When I work in the office, I sometimes hear my colleagues typing the keyboard, or deliberately sighing loudly, or speaking in a prickly tone. In the workplace, there are often people who are irritable and angry. At this point, some people may try to find out why, such as "Huh, did I do something wrong?" or "Did I just say something bad?" or "Did I just say something bad?" However, in Adlerian psychology, when you see someone else showing irritability, anxiety or anger, what you should do is to think about the "purpose" of the other person, not to find the "cause".
"What do you mean?" someone might ask.
People are unhappy and have a purpose
This means that people actually convey "what they want to achieve" or "what they want to express" (= purpose) by "showing an irritable attitude". For example, the "purpose" of a person who is irritable and anxious is to tell the people around him "I want you to know that I am busy" through an "irritable and anxious attitude". It is also possible that his "purpose" is to tell the people around him that "the work at hand is not going well".
Regarding the feeling of "unhappy", Adler said: "This child did not integrate well into society, and as a result, 'showing an unhappy attitude' became one of the few areas of activity for her. Being unhappy is the best way she can resist her mother, and that's why she always behaves unhappy. In other words, "unhappiness" is the best means she can use to achieve her "goal" of "resisting her mother."
When we see someone unhappy, most people first think "what's wrong with him/her?" and try to find the "why". However, as I mentioned earlier, human beings may not necessarily act in the same way even in the same situation or environment. "Because ○○, it will definitely ××" and "if you do ○○, it will definitely become ××", such a causal relationship is not valid. In this case, in the above case, the right thing to do is not to think about why the girl is unhappy, but to think about what is the purpose of her unhappiness.
Thinking about the "purpose" of others in terms of their words and deeds
For example, in the world of "goods" such as manufacturing, it is useful to ask the "why".
This is because there is indeed a "causal relationship" in it. This is because there is a mechanism that "presses a button" on the item to "start the machine". The same principle can be applied to the laws of nature. "Water freezes" because "the temperature is below zero degrees Celsius". In this way, in the world of objects or phenomena, it is only effective to think about "why" and "why" because there is a definite causal relationship. That's why it's important to ask the "why" or ask the "why" when something goes wrong, when something goes wrong. However, even if you want to find the "cause" in human beings, it is useless to think about the "cause" because each person acts differently. In this case, there is no need to be too obsessed with finding the "why" from the words and actions of others. It is more important to think about the "purpose", which is more constructive.
The purpose of "acting unhappy" is to "want to stay away from others".
The purpose of "anger" is "to get the other person to do what he or she wants."
The purpose of "showing frustration" is to "want others to be aware of your feelings" and "want to receive some attention".
Emotions such as "unhappiness", "anger", and "frustration" all arise for a certain "purpose".
It is in order to achieve a certain "purpose" that people mobilize these emotions.
Try to think about the behavior of your subordinates or co-workers in the workplace, "What is this person doing this for?"
It's easier to find a solution to the problem than to find the cause.