Text: Tian Xiangyu
Source: Marriage & Family Magazine
On March 23, Mango TV's variety show "Yes Daughter is Mom" held a media viewing meeting in Dali City, Yunnan Province.
Fu Juan is the mother of 3 daughters, each daughter is very good, the eldest daughter Ouyang Nini is a fashion blogger with her own independent brand, the second daughter Ouyang Nana is a well-known cello music talent, and the youngest daughter Ouyang Didi is a member of the new girl group Gen1es.
As a mother of a family with many children, how does Fu Juan balance the relationship between family members, and how do her three daughters get along? Let's listen to Fu Juan in detail......
01
Dividing exclusive alone time, the balancing law of "migratory bird mothers".
In the mother-daughter call session of the program "It's a Daughter is a Mother", Ouyang Nini mentioned the story she had been buried in her heart to Fu Juan for the first time on the phone:
The age of 6 was the first low point in her life, because that year, 40-year-old Fu Juan was diagnosed with cancer. At that time, Nini was panicked, sad, and particularly insecure. "I'm wondering, why can't my mother go to school with me all of a sudden?"
Fu Juan never thought that her illness would make her young daughter experience such a big impact, and when she heard her grown up daughter talk about it again, Fu Juan couldn't help crying.
When Nana was 4 years old, her youngest daughter, Ouyang Didi, was born. At that time, Nini was in the fifth grade, and she had a heavy study schedule, while Didi was still a baby. Therefore, Fu Juan, who was busy taking care of Nini and Didi during that time, would always say to Nana: "Wait a minute......
Until one day, Fu Juan suddenly realized: "How did I become a 'wait a minute' mother? Why am I always asking Nana to 'wait a minute'?" She realized that her behavior was inappropriate, so she immediately agreed with her daughter that she would take one day a week as an exclusive time with Nana in the future.
Fu Juan's wisest approach is to constantly adjust the mode of getting along with her three daughters according to the actual situation. When Nini went to France to study, Fu Juan would fly over to accompany her, and she would agree with Didi to take her to Hong Kong Disneyland on a plane printed with Hello Kitty......
As long as her daughters need it, Fu Juan will fly over as soon as possible. Just like migratory birds, they travel back and forth between their hometown and the city where their children live all year round. Fu Juan said that there is definitely no way to completely divide the time equally, but she, the "mother of migratory birds", has a separate "date" time with each daughter.
Therefore, Ouyang Nana will say: "In the process of our growth, whether it is learning to accompany or developing hobbies, we can feel her care and care." ”
In fact, as long as parents really love their children and are willing to keep communicating with their children at all times, and occasionally ask them to "wait a minute", they will also understand, after all, the most important thing in a family is mutual trust and communication.
On Ouyang Didi's 5th birthday, her first wish was to hope that her second sister Nana would win the first place in the cello competition, and the second wish was that her family would be healthy.
02
What a blessing it is to have three angelic daughters
Fu Juan said frankly that the three daughters have different personalities, and they all have something worth learning from her.
For example, Fu Juan often feels that her life is too tense, as if she is tense with a string all the time, while her eldest daughter Nini is particularly relaxed, unhurried, and optimistic. Fu Juan was particularly emotional, and said many times that she wanted to learn more from Nini.
The second daughter, Ouyang Nana, has a very strong executive ability. Fu Juan is good at planning, and Nana is 100% executor. "She's someone who ticks off your plans. "For example, if you want to win a certain competition, my mother will make a detailed plan: what time the race starts, what training to do, and how many steps to run every day. Nana will perform them one by one like an athlete, completing each task step by step.
"When she finally came to power, Nana was already at ease, because she had already drilled all the plans. Fu Juan admires Nana very much, because every time she does something with her, it can be achieved and completed in the end.
Fu Juan said frankly that she likes the personality of her youngest daughter Didi the most, because she is very brave, she will express anything on her mind, and she doesn't like to have overnight feuds. It is such a straightforward personality that allows many things to be solved more quickly and directly.
Every child has a distinct personality, and as a mother, you have to find a way to cooperate.
For example, if there is a conflict with Didi, the mother and daughter may solve it after a quarrel, but with Nana, they need to solve it through rational analysis. "No matter what, I have to form a team with my daughter, and when I encounter problems, we will face and solve them together. ”
The personalities of the three daughters are different, and the way and content of Fu Juan's cooperation with everyone are also different. "Whoever I am with, I follow her character, and I am happy with any of them. ”
When people live to the age of forty or fifty, there is basically a fixed pattern, and even if they occasionally want to learn something, it is probably difficult to get out of their comfort zone.
"But at the same time, your child is trying and learning new things. If you stay in your comfort zone, you'll drift away from them. So the daughters' interests, even though she is not good at it, will still be full of curiosity to follow the children into new areas of learning.
When Nini learns figure skating, Fu Juan will learn about the competition system and learning mode of figure skating, and Nana will study classical music, so she will study the performance of piano repertoire and discuss with Nana whether it can be adapted into cello music.
"I actually have a division of labor with the children, they are responsible for depth, and I am responsible for breadth. In the process, each daughter will bring new experiences and knowledge to Fu Juan, and she will feel more and more that time is not enough. "If it weren't for the kids, I wouldn't have known the schedule of figure skating, what it means to have three or four turns, and I wouldn't have known what famous composers have written. ”
As a public figure, what should I do if I am misunderstood and slandered by the news that I have been arrested? In this matter, the daughters are wiser than the mothers. Ouyang Nini was the first of the three sisters to encounter cyberbullying, and when Fu Juan was struggling with how to comfort her, she saw Nini write this sentence on "Facebook": "You have to believe that the people who love you are far more important than the people who don't love you." She suddenly felt that Nini had grown up.
In the face of bad words, of course, as a mother, I feel very sorry for my daughter, but I can't help it, because this is the era in which they live as public figures, and it is a challenge they have to face, and they must digest it themselves.
When Ouyang Nana was accused of chasing after the wind and cyberbullying, she couldn't help but shoot back against a black fan who scolded her. As a result, it attracted the dissatisfaction of a fan: "You never replied to me, but the person who scolded you, you replied." At that moment, Nana was suddenly relieved, she said: "So many people who love me leave messages every day, but I never reply." But a person who came to scold, I replied angrily. Instead of caring about those who don't love me, I should focus on those who love me. ”
This made Fu Juan feel relieved and proud, feeling that she had given birth to 3 angel daughters. They have a deep sisterhood, and they can always resolve some big things that are great in the eyes of adults.
03
The daughter will eventually become her own independent self, and the mother will not
When Ouyang Nana participated in shows, filming, or held concerts, Fu Juan was by her side. Fu Juan said that she and Nana cannot be "sisters" forever, nor can they be friends forever, but have different forms of presentation in different time periods.
She never thinks of herself as Nana's agent, she just tries to make plans and come up with ideas, and it's up to Nana to decide how to choose. What's more, as her daughters grow up and become independent, it's time for Fu Juan to stop appearing as a mother and start being herself.
Ouyang Nana admitted that one of the reasons why she participated in this show was that she hoped that her mother could temporarily break away from the role of "mother" and enjoy the time exclusive to "Fu Juan".
Fu Juan has been filming commercials since she was 16 years old, and then acting.
After becoming a mother, she stopped filming and quit her job at the radio station, and her life has revolved around her 3 daughters since then.
"Every woman should be the heroine on the stage of life, but when we get married, especially after becoming a mother, we are more like extras. Fu Juan admitted that since two or three years ago, she has tried to find herself.
Three years ago, 59-year-old Fu Juan was admitted to journalism school and successfully obtained a master's degree. It was a dream she had when she was 15 years old. She missed out on the school by a few points, and her dreams of becoming a journalist or radio anchor were put on hold. This dream is always remembered by her children.
During the filming of "It's a Daughter and a Mother", the three daughters gave Fu Juan a big surprise. Together, they designed a radio station for their mother, and the poster featured her photo. Fu Juan was pleasantly surprised and moved, and completed the first radio program with her daughters. "I used to arrange for them, but now they arrange for me. I really enjoy the feeling of being raised and pampered by my daughter. ”
In the minds of friends and children, Fu Juan is an omnipotent superhuman mother. She admitted that many ways to be a mother were actually taught by her mother. What her mother has done to make her happy, Fu Juan will do it for her child again, and what she doesn't like will definitely not do to her child.
Fu Juan has many brothers and sisters, and when she was a child, her mother was always in a hurry and impatient with her children. "So I will respond positively to my children at all times, and I will always tell myself to be a mother who is not so anxious. ”
"Mom loves us very much, but her love is as traditional and humble as many Chinese mothers. Fu Juan said that when she went out with her mother when she was a child, some people praised her for her beauty, and her mother would retort: "How can there be? Let me tell you, she is the laziest." ”
When she became a mother, when someone praised her daughter for being beautiful, Fu Juan would say, "Not only is she beautiful, but the best thing about her is that she is very optimistic, and also, do you know how good her paintings are?"
"Don't talk about 'children want to be raised but not treated', but try to create common memories with your family in the limited time of your life. Participating in the show with her daughter and traveling and living with them for many days, Fu Juan felt a lot of warmth, and regretted that when her mother was alive, there were too few opportunities to take her out on a trip. When Mom is gone, she will bring Dad out more. This also let the three daughters know that family and home are the most valuable treasures in life.
Fu Juan has 4 brothers and sisters, plus dozens of partners and children, it is a very large family. They would meet regularly, and each member of the family would rely on and love each other.
"I have a very good relationship with my siblings, we keep in touch all the time, we get together when we have the opportunity, and we have a lot of love and security for each other. This is what inspires me to move forward, and so does our next generation. "Nothing gives strength and courage more than a stable and healthy family relationship, and Fu Juan is grateful that she has the life she has now.
After raising her daughters carefully, Fu Juan gradually learned to come out from behind her daughters, find herself again, and light up the light that belongs to "Fu Juan".
This article is excerpted from Marriage & Family magazine in April 2024