Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
Marriage, as an important milestone in life, should be carefully considered before stepping into the marriage hall and make sure that they are fully prepared to spend the rest of their lives with their significant other. Believing that the other person is your lifelong partner will increase the chances of happiness in the relationship.
However, not all couples can maintain a happy and harmonious relationship. After all, everyone has their own personality and habits, and when two people with very different personalities and living habits live together, it is inevitable that conflicts and conflicts will arise.
It is quite common for breakups due to differences in lifestyle habits, while others end the relationship because they have crossed the moral bottom line and reneged on their marriage vows.
Of course, there are also couples who do not have obvious disputes with each other, they just feel that the relationship between them has become boring, and they think that it is meaningless to continue living together, so they choose to part ways.
In general, there are a variety of reasons that can lead to divorce, and there is nothing wrong with divorce as long as both parties agree to it.
Once divorced, they return to single life, which is undoubtedly a good choice for those who yearn for the freedom of being single. But for those who are burdened with the pressures of life or are afraid of loneliness, having a partner is undoubtedly more joyful.
So for people who have experienced divorce, choose a second marriage or get back together with an ex, which option can more completely change their current life status, and which one can improve the happiness of life?
1. Staggering data on the rate of remarriage and divorce
It generally seems that people who have been divorced will have a deeper understanding of the problems in their marriage, so it seems that when they enter the marriage again, they should know how to manage the relationship to avoid possible risks.
However, according to statistics, among those who remarry, as many as 60%~67% of them experience divorce again, which is shockingly high.
The reason why husband and wife, who are the basic units of society, can form a solid social "unit" is that both parties share many common needs and pursuits.
As anthropologist George Murdock defined the family,
Marriage arises when "economic and sexual functions are combined into one relationship".
And Catherine Gofu believes that
Marriage is "a relationship between a woman and one or more other persons in order to establish the legitimacy of the newborn child and to make it an acceptable member of society".
Whatever the definition, it shows that there is more to the bond of "interests" between husband and wife than the basic emotional connection.
1. Earlier assets
First, when people re-enter into marriage, their joint assets with their ex-family, such as a house, a car, and bank deposits, are often something to consider.
These assets were accumulated together in their previous marriages, so what to do with these earlier assets became a problem that remarriage partners had to face.
We understand that many people are middle-aged when they enter their second marriage, and there is no shortage of cases where they are pursuing each other's property. As a result, what to do with their earlier personal property has become a major challenge for remarried couples.
2. Children from a previous marriage
Similar to the property situation, people who usually decide to remarry are often not too young and most have already had children in previous marriages.
Facing a single-parent family is difficult enough for a child, and suddenly adding a new "dad" or "mom" is difficult for most children to accept immediately.
Therefore, how to deal with the relationship of children in a previous marriage is also a complex issue that remarriage partners need to face.
For those remarried couples who have children in one partner and none in the other, this issue can be even more of a relationship barrier.
3. Feelings of both parties
Many "halfway couples" who remarry are initially looking for a remarriage partner with the idea of "finding someone to spend the rest of their lives with", and may initially have a plan for their future life in the exchange.
But life is always full of unknowns, and for two middle-aged or even older individuals, many mature social relationships may have been established in society before this marriage.
Therefore, as with the first marriage, it is not only the willingness of the two people to be sufficient, but also the mutual influence between the two families and existing social relationships.
If two people are impulsive and find out that there is a big difference in life philosophy after marriage, then it will become difficult to maintain the marriage.
Second, the bright moon once shone on the clouds
As mentioned above, both parties in a marriage must know each other well enough, and if the other person's true personality and expectations deviate, they may be dissatisfied.
However, couples who remarry do not have these problems, because they have already experienced a run-in in their previous married life, and when they decide to get back together, they must think it through.
It is much easier for remarried couples to overcome the difficulties in their marriage than for remarried couples, and the emotional foundation of both parties alone is better than many people.
Mr. Wang and his ex-wife, Ms. Liu, had an uneventful marriage, and despite their good financial conditions, they did not feel how happy they were.
Eight years after they got married, the differences between the two sides began to emerge, with Ms. Liu believing that the children should be enrolled in cram schools to develop their interests and lay the foundation for the future, while Mr. Wang believed that these institutions were only charging high fees in the name of training.
What children need is freedom to develop, and how can they enjoy their childhood if all their time is spent on learning?
Another point of contention was that Ms. Liu wanted to buy a car for self-driving, while Mr. Wang felt that the family already had a mortgage and it was not appropriate to increase the burden, and the two could share the same car.
In the end, the controversy was over the differences in their lifestyles, with Ms. Liu keen to travel more and learn more while she was younger, while Mr. Wang preferred to stay at home to rest and recharge.
These three differences led to their determination to divorce, but three years after the divorce, they began to miss each other again and finally decided to get back together.
At this moment, they have become more mature, and when faced with disagreements, they no longer choose to argue, but sit down calmly and discuss solutions together.
For many first-time couples, they have a solid emotional foundation for each other, and most of them have come together after a long period of love, after careful consideration and the consent of both families. Their marriage, though ultimately unlasting, began with fulfillment and happiness.
However, due to various reasons, they failed to withstand the test of time and went their separate ways. If both parties re-examine their relationship after a period of calm thinking and choose to walk together again,
Then their trust in each other, their courage to face difficulties together, and their ability to solve problems will be enhanced. As a result, remarriage tends to lead to a more stable and lasting relationship than remarriage.
Especially for couples with children, the positive impact of the family of origin on the children is incomparable to that of any restructured family.
When the reunited couple encounters disagreements or conflicts again, they will also adopt a more calm and rational attitude to analyze and solve the problem, and finally find a rhythm and way of life that suits both parties.
Marriage is not only about the warm emotions in love, but also about the constant love in daily life, and the unknown nature of marriage sometimes makes people cherish each other more after a short separation.
Whether you choose to remarry or remarry, it represents a new choice for both parties in life, and to live a happy new life, both parties need to work together and maintain.
The End -
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Keywords in this article: marriage, psychology
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