01
Socializing is the deep sea that will flood me
Late at night, my friend Xiaowen sent me a message asking for help, "I feel so tormented and want to disappear." I couldn't help but feel nervous and asked her what had happened.
She said that she had just attended a party, and others had a good time talking together, and she was silent most of the time because she was afraid of saying the wrong thing, and the more she was like this, the more afraid she was to face others.
"The next time I don't attend at all, it's really uncomfortable. 」
Source: "0.5 Men"
"I don't know why, when I communicate with others, I will sweat constantly, my heart will beat faster, sometimes I will tremble slightly, and I will feel a kind of dizziness, I can't respond freely, I stay in place like a wooden man, even if my heart is turbulent, I can only barely squeeze out a few words......
I'm familiar with this feeling, it's called social anxiety, and it's an uncomfortable or even nervous and fearful experience when interacting with other people, when you make a public statement, give a speech, or have a face-to-face conversation.
Many people with social anxiety have experienced that they are worried about not expressing themselves well in public, their hearts are constantly beating drums, their palms are sweaty, they can't sleep well at the thought of facing many people, and they are afraid of other people's eyes and negative comments......
02
We just want to fit in with the world too much
Research on the causes of social anxiety has found that social anxiety occurs when we want to make a good impression on others, but don't think we can perform well enough.
In order to alleviate social anxiety and maintain a good self-image, we often tend to prefer low-risk contact and find a place for ourselves to present ourselves with the least risk, such as staying at home and interacting with others online.
In the Japanese drama "0.5 Man", Masaji quit his job after experiencing the pressure of work, he lived in a simple house, and when he went out, he would immediately turn home when he met a neighbor to say hello.
In fact, he didn't do anything wrong, but he was not good at socializing, and he couldn't afford the discomfort caused by contact.
My heart suddenly tightened, I always felt scared to be with others, I didn't feel like I could survive well in real life, although I wanted to work hard, but the insecurity made me have nothing to do.
Rather than words like "autistic" and "unsociable", I prefer to use "gentleness" to explain the causes of social anxiety.
If it weren't for the fact that I cared about the reaction of everyone present, I wouldn't be so nervous that I couldn't help myself.
Source: "0.5 Men"
Most people who have experienced social anxiety prefer static things, such as trees, that quietly accompany me and don't speak negatively of me.
Occasionally, though, I want to try to feel comfortable with others.
03
There are also social cheats in social anxiety
Social anxiety is not "Schrödinger's cat", it exists whether we open the box inside or not. When it comes to confronting others, it jumps out and scratches you, either lightly or severely.
No matter how much you exclude the anxiety in front of the crowd, and frantically suppress your nervousness, there is no way to make it disappear, and only by facing its existence can it be solved.
Want to solve the social puzzle that bothers you? Try to find the answer in your answers.
See your real current situation from the assessment, extract your own "social first aid kit" from the reference suggestions, relieve the tension and anxiety caused by socialization a little bit, and get rid of the social pain.
"Test Your Social Anxiety Level"
*The results are for reference only
From the beginning of spring, let yourself curled up in the corner slowly stretch. Like a budding tree, stretching its branches.
Most importantly, give yourself a chance to be more self-liberated.
bibliography
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[1] He Jinbo, Chen Changrun, He Siqi, & Zhou Zongkui. (2014). Is there a lower level of social anxiety in online socialization?. Advances in Psychological Science, 22(2), 288-294.
[2] Sun Liuqi, Zhang Chenjing, Zhang Zhiyun, & Li Chengyan. (2024). College students' loneliness and problematic social networking site use: the chain mediating role of social anxiety and social self-efficacy. Journal of Psychological Research, 17(1), 61-68.
Author: Ning Ning Editor: Lynn Cover Source: "Little Forest Summer and Autumn Chapter"
Test your social anxiety