[This content is an adaptation of a long fictional short story, please watch it rationally, do not sit in the opposite seat]
When I think about the summer of 1992, my eyes are already red, and I have mixed feelings in my heart.
I was only 14 years old at the time, my family was so poor that there wasn't even a thatched pit, my father was old and lame, and the whole family was struggling to survive on my mother's meager income.
My mother did chores for the village all day, and every day in the wind and rain, my two younger sisters and I waited at home all day to drink leftovers.
One day at noon, my mother went to the village elder Xu's house to do manual work, and when I saw that she was still back for a while, I slipped to the small river in front of my house to take a cool shower.
The river was not very clean because of its low flow, but it was barely enough to beat the summer heat.
The heat was unbearable, I took off the torn cotton shorts on my body, and jumped into the river naked, cold and comfortable!
I had just flapped a few times in the water, and suddenly, a voice sounded behind me: "Zhang Xiaohu, you little prostitute, what kind of body have you become!" ”
I was terrified when I heard the shouting, and I suddenly turned around and found Widow Song from the same village standing on the other side of the river, with her hands on her waist and staring at my whole body with blazing eyes.
At that time, the Song widow was only 29 years old, and her husband died in a car accident two months after the two got married.
When I looked at Widow Song, I found that her cheeks were slightly red, and her hair was densely covered with green silk, which was very beautiful.
Although Widow Song has a bad reputation in the village, our family has had an indissoluble bond with the Song family since childhood.
Whenever my mother was away, my sister and I would go to Widow Song's house to eat and drink, and Widow Song was always amiable and took good care of us. I've treated her like an older sister since I was a child.
Today, when I went to the river to take a bath, I saw her scolding me on the shore, and I went into the river to hide like a man's back, showing only half of my face on the water.
"Sister... I... I didn't see you doing laundry by the river! I explained.
"Alright, don't grind in the river!" Widow Song rolled up her sleeves, bent down, stretched out her little hand, which had become rough from farm work, and pulled me out of the river mercilessly, saying, "Put on your clothes, you are really... Is... Don't be ashamed! ”
When I got up from the water, I saw that Widow Song's face was even redder.
This was my first intimate contact with Widow Song, but it was so absurd and ridiculous.
But this chance encounter turned the fate of Widow Song and me to a new intersection.
After the absurd incident by the river, Widow Song's attitude towards me was obviously a little detached.
Whenever my mother went out to work, my mind always haunted Widow Song's blushing smiling face, and even fantasized about meeting Widow Song again, but since that day, I have rarely seen Widow Song hammering and washing clothes by the river.
As time passed, I gradually grew up, because of the poverty of my family, I soon dropped out of school and started to do odd jobs in ten miles and eight townships, and the widow Song also worked hard in the fields at that time, and earned some change by selling vegetables to support her family.
One day at noon, I walked to the field at the head of the village after finishing my handymanship in the village, and saw a thin figure combing the land with a hoe in the distance.
The sun was scorching, and my young man was still reddened by the sun, and the sweat on his forehead was dripping, not to mention that the widow Song who was doing farm work in the field was already shaking warm-up, as if she was suffering from heat stroke.
In order to make a living, the Song widow had to cultivate the land alone, and I heard that she also thought about remarrying, but when people from other villages heard about the Song widow "Kefu", there was no follow-up.
Seeing Widow Song doing farm work hard, I quickly stepped forward, grabbed the hoe, and didn't think about it, hoeed the ground hard, and Widow Song just stood beside me silently, stretched out her hand to wipe the sweat beads from my forehead.
I looked up at her smiling eyes, and suddenly an indescribable feeling spread over me.
Since then, I have begun to pay attention to Widow Song's every move, her figure of hard work in the fields, and her friendly smile of setting up a stall at the entrance of the village, all of which have become a scenery that fascinates me.
Just the thought of her makes my heart jump with joy...
At that time, I often looked at my aunt's back from afar, and occasionally she looked back and saw my fiery gaze, and would shyly look away, pretending that nothing had happened.
For me and Widow Song, the affection between us at this time was separated by a thin layer of gauze.
Widow Song and I wandered in each other's gaze like this, sometimes closer, sometimes estranged, deeper and deeper, but none of us broke the suspicious deadlock first and let go of the last sentence.
It wasn't until one day that a small episode finally gave us a chance to break through.
In the ninth lunar month of that year, the village was very lively, and a grand temple fair was going to be held, and I took the opportunity to give myself a small long vacation.
Early in the morning on the day of the temple fair, I washed my hair with great interest, put on clean clothes, and rushed to the lively place in the morning sun.
The entrance of the village is already crowded, all kinds of stalls and small dramas are everything, lively and lively, I drill around in the crowd, walk around.
Suddenly, a phoenix tail braid swept through my front door, and I looked along the braid, and I was surprised to find that it was the daughter of the village chief's family! She wore a delicate half-fan bun and an apricot dress, exuding a youthful and beautiful atmosphere all over her body.
The village chief's daughter leaned slightly sideways and looked at me frequently, and I knew in my heart that after working in her house before, this young lady had always looked at me differently, but I never made any eye contact with her, or my words and deeds.
But this time, the village chief's daughter obviously deliberately wanted to hook me, and she quietly glanced at me, and I would understand and secretly followed her footsteps.
The young lady led me through the crowd to a secluded corner, and leaned in my ear and asked, "Little Hu'er, do you see if I look good today?" ”
My heart was pounding, and I couldn't get a complete sentence out of my mind.
At this moment, a familiar voice sounded behind me: "Little Tiger! ”
My heart suddenly tugged at me, and I turned around in a panic to see Widow Song standing there, her hands clasped around her waist, her eyes fixed on me and the village chief's daughter.
Seeing this familiar figure, I was so frightened that I didn't have a master, and I just kept repeating: "Sister... This... This..."
"Humph!" Widow Song shook her head fiercely, turned around and left.
I immediately understood Widow Song's intentions, she clearly had expectations for me, but she was completely pierced by the scene of me and the village chief's daughter, and I immediately chased after me and the village chief's daughter.
I ran all the way to the entrance of the village, and finally stopped Widow Song on the path outside.
"Sister, don't go! Tell me everything you just did..."
Widow Song turned around suddenly, her eyes were already red, she looked me up and down, and finally opened her mouth faintly: "Little Tiger, do you know where my heart came from for many days and nights along the way?" Do you know I... I... Hey, forget it, it's all my fault! ”
As she spoke, she turned her head again and was about to leave, when I quickly grabbed her sleeve and pleaded with her to stop.
"Sister, I assure you, she and I... It's a bit of a secret move, but that's just wishful thinking on her part, and I'm sorry for her... Didn't have that in mind! ”
Widow Song looked at me steadily, as if there were thousands of tenderness flowing in her eyes, and I continued: "Sister, do you know what kind of feelings I have for you? Ever since that year by the river ridiculous... You are the only one left in my heart, I miss your voice and smile, but I dare not say it..."
Widow Song lowered her head, the expression on her face softened a little, but soon, she raised her head again, revealing a resolute expression: "No! After all, there is too much estrangement between us! I'm just a widow who is hated by the whole village, and you're just a young man, and besides, do you know if we get the word out..."
I couldn't listen to it anymore, so I immediately interrupted Widow Song's words: "Sister! I'm no longer the hairy boy who went down to the river to bathe regardless of the feelings of others! I already have love for you..."
As soon as I said this, I almost fell to my knees and knelt beside Widow Song, tears rolling down: "Sister, I want to marry you!" ”
Seeing my sincere confession, Widow Song was speechless for a while, she looked at me silently and cried bitterly, and her eyes were moist.
In this way, we were in a stalemate on this path for a long time, Widow Song stared down at me, her eyes gloomy, and my heart was very entangled, while I knelt at her feet, tears drenched on the ground.
Eventually, Widow Song broke the silence, she bent down, put her hand on my shoulder, and said earnestly, "Little Tiger, there are indeed too many insurmountable gaps between you and me. But don't worry, I've always treated you like a brother..."
I cried bitterly and interrupted her again and again: "Sister, I really like you!" ”
Widow Song just shook her head slightly, her expression was gloomy, and then she patted me on the back and said softly as before: "Okay, okay, don't cry, you are still young now, and you will definitely meet the person who is most suitable for you in the future, and then you will forget me as a widow..."
After speaking, she took out her handkerchief, wiped the tears from my face for me, and handed it to me, I held it blankly, and finally understood Widow Song's decision.
Since then, I have never been near Widow Song, and her gentle and considerate demeanor is to me tantamount to a kind of cruelty of a boiled frog in warm water.
One day, I packed my bags and left this barren mountain village without looking back.
After running away from home, I really experienced what is called "the hometown of the mountain and the road", and I tasted the taste of poverty without relatives, but I gritted my teeth and finally broke out of a new world in the provincial capital.
One autumn day many years later, when I became home, a strange phone call broke my peaceful life, informing me that Widow Song was lying in the hospital.
I immediately bought a ticket to return to my hometown, and hurried to the bedside of Widow Song, her tired temples were pale, but those familiar eyes were still shining.
"Sister—" I choked and took her hand.
A smile finally appeared on Widow Song's face, and she said softly, "You're back, that runaway boy..."
Then, Widow Song took out an old handkerchief and handed it to me carefully: "This handkerchief was left by me when I wiped your tears with my own hands. I am reluctant to throw it away, I have been sacrificing my life to accompany me, and now I have nothing else to give you, just a little bit of my heart..."
I wept bitterly and clutched the old handkerchief tightly in the palm of my hand, while Widow Song lay on the bed, looking at me quietly with her spare light and a kind smile on her face.
At this moment, I felt as if I had returned to my childhood, by the river on that summer day, and my aunt stood on the bank and opened her arms to me......
Later, when the Song widow died of illness due to overwork, I personally organized her funeral and turned her body into pure white ashes and hid them on a hill shaded by ancient trees.
Every Qingming, I will return to this hometown, remembering the gentle and loving woman who once made me think about it.
The road of life is so twisting and turning, we know each other, and then have feelings, and finally have to bury it for various reasons such as age and identity, but that sincere and burning feeling will always be engraved on my heart, and it will be unforgettable for a lifetime!
[This content is an adaptation of a long fictional short story, please watch it rationally, do not sit in the opposite seat]