter will no longer divide the family property when she marries.
In the same way, if the parents have a disease in the future, it is basically the son who pays for it, and if the money is not enough, the daughter may make up a part, but it is only a small part.
So from this point of view, sons and daughters are still different, and parents will also think: the son is the root of their family, and the daughter is married!
It's the same with children, even if the daughter-in-law doesn't care, the grandparents will think: this child is the root of our family and the child of our family.
Just like sweeping the tomb on the Qingming Festival in the past few days, many netizens said: Anyway, going home to worship the ancestors on the Qingming Festival is to go back to my grandfather's side, and my grandfather has his grandson on his side!
This is the difference, although we have been shouting about the equality of men and women for decades, some customs still cannot be changed all at once.
Although it is not an obligation for a mother-in-law to take care of a baby, compared with a grandmother, a mother-in-law with a baby is more justifiable.
A mother in the community couldn't get along with her mother-in-law, so she quarreled during the confinement, and after serving the mother-in-law, she returned to her hometown.
Bao Ma has a younger sister in college, originally my mother had time to come over to help take care of the child, but Bao Ma refused, chatting Bao Ma said: I don't let my mother come, why should their children let my mother take them? In the future, my mother will be tired and sick, who will treat my mother? asked my husband to pay for it, but he was not necessarily willing to pay, and besides, I didn't have a job with my own baby.
Even if my mother-in-law doesn't bring us a baby, I say that I won't care about my mother-in-law in the future, but can my husband not care? If I get sick and hospitalized in the future, can I not pay for it?
After listening to what Bao Ma said, I sighed in my heart, as if this is indeed the truth, and I found that there is more than one person around me who has such thoughts.
This is also the case with college classmates, my husband has a younger brother at home, and my in-laws want to earn money for the second child to study, and I have to buy a house for the second child to get married in the future, and I have no time to take care of the children.
In this case, it was the mother-in-law who paid the money, the mother who helped, and the classmate's mother kept bringing the child to kindergarten, and then the classmate found an aunt to pick up the child.
Therefore, many people will subconsciously think that this child was born to the mother-in-law's family, and it is justified for the mother-in-law to bring the baby to change her name.
This is not quite true, but at least some people think so. Maybe this pattern will change in the future, but who can foresee the future?
What do you think about this situation?