Amazing Law of Energy: What really drags down children is these black energies of parents (recommended collection)

New Oriental Family Education

2024-04-30 17:35Posted in Beijing Parenting Creators

Author: The main creative group Fengzi

Ever since I had a baby, I've often wondered:

What is it that widens the gap between children and children?

A post from a blogger on the Internet found the answer.

The blogger has been a tutor for several years, and has also engaged in education and training, and has been in contact with hundreds of families.

After comparing the education methods of some upper-class families and middle-class families, she found that the essence of education is actually to fight for energy.

The reason why many wealthy families have a strong sense of purpose, high comprehensive ability, cheerful personality, sociability, and strong aura is because their parents have been "adding value" to their children's growth.

Compared with grades, they focus more on improving children's inner self-confidence and external control, so that children can always maintain a hard work.

On the other hand, in some ordinary families, parents transfer their own anxiety, pressure, and emotions to their children because they are not doing well, so that the family is full of internal friction, and the children are sucked by negative energy, and gradually become inferior, cowardly, negative, and pessimistic......

Yes, a child is an energy body, and only with high-frequency energy can he live a wonderful life.

But in real life, we are often sucking children's growth energy.

Endless complaints

Let the child's life be lost

I once heard a friend talk about his tragic experience.

For as long as she can remember, her mother has had a bitter face every day.

complained about the lack of two pounds for selling vegetables, complained that the leader deliberately made things difficult, and told his father about all kinds of irresponsibility.

Whenever she is a little disobedient, her mother will tell her how hard she lives, what sins she has suffered in raising her, and what grievances she has endured.

Mom said very emotionally, and from time to time she shed tears of grievance.

When she was young, she once felt that her mother was too bitter, and she wanted to save her mother, but she couldn't do anything but insist on being a loyal listener.

But after a long time, she also became misanthropic and pessimistic, and was diagnosed with depression when she was in the second year of junior high school.

Until now, she still has to go into the psychological counseling room every month to heal her childhood wounds.

A psychologist once said, "Complaining to a child about his misfortune is one of the most effective means of destroying a child." ”

Parents and children complain in essence, which is "negative energy transfer": they transfer their grievances, resentment, and dissatisfaction to their children.

The parents who spit out the bitterness are relaxed, but the child's immature heart is full of pain and depression, and the sun can no longer shine in.

Thinking of the video I saw on Douyin, the child asked his mother, is it because of me that you work so hard?

Mom said, "No, baby. The work is hard because the work is hard, and whoever does it will be hard. Just like lemons are sour, whoever takes a bite will feel sour. ”

In just a few words, it warms the heart and heals.

Wise parents, even if life gives them a sour lemon, will cut it into lemon slices, add honey water, and pour it for their children to drink.

Only when parents are positive and optimistic can children have infinite hope and strength in their hearts to live a wonderful life.

Public accusations

Tears apart the child's self-esteem

In "Youth Says", there is a girl in high school who begs her mother to stop educating her in public and save her face.

Instead of understanding the girl's already hurt self-esteem, the mother asked:

"If you make a mistake regardless of the occasion, can your mother not correct you? Even outside, is the child's face more important than the mother's?"

Pitting the face of an adult against the face of a child is something that many parents are not aware of.

As one netizen said:

"When a child makes a mistake, the parents accuse it in public, but they just want to educate others to show it, so as to show that they are not ignoring the child and are not irresponsible. ”

In public, reprimanding the child in front of outsiders, the parents' face was maintained, but the child's self-esteem was shattered.

Zheng Yuanjie said: "If you want to destroy a child, the first thing you should do is to destroy the child's self-esteem." The killer is to show the ugliness of the child in public, hurt him in front of outsiders, belittle him, and make him embarrassed. ”

Remember the 14-year-old boy who was called a parent by his teacher for playing poker?

In front of his teachers and classmates, his mother severely criticized him and slapped him several times.

The boy who had no place to be ashamed turned around and jumped from the 5th floor and died.

There is also a netizen, because he went to an Internet café and was called a parent, his father came and scolded and beaten, and made him kneel in public, and finally the child slowly became abnormal.

The child is small, and the face is big.

Education does not close the door, it closes the hearts of children.

So, the next time your child makes a mistake, learn to control their emotions and educate behind closed doors.

Children who are nourished by the respect and love of their parents can become a person with self-esteem, self-love, and self-improvement, and can live fearlessly, confidently and firmly.

Chattering and nagging

Let the child know that he is wrong and do not change it

In "Teacher, Please Answer", there is a nagging mother who has to say a few words no matter what the child does.

Her son was doing his homework, and when she came over, she was bombarded with language, either finding fault with her son's slow writing or finding fault with his son's poor writing.

Seeing that her son stopped writing, she questioned again:

"How's your writing?"

"Are you done?"

"Are you thinking about a question, or are you thinking about a game?"

"I've done a few questions!"

She urges, stares, and nagged every day, but her son seems to be deliberate, and the more she talks, the less he learns.

Later, the son learned to talk back, lie, run away from home, and come as he wants to make his mother angry.

The long-term frustration made the mother want to take her son to jump off the building for a while.

The mother doesn't understand why she bothers and works hard, but she never educates her son well.

The teacher of the program team pointed out that it was her endless nagging that made the child have to vent his dissatisfaction with rebellious behavior: The more you say, the less you are satisfied.

As written in the book "The Courage to Teach Nothing": "Nagging will make children know what is right, but they will not do it." ”

In essence, nagging is just a psychological need of parents, in the name of caring and reasoning, to relieve their powerlessness and anxiety.

But children who are bombarded with words only receive impatience and distrust on their parents' faces, as well as complaints, accusations or orders in their tones.

When the child finds it painful, he can only let the bad behavior continue.

For the sake of children, parents should have a zipper on their mouths.

Less preaching, more example, using actions instead of words to influence children.

With less interference and more trust, the child will change when he feels good.

Only in this way can children be spontaneously conscious, strive to improve, and get better and better.

Accustomed to crying poor

Cause the barrenness of the child's life

Crying poor is a dose of poison that many parents don't realize.

In the supermarket, a girl stared at a 4 yuan bottle of drink for a long time.

When my mother saw it, she came up and began to educate:

"In the future, you can't just see things in the supermarket, you must look at the price first.

It's not that you won't be allowed to spend money, but that you're a kid who doesn't make money.

Our consumption level is there, and we can't compare with others......"

There were people around, but my mother reprimanded her loudly and mercilessly.

scolded her for being ignorant, saying that she didn't understand her parents' hardships.

Eventually, the girl silently put the drink back in its place.

This mother actually has no malicious intentions, she probably just wants to take the opportunity to educate her daughter, the money is not easy to come by, or maybe she subconsciously hopes that her daughter will be grateful for her parents' contributions.

But she didn't know that while she had achieved her goal, her daughter had also planted barren seeds in her heart.

As her parents wish, she will be obedient, considerate, and sensible, but she will have a deep "sense of unworthiness".

is like the strange debater Xi Rui, what he has heard the most since he was a child is "There is no money at home, and it is not easy for your mother to support you alone".

So when he grew up, even if he worked hard to change his life, he was not rich, and the fear of having no money was still with him.

To this day, when he goes to a place of consumption, he feels uneasy as long as he doesn't have enough money more than 3 times as much.

Even, as long as he is not seriously ill, he will not go to the hospital.

In the face of others' kindness to him, his first reaction was not to be relieved, but to feel "I don't deserve it." ”

Therefore, if your child's request is legitimate and you have the ability to meet it, you might as well agree to it.

If you don't have the ability, tell your child why openly and encourage him to use his own hands to have good things.

Without being bound by poverty, children's hearts can be abundant and rich, and they will always be full of confidence and hope in life.

Ask for emotional value

Overwhelm your child

There is a "cup theory" in psychology.

It is said that every child has a cup in his heart, and parents need to constantly fill the cup with "love" and "intimacy", when the cup is filled, the child is full of energy and vitality.

Parents who ask their children for emotional value not only fail to refill their children's cups, but constantly empty their children's cups and exhaust their children's growth strength.

Psychological counselor Zhengzhou once shared the story of a depressed patient.

Since she was a child, the relationship between the girl's parents has not been good, she often quarrels, and she has a long-term cold war.

Usually, my father is angry at work, and when he comes home, he always scolds her.

When her mother was in a bad mood, she didn't have a good face, either ignoring her or suddenly yelling at her.

The girl said that every time she went home, she would stop at the door for a long time, first, she was afraid of seeing her parents quarrel when she got home, and second, she really didn't have the courage to step into this cold home.

She is cautious every day, observes words and feelings, and takes the initiative to please.

But her own academic difficulties, her troubles in making friends, and all kinds of grievances, fears, and anxieties hidden in her heart, but she had nowhere to tell and vent.

The excessive consumption of psychological energy made her irritable, headaches, insomnia, and suicidal tendencies, and finally was diagnosed with "severe depression" in her sophomore year of high school.

Parents become "takers" of emotions, and children are forced to become "emotional containers", which is the dislocation of family relationships and the most terrible place in a family.

Parents can relieve their inner irritability and anger by suppressing and reprimanding their children.

But what about the child?

Wrapped in negative energy, they can only swallow emotional garbage silently.

So, if you really love your child, please don't vent your emotions to your child.

Learn to leave bad emotions at home and bring love home, so that children can grow up healthy and happy.

There is a passage on the Internet that says it well:

"If you are an ordinary parent who has no resources, does not have much culture, and does not know how to educate your child well, then please encourage him more, recognize him more, praise him more, understand him more, and support him more.

Don't forcibly transfer your cognition, anxiety, fear, anger, and grievances to your children, which is the best education for children, and not sucking children's energy is the best love. ”

Therefore, from today onwards, for the sake of their children's future, parents must cultivate themselves more.

Use your love, recognition, respect, and trust to empower your children, so that your children can live optimistic, sunny, and full of positive energy.

In this way, children can move forward fearlessly and fight for a good future.

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