@秦楚刊号
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The first time I got acquainted with "Dream of Red Mansions" was the article "Grandma Liu Enters the Grand View Garden" that I studied in my freshman year of high school. What I remember most is a big discussion initiated by the teacher in class: If you were Jia Baoyu, would you marry Lin Daiyu or Xue Baochai? The male classmates were elated and chattering, and most of them were willing to marry Xue Baochai, thinking that although Lin Daiyu was beautiful, she was too pretentious to serve. As for me, I am naturally not interested in Lin Daiyu, comparing myself to Baochai, and thinking to myself: Hmph, even if you want to marry, you Jia Baoyu, who is like "gold outside of it, and ruined in it", I am not interested in marrying. Because of his ignorance, he appears arrogant and fearless.
The first time I finished reading Dream of Red Mansions in its entirety was ten years ago. For the first time, I got to know the characters in the book, and I had a comprehensive understanding of the storyline and characters, but I didn't understand the true meaning of the book. is different from when he was in high school, his favorite character is not Jia Baoyu, nor Lin Daiyu and Xue Baochai, but Shi Xiangyun, who is clear and transparent, straightforward, and has a free and easy temperament. Perhaps, after years of experience in the workplace, I am contaminated with complexity and sophistication, and I am more eager to return to a self like Xiangyun that is corresponding, straightforward, and dull and real.
During the lockdown of the new crown epidemic in 2022, I read "Dream of Red Mansions" again for the second time. This time, I have a deeper understanding and appreciation of Tanchun. She and Jia Huan were both born to Aunt Zhao, but Tanchun lived a different life through her own efforts. Tanchun used her experience to tell me that not everyone will be trapped by their background or environment, and that self-identification and self-pursuit can break through the influence of the original family and grow into what they want. Although you can't choose your background, you can choose what kind of person you want to be and what attitude you want to live. It was at this time that I completed the reconciliation with my original family, no longer let my original family become a stumbling block to self-change, and strengthened my determination and confidence in self-growth.
It was also at this time that I changed my evaluation of Wang Xifeng. She's tough, narcissistic, scheming, aggressive, and at the same time so funny and charismatic, and I admire her ability to deal with things. But she also combines the lust for power, money, and revenge, and lives a lawless life, which makes me unhappy. Previously, I always felt that she was to blame for her own life and deserved the final miserable end, but this time, I not only admired Wang Xifeng's ability and maneuvering, but also sympathized with her helplessness and her ending. She also has a kind side, and she also uses her former kindness - good to Grandma Liu, and Grandma Liu's rescue of Sister Qiao in times of crisis. If you sow good causes, you will bear good results. Growing up in a special period has taught us to understand and look at the people and things around us with compassion and empathy, which can be regarded as planting a seed of goodness.
I read "Dream of Red Mansions" for the third time in 2023 because Li Lei talks about classics. Teacher Li Lei gave a detailed explanation of the first five episodes of "Dream of Red Mansions", which is the most difficult to understand and many people give up reading "Dream of Red Mansions", which aroused my interest in reading "Dream of Red Mansions" again. After reading it this time, I realized some of the metaphors implied in "Dream of Red Mansions", the love and love, color and emptiness in the characters and stories, the detailed process of the gradual fragmentation of the ideal life of the Grand View Garden, and the inevitable connection between each person's character and the final destination. Teacher Li Lei opened a window for me to read "Dream of Red Mansions", and I saw the author's writing attitude and the background of the characters more clearly, and I had the feeling of knowing "Dream of Red Mansions" for the first time.
Beyond the window is a broader thinking, and the improvement of awareness after thinking. I appreciate and understand Baoyu's fraternity and affection, Daiyu's sincerity and loneliness, Baochai's subtlety and generosity, Wang Xifeng's ability and wisdom, Jia's mother and Grandma Liu's accessibility and compassion, Xiangyun and Qingwen's freedom and transparency. I also saw the loyalty of attacking people, Xiaohong's counterattack, and the mandarin duck who resisted marriage, etc., and these low-level people, through their own efforts and in their own ways, strive to pursue and live their own appearance. Complex interpersonal relationships and social competition can't hide the kindness and brilliance in human nature, and everyone is trying their best to live what they want.
After reading it this time, I like Grandma Liu's thoroughness, cheerfulness, open-mindedness, wisdom and kindness, and I also like Jia's mother's benevolence, tolerance, wisdom and easy-goingness. No matter whether they are rich or poor, whether they are humble or illustrious, whether they are rough or delicate, they are not screwed, they are not anxious, they are not resentful, they accept themselves and forgive others, and they look at the world with an open-minded and compassionate heart. These, for the past three years, have been exactly what I need.
Every time I read "Dream of Red Mansions", it is a recollection of my mental journey, and I can see what I look like.
"Dream of Red Mansions", which I can't read, is always in my heart. Although I still don't understand the art of "Dream of Red Mansions", I can't remember any of the poems, and I can't sort out the intricate characters and intricate buildings in Jiafu, but I feel the beauty in the poems, the truth of the poet, the pure love under the complexity, and the warmth and vastness of the heart. So, why don't you understand!