Children are being bullied, these signals are calling for help!

Text/Hua Zhuoma

Recently, the murder of a junior high school student in Handan, Hebei Province, has sparked ongoing discussions. On March 18, the police in Feixiang District, Handan, Hebei Province, responded in an interview that the local junior high school student was killed, and the technical department found that the pit was only 0.56 meters deep, and the suspect dug the pit twice to bury the body for a premeditated crime.

This case has once again drawn everyone's attention to school bullying. What are the characteristics of the abuser in a school bullying incident, and can their behavior be detected and corrected in a timely manner through psychological screening and other means? What are the usual manifestations and distress signals sent by the abuser? How can parents keenly receive such signals to avoid tragedy?

How to identify the abuser in advance?

What are the characteristics of an abuser?

Li Jian, a national second-level psychological counselor and director of the Youth Social Work Service Center in Ulanhot, Inner Mongolia, said in an interview with China News Service that from the perspective of the family environment, the abuser may have been spoiled since childhood, taught not to suffer, and affected by the use of fists to solve problems when family members encounter them.

It is also possible that after changing the scene, the abuser has also been the target of violence, he may have been violently treated at home or elsewhere, and he needs to relieve his emotions, and he may vent his emotions by violence against others.

Zhu Zhuohong, director of the National Civil Servant Mental Health Applied Research Center of the Institute of Psychology of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, said in an interview with the national through train that in some families where parents have verbal or physical violence, or in families where parents are divorced, single-parent families, and families where parents go out to work, if children have suffered domestic violence, they are "independent" too early, gang up to make bad partners, often skip school, lie, smoke, Playing violent video games can lead to social cognitive biases and behavioral biases, which can lead to conduct disorders and may become perpetrators of school bullying.

In addition, Guo Liangbao, the command center of the Shandong Provincial Juvenile Correctional Facility, who has many years of experience in psychological correction of juvenile offenders, pointed out in an interview with the National Express that if other special reasons such as mental illness are excluded, the small number of juveniles who commit school bullying and vicious violent crimes may be related to antisocial personality.

Persons with this type of personality offender may have extreme manifestations of obtaining satisfaction through animal abuse and other means in childhood. In addition, it is difficult to correct juveniles with such personality traits after delinquency, and it is necessary to formulate a targeted correction plan based on the results of specific comprehensive assessment, and if necessary, timely medical treatment.

Guo Liangbao introduced that the abuser will not only commit violence once or twice, he will usually bully his classmates in school, and fighting has become his habit. If parents don't care, and teachers and schools don't dare to take care of it, it may cause serious school bullying incidents.

Li Jian introduced that children who may be violent can be screened through questionnaires, but the minor is in the stage of growth and development, and it is also possible that he will not be violent after a stage, and we must be careful not to label the child because of the results of one or two screenings.

What are the signs that a child will have after being bullied?

Yue Chunhe, deputy chief physician of the emergency department of Beijing Tongren Hospital and a national second-level psychological counselor, said in an interview with China News Service that each child has a different personality and state, and may have different reactions, but in general, there will be obvious contrasts with before, and these contrasts may be negative.

For example, in terms of emotion, children generally have emotional abnormalities, such as anxiety, being in a state of high alertness, being cautious and trembling, in social functioning, there may be boredom with school, declining academic performance, and decreased interests and hobbies; there may also be changes in personality, such as laughing in the past, but now becoming introverted, closed-minded, and disliking to communicate with parents.

Yue Chunhe pointed out that school bullying is not a short-term behavior, but a long-term and repeated state of mental and physical suppression, debasement, bullying, etc., it has undergone a process of change, in this process, the sooner parents find out, the better.

In different situations, if the relationship between parents and children is better, then the relationship between children and parents will change subtly in the early stage of bullying, because at this time, children are in a conflicted state of uncertainty about whether to tell their parents, and they may distance themselves from their parents.

However, if the relationship between parents and children is more estranged, or they usually ignore the state of their children, especially left-behind children. So once they have abnormal phenomena, such as coquettishness and asking for help, parents must pay great attention to it at this time, because this may be their last call for help.

How do parents cope after being bullied?

Yue Chunhe said that after finding out that their children are being bullied, parents should first pay great attention to it, but they should not overreact, because once they are affected by emotions, it will make children form a cognition that it is difficult to deal with after being bullied.

Second, calm down and listen to your child's description of the cause and effect of the event in a good state. In this process, it is important not to judge or blame the child, but to listen with all your heart.

Thirdly, convey to the child that parents may have an attitude of neglecting the child and do not shift the blame to the child or the bully.

Finally, it is necessary to build an alliance with the child, "Attention, listening, and self-blame are all in order to finally build an alliance with the child and tell him that we can face it together." "After forming an alliance, listen to your child and discuss with him how to deal with the matter.

If the child is weak or timid and cannot form an alliance, it is necessary to reassure the child while seeking out the class teacher and the school, and ask the parents to discipline the bully in the presence of their parents.

Yue Chunhe emphasized that every child has his or her own growth background, and that children who bully may be left-behind children who lack care in the process of growing up; they may have a paranoid personality from an early age; they may also have strong self-esteem and a strong desire to control.

After that, parents should follow up for a long time and talk to their children more. "Parents must reflect on whether there are problems in family relationships, including husband and wife relationships, parent-child relationships, and whether they neglect their children, and establish a mechanism to protect their children within the family. ”

Li Jian suggested that after children are bullied on campus, they should promptly protect their rights and seek help through the 12355 Youth Psychological Counseling and Legal Aid Hotline, the Women's Federation, and 110. At the same time, professional doctors will provide psychological counseling for children.

In addition, in Yue Chunhe's view, the role of the class teacher is very important in school bullying, he can observe in time what kind of group has formed in the class, which group is more powerful, and which child may be isolated by the whole class. Some children who are bullied may be shy and do not like to express themselves, and the class teacher should give them some care. At the same time, we must have an equal heart, and in the face of children who do not study well and have poor family conditions, we must treat them equally, and we must not take the lead in attacking them and encourage the arrogance of bullies.

Source: The country is a through train

Editor: Gao Yanjiao

Editor-in-charge: Wei Xi